Depression | Page 95 | The Popjustice Forum
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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. Sis i wish you luck and happiness and him realizing soon that how much you being there for him. You sound like a perfect and compassionate human being.
    popprincess likes this.
  2. I feel like Alanis Morisette's song "Eight Easy Steps" could really describe my perspective on life and how i feel about my integration to society.

    is basically me. I don't know why i don't let myself being vulnerable or open to outside. It is probably because most of my experiences left a sour taste and being a gay in a middle east and a religious environment makes me control and censor most of my feelings and emotions.
    stuaw, andru and Smooth Criminal like this.
  3. Thank you so much although I am far from being perfect that's for sure. I am trying so hard to adjust to the way my life is now but I keep thinking back to the past when I was so much happier and its destroying me.
  4. I'm so sad to hear this and i want you to know my inbox is always opens to pm whenever you feel drowned in these thoughts.
    popprincess likes this.

  5. Her voice gets bit shrill but she talks about depression perfectly
    Cassava and Lander like this.
  6. I'm so sorry. I know how that feels and it's just horrible.
    I'm really sorry you're in that situation. I'm going to be blunt: you need to dump his ass. Clearly he does not appreciate you, and one-sided relationships are never healthy (for either party, actually). And if he gaslights you, that alone is reason enough to run.
  7. I swear to god, Alanis is the patron saint of the depressed. It kind of makes sense now why my old counseling office constantly played her in the waiting room. Precious Illusions is the one that does it for me:
    Island, Euphoria, stuaw and 3 others like this.
  8. Precious Illusions reminds me so much of my late teens and early twenties, and putting so many romanticised hopes and expectations onto men, then being crushed and surprised when they failed to live up to them.

    The lyrics to Guardian are really hitting me at the moment with where I am in my life, because it perfectly describes the end of the internal tug of war between self-loathing and self-acceptance, when you finally permit yourself to put you first. I like that the lyrics are almost like a promise to treat yourself better:

    We really create our own psychological prisons, by repressing so much in order to 'keep going' and giving so much to other people that there's nothing left for yourself. I love the message that the only way you can truly be of service to others, is if you first show yourself that same love, understanding and generosity.
    Cassava, Euphoria, andru and 2 others like this.
  9. How old are these Twitch people? This sounds a bit like a mid-life crisis kinda thing to me.
  10. My brother said the same thing, they are around 30-35 with a few maybe younger.
  11. I’m so lonely tonight. I’ve fucked up with uni royally.

    On top of that, all I have to look forward to is listening to my flatmate berate his girlfriend over every little thing she does and then expect her to clean up after him.

    I spent the day sitting at my computer blankly, listening to my iTunes and wishing I was anybody else. I hate myself and my life right now.
  12. Charley

    Charley Moderator

    @VivaForever already replied to this expertly, but I wanted to add/confirm that a passion for pop culture is a perfectly valid passion. To anyone struggling with something similar and to whom getting yourself out there seems insurmountable, I'd recommend trying to distill a project out of your interests. Revisiting and reviewing your favourite albums, a blog tracking the concerts you attend, even just something straightforward like setting out to create some great playlists. The possibilities are endless. And it's not about the pressure of likes or followers or even anyone but yourself seeing or knowing of the end result, it's about you actively creating extra joy out of what is already joyful to you. And if at one point you've found your thing that you like doing, it can lead you to places and people you might not even know of right now.
  13. So this will be a bit of a brain spewing of all the feelings I have at the moment. I'll try my best to make it coherent... and honest. I guess it's easier to do it somewhere like here than in real life. Shrug.

    I've been stuck in a bout of depression since I turned 29. I'm about to turn 34 so it's coming up to 5 years now. I'm kinda ready to be over it. It goes up and down and right now I'm on a heavy down.

    It's all caused by insecurity. I feel ugly, annoying, weird, like I don't fit in, socially inept, inferior to anyone that I'm attracted to or want to be friends with. Just really, really low self-esteem. My mind works overtime about everything; usually giving myself a hard time about how I dealt with this person or that situation.

    I would never do anything to harm myself, but sometimes my mind wanders to dark depths where I'm feeling like it would be better off if I wasn't around anymore.

    I know what I want... I want a successful relationship and a good circle of friends. These simple things seem so far out of my reach whilst I'm in this frame of mind so again I get stuck in a cycle of aiming for it, but chickening out because I don't feel good enough, etc.

    I've become increasingly withdrawn over the years. Drifted away from a lot of my friends and my family without giving them much of an explanation and I know that they're disappointed or angry with me. When I'm feeling down I don't really want to be around anyone, so I keep myself to myself so I don't have to pretend for other people that I'm doing OK. This means I get really bad at keeping in touch with my family and being flaky with friends (ie arranging to meet up, then cancelling close to the time because I feel shitty - but I don't explain myself).

    I've been especially down since Christmas day. So, I spent the day with my mum, my aunt and uncle and my gran. My family don't really say it out loud, but I know there's a lot of resentment over how they never hear from me and stuff... but they also understand how I am (or think I am). They just think I like to keep to myself and that I'm forgetful about stuff.

    I'm quite different from the rest of my family. They like to drink and smoke and they have awful opinions (very Daily Mail whereas I'm more Guardian-like). My mum has a bad habit of picking at people and saying mean things - whether it's friends, family members or people on TV - she always has to mention how fat they are, or how they can't sing or something negative like that.

    It got to around 7pm on Christmas night and my mum had had a bit to drink. This is the time she decides to come up to me and tell me how much she loves me... and then backs it up with 'are you going bald or what?'. I snapped and asked why she always had to say something mean after saying something nice. She lost it and told me that I was a rubbish son and I'm really ungrateful and she never hears from me unless I want something, etc.

    It upset me quite a bit because she was right. It does come across that I AM like that. Since then I've felt really sad because I couldn't tell her why. I don't want to upset her and tell her how I've been feeling over the last 5 years. I'd rather her be upset with me and think I'm a rubbish son that let her know all of this horrible stuff that goes through my mind.

    I don't know how to make things different right now. 5 years is a long time to get stuck in a pattern of behaviour. Step by step I guess.
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2018
  14. This is heartbreaking. Don't absorb all that is wrong in yours and your mother's/family's relationships: it sounds like they don't exactly have a leg to stand on in terms of making you feel inferior. Long-term alcohol abuse has made a lot of people in my life into irreversible pieces of shit who are incapable of doing anything to improve their station.

    I'm frustrated with my life presently for many of the same reasons. I can't get out yet because I coped by gambling myself into financial despair. But I'm finally working on it, and if all works out I'll be out on my own again by September.

    Give yourself permission to withdraw as needed. It sounds like yes, they are as volatile and irritating to be around as you feel they are. It's not healthy. If you can, get the fuck away and give yourself a new headspace.

    I really do empathize with you, and I get *down* when I dwell on it. Please PM me whenever.
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2018
  15. My best friend (who I'm madly in love with) got kicked out of his home last week and I let him stay with me because I thought it was a temporary situation. Turns out he's never allowed back home and he either has to live with me permanently or he's going to live with family in another country. He's just started a job this week and has no money to his name so there's alot of pressure on me to take care of him until he sorts himself out. The issue is that we just can't live together and it's causing endless arguments and I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable and anxious in my own house. I don't want to be the guy who kicks a homeless person out and I don't want to ruin things with his job and make him move to another country but I've already got my own mental health issues, am crippled with debt and my feelings for him are so strong that it's just not healthy for me to be around him 24/7 and share a house with him.

    My head is such a mess. It's times like this I look back at my life and think just how the hell did I get myself into a position like this. My life is honestly a disaster and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
    ElectricPlatypus likes this.
  16. Oh my gosh, that sounds very sad. You can tell your best friend whereas it's great to have him around that you yourself in debt so it's proving to be hard to have someone e else there, unless of course he starts earning abd then start paying up.
  17. Well I'm currently sitting here crying my eyes out (and trying not to make myself sick) because he's just said his final goodbyes to me. He made the decision to move back last week and ever since I found out I've basically been crying non stop. He just drove through very quickly to hug me and shake my hand and my last image of him is his head out of the car window yelling "take care my bro" and smiling at me.

    He's put up with my anxiety, depression and loneliness/clinginess for a year now and I've spent basically every day with him. I've worked with him twice, lived at his house, he's lived at mine and now he's gone. He said he'll stay in contact every day and visit but obviously we're going to drift apart from this very second now and it's making me feel so, so suicidal.
    ElectricPlatypus likes this.
  18. Lately i started to feel like i'm being on a burden on everybody socially so i ended out being even more introverted than before. I do not even know if that is something i can fix let alone knowing how to fix it.
    ElectricPlatypus likes this.
  19. R92


    I’m going to a consultation with a therapist tomorrow. Here’s hoping he can help me understand and work through my various anxieties and image issues so that way this can be a productive year for me in terms of growth.
    Bangers&Bops, Squashua, He and 7 others like this.
  20. Today is the second day in a row I’ve called in to work just because mentally I can’t find the willpower to get myself together. I feel like I should feel more guilty but this happens at least once a year and I need to just mentally check out. I guess I’m just wondering if it’s something I can bounce back from or if I’m just being selfish.