This is a wonderful post, I have absolutely nothing in my life apart from pop culture and nothing to look forward to aside from TV shows, books and music. Who knows where I would be without them. I feel like I am almost drowning in loneliness and sadness at the minute, I say at the minute but its been the best part of a year. In 2017 every single thing in my life got worse. Since my father retired my parents home life is terrible and I have my Mum constantly telling me how depressed she is so I have no proper relationship with her anymore and my partner has this new group of friends on Twitch including one guy he is absolutely obsessed with. I saw him lie about me in a text to him the other day which I was reading as he typed it with my side eye and it painted me in such a bad light, he said he couldn't join them in the live chat that night because 'I've just got off the phone with her winding me up again ffs' when in actual fact he had been ill for days and I had been looking after him (one of those days was my birthday), I felt so incredibly hurt to see that text and yet I can't mention it because he gets VERY defensive if I mention anything to do with them and he would gaslight me and tell me he hadn't written it and that I am paranoid. I feel like I am being consumed with hatred towards this guy on twitch. I will be 40 at the end of this year and see nothing changing. I fear I will never be content again.