"Gay loneliness" | Page 24 | The Popjustice Forum
  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

"Gay loneliness"

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Raisin Hell, Mar 5, 2017.

  1. This weekend of good weather in the UK has made me realise how alone I am.

    I tried to reach out to some friends to do something and they ignored me during the day just to answer with a “I was at the park, sorry!” hours later.
    And seeing all the IG stories of people BBQing and the like... meh.

    I’ve always been the friend people forget to call, the guy ignored at the bar when I ask for drinks and stuff, so I’m kinda used to it but ugg.

    I guess it’s time to start working out!
    Jesus Jugs and Terminus like this.
  2. I'm really sorry you're going through that. It's hard to be left out, whether intentionally or not.

    Now, I definitely don't wanna be "that guy" or come across as though I'm reading into this too much (or maybe misreading a joke), and I definitely encourage you to do whatever you need to do to grow and be happy as a person, but maintaining a physical appearance simply to appease what you think people want you to look like - or will get you positive attention - will not end well. Becoming genuinely happy and confident in who you are, regardless of the body you're in, can definitely be a battle, but if you can't love yourself, how can someone else? Whether that's platonic or romantic or sexual, finding confidence within yourself will ultimately bring out the best in those around you, too.

    It's obviously work, and I'm not saying working out and having a body you're proud of can't help, but that's only half the battle.

    Hopefully this isn't inappropriate to say, and you don't take it the wrong way.
    junglefish and Trinu 3.0 like this.
  3. @Fascination thanks for that.

    The whole working out wasn't about "If I'm hot I'll have friends!".
    More like... "I have so much free time I might as well work out".

    I'm quite used to being on my own and doing things for myself (just taking myself down to London tomorrow to see some drag queens), but seeing how everyone is so out and about now that the good weather is here makes me feel a bit ugg.

    Makes me wish for rain and whatnot.
    At least if that were the case I'd be in the same wave of people being indoors and chilling with a book or something.
    Fascination likes this.
  4. Not sure if this belongs in this thread but I just tried Bumble BFF for the lolz and 99% of the people there are men (including the straight married bros). I find this fascinating. Is this loneliness more of a male thing? Is it harder for men in general (straight or queer) to find friends, that they have to resort to apps for drinking buddies? I have questions.
  5. Something something making and maintaining friendships largely requires skills like emotional intelligence and compassionate understanding, both of which men are largely told they don't need in life.
    LTG, Island, gagapourgaga and 6 others like this.
  6. Working out is great, but its not the solution in finding true friends. I don't know. Maybe you just need to find a new set of friends. Maybe try to go in parties and social events.
  7. Sigh, I really need to write better.

    Working out isn’t to find friends?
    Working out is because I have a lot of free time since nobody wants to do shit with me so I might as well start taking care of myself again apart from the ocassional morning run.
    LoveSoSoft and enjoy like this.
  8. I'm in a similar situation now. I just find stuff to do on my own, whatever it is running or studying or just laying on the grass, as long as it's not in my room. I've pretty much given up finding friends cause it's not that easy to form new friendships that quickly.
    enjoy likes this.
  9. Yeah it gets a bit tiring to begin and form new friendships all the damn time too, no? I'm fucking sick of beginnings so hanging on my own can be a blessing in disguise especially in this homophobic country.
    LoveSoSoft likes this.
  10. I've learnt it the hard way, not to rely on friends so much. Sometimes you hear stuff, or they don't value your friendship that much. So I usually do things on my own, and being a loner can sometimes lead to meeting new guys to have fun with.
  11. I'd say I have two good friends, one works in a hospital and their shift patterns are all over the place and our time rarely lines up to see each other, and the other lives a few hours away so that can be difficult too. The weather has been great so it would've been great to go out and do something with them, but I just made an effort to go out and enjoy it, even if that was by myself most of the time - walking across the fields or going to sit in the park (I did get to see my friend who works at the hospital earlier in the week which was nice). It helps to be around people, even if you aren't talking to them or making new friends (secretly think that's why so many people enjoy going to the supermarket), so you should enjoy the weather any way you can even if its by yourself.
    roborovsky, Remorque and LoveSoSoft like this.
  12. I'd say I've always been a bit of a loner. I've always sort of had one or two close friends and never really more than that. I'd say it's the same for me right now and I only have one actual gay friend too.

    Since I've been single (about 10 months now) I realised how I used my ex as a reason to never be doing things on my own. Like I could never say I was lonely because I had a bf and we were always doing things together. Then you break up and you realise you are quite lonely and it kind of pains you.

    I've tried meeting up with people but it's hard to know where to meet people. I don't necessarily want to socialise with people from work. I'm looking into a few websites like meetup.com and such but it always feels so uncomfortable.

    I have recently pushed myself to do more things on my own - day trips out, walks, cinema etc. And it's been fine but you do tend to reach a stage where the lonliness kicks in and you just end up heading back home.

    I really want to increase my social circle though because otherwise I think I'll be trying to get back into a relationship just to try and cure the lonliness.
  13. All of this, and as an introvert I feel like I'm not Doing It Properly because I don't like being on my own too much. I certainly love my quiet time, but the definition of introversion is getting more strength from being alone than from being with others, and for the first time in my life I'm not getting much from either.
    andru, Smooth Criminal and LoveSoSoft like this.
  14. Yeah. I love my own space but it gets to a point sometimes where you've had quite a lot of alone time and then it gets too much! ha.
  15. But living with three hard-drinking extroverts is tiring sometimes...
    spillett likes this.
  16. Ah that resonated with me so much. When I was with my ex I was like "finally I got to do something with someone all the time", so truly sometimes I feel I really appreciated him more of a friend than being a boyfriend. It was definitely hard since the beginning of long distance and the breakup eventually, I just came back to doing things on my own, and was just feeling not fun doing most of the things on my own.
    spillett and AmbivalentToBritney like this.
  17. Yeah, me and my ex were practically best mates trying to pretend we were in a relationship towards the end. I'm lucky he's my best mate now but I definitely would like a few more good friends.
  18. Where is everyone based on here?

    Maybe I have a fellow lonely person just a stones throw from me... ha
  19. This.

    This year I kinda forced myself to do stuff even if it's on my own.
    Cinema, theatre, concerts, shows, trips, whatever.
    But... it gets a bit dull not to have anyone to comment things with.

    Some days I go home after work at 4 and I basically don't speak until the next morning when I come in.
    andru and spillett like this.
  20. Is going to the cinema alone sad or independent and empowering?

    I went the other day as I wanted to get out and had nothing better to do. At first I felt good about it but then you watch everyone else coming in as a couple or in groups and suddenly I felt a bit sad.

    That said, once the movie is on you sit in silence mostly anyway so does it really make a difference?