GAY | Page 237 | The Popjustice Forum
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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Itty Bitty Piggy, Aug 15, 2012.

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  1. This is a British thing, isn't it? I remember looking at job applications in Northern Ireland and being shocked that they ask your sexual orientation and race (it's optional information but still).
  2. Yeah, it always surprises me when job applications come with a separate (anonymous) sheet for HR and ask about your sexual orientation. I remember when I first started applying for jobs it would stop at age, gender, race and disability. I suppose it's good to keep track of diversity in the workplace though. I have to say from my experience, the jobs I've had where they have asked these questions do tend to have better diversity. I don't think they're able to use that information in any real way to consider who to hire, but it does perhaps help them develop strategies to hire more minorities and consider ways to create inclusive environments where people feel comfortable and able to be open.
    londonrain likes this.
  3. I have one male gay best friend, lots of gay acquaintances, a couple of straight male friends, but most of my friends are female. Always have been, always will be. And I love it. Me girls.
    I’ve never fallen into a friendship group that’s all gay men, and you can’t miss what you’ve never had can.
    James2009 likes this.
  4. I had a couple of short lived friendships with other gay men at University, but they both decided to club together and message someone I quite fancied at the time and message him over Facebook to say not to get with me because I was a slut. Then they both hit on him in the message.

    That kinda soured my opinion on being able to be friends with other gay men for a while, and I’ve never really been big on scene culture.
  5. They sound like horrendous people. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. That's awful.

    The point I made on the previous page about LGBT social groups applies here as well. Scene culture is fun and all that, but if you do want to have more LGBT friends and acquaintances (and not everybody does), then social groups are a boon.
    nikkysan, Lander, He and 1 other person like this.
  6. I've never seen this for a job. Saw it at a dentist once alongside some question about me being 'more likely to have HIV' and was outraged. I drew a little tick box and wrote 'go fuck yourself' next to it underneath.

    As for gay friends, my closest gays are becoming a little too right-wingy of late. One of them is from an Eastern European country and has always had quite odd views, but now they're both pro-Brexit and Treeza and I'm backing off like

    Last edited: Feb 11, 2018
  7. I had this huge crush on a Polish boy when I was living there until he said something like black people will never be as smart as white people because of the shape of their skull.

    I still disgust myself for even laying eyes on him.

    As for friends... it's quite hard to make new ones the older you get?
    Like, I moved to Birmingham back in 2015 and all the people I've met (through the apps...) just want a hook up.
    There's this guy I liked (as a friend) but he's just so worried about his IG fame and getting likes than to enjoy whatever concert/film/thing we're doing, so... meh.

    I had a group of straight friends, but apparently I've done something that bothered the queen bee (I've no idea what) and now all of them ignore me.
    nikkysan, He, yewchapel and 2 others like this.
  8. I think I worded that badly, making it sound like I think Eastern Europe and right wingers are mutually exclusive - which is not what I meant. My friend is a proud Russian, and has yet to shed some of the anti-progressive viewpoints of his upbringing.
  9. Queen of fighting for equality from the barbers chair x
    Jacques, Kuhleezi, Rem and 9 others like this.
  10. It's definitely much harder to make friends the older you get especially once you're out of education and begin working. Although I get on with my colleagues, they're more like acquaintances than friends, which I think is for the best as things get tricky when work-based friendships become strained... the last thing you want is to be stuck between colleagues who are arguing, or arguing with one yourself!
    londonrain likes this.
  11. Yeah, making colleagues at work is fine, but at least mine (teachers) just speak about work if we’re out?
    Like on Friday, we had this staff do and all I heard was “I’m doing this training “, “The new GCSE are so hard”, “X student is leaving the school “. We have the common room for that!

    Still, I’m used to taking myself out to things.
    I don’t need company to go to the cinema/theatre anyway!

    Oh, I didn’t mean to relate the two, just that your message reminded me of that anecdote.
    I’ve lived in both Poland and Russia and I was surprised at how open people were (much more in Poland than in Russia tho), but I always felt they were quite old school in their openness (I don’t mind gay people but don’t hit on me, etc).
    londonrain and andru like this.
  12. Not at all, I noticed it before you even replied so totally my bad.
    londonrain likes this.
  13. Poland has a really right-wing govt at the moment, as does a lot of Europe (eg Austria). Homophobia and racism etc seem to be much more blatant nowadays in political terms (when Obama was elected I naively believed we were on an upwards trajectory and would never get someone like Pence as VP) and it's scary. When George W Bush seems less bad you know it's dire!

    I think a lot of LGBT people over here from Poland etc are getting more involved in activism though, I guess it just takes time to change attitudes, and Poland was always conservative compared even to other Catholic countries - Malta is Catholic and has some of the most progressive LGBT protections in the world especially for trans people.
    He and londonrain like this.
  14. What's worrisome is that it doesn't look like it's going to get better anytime soon.

    I remember when I lived in Poland, I met this couple and they were quite excited about the future because the younger generations were being quite open about things.
    Now... not so much?
    Laws on abortion. Laws on the Holocaust. Where are they getting these votes?
    I don't know if the whole information bubble has to do with it, but everyone seems to be a lot more protective of their ideals these days, or even go for the extreme version of them.

    Russia is whole different level tho.
    I remember they passed the whole "homosexual propaganda" law when I was already back in Spain, but it didn't surprise me at all.
    I had to fight my way out of a club a couple of times because a group of guys decided they wanted to beat up anyone coming out of it, so... yeah.
    The club ended up closing the club after weeks of attacks with gas, shootings, etc.
    andru, yewchapel, He and 2 others like this.
  15. I think you just need to question what point friendship serves for you.

    There's some friendships formed out of common interests (most are) and then some formed due to a greater need for survival or necessity. These two groups usually overlap to some degree to last long-term.

    Do you want gay friends because you feel othered because you're gay? Do you want people who you can talk to about experiences unique to sexuality? A close circle of friends and resources who work through those things together? Do you have a need to feel like you belong in the context of your sexuality? For a need like that, people who share similar struggles to you and can relate on that level will likely be important.

    Or is it that you like certain interests that gays usually like too and thus want gay friends to share these interests with because you can't talk about these things with cishet friends - they're not off-put by it or anything but they just don't know about it, etc. (ex: at this point, RPDR is watched by straights just as much as gays, etc.)

    So if you don't feel alienated for your sexuality or gender expression or gender identity because you have an accepting environment where you can be your most true self, why not view that as a privilege instead of possibly missing out on anything?

    Of course there are some gays who swear they don't need gay friends and they're just ~normal~ and don't feel like they can't be themselves but then feel like a brand new hunty when in a space that's almost exclusively gay. That's only something you can figure out. As well, despite hardly anyone mentioning them, friendships between men-who-love-men and women-who-love-women can be just as fulfilling and important.
  16. I have a few gay friends who I feel largely awkward hanging around because a lot of the social context revolves around drink and drugs which just doesn't really equate to them feeling like a close knit circle.

    I am very lucky to be a part of a circle within student radio that has connections with the wider LGBT+ culture with allyship being very real and respectful towards the LGBT+ members of the society which is wonderful to see.
  17. I have a couple of gay friends I see on occasions or we'll just organize a night out or something, but other than that small number of people all of my other friends are straight. School and soccer are what made my circles what they are and hey ho.

    So basically what @joe_alouder said, but replace "student radio" with "soccer team".
    andru likes this.
  18. I really like this response, because it really does seem to encapsulate a lot of the often contradictory feelings I have about the whole thing. As @glorydays mentioned*, there's definitely a case of FOMO here for something I've never really had. The closest I came to a best friend who shared my sexuality was a few years older than me, and I really looked up to him. He ended up being a sociopathic monster who treated me like garbage and emotionally abused me worse than anyone else I've ever encountered, but I was too in love with him at the time to admit it. I'm not sure if that soured me, and I'd like to think I'm bigger than that and have grown since then. But he really fucked me up in ways that I don't know I'll ever parse out.

    I have wonderful (cishet female) friends, and they've never made me feel "other" at all, so I consider myself very blessed in many ways. I also consider my (cishet) brother one of my closest friends too, though we don't really have that much in common. Certainly not enough to talk about homo issues with.

    But there is an inherent divide in them never really understanding some things, though I know deep in their hearts they'd like to. And I can't blame them for that. Interestingly, I do have a younger brother who is also gay, but I don't know. We're family and we're close, but he's also my brother. It's different than an outside friend.

    I think maybe that's what I feel like I'm missing not having someone with a similar background to really connect with. Honestly, this forum is the closest I get to real, true gay friendships, which I'm also very thankful for.

    Logically, I know social media makes it worse. And honestly, I'm not depressed about this or anything. As I said, I'm luckier than 99 percent of LGBTQ people out there. My family has been very supportive (after the initial rocky coming out, of course). It's just... interesting and makes me a little sad sometimes not really having a healthy gay friendship.

    *Also @glorydays I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. The whole "hookup app for friends" thing just REALLY doesn't work in my experience, especially in a relatively small town. Even those who say they are looking for friends inevitably want sex before the conversation's end.
    Rem, yewchapel, andru and 3 others like this.
  19. I've never had close gay friends, that I'm aware of... but that may just be because I just talk to whomever and that's it. I don't care about sexuality, race, gender because a cunt can be in any shape (so to speak).
  20. He


    I think it's hard because everyone's friendships are so different, and grow in such unique ways, or just simply fall apart.

    I'm very lucky that my best friend since the 7th grade turned out to be gay too, and we are basically like family. After moving to Europe I've also made two great close male gay friends, and for the rest my friends consist of women (queer and straight), and a couple of other gay guys in the periphery.

    I have never been in one of those all male gay groups though, but the ones I know always sound kind of scary with tons of drama. But I also see how it can be fun and useful to be part of such a circle, and I would be lying if I said I didn't want to try the experience.

    @man.tis.shrimp, I would definitely try apps like Meetup or local discussion nights on LGBTQ issues, if you're looking to meet friends. Do you see yourself ever moving from Montana?
    Tribal Spaceman, andru and londonrain like this.
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