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Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Itty Bitty Piggy, Aug 15, 2012.

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  1. Right I don't really have anyone else to moan about this to because I don't actually have any close friends that are same sex and my other half is very indifferent about it all so Ima post it here, maybe I'm shouting into the void, I don't know.

    But basically, over the weekend the extended family got together and everyone got pretty wrecked. The only people who know that I am bi are my parents, let alone that I've been in a serious relationship since 2016. The family is pretty wishy washy liberal so I know it's not like I'd be shunned but still don't feel like I want to tell them. Then over the weekend there were a good solid 5/6 jokes where homosexuality/homosexuals were the punchline and I don't know if it's because I was a drunken state but I was unimpressed and kind of hurt, especially watching my parents laugh along.

    I can't tell if this is just me being a bit sensitive and it's not that big a deal or if I have a...right(?) to be annoyed and mildly upset by it all. I think growing up the main reason I never told anyone about my sexuality was because of the potential for ridicule so I think just seeing it still going on now I'm an adult struck a real chord. But is it really a big deal?? Is it just BANTER?

    Just wondering if anyone had any thoughts/would they feel angry about this or if it's a lot of nothing?
  2. I'd be just as angry! I think it's awful when people think it's okay to make LGBT people the butt of a joke just because they aren't aware of any LGBT people in the vicinity. I also think it's as much the responsibility of the non-LGBT people as well as the LGBT people to stand up to that kind of rubbish - in much the same way as it's not only down to non-white people to challenge racist jokes.

    You'd have every right to sit down with your parents and say something like, "I thought the jokes over this weekend were hurtful and crass, and it hurt me to see you laughing at them as I believe you both to be people who don't wish harm to LGBT people. Jokes like these really contribute to why it is so difficult for people like me to come out and be myself comfortably, because it's a real insight into how thoughtless and rude people can be if they think that an entire minority is just something to be laughed at rather than a group of actual human beings who deserve to be treated just as well as everyone else."
  3. He


    I'm sorry you had to go through that.

    It is never just banter, especially if it's straight people doing it.

    Let your parents know of your discomfort, they might have not realised the consequences of them playing along to such "jokes".
  4. You have every right to be offended. I don't think I'd class it as banter. Banter is saying something to someones face and letting them retort, not singling out a minority group to be the butt of the joke. A straight person's sexuality isn't usually the focus of jokes and used against them because it's the 'norm'. This is why sexuality is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act.

    In these situations, if you don't want to discuss your sexuality, you could try saying something like "I have close friends that are gay. That isn't funny!" etc. I get a bit militant about it these days because I've lived with it for long enough and don't care about upsetting ignorant people.
    sexercise, nikkysan, Kuhleezi and 5 others like this.
  5. I appreciate all the responses and while I'd love to be able to say that this is what I'd do in the future, the possibility of just having these thoughts/worries dismissed is arguably more frustrating than the actual jokes I think?

    While I'd also not have a problem with upsetting ignorant people I think it would just come back to the fact that it's not offensive in their eyes so what's the issue? Don't be dramatic etc etc. I just find people who have never faced any kind of discrimination tend to find it difficult to understand that just because you're not shouting "faggots!!!" Doesn't mean you can't have homophobic tendencies and I'm not sure I want it to be my responsibility to educate/inform other people?

    ...But then I guess if I'm not willing to then what's going to change? Just a bit shit really
  6. 'Banter' is the straight way of waving away any and all problematic behaviour and it's bollocks.
    Jacques, Overdose, sexercise and 22 others like this.
  7. I get where you're coming from, and it's exhausting to have to call out morons who are just behaving badly all the time. People also do seem to get more defensive in groups than they might do individually.

    I do think it would be a good idea to talk to your parents at least, though, since you're out to them and you're presumably closest to them. Even if they don't immediately get it, it should register with them that this kind of thing does hurt you and does have an impact - so it's worth doing.

    Either they'll realise immediately that this kind of thing is trash and will start calling out that behaviour themselves (best-case scenario) or they'll eventually realise that there's a reason you're bringing this up with them every time it happens and that it's not worth laughing along with 'banter' if it's making their child feel unhappy and unwelcome.
    He likes this.
  8. I understand what you're saying, but if your opinion/thoughts are dismissed then surely that says a lot more about the people doing the dismissing than it does about you? You could turn it around the other way: How will they know that it's offensive until it's pointed out to them?

    I'm afraid you have two choices: Say something and hope it changes their outlook on these type of comments or just suffer in silence....
  9. Guys we need to let people know right when it happens, 'erm this makes me uncomfortable / offends me, you need to stop' the minute it happens.

  10. He


    I fully support this and enact it as much as possible, but I'm also sympathetic to those who just can't do it, either out of fear or because they feel it won't make a difference. Sometimes too many disappointments just leave one empty and without fight.
  11. Of course only do it when you're safe!
  12. kal


    Dat ass though.
  13. As much as I agree with you Vas, I also wasn't going to make a scene at my friends wedding particulalry during the toasts, it's not her fault her husband has some questionable friends. But she saw, and Im sure we'll have a discussion soon, but even then, it still isnt her fault, it's the best man, and I have no intention of ever interacting with him again.
    yewchapel, londonrain and Vasilios like this.
  14. OK. Nobody’s saying to throw a hissy fit. Just a cough... a wink... an eye roll.
    Kuhleezi, RUNAWAY, Rem and 7 others like this.
  15. andru, RUNAWAY and Trinu 3.0 like this.
  16. Introduced to the friend-of-a-friend yesterday:

    Him: "You look like the older guy who took my virginity years ago."
    Me: "OK... ?"
    Him: "He was my Dad's friend. He used to babysit me."
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  17. Well, that's a hell of a way to make a memorable first impression.
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
    sexercise, mseilenga, Island and 4 others like this.

  18. Hot.
    Jacques, AlmostFamous, Rem and 12 others like this.
  19. [​IMG]
    Rem, Island, nikkysan and 9 others like this.
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