The Winners Rate: AND THE WINNER IS.... Me, Because I'm Done | Page 43 | The Popjustice Forum
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The Winners Rate: AND THE WINNER IS.... Me, Because I'm Done

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by ohnostalgia, May 29, 2017.

  1. Due to some personal issues that have come up, I won't be able to vote. But I will watch from the sidelines.
    myblood, ohnostalgia and send photo like this.
  2. Submitted! They are a complete mess, but I genuinely cannot look at them any longer!

    (If you're working on this please let me know, I'm out of spreadsheet columns and I'd have to edit the formula to add more.)​
  4. Yes I'm working on this!



    (teebs I'm just waiting on @ThisIsRogue whenever you're ready.mp4)
  6. Not long to go!!

    Boy Is A Bottom for...... bottom spot, please!
  7. @ThisIsRogue I swear to fucking god if I see a PM notification from you at 11:59PM I will drag you across the coals for every damn elimination

    and thank you @Remorque for sending me your commentary one at a time making my heart skip a beat thinking it's that trick finally getting his votes in

    vote in @Kuhleezi's Tinashe rate I don't know the deadline
  8. Voted! Not quite 11.59pm! x
    LE0Night, myblood, Oleander and 10 others like this.
  9. You're welcome.
    LE0Night, myblood, Oleander and 6 others like this.


    There's no scene because twenty of you decided to vote on the last day and my co-host is out not taking pictures of puffins. I know y'all have seen Thelma & Louise and can keep up with the narrative. We're all packed up and ready to start. Here's a gif:



    Hello and welcome to the second (annual?) Winners Rate! My co-host @ohnostalgia is away on vacation so you're stuck with me to get this shindig started. There's no other way to start this than with a big thank you for turning up to vote. Including us we hit 59 voters! That's considerably more than the first installment so good on us. The results aren't as... controversial as last time but I assure you there's enough drama to keep you captivated. We'd like to start off with a bang so we'll be cutting through the bottom ten today and tomorrow. Hold on to your butts! Hold onto your faves! Hold onto your butt's faves! Wasting no time, I've got your first elimination coming up in a hot minute.​
  11. I'll hold onto my faves' butts as well, just in case.
    LE0Night, myblood, Oleander and 13 others like this.
  12. Really kinda hoping it's not one of the oldies just yet.
    Sprockrooster and send photo like this.
  13. Are you ready to find out what falls first in our illustrious installment of The Winners Rate?

    The first song eliminated is...​



    by: @send photo

    Average: 7.924

    You didn't think we'd actually include this did you?... Okay I totally would've but my co-host is here to keep my slimery in check. I took the first elimination hit so none of y’all had to suffer, you’re welcome. A total kii is that this was sitting cozy in the top ten for well over half of the rate before finally falling to 31. It could’ve won had I not bumped Slice of Life’s “11111111111” down to a 10. As if it’s not drilled into your damn craniums by now this is a certified hit in our native Canada and you can still hear it at least once a week on the radio. Thanks CanCon! It also won Single Of The Year at the 2004 Juno Awards. Friendly reminder that your faves more than likely do not have a Juno Award. Here’s hoping she’ll perform this at her free Surrey concert on the 22nd which I will be of course attending.

    As if flirting with me through June Charts commentary wasn’t enough to win me over GimmeWork sings high praise for Nelly’s magnum opus, “This song is amazing as is the entire Folklore album!” Marry me. I can already tell Reboot’s sentimental self is going to cry at our ceremony, “I’m always gonna have a soft spot for old school Nelly Furtado.” It looks like Sprockrooster is making sure it’s not just a green card marriage given his sleuthing skills, “[KANYE MODE ON]Yo 'Powerless (Say What You Want)', I'm really happy for you, I'll let you finish, but 'Say It Right' is one of the best songs of all time. One of the best songs of all time![/KANYE MODE OFF]--- Fun aside I am loving how this is added as it makes for the most iconic winner of all time. And I am loving the fact that Nelly Furtado was now present in both winner rates. Say It Right couldn’t be added because of it. So work! Not everyone has that double feature (demi lovato though).” I don’t know her.gif. Sprocky should probably check iheartpoptarts’ citizenship because I’m not sure she’s Canadian after this slander, “I never did like her early stuff in terms of production or vocals, but she won us all over in the end, so there’s a happy ending here, at least!” A&E is on the right side of history, "Bless Nesocially Furtaconscious for this bop!"

    Looks like digitalkaiser got into my weed because all he could manage was a “HEHEHEHE.” What’s so funny binch? My mug? Yeah I know, my mum tells me every day. berserkboi lets us know how upset he is with us cutting Say It Right, “Gorgeous, although Somebody To Love/All Good Things/Say It Right would have also been great here.” And confession time… KingBruno is right, “I can't give this full marks because it doesn't reach the magnificence of Try, but it's definitely one of Nelly Furtado’s best post-Loose. The chorus is so lovable.” One Stop Candy Shop looks back fondly, “Forgotten popstar. I know she never really stopped making albums but it’s been ages since I heard her ‘shit on the radio’. Her early streak of singles was impressive though.” Way to put our CanCon privileges into check. One quirk in particular stands out for evilsin, “So catchy, love the melodies all throughout and of course DA BANJO.”

    DJHazey kicks off the rate by disappointing us, “I just went through her discography recently and I definitely skipped right past this. *cringe face* I don't know how in the world this one a rate. *checks write-up I must have missed* Oh. Here, have a 5 and like it.” Can I return it for a 10? Going back to correct opinions, Squashua spills tea all over his my new blouse, “I ADORED Folklore. There I said it. It's criminal it flopped when it's near-on flawless. Powerless is probably the more uplifting sounding of the singles thanks to the lyrical content as well as the new age hippie mantra vibes of it all so I'm not surprised it did better but it's not my top track from the whole shebang. Random aside, it reminds of sheep farming? There's a field over the estuary from my house and I feel like listening to this too loud might summon them…” Yaas let ‘em know!

    And a few of our beloved voters lived for my trickery like constantino, “Corruption, buffoonery, riggery and tomfoolery has never sounded SO GOOD. This is fucking adorable! Woah Nelly? More like Whew Nelly! [​IMG]” And Remorque sums the whole affair up with a “Kii.” Kii indeed. And one final shoutout to beyoncésweave for considering this for ha 11. None of our taste can compete.

    Trollery aside, my co-host ohnostalgia hits all the points of why this song is so important, “When @send photo asked me to write commentary for the Powerless intro post, I “mixed up” the time zone conversion and missed the deadline. I'm tempted to use the same excuse now - traversing around the opposite end of the country seems pretty legit - but that wouldn't be fair to him, myself, or Nelly. As of this writing I count about ten consecutive plays for Powerless and I'm still not sure where to go. Do I take it personal and go mental health? Do I take it existential and talk about my new desire to move to a remote cabin, supporting myself via music journalism, and all the reasons that's just not possible? Maybe I should talk about the quintessential Canadianism of Powerless- how Nelly seamlessly weaves conflicts inherent within a multicultural society - who holds power? how much otherness is “acceptable”? what is appreciation? what is appropriation? - with such eloquence and grace. Music! Apparently that's important… well the banjo is actually one of my favourite instruments so Powerless is fucking amazing. Timberland didn't have no banjos and that makes me sad. Also: handclaps! And Ukrainian dancers in the music video! Which seriously: Nelly is stunning within said video. I cannot believe Powerless didn't win the Nelly Furtado rate. Like anybody could've made Say it Right; but only Nelly could’ve made this. I am @ohnostalgia and life is too short and I AM SAYING WHAT I WANT.

    Can you feature these lyrics in your post somewhere please!
    I saw her face outside today
    Weatherworn, looking all the rage
    They took her passion and her gaze
    And made a poster

    Now it's moccasins we sport
    We take the culture and contort
    Perhaps only to distort
    What we are hiding

    I think you can understand why she gets all the write-ups for the important songs.

    Last edited: Jul 17, 2017
  14. Screaming at the @iheartpoptarts treason.

    I fear for Ultravox, K3 and Howard Jones. Perhaps also tragically A*Teens or Monrose. And considering Sharleen: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Kind of hoping for a bit of K-pop cull (meaning 2 or 3 songs).
  15. As long as it doesn't include SNSD or 2NE1 I'm ok with that too.
  16. Aww.

    Not really.
    send photo likes this.

  17. Boy Is A Bottom is such a bottom that it has 71 songs topping it. Johnny Rapid is shook. (Actually I think he’s well into the triple digits but hey this is a family site let’s keep it PG). No surprise this is out first. Oh wait, there is a surprise; ohnostalgia gave this a point. Go ahead and put generous in your Grindr bio sis. I used to stan for Willam but like Astroglide he wears thin as time goes on. Poor performance aside it still cleared the 5.0 average which is an early indication as to how strong this competition will be. “I feel vaguely homophobic,” confesses my co-host ohnostalgia. I could give you a laundry list of problematic shit Willam says and does if it’ll make you feel better.

    Not Alicia getting White & Nerdy’d with this parody outshining her original. Oleander asks, “Please tell me Alicia is aware of this parody.” I doubt she likes to think about it if Slice of Life’s opinion is any indication, “Improved the Alicia Keys screechy original but not by much. Fun video though. xo” and CorgiCorgiCorgi was just as dismissive, “better than the original”. Oof, Michelle who? Poor Alicia. evilsin doesn’t even know ha, “I can't listen to the original after this. Es Una Pasiva is even better probably.” Not with that problematic video it isn’t. A&E reminds us that Alicia simply doesn't have the range, "Even Alicia Keysnotfound at her most "I can do it. I can be a soprano" didn't deserve this."

    The Alicia-gate continues with Remorque, “These parodies have never really been my thing though… I don’t think I gave it a much higher score in the Drag Race rate. I enjoy this version more than Alicia Keys’ though, so I’ll give Willam and Vicky that. Detox can go suck a dick theaux.” I though the trouble was Willam vs. Vicky but constantino adds, “DDD Detox is awful but this is better than the original. Sorry Alicia.” And another jab at Alicia, “Girl on Fire was atrocious, this is marginally better but I didn't laugh at a single moment so if it wants bottoms i'll give it THE bottom (of my scoring kekeke~)” quips Squashua. She just can’t win as last minute voter Posh Spears adds, “LOL hard to rate this in context of everything else but I definitely this prefer over the original.”

    Rating this song was a painful experience for eccentricsimply, “Oh yes, those ear bursting vocals. Give it to me, ladies.” Will Sky ever release Masochism? “Nope.” replies sexercise. #straightladofpj DJHazey felt attacked, “What is happening? I can't believe y'all subjected me to whatever this is. I'm mean it's fine, but everyone had to know this wasn't going to do much for me.” His pain is digitalkaiser’s pleasure eugh, phrasing, “A kii, a cackle.”

    If only Mina had been so kind to Uncle Fucker in the PJOPS, “Tossing this one points for making me laugh.” iheartpoptarts’ Powerless commentary got lost in the shuffle, “Oh, wow, this rate got trolled hard.” Speaking of hard… here’s ufint, “Take that. Take it. Blah blah blah.” Kuhleezi will if you “Say pig again”. Pig. “Screaming that I actually have the exact blue and yellow 2xist underwear the bottom is wearing in the BIAB video!” yelps GimmeWork. And to that I say my inbox is always open.

    Many of you kept the competition in mind, namely Sprockrooster, “The score for this song in the context of this rate conflicted me so much. It was a 10 in the original rate, but compared to most of the tracks in this rate it isnot a fair comparison. It is one big kii, like you would expect from Willam. And I stan. But if it kills one darling I will be MAD.” Looks like we dodged a bullet! KingBruno is just as fair, “I mean, it's a solid parody.. But can we really compare this to everything else that's in the game here?” As is berserkboi, “I tend to really dislike parodies and this is on par with those season 7 acting challenges of Drag Race…” I’m going to guess they were bad.

    There was a touch of positivity via sfmartin, “Inspired cover” and Reboot, “I’m not this song’s target audience (as in, I’m female), but it still made me laugh out loud quite a few times. Very good as far as parodies go.” And… I lied. We’ve got one last Alicia drag from NecessaryVoodoo, “I'm sorry but I hate parody songs so much. I've cut people out of my life for finding Weird Al Yankovic funny before. Willam and the other two released this and then Alicia Keys went on TV with this hair:


    Are the two things related? Probably not but makes u think.” I’d like to never think about that haircut ever again if it’s all the same to you.

    Last edited: Jul 17, 2017
  18. Awful song though? I think I even overscored.


    *smells candle cap*
  19. Nelly, queen of ranking in the top half of the rate despite not being in it. I'm not as homophobic as the rest of you so I was more generous (uh oh this word choice) to Boy Is A Bottom but I'm not fussed!

    Also the post card idea is so clever.
    GimmeWork, myblood, Oleander and 11 others like this.
  20. I couldnot disagree more.


    I love these postcards!!

    Boy is a Bottom is such a weirdly satisfying bottom score. But that average isnot: 5.068? This could have been 5.069? Why. It was so close. I feel like @send photo should have trolled us and give us that average instead. How were we going to know it wasnot true anyway? And not multiple people coming for Alicia and praising this version. Shook.