It's here. You may have thought I didn't hear you. That I wasn't listening. That I didn't see the 300-page thread thirsting for a droplet of tea. That I couldn't feel the presence of my fans outside my apartment building, holding signs and singing songs and in general being a damn fucking nuisance (y'all will do anything for some free pizza, and yes that handwritten card thanking you for your support was from my assistant). I was thinking I had a bit more time to prepare my launch, but then, that one poor pathetic soul who tweets me every single day that it's their birthday and to please NOTICE them Laura...actually got me to notice them. Because they found something they weren't supposed to. Fucking registrations get me every time, and the cat was out of the bag that another superstar was involved in the project. I knew it was only a matter of time before the rumor mill got completely out of hand. So, I did what I do best. An out-of-the-blue stunt. Archived every post. Unfollowed everyone, even my two Scottish folds @EnsnareTheSenses and @Daniel!. They'd know I still loved them, but for the time being, it was all about the world noticing that yes, the new era was about to arrive. And boy, did it notice. Whew, the frenzy. Not even I was fully prepared. After a full year off, Laura Vanderbreasten was BACK in Lists & Charts, and no other rate was safe. And though we did have such fun last year, there were, of course, some hiccups. The presence of a certain color, the intermediate shade of red and white, seemed to cause quite a stir. And speaking of whiteness, there was...an overwhelming amount of it. The new era needed diversity. Have I taken some artistic risks? Sure. But I had lots of frank conversations with my trusted friends, collaborators, and management, and I made sure that no matter what tracks made the final listing, one thing would be sure: we'd have lots of participants because all I care about is numbers. And then, one more final FUCK-UP: iTunes published the whole tracklist early and got some dead-eyed taxidermy fox sniffing around my inbox already whining about the selection. Enough was enough. It was time to Beyoncé this shit. And speaking of...oh, we'll get to that in a second. SWEETENER 1. raindrops (an angel cried) 2. blazed (ft. Pharrell Williams) 3. the light is coming (ft. Nicki Minaj) 4. R.E.M 5. God is a woman 6. sweetener 7. successful 8. everytime 9. breathin 10. no tears left to cry 11. borderline (ft. Missy Elliott) 12. better off 13. goodnight n go 14. pete davidson 15. get well soon The year's undeniable Supreme. Poor any of these other girls having to run into the buzzsaw of Ariana's universal acclaim, limitless budget, 14-octave range, and 257-inch lacefront. LIBERATION 1. Liberation 2. Searching For Maria/Maria 3. Sick of Sittin' 4. Fall in Line (ft. Demi Lovato) 5. Right Moves 6. Like I Do (ft. GoldLink) 7. Deserve 8. Twice 9. I Don't Need It Anymore (Interlude) 10. Accelerate (ft. Ty Dolla $ign and 2 Chainz) 11. Pipe (ft. XDNA) 12. Masochist 13. Unless It's With You After six years, Xtina finally returned, and after six decades, she actually toured too. But will the voters agree she belongs in this group? Is this album only here so that @BEST FICTION doesn't slit my throat and dox everyone I love? Time will tell. (Please rate Searching for Maria alongside its companion track, and yes, I removed the interlude that is literally just children talking.) A STAR IS BORN 1. La Vie En Rose 2. Shallow (w/ Bradley Cooper) 3. Music to My Eyes (w/ Bradley Maine) 4. Diggin' My Grave (w/ Jackson Cooper) 5. Always Remember Us This Way 6. Look What I Found 7. Heal Me 8. I Don't Know What Love Is (w/ Brackson Mooper) 9. Is That Alright? 10. Why Did You Do That? 11. Hair Body Face 12. Before I Cry 13. I'll Never Love Again Legend Googoo returned with her greatest trick yet: scamming her way to dizzying acclaim that the other girls can literally only dream of, and releasing another smash album under another persona. But will the voters be able to remain objective despite not getting to rate the biggest hit of all, SNL (Dialogue)? INVASION OF PRIVACY 1. Get Up 10 2. Drip (ft. Migos) 3. Bickenhead 4. Be Careful 5. Best Life (ft. Chance the Rapper) 6. I Like It (w/ Bad Bunny and J Balvin) 7. Ring (ft. Kehlani) 8. Money Bag 9. Bartier Cardi (ft. 21 Savage) 10. She Bad (w/ YG) 11. Thru Your Phone 12. I Do (ft. SZA) 13. Money Cardi took your place, you upset, uh. (As we rated Bodak Yellow last year, please rate Money in its place.) EVERYTHING IS LOVE 1. SUMMER 2. APESHIT 3. BOSS 4. NICE 5. 713 6. FRIENDS 7. HEARD ABOUT US 8. BLACK EFFECT 9. LOVEHAPPY The Queen returned for a short, tight 9-track album. After the initial kerfuffle of a surprise release, reception ended up feeling somewhat muted overall. But will the voters still go...apeshit? (Had to.) Those are the alberms. But we ain't done yet. In the interest of a well-rounded slate, we'll also be rating the biggest female-fronted smashes of the year. (Parameters were songs that went top 10 in the US and/or the UK with a credited lead female vocalist that is frequently discussed on PJ.) Thank u next – Ariana Grande (#1 US, #1 UK) Meant to Be – Bebe Rexha (ft. Florida Georgia Line) (#2 US) Never Be The Same – Camila Cabello (#6 US, #7 UK) Solo – Demi Lovato (w/ Clean Bandit) (#1 UK) One Kiss – Dua Lipa (w/ Calvin Harris) (#1 UK) Without Me – Halsey (#4 US, #6 UK) Woman Like Me – Little Mix (ft. Nicki Minaj) (#2 UK) The Middle – Maren Morris (w/ Zedd and Grey) (#5 US, #7 UK) Chun-Li – Nicki Minaj (#10 US) Let You Love Me – Rita Ora (#4 UK) As you might suspect, there are some rules too. Here they are: 1. Rate every song from 0-10. Half-marks are allowed but no other decimals. Every year I get scores with all sorts of crazy tenths of points that I can tell were slaved over, and this year I am telling you that I will round up to nearest half or whole point. Spare yourself the aneurysm. 2. You may give one song an 11. That's one song in the entire rate, not one per album. Note that you are not required to give an 11 at all, either. 3. You may change only one score after you submit your votes. Once your scores are in, they're locked. If you reconsider, you may have one change on one single song. This is to cut down on spreadsheet errors and miscommunication, so please think things over before you send! 4. Please don't troll. I am watching, and others will be too. It's not fun for me to have to confront someone about a ballot designed to, for example, specifically torpedo one artist's chances. And it's not fun for you when I say I'm going to toss out something you've put work into. Please be considerate of everyone's time, including your own. 5. You must rate every song. 6. Commentary is welcome, but not required! If you want to write about every song, amazing! If you don't want to, or only have one that you really want to call out as curing your acne and doing your taxes, also cool! And one more thing...don't whine if your commentary is accidentally left out of a write-up. Last year's commentary document was literally hundreds of pages. I will try to give everyone their shine. I promise if you're left off, it isn't personal. But if I get attacked for it, I'm happy to make it personal xoxoxo Anything else? Oh, yeah. VOTING CLOSES DECEMBER 30TH. Now get movin'. My manager says I'll have to do GMA if more promo is needed, and I do not want to wake up that early.