AcceleRATE: Biggest Pop Girls of 2018

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It's here.

You may have thought I didn't hear you. That I wasn't listening. That I didn't see the 300-page thread thirsting for a droplet of tea. That I couldn't feel the presence of my fans outside my apartment building, holding signs and singing songs and in general being a damn fucking nuisance (y'all will do anything for some free pizza, and yes that handwritten card thanking you for your support was from my assistant).

I was thinking I had a bit more time to prepare my launch, but then, that one poor pathetic soul who tweets me every single day that it's their birthday and to please NOTICE them Laura...actually got me to notice them. Because they found something they weren't supposed to.

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Fucking registrations get me every time, and the cat was out of the bag that another superstar was involved in the project. I knew it was only a matter of time before the rumor mill got completely out of hand.

So, I did what I do best. An out-of-the-blue stunt.

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Archived every post. Unfollowed everyone, even my two Scottish folds @EnsnareTheSenses and @Daniel!. They'd know I still loved them, but for the time being, it was all about the world noticing that yes, the new era was about to arrive.

And boy, did it notice. Whew, the frenzy. Not even I was fully prepared. After a full year off, Laura Vanderbreasten was BACK in Lists & Charts, and no other rate was safe. And though we did have such fun last year, there were, of course, some hiccups. The presence of a certain color, the intermediate shade of red and white, seemed to cause quite a stir. And speaking of whiteness, there was...an overwhelming amount of it. The new era needed diversity.

Have I taken some artistic risks? Sure. But I had lots of frank conversations with my trusted friends, collaborators, and management, and I made sure that no matter what tracks made the final listing, one thing would be sure: we'd have lots of participants because all I care about is numbers.

And then, one more final FUCK-UP: iTunes published the whole tracklist early and got some dead-eyed taxidermy fox sniffing around my inbox already whining about the selection. Enough was enough. It was time to Beyoncé this shit.

And speaking of...oh, we'll get to that in a second.

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SWEETENER

1. raindrops (an angel cried)
2. blazed (ft. Pharrell Williams)
3. the light is coming (ft. Nicki Minaj)
4. R.E.M
5. God is a woman
6. sweetener
7. successful
8. everytime
9. breathin
10. no tears left to cry
11. borderline (ft. Missy Elliott)
12. better off
13. goodnight n go
14. pete davidson
15. get well soon


The year's undeniable Supreme. Poor any of these other girls having to run into the buzzsaw of Ariana's universal acclaim, limitless budget, 14-octave range, and 257-inch lacefront.


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LIBERATION

1. Liberation
2. Searching For Maria/Maria
3. Sick of Sittin'
4. Fall in Line (ft. Demi Lovato)
5. Right Moves
6. Like I Do (ft. GoldLink)
7. Deserve
8. Twice
9. I Don't Need It Anymore (Interlude)
10. Accelerate (ft. Ty Dolla $ign and 2 Chainz)
11. Pipe (ft. XDNA)
12. Masochist
13. Unless It's With You


After six years, Xtina finally returned, and after six decades, she actually toured too. But will the voters agree she belongs in this group? Is this album only here so that @BEST FICTION doesn't slit my throat and dox everyone I love? Time will tell. (Please rate Searching for Maria alongside its companion track, and yes, I removed the interlude that is literally just children talking.)

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A STAR IS BORN

1. La Vie En Rose
2. Shallow (w/ Bradley Cooper)
3. Music to My Eyes (w/ Bradley Maine)
4. Diggin' My Grave (w/ Jackson Cooper)
5. Always Remember Us This Way
6. Look What I Found
7. Heal Me
8. I Don't Know What Love Is (w/ Brackson Mooper)
9. Is That Alright?
10. Why Did You Do That?
11. Hair Body Face
12. Before I Cry
13. I'll Never Love Again


Legend Googoo returned with her greatest trick yet: scamming her way to dizzying acclaim that the other girls can literally only dream of, and releasing another smash album under another
persona. But will the voters be able to remain objective despite not getting to rate the biggest hit of all, SNL (Dialogue)?

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INVASION OF PRIVACY

1. Get Up 10
2. Drip (ft. Migos)
3. Bickenhead
4. Be Careful
5. Best Life (ft. Chance the Rapper)
6. I Like It (w/ Bad Bunny and J Balvin)
7. Ring (ft. Kehlani)
8. Money Bag
9. Bartier Cardi (ft. 21 Savage)
10. She Bad (w/ YG)
11. Thru Your Phone
12. I Do (ft. SZA)
13. Money


Cardi took your place, you upset, uh.
(As we rated Bodak Yellow last year, please rate Money in its place.)

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EVERYTHING IS LOVE

1. SUMMER
2. APESHIT
3. BOSS
4. NICE
5. 713
6. FRIENDS
7. HEARD ABOUT US
8. BLACK EFFECT
9. LOVEHAPPY


The Queen returned for a short, tight 9-track album. After the initial kerfuffle of a surprise release, reception ended up feeling somewhat muted overall. But will the voters still go...apeshit? (Had to.)


Those are the alberms. But we ain't done yet. In the interest of a well-rounded slate, we'll also be rating the biggest female-fronted smashes of the year. (Parameters were songs that went top 10 in the US and/or the UK with a credited lead female vocalist that is frequently discussed on PJ.)

Thank u next – Ariana Grande
(#1 US, #1 UK)
Meant to Be – Bebe Rexha (ft. Florida Georgia Line)
(#2 US)
Never Be The Same – Camila Cabello
(#6 US, #7 UK)
Solo – Demi Lovato (w/ Clean Bandit)
(#1 UK)
One Kiss – Dua Lipa (w/ Calvin Harris)
(#1 UK)
Without Me – Halsey
(#4 US, #6 UK)
Woman Like Me – Little Mix (ft. Nicki Minaj)
(#2 UK)
The Middle – Maren Morris (w/ Zedd and Grey)
(#5 US, #7 UK)
Chun-Li – Nicki Minaj
(#10 US)
Let You Love Me – Rita Ora
(#4 UK)

As you might suspect, there are some rules too. Here they are:


1. Rate every song from 0-10. Half-marks are allowed but no other decimals. Every year I get scores with all sorts of crazy tenths of points that I can tell were slaved over, and this year I am telling you that I will round up to nearest half or whole point. Spare yourself the aneurysm.
2. You may give one song an 11. That's one song in the entire rate, not one per album. Note that you are not required to give an 11 at all, either.
3. You may change only one score after you submit your votes. Once your scores are in, they're locked. If you reconsider, you may have one change on one single song. This is to cut down on spreadsheet errors and miscommunication, so please think things over before you send!
4. Please don't troll. I am watching, and others will be too. It's not fun for me to have to confront someone about a ballot designed to, for example, specifically torpedo one artist's chances. And it's not fun for you when I say I'm going to toss out something you've put work into. Please be considerate of everyone's time, including your own.
5. You must rate every song.
6. Commentary is welcome, but not required! If you want to write about every song, amazing! If you don't want to, or only have one that you really want to call out as curing your acne and doing your taxes, also cool! And one more thing...don't whine if your commentary is accidentally left out of a write-up. Last year's commentary document was literally hundreds of pages. I will try to give everyone their shine. I promise if you're left off, it isn't personal. But if I get attacked for it, I'm happy to make it personal xoxoxo

Anything else?

Oh, yeah. VOTING CLOSES DECEMBER 30TH.

Now get movin'. My manager says I'll have to do GMA if more promo is needed, and I do not want to wake up that early.​
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(send your votes in this order!)

SWEETENER
1. Raindrops
2. Blazed (ft. Pharrell Williams)
3. The Light Is Coming (ft. Nicki Minaj)
4. R.E.M
5. God is a Woman
6. Sweetener
7. Successful
8. Everytime
9. Breathin
10. No Tears Left to Cry
11. Borderline (ft. Missy Elliott)
12. Better Off
13. Goodnight n Go
14. Pete Davidson
15. Get Well Soon

LIBERATION
1. Liberation
2. Searching for Maria/Maria
3. Sick of Sittin
4. Fall in Line (ft. Demi Lovato)
5. Right Moves
6. Like I Do (ft. GoldLink)
7. Deserve
8. Twice
9. I Don’t Need It Anymore
10. Accelerate (ft. Ty Dolla $ign and 2 Chainz)
11. Pipe (ft. XDNA)
12. Masochist
13. Unless It’s with You

A STAR IS BORN
1. La Vie En Rose
2. Shallow
3. Music to my Eyes
4. Diggin' My Grave
5. Always Remember Us This Way
6. Look What I Found
7. Heal Me
8. I Don't Know What Love Is
9. Is That Alright?
10. Why Did You Do That
11. Hair Body Face
12. Before I Cry
13. I'll Never Love Again

INVASION OF PRIVACY
1. Get Up 10
2. Drip (ft. Migos)
3. Bickenhead
4. Be Careful
5. Best Life (ft. Chance the Rapper)
6. I Like It (w/ Bad Bunny and J Balvin)
7. Ring (ft. Kehlani)
8. Money Bag
9. Bartier Cardi (ft. 21 Savage)
10. She Bad (w/ YG)
11. Thru Your Phone
12. I Do (ft. SZA)
13. Money

EVERYTHING IS LOVE
1. Summer
2. APESHIT
3. Boss
4. Nice
5. 713
6. Friends
7. Heard About Us
8. Black Effect
9. Lovehappy


INDIVIDUALS
1. Thank u next – Ariana Grande
2. Meant to Be – Bebe Rexha (ft. Florida Georgia Line)
3. Never Be The Same – Camila Cabello
4. Solo – Demi Lovato (w/ Clean Bandit)
5. One Kiss – Dua Lipa (w/ Calvin Harris)
6. Without Me – Halsey
7. Woman Like Me – Little Mix (ft. Nicki Minaj)
8. The Middle – Maren Morris (w/ Zedd and Grey)
9. Chun-Li – Nicki Minaj
10. Let You Love Me – Rita Ora

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(thank you to @aaronhansome for this!)


 
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1. no tears left to cry - 9.912
2. God is a woman - 9.51
3. breathin - 9.142
4. APESHIT - 9.069
5. Accelerate - 8.794
6. thank u next - 8.583
7. goodnight n go - 8.579
8. Shallow - 8.377
9. I Like It - 8.333
10. everytime - 8.299
11. Always Remember Us This Way - 8.162
12. Deserve - 8.088
13. Like I Do - 8.069
14. better off - 7.995
15. HEARD ABOUT US - 7.946
16. Hair Body Face - 7.902
17. I'll Never Love Again - 7.887
18. Twice - 7.873
19. Solo - 7.858
20. Fall In Line - 7.789
21. Pipe - 7.765
22. SUMMER - 7.676
23. Searching for Maria/Maria - 7.637
24. Heal Me - 7.618
25. Why Did You Do That? - 7.613
26. Masochist - 7.554
27. Chun-Li - 7.544
28. Unless It's With You - 7.451
29. Let You Love Me - 7.446
30. Is That Alright? - 7.426
31. One Kiss - 7.358
32. Ring - 7.347
33. Right Moves - 7.319
34. LOVEHAPPY - 7.299
35. I Do - 7.282
36. BLACK EFFECT - 7.245
37. BOSS - 7.172
38. Thru Your Phone - 7.134
39. Be Careful - 7.109
40. Bartier Cardi - 7.104
41. FRIENDS - 7.03
42. The Middle - 6.99
43. Never Be The Same - 6.941
44. Money Bag - 6.832
45. Sick of Sittin' - 6.824
46. Get Up 10 - 6.802
47. 713 - 6.784
48. Look What I Found - 6.696
49. get well soon - 6.647
50. Money - 6.604
51. pete davidson - 6.593
52. R.E.M - 6.588
52. Without Me - 6.588
54. Bickenhead - 6.564
55. Woman Like Me - 6.275
56. blazed - 6.245
57. NICE - 6.235
58. successful - 6.221
59. sweetener - 6.187
60. borderline - 6.167
61. Liberation - 6.137
62. Before I Cry - 6.03
63. Best Life - 5.941
64. Diggin' My Grave - 5.907
65. I Don't Know What Love Is - 5.73
66. raindrops (an angel cried) - 5.725
67. Drip - 5.678
68. La Vie En Rose - 5.662
69. She Bad - 5.218
70. I Don't Need It Anymore (Interlude) - 5.186
71. the light is coming - 5.142
72. Music to My Eyes - 4.922
73. Meant to Be - 2.951

Album Averages:
Liberation - 7.422
EVERYTHING IS LOVE - 7.384
sweetener - 7.263
A Star is Born - 6.918
Invasion of Privacy - 6.765
(when including Bodak Yellow, Invasion of Privacy's average is 7.09)
 
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