AcceleRATE: Biggest Pop Girls of 2018
- Thread starter Laura Vanderbooben
- Start date
Pharell's production on Sweetener does feel pretty off tho. It either feels like there's too much going on or not enough. Some people said he was not bringing his A-game on Hard Candy, but most of those productions sound so much more carefully crafted and on point than his work with Ariana.
SCORE: 6.137
Highest Scores: 10 x 2 (@CorgiCorgiCorgi, @eliminathan), 9 x 9 (@Sprockrooster, @Untitled, @rdp, @JamesJupiter, @Aester, @Serg., @Slice of Life, @stereosalt, @Lost Boy)
Lowest Scores: 1 x 1 (@Mirwais Ahmadzaï), 2 x 5 (@happiestgirl, @GimmeWork, @munro, @citoig, @Coming Century)
We're all friends here (except for a few of you, you know who you are) so, let's have a lil' confession: I hadn't listened to this track since its initial release and I sorta um...forgot there's no singing in it. My bad. Then again, you all were living for the drama and placed it above several real songs, so do I really owe any of you an apology? This is very "Georgian era young lady riding a horse pensively on a mountainside in the rain because she's betrothed to a man she doesn't love" and apparently y'all are a bunch of Kate Winslets and all about that shit.
BEST FICTION only gave this an 8, so...fake stan? "This intro... Chills. It's not quite as in your face and heavy-handed as Xtina's previous intros, but just like the ones that came before it, it accurately sets the tone for the rest of the album. And it serves its purpose once again when used as the intro to Fall In Line for the music video. Dreamers WHO?" Cutlery gives the same score, for much of the same reason. "Objectively it is unnecessary and nothingy. But even with its spoken word 'Maria, are you there?' and baby laughs, the strings are beautiful and cinematic." OspreyQueen goes with a more muted 6.5 and muses, "On one hand it’s a gorgeous introduction and sets the scene for the album, but on the other hand I’ve literally never listened to it outside of it." Maybe put it on any time you need a little dramatic underscoring, like walking into the office, or riding the bus. Work that nonexistent camera!
"I'm not sure how I’m supposed to be rating intros," frets Ashling92. "Like...it’s not particularly interesting?" CorgiCorgiCorgi, Solenciennes, and Remorque, however, all deem it "lovely." No you are! "i feel like im storming the gates of winterfell on a horse," says Phloo, in her best red wig. "It sets the mood, which is fine. I just can’t see myself giving most interludes more than a 5 if they don’t do much," ericcccc says, indeed giving it a 5. johnny_tsunami would've given this a 1 if it were the exact same track on a Little Mix alberm. "If you mention 'baby laughing' and 'violins' you might get
Beautiful Child 2 makes things characteristically weird. "We love an atmospheric stringed momenT! Crescendo all over me, X!" Maybe the slashers made some points. happiestgirl asks the most annoying question for anyone who's ever run a rate - "Why are we rating this?" - then observes that there are violins. "Great strings, beautiful strings," says nikkysan. Mirwais exposes ha encyclopedic knowledge of Christina intros: "It’s a lovely piece of music, I guess? Not as good as Stripped Intro, Intro (Back to Basics), Enter the Circus, or Lotus Intro." Sanctuary, too, sniffs that "it's no Lotus Intro." paperboyfriendd is terrified of children. "The baby noises freak me out. The instrumental is beautiful though." And evilsin gives what might be the funniest commentary of the lot: "This is pretty pointless, I like it."
rdp closes us with an earnest plea and his only commentary for the entire rate, save for his 11: "buy/stream the Moonlight/If Beale Street Could Talk soundtracks by Nicholas Britell on iTunes, Spotify
He/Him/His
So sorry, @BEST FICTION — it’s just not the brand of Aguilerian drama I crave.
and yet they're still in
he/him
My average was already 9.5! I didn’t want to make it more suspicious ddd
Oop she still gonna kill you anyway.
The forum's anthem after we've lost two Christina tracks and @BEST FICTION still hasn't murdered us
Well clearly none of you ungrateful sea urchins are going to say anything about me killing the covers game all day yesterday so might as well move onto number...
SCORE: 6.167
Highest Scores: 10 x 2 (@Coming Century, @OspreyQueen), 9.5 x 1 (@K94), 9 x 4 (@Posh Spears, @dylanaber, @playboy69, @evilsin)
Lowest Scores: 0 x 1 (@RMK), 1.5 x 1 (@Lost Boy), 2 x 1 (@Solenciennes)
Not since "steaming like a pot full of vegetables" has a raptress mined so much meme material out of so little input. To have Ariana and Missy working together is a dream (Under Construction era Missy would actually provide the exact kind of hip-hop quirkiness that I think Ariana was envisioning she'd get from Pharrell), but it wound up being one of those dreams you sort of forget about the moment you wake up. Come on metaphors. The mixing is weird, Missy's verse sounds quite literally phoned in and not even in a good service area, and while there are good components nothing is done to elevate them. I diew like that ice cream line, and Ariana does sound divine and appropriately playful. But I'd say that average score is about right, teebeth, even though I gave it a 7 myself and don't skip it when it burrows its own way into my eardrums. (This coming after No Tears on the tracklist is also um...a tall order.)
"Okay," starts off Remorque, "so I don't mind the song as an Ariana solo and it would have been a solid 7,50, had it not been for Missy's fucking deadpan delivery. This was supposed to be a moment and all we're left with is a 'Was that it? **shrug**'..." Ah, but evilsin's shoulders remain shimmying instead of shrugging. "Ugh, why is this so short? I love the fuzzy synth all throughout, it makes me tingle, so I would've loved a bit more of this. I don't mind Missy's verse, but it would have been better if it was at least twice as long." Verandi hisses, "Recycling Kelis' StarTrack should bring to better results than this. Extra point for Missy's NERVE." Subspace88 mourns, "Missy Elliott was done wrong. Her verse was…something, and it sounds like it was recorded in a shoe. How did they listen to that and think it was okay to release in 2018?"
"Nurse!" gasps Solenciennes. "Take some fresh grapes to Missy's bedside! We're losing her!" ohnostalgia literally just yells "Grapes!!" R27 has a bit more to say. "The chorus reminds me of 'blazed’ which I'm actually one with since both choruses are infectious. I feel bad saying because I feel everyone is going to drag her, but that Missy Elliot verse really isn't up to much at all." You felt correctly. An empath in our midst!
Mirwais purrs that "I, for one, thought the grapes were lovely. I’ve gotten used to Missy’s lobotomized delivery and have no qualms with this song. It sounds very Madonna circa Hard Candy (the Pharrell half of that album aged wonderfully)." Mr Blonde brings up the same record. "I get my life to Hard Candy so this reject is pressing all my buttons. Those kinda out of tune synths are great. I love concord grapes by the way." And on the topic of Madge, GimmeWork mentions the shared title: "Nothing about this excites me which is disappointing because I love Missy. An actual Madonna Borderline cover would be more exciting." Christ, imagine Ariana recording a Madonna cover. Between the "oo's Maddona?" Twitter stans and "HOW DARE THIS 9-YEAR-OLD TOUCH THE HEM OF GOD'S ROBE" Sam Goody enthusiasts, I don't think the world would survive.
"I standby the fact that Missy Elliot's verse is so bad its good," says paperboyfriendd. "She sounds so over it, it's borderline iconic." Borderline iconic huhuehuehuehuehue. Raichu thinks similarly, "The definition of bland album filler, but I love that swirling beat. And I kind live for how terrible the Missy verse is. Sometimes watching people do less than the bare minimum is entertaining." Blond calls Missy "one of my all time faves" - same - "but her verse is tragic. There is no need for this song and it doesn’t even fit in with the track list." Jersey agrees, "This has all the makings of a being a bop and misses almost every damn mark." happiestgirl provides us with some Raven:
"'BORING,' yells Hillary Clinton from her senate seat," and also johnny_tsunami. "The Missy verse is still bizarre in how flat and ineffective it is." But OspreyQueen does NOT agree, insisting "All the lowest scorers for this Wii Sports-but-make-it-a-hoe-anthem bop should be permabanned." Ana Raquel asks "What happened to Missy here?" with notable concern. "She sounds awful." Trouble in Paradise is just upset, frankly. "This should be an unstoppable bop that destroys every gay in a 10 mile radius when it is played. However, it barely even registers beyond how disappointing Missy’s verse is."
RJF closes us with some roleplay:
"Pharrell: ok missy we’re ready to record your—
Missy: done!"
SCORE: 6.167
Highest Scores: 10 x 2 (@Coming Century, @OspreyQueen), 9.5 x 1 (@K94), 9 x 4 (@Posh Spears, @dylanaber, @playboy69, @evilsin)
Lowest Scores: 0 x 1 (@RMK), 1.5 x 1 (@Lost Boy), 2 x 1 (@Solenciennes)
Not since "steaming like a pot full of vegetables" has a raptress mined so much meme material out of so little input. To have Ariana and Missy working together is a dream (Under Construction era Missy would actually provide the exact kind of hip-hop quirkiness that I think Ariana was envisioning she'd get from Pharrell), but it wound up being one of those dreams you sort of forget about the moment you wake up. Come on metaphors. The mixing is weird, Missy's verse sounds quite literally phoned in and not even in a good service area, and while there are good components nothing is done to elevate them. I diew like that ice cream line, and Ariana does sound divine and appropriately playful. But I'd say that average score is about right, teebeth, even though I gave it a 7 myself and don't skip it when it burrows its own way into my eardrums. (This coming after No Tears on the tracklist is also um...a tall order.)
"Okay," starts off Remorque, "so I don't mind the song as an Ariana solo and it would have been a solid 7,50, had it not been for Missy's fucking deadpan delivery. This was supposed to be a moment and all we're left with is a 'Was that it? **shrug**'..." Ah, but evilsin's shoulders remain shimmying instead of shrugging. "Ugh, why is this so short? I love the fuzzy synth all throughout, it makes me tingle, so I would've loved a bit more of this. I don't mind Missy's verse, but it would have been better if it was at least twice as long." Verandi hisses, "Recycling Kelis' StarTrack should bring to better results than this. Extra point for Missy's NERVE." Subspace88 mourns, "Missy Elliott was done wrong. Her verse was…something, and it sounds like it was recorded in a shoe. How did they listen to that and think it was okay to release in 2018?"
"Nurse!" gasps Solenciennes. "Take some fresh grapes to Missy's bedside! We're losing her!" ohnostalgia literally just yells "Grapes!!" R27 has a bit more to say. "The chorus reminds me of 'blazed’ which I'm actually one with since both choruses are infectious. I feel bad saying because I feel everyone is going to drag her, but that Missy Elliot verse really isn't up to much at all." You felt correctly. An empath in our midst!
Mirwais purrs that "I, for one, thought the grapes were lovely. I’ve gotten used to Missy’s lobotomized delivery and have no qualms with this song. It sounds very Madonna circa Hard Candy (the Pharrell half of that album aged wonderfully)." Mr Blonde brings up the same record. "I get my life to Hard Candy so this reject is pressing all my buttons. Those kinda out of tune synths are great. I love concord grapes by the way." And on the topic of Madge, GimmeWork mentions the shared title: "Nothing about this excites me which is disappointing because I love Missy. An actual Madonna Borderline cover would be more exciting." Christ, imagine Ariana recording a Madonna cover. Between the "oo's Maddona?" Twitter stans and "HOW DARE THIS 9-YEAR-OLD TOUCH THE HEM OF GOD'S ROBE" Sam Goody enthusiasts, I don't think the world would survive.
"I standby the fact that Missy Elliot's verse is so bad its good," says paperboyfriendd. "She sounds so over it, it's borderline iconic." Borderline iconic huhuehuehuehuehue. Raichu thinks similarly, "The definition of bland album filler, but I love that swirling beat. And I kind live for how terrible the Missy verse is. Sometimes watching people do less than the bare minimum is entertaining." Blond calls Missy "one of my all time faves" - same - "but her verse is tragic. There is no need for this song and it doesn’t even fit in with the track list." Jersey agrees, "This has all the makings of a being a bop and misses almost every damn mark." happiestgirl provides us with some Raven:
"'BORING,' yells Hillary Clinton from her senate seat," and also johnny_tsunami. "The Missy verse is still bizarre in how flat and ineffective it is." But OspreyQueen does NOT agree, insisting "All the lowest scorers for this Wii Sports-but-make-it-a-hoe-anthem bop should be permabanned." Ana Raquel asks "What happened to Missy here?" with notable concern. "She sounds awful." Trouble in Paradise is just upset, frankly. "This should be an unstoppable bop that destroys every gay in a 10 mile radius when it is played. However, it barely even registers beyond how disappointing Missy’s verse is."
RJF closes us with some roleplay:
"Pharrell: ok missy we’re ready to record your—
Missy: done!"
Inland Empire
Staff member
he/she/they
what sort of bulletless gun is he holding that makes you think he has a shot