Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by DreamlessNights, Nov 15, 2015.
Yikes. Glad you’re back to being verbal again, though!
Shout out to everyone... we may not understand eachother's illnesses or even if we have the same we may not understand everything, but please know you really aren't alone... does that make it all go away? HELL NO! But I don't know about you but it's nice to know other peeps "get" it and have struggles...
Life is short, take care of yourselves and when you can, others who need your support...
I finally got a call at 6pm which the lady rushed through, talked over me and was about as much help as a chocolate fireguard. Fortunately, she's going to refer me to the university's counselling service. Unfortunately, at this time of year- I'll be lucky if I get seen before my graduation ceremony.
Fingers crossed that it will be faster than that!
I'm partway through Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig and am finding it really beneficial. He puts a lot of the reasons for my anxiety in context. Parentheses my own.
"...back in 1995 comparably no one was on the internet: 16 million people, just .4 percent of the world population. (I was one of them -- a 9-year-old homo.) A decade later, in 2005, it was up to a billion people, which meant 15 percent of the world's population was online. (Wasn't 2005 yesterday? Surely not too much has changed since. I still bop to Push the Button!) And by 2017 those digits flipped to 51 percent. (?!?!!)
In that same year the number of active Facebook users... reached 2.07 billion. At the start of this decade, back in 2010 (is it not 2010 anymore? News to me.), there weren't even that many people on the entire internet." (WHAT?)
I took a deep breath even as I transcribed that. Like, times have changed rapidly and are requiring us to be vigilant all the time. No wonder it's hard.
This book is part of my toolbox, which also includes sertraline, journaling, exercise, prioritizing in-person interactions, Popjustice, dancing, trying new things, not judging myself harshly...
Highly recommend. And it cost me less than a Lyft.
Nadiya Hussain did a documentary about her own experiences with anxiety for BBC and I cried so much watching it last Wednesday. So many things she mentioned reminded me of my own anxiety, like how she would name all the names of her family members before going to bed when she was younger, or her struggle with doing spontaneous/unplanned things. It really made me think about my own anxiety even more than I already have over the past few weeks.
*hug* Your doing great by recognizing and learning! Don't stop and reach out if you need to "=]
Thanks! Yeah, it's nice that I've been able to see myself reflected in someone else's struggles. I'd recommend the documentary to anyone who struggles with anxiety too.
I need to watch this, I didn't realise it had already been broadcast.
I'm struggling today which I'm connecting to the fact that I'm going to a social gathering tonight. I really want to go and I'll be super disappointed in myself if I don't.
I've been suffering hugely this year with my mental health, something that's been under the surface for a long time that I'd always managed to suppress or hide with some kind of self depreciating humour finally overpowered me to the point where I had a complete breakdown about two months ago after another close bereavement.
The biggest eyeopener I found was the massive contradiction in the sheer amount of people paying lip service and ticking boxes when it comes to talking about mental health compared to the people who actually did want to listen or help when I really needed it.
I've visited three GPs for help and all three have spoken to me like I'm an absolute idiot, After I explained my circumstances to one GP he bluntly told me, "Well how do you expect to feel?", "What do you expect?" and "Oh, I suppose you want time off as well don't you?". The waiting room had more posters talking about speaking up in regards to mental health than I could count on my fingers and toes, yet when I did, I was made to feel so incredibly stupid that it just added to my depression.
I was giving the usual route of happy pills, which have now run out. I called the Surgery a week before they were due to run out as instructed by the GP who prescribed them, for a review and I was told, "It's not an emergency, you need a routine appointment, the wait time is 5 weeks and you should've booked it 5 weeks ago". When I explained I hadn't even been prescribed the tablets 5 weeks ago, she said i was abusive and hung up.
Honestly, we have SO FAR to go when it comes to the treatment of mental health and it being truly taken seriously.
Just watching it now, so raw and honest.
I’m back in therapy. I still hate it.
Holy crap! First, listen to the Baubletastic mix of I Think We're Alone Now that "you" did, because it is perfection.
Second, fuck all those providers! I really encourage you to try another, even though they've beat you down. We have so far to go, but some places walk the walk already. I'm not sure where you live, but I've had lots of success at OneMedical in the U.S. HUGS!
I just came about as close as it gets to a full blown attack, texted my friend who gets them for like an hour to calm down. I can't believe it worked.
This is me. 100%.
In the days leading up to a social gathering which takes place in the evening I have a constant feeling of nausea. It’s most odd - if it’s a daytime gathering I’m absolutely (well, for the most part) fine.
Then the evening comes and goes and I feel absolutely exhausted but exhilarated that I made it through.
And then ... rinse and repeat.
OMG that is so awesome to hear!
Embrace this win, there will be more (times like that where you win and times when you lose)
but just 5 minutes at a time and continue to look for the positive aspects like this!
She was very helpful. I messaged her saying I know I'm on the verge, and that nothing will actually happen in the end, but just needed to hear it from someone else. She told me to go for a walk, find a quiet place and just breathe. I sat under a tree while she messaged me about seeing a movie when I get back home, what the weather was like, what I was going to eat for lunch. Just distracting stuff. It really helped. I started feeling better after like 45 minutes of that without ever blowing up into a full-on wreck.
Anyone else feel like their amygdala is just, like, broken beyond repair? I’ve been in and out of therapy and on and off meds for the past 5 years or so, but I feel like I’ll never fully get a handle on my anxiety. I mean, I think that’s half the point of treatment (learning healthy coping mechanisms and how to manage), but it’s still aggravating af. I didn’t ask to be traumatized!
I hate it when people try to guilt trip me into doing social shit. I told my friend yesterday that I won't always know when I feel up for socialising (because there are often days I feel sad and anxious as fuck, which I didn't tell her), and her main reaction was, "You're so difficult to hang out with. I just wanted to do something fun together." I get that she's a social butterfly and that she doesn't know how to entertain herself on her own, but ... I'm not. Sometimes I just need to not have to deal with people for three weeks.
I think generally my anxiety is back to manageable levels after being pretty fucked up in April, but I still get brief spells when I become anxious about absolutely the tiniest things, mostly regarding my being unemployed. I just need something good to happen.
I never really had much health related anxiety in my life until my jaw surgery 6 weeks ago and ever since I've been insanely squeamish and having very dark/graphic worrying thoughts about ways I can injure myself and get hurt. I've somehow became absolutely terrified of blood tests and IV drips, so much so that when I see them on the TV or hear them mentioned I feel dizzy and have to distract myself quickly. Whenever I see kids riding a bike with no hands I get dizzy and anxious that they're going to fall and seriously hurt themselves, when I'm in the shower I'm paranoid about slipping and cracking my head on the ceramic and then start to get upset thinking of all the elderly people (and others) who get hurt this way....it's relentless.
I also started passing blood when I was going to the bathroom last week and thought nothing of it until it happened again a few days later, then decided if it happened again I'd need to go to the doctors. It happened on Monday - worse than before - and I just saw my GP. My friends were convincing me to calm down and that it would be a hemorrhoid or something so I wasn't too worried, until the doctor told me he couldn't find any traces of it and told me to come back within a week and if it doesn't stop I'd need to be sent for tests. Obviously all that's going through my mind is cancer and after this jaw surgery recovery (in hospital for 10 non consecutive days, collapsing, liquid diet, losing a stone, multiple blood tests, swelling, numbness and only FINALLY getting the energy to go outdoors again alone) I really don't think I can cope with any more health related issues.
So fucking scared right now and angry. I'm hoping that the blood and constipation is because of my surgery and weird diet/lack of exercise but truthfully I know I've been eating fine for a couple weeks now and am fairly active again. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
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