10
Billie Eilish - when the party's over
SCORE: 8.45
11 x 5 (@Trouble in Paradise @Jonathan27 @KingBruno @R27 @TéléDex)
HIGHEST SCORE: 10 x 38 (
@Dijah. @Music Is Life @dylanaber @eccentricsimply @theelusivechanteuse @maverick_79 @allyshone @Phloo @Blond @sexercise @soratami @joe_alouder @Slice of Life @Petty Mayonnaise @Cutlery @Babyface @sesita @AdzBrown @Seventeen Days @Mirwais Ahmadzaï @constantino @boombazookajoe @Bolton @Gabeee9292 @aaronhansome @Solenciennes @Petit nain des Îles @savilizabeths @Mr Blonde @Remorque @eliminathan @that boy is a monster @godspeed @reputation. @Diet Pop! @Sail On @japanbonustrack)
LOWEST SCORE: 2 x 1 (
@PushyBakerFriend)
MY SCORE: 10/10
Just making it into the Top 10 by the skin of its teeth is Billie's most prominently known ballad... probably? I don't know. I initially thought that it probably benefited in the voting from the Grammys performance, but a quick look at the history of votes shows that it was actually always bouncing around this section of the leaderboard for nearly the entire voting period.
But yes, what a
song. Billie has frequently citied Lana Del Rey as an influence, and if there's a song on the album where that influence is at its strongest, it's this one. The way syllables stretch and retract and fade into murmurs, and how it feels like there are
gulfs of silence between lines sometimes in a song all about putting distance between things. I can even
hear Miss Lanar doing that chorus. It's just a great modern pop ballad fuelled by a quiet Gen Z rage when you realise that being alone in the dark is far better than being with a fuckboi in the light. But enough about when
@Laura Vanderbooben and I go our separate ways at the end of this rate.
Lemme throw this one over to
@Jonathan27. I don't know what Miss J has more surplus of: feelings, or sexual tension with me, but this following testimonial leads me to believe it's the former... for now at least,
"Don’t you know I’m no good for you?
For a song as fragile as when the party’s over, it’s a hell of an opening line. I think there’s an intrinsic sense of stasis that sets in as we plateau: it’s delayed for queer people because we don’t get to experience puberty or growing pains at the same stages of life that the majority of people do, and that’s where I believe the parallels begin with Billie and my own experiences despite the differences in specificity. While Billie is nearly nine years younger than I am, I feel like these parallels emerge at ages of transition: mine manifested in restless escapism when I was Billie’s age, when my queerness was a scarlet letter I was trying to stifle until I managed to get out. Still, I felt ensnared by my circumstances. My parents are conservative to their bone, they would never accept me. Even if I left, I felt that I had to find peace in forging my own family. I’ve learned to lose you can’t afford to. I inadvertently developed an apprehension towards intimacy, craving it throughout my college years only to realize I was scared to death of it when someone was willing to give it in adulthood. It can almost like we become crystallized at a certain age: we keep making the same mistakes, drinking too much, doing the same drugs to feel something and risking our sexual health to feel wanted. I feel like this is a prominent issue that’s arisen with myself and my friends as we have navigated the bulk of our 20’s. I have friends who still talk about traveling overseas, coming out to their family or finally deleting the number that only lights up their phone at 1 AM but they’re in the same motions as everyone else. For me it’s the temporary fix that used to get me high, that same escapism I used to want as a kid was back but it was an escape from who I’d become. I couldn’t look at myself the same way because I felt like I didn’t even care that I was letting myself down. I had given up on any expectations so I just kept scratching the itch like a fucking addict. I could lie, say I like it like that. As we grow up our friendships change too. People either continue to grow with us or dissipate into memory, and suddenly there’s nothing to anchor our identity other than our own self-perception. Quiet when I’m coming home and I’m on my own. What do you do when you’ve hurt the only people who could once talk you down? For me, it was easier to feed my apathy, to shrug off my mistakes instead of working through them. I didn’t care who I hurt, I just wanted to be alone with my pain, to swaddle it in solitude and nurture it until it was enough to keep me company. While it’s nearly impossible to see past our present to a brighter future, it’s inevitably true that who we were in a singular moment is rarely an accurate depiction of who we really are. We are all the worst and best things that we’ve done, and the truth of our identity is somewhere in the middle.
I know I haven’t touched much on exactly why I think when the party’s over is an 11/10 song, but I don’t think I need to: the layered hums, the aching vocal delivery as Billie ascends her full register, that foreboding processed vocal undercutting the second verse result in a striking ballad that balances self-imposed loneliness and the desire for intimacy. I don’t think there’s much I can articulate about the song that can’t be conveyed simply by listening to it. Instead, I wanted to share why the song had such a strong impact with me both as a gay person and as someone floundering through their early adulthood."