Dating & Relationships

I need to vent and this seemed better than some shitty reassurance subreddit. I need to dump my boyfriend.

Agreed, that situation sounds untenable and like the relationship has ran its course and ventured into decidedly unhealthy territory. That said, is that how you usually see it/him? Only asking because that was clearly a rant written in a moment of exasperation/anger, and I'm wondering if, having had time to calm down, you still feel that way?

...

On another, completely unrelated! note (really unrelated, Brains, I don't think that applies to your situation at all) - can we please stop throwing the word gaslighting around? Not every time someone expresses criticism you don't agree with are they trying to gaslight you, and I hate how it's become a way for people with zero self-reflection to reassure themselves they're never in the wrong.
 
him choosing SZA's Nobody Gets Me while also playing the guitar wrecked me.

married-wedding.gif
 
I met a guy on january 2nd and our talk was so great, I thought he was really interested in me, we met each other on the very next day, he invited me to a walk and the we could talk in person and we kiss that day too. We continued to talk and seeing each other for the next few days. But everything changed as soon as we had sex. After that, our conversation cooled down, he almost doesn't talk to me anymore and i'm the one to always say "good morning" or something like that... I asked him a few times if he's okay, and now I'm wondering if he's already meeting someone else... I hate this part, i don't know why i always got surprised, he's still "there" when i talk to him, but now seems so far away. Don't know what to do.
 
I met a guy on january 2nd and our talk was so great, I thought he was really interested in me, we met each other on the very next day, he invited me to a walk and the we could talk in person and we kiss that day too. We continued to talk and seeing each other for the next few days. But everything changed as soon as we had sex. After that, our conversation cooled down, he almost doesn't talk to me anymore and i'm the one to always say "good morning" or something like that... I asked him a few times if he's okay, and now I'm wondering if he's already meeting someone else... I hate this part, i don't know why i always got surprised, he's still "there" when i talk to him, but now seems so far away. Don't know what to do.
Move on, he was chasing you for sex. It's very common. Also known as "men are trash"
 
I met a guy on january 2nd and our talk was so great, I thought he was really interested in me, we met each other on the very next day, he invited me to a walk and the we could talk in person and we kiss that day too. We continued to talk and seeing each other for the next few days. But everything changed as soon as we had sex. After that, our conversation cooled down, he almost doesn't talk to me anymore and i'm the one to always say "good morning" or something like that... I asked him a few times if he's okay, and now I'm wondering if he's already meeting someone else... I hate this part, i don't know why i always got surprised, he's still "there" when i talk to him, but now seems so far away. Don't know what to do.

So, it's been under 2 weeks?

Some people (myself included) might consider 'good morning' texts a little full on so soon. Not to predict how into you he is but I'm the kind of texter who is happy with the occasional 'how was your day/week/weekend' texts and maybe suggesting/organising plans to meet with very little small talk in between, even when I'm really into said person.

I guess use your instinct on whether you're wasting your time or not, sounds like the vibes are off?
 

Sam

he/they
7 year relationship ended today. I told him I'm not in love with him anymore. It'd be easier if there was a major fuck-up or someone did something wrong, but we have just grown apart. I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot a bit because he's the kindest, most honest man I've ever been with. However, I'm doing both of us a disservice by continuing in this relationship.

Still, it hurts my girlies.

Not to drag this up a week later but I’m only just reading this. I hope you’re okay my love, big hugs.
 
7 year relationship ended today. I told him I'm not in love with him anymore. It'd be easier if there was a major fuck-up or someone did something wrong, but we have just grown apart. I feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot a bit because he's the kindest, most honest man I've ever been with. However, I'm doing both of us a disservice by continuing in this relationship.

Still, it hurts my girlies.
I'm having strong feelings of "backing out" of the breakup out of fear. I am not giving into that, but posting on here so that I can get some relief from that urge. It would be a disservice to us both but the "unknowns" of the future fill me with a lot of fear, girlies.

PS want to thank everyone again for the incredible support. Xoxo
 

Solenciennes

Staff member
I'm having strong feelings of "backing out" of the breakup out of fear. I am not giving into that, but posting on here so that I can get some relief from that urge. It would be a disservice to us both but the "unknowns" of the future fill me with a lot of fear, girlies.

PS want to thank everyone again for the incredible support. Xoxo

My best friend had a similar sounding break up to you - she lived with the guy, they had a dog together... she broke up with him, within a few weeks he'd shown his ass and was trying to charge her backdated rent money because she had been paying 'girlfriend rates' and all sorts... it just showed she'd made the right decision really. Anyway within two months of breaking up with him she'd bought a place of her own and started dating a nice guy who she's still with now. Stick to your guns!
 
I'm having strong feelings of "backing out" of the breakup out of fear. I am not giving into that, but posting on here so that I can get some relief from that urge. It would be a disservice to us both but the "unknowns" of the future fill me with a lot of fear, girlies.

PS want to thank everyone again for the incredible support. Xoxo
No, no, no, don’t let fear hold you back. It will be scary to get back out on your own, but you can do it. You have the strength and the power, and you have to allow yourself the time, space and freedom to claim what it is that you truly deserve.

Going back simply out of fear will also be doing massive disservice to your ex. No one wants to date someone who’s only with them because they’re too scared to do anything else. Leaving is the difficult option, but it will help you both in the long run. And ultimately, you may be able to go back down the line, but you have to give yourself the opportunity to try at a different life.
 
I'm having strong feelings of "backing out" of the breakup out of fear. I am not giving into that, but posting on here so that I can get some relief from that urge. It would be a disservice to us both but the "unknowns" of the future fill me with a lot of fear, girlies.

PS want to thank everyone again for the incredible support. Xoxo

It makes sense to feel this way! If your relationship ended mostly amicably then the chaos, pain, and uncertainty post break-up can be particularly scary. The relationship is a safe familiarity but it’s not what you need.

I ended my 5 year relationship a month ago and I couldn’t tell anyone for weeks because I had so much guilt and regret about it. Talking it out with my friends and family helped strengthen my resolve. The relationship was comfortable but unfulfilling and I had outgrown it a long time ago, I just wasn’t willing to admit to myself I fell out of love with someone I committed so much of myself to. I grew up, he didn’t (and never will).
 
I’m at a bit of an odd crossroads when it comes to dating at the moment. Some of you might recall I separated from my ex just over a year ago (or not, she’s more of a lurker these days). Since then, I’ve been adamant about only seeing guys casually and using this time to build on my sexual experiences that I felt I lost during my relationship, if that makes any sense.

It’s been fun, even if I’ve still got a lot of things I want to experience (see: never had any form of group sex, never been to a bath house etc etc). I say this because there’s a couple of guys that I’ve been spending a lot of time with (separately). With the first, we’ve grown incredibly close, to the point where he’s constantly making comments about people asking if we’re together. He’s currently going through a divorce and we’ve both been perfectly clear that we don’t want anything serious, but I’m starting to feel those waters get a bit muddled now with his comments. He also surprised me with a weekend away this coming September which, whilst lovely, feels a bit “relationshippy”? Maybe I’m reading too much into it but there is a definite connection there. I just don’t want to have an awkward conversation in case my instincts are way off. However, there’s also a bit of a dilemma where I feel, if there was to be something more, that I would be putting it off on the basis of fulfilling a personal checklist, and I’m not sure if I should really be looking at things like that.

The second is incredibly handsome, charming, but riddled with anxiety and emotionally unavailable. Not much more to say other than that to be honest. It leads to me feeling uncertain of myself if I don’t hear from him or if he seems temporarily distant, but for some reason I’m still drawn to him. I can’t really explain it.

Has anyone had any experience with wanting to remain single but feeling like you’re being pulled in the other direction? I’d appreciate any tips going!
 
I’m in exactly the same situation at the moment, but I’m also the one who is emoto-unavails. My checklist is pretty much done and I would appreciate a weekend away though.
 
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