I’m back on tinder and hinge hehe X
Dating & Relationships
- Thread starter Babylon
- Start date
I would say it’s good that you have your boundaries and stick to them, kudos to you! That is worth so much more.
A kiss or a hug can be something big in public, maybe you’ll grow more comfortable with them or maybe not - which I all fine! I think it depends more on the person and if you know someone longer, you’ll be more comfortable with it.
I find most of the time I have a date with someone and we have sex in the first 3 dates, they (or I sometimes) lose interest - like it’s a thing to be checked-off and then not continue working on something serious.
Yeah I'm hoping it will just feel more natural with the right person. I just started overthinking it cause going back over the last few guys I went on dates with I think this is a reoccurring problem I'm not physical enough and they lose interest
Sometimes, relationships aren’t all that it’s cracked out to be. I’m tired of absorbing other people’s issues, and constantly waking up to “woe is me.” It’s crushing.
I've always been quite independent but something has changed in me this year. I'm... really fucking bored of being single and I want someone to do things with. I've had one partner almost ten years ago and nothing serious since.
But at the same time I find small talk on the apps so boring and tedious so I often never get past that stage. Bit of an oxymoron really.
Then there's the problem of well, where are the
But at the same time I find small talk on the apps so boring and tedious so I often never get past that stage. Bit of an oxymoron really.
Then there's the problem of well, where are the
It’s the deadly boredom and lack of meaningful (any) sex for me. I have a best friend I spend much of my free time with—and I’m very grateful for her!—but it would be nice to have someone I could form another kind of special relationship with. That just sounds like fun to me.
Send pics.
he/him
It’s the fact that if you try to deviate from this and bring up a different subject/actually get to know the person it’s almost frowned upon or ignored by the guys I speak to, so I’m in an endless cycle of basic ‘how are you/upto much’ that fizzles out after a day or so.
I’m totally in the mood to date but it just doesn’t seem to be the vibe for the people I’ve been speaking to for the last few months, it’s exhausting!
It's been a weird couple of weeks, honestly. Had two additional dates with Mr. Tesla, and both of which I thought went wonderfully (him meeting me & my friends at a gay bar before spending the night at my place, and a spontaneous weekend happy hour). He's not really my type, but I really enjoy his company, he seems super genuine/sweet, and is honestly really cute. Cut to a text from him this past Friday afternoon saying he sees this as a 'friendship connection' VS a 'romantic one.' It really caught me off guard and is disappointing as I had just got to place of having feelings for him. That said, the honesty is appreciated and I told him I would genuinely like to attempt pursuing a friendship. We agreed to hang out when my life frees up next week, so we'll see what - if anything - comes of it.
I also had a long talk with Mr. New In Town about where things stand with us considering it's been over 6 months at this point. It was a productive conversation, and basically confirmed all my suspicions that he isn't looking to get into something serious in the next 6 months. He said he really appreciates what we have, and that I've become one of his closest confidants in the city, but that he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. We've basically decided to continue as friends with dating/hooking up benefits for the foreseeable future. When I brought up our bizarre lack of physical intimacy, he didn't seem aware that was even a thing, so it was reassuring to know it wasn't intentional. Needless to say, we had a nice hookup after the talk, and I think it'll be good having him around while I continue to play the field.
I had another really nice threesome with The Mr.s and I've really enjoyed having them as my ears for all these dating issues/hijinks. They love weighing in and it's so refreshing getting some wisdom from a married couple. I also went ahead with the lunch with The Ex and his boyfriend, and it was a perfectly pleasant afternoon. He didn't address any of the issues mentioned in his text, and things didn't feel any different than they had in previous hangs, but I did make more of an effort to ask the boyfriend questions. I know I don't owe anyone here anything, but I'm happy to keep these connections in my life. I thought about texting him afterward to say I hope he thought it went well, but I sensibly refrained - and he never brought it up. This is clearly something he needs, making it his problem, and he can reach out to me whenever he'd like to. I don't need to be anymore involved than I already am, and I'm proud of myself for no longer feeling some sort of emotional tie or obligation to him.
Now... I just got back from my weekend in San Francisco, which was my big romantic gesture to potentially hang with Mr. Perfect. After checking in multiple times over the last few months to ensure he'd be around/available this weekend, naturally, he DM'd me the day of my flight to flag that he'll actually be really busy and may even be going out of town - but that he'd "let me know if anything changes, stud." Needless to say, I was heartbroken. He doesn't owe me anything, and there's no way he'd want me to make this trip for him - I’m basically a one-time hookup he’s entertained through DMs for 18 months - but I couldn't help feeling like a right idiot. It didn't help getting that message shortly after hearing the 'friends' forecasts of my other two suitors. That said, the first two days of the trip were still a good time packed with great dinners, seeing an amazing concert, catching up with one of my college besties, and meeting a nice group of gays who invited me to hang with them for a couple different activities (one of whom I went home with on Friday night, and another I made out with on Easter Sunday). All the while, I couldn't help but see that Mr. Perfect was online on Scruff - and at some points so close in proximity that he was now in my 'Nearby' grid - and feel some type of way about it. My romcom/Looking fantasy was entirely dashed, and let's just say I had some beautiful, cathartic tear-filled walks to reflect on that. Basically, I had created a shoulda/woulda/coulda fantasy of this man and what my life could potentially be if I just put in some effort. And well, he clearly doesn't feel the same, and that's fine. I think it's important for me to have a better sense of reality with this situation.
However, around 6pm on Sunday (while I was out drinking in the park with the aforementioned gays, surviving on 1% phone battery), I get a DM from him asking if I'd like to come over that evening. Obviously I DID, so he resent his address and phone number, and I had one of the gays take me to their apartment to charge my phone so it could last the 90 minutes until our eventual meeting at Mr. Perfect's home. The amount of stress/nerves/frustration I felt as I walked to his place was palpable, all the while panicking that I hadn’t had time to go to my hotel room beforehand to prep for the man of my dreams. And while it wasn’t the immediate soulmate catchup I had hoped for, I will say it was 90 of the best minutes of my life (unhinged as that may sound). He opened his door in only his boxers, and I was immediately reminded of his Disney prince good looks. We quickly moved into his bedroom and it truly was one of - if not the - best sexual experiences of my life. I made sure to savor every touch, taste, smell, and never wanted it to end. But alas, as all good things do, we finished and moved on to the living room, standing around in the nude, occasionally kissing and discussing things all good gays do: upcoming travel plans, pets, work, and Carly Rae Jepsen being this generation’s Joni Mitchell. He eventually made it known he needed to get ready for bed, so he saw me out. I apologized for being so eager, which he shrugged off, clearly being just another thing I was in my head about. We had a final kiss, a mutual ‘hit me up if you’re ever in town,’ and I had the biggest grin sprawled across my face as I made the two-mile trek back to my hotel. We texted a bit that night before I passed out in a haze of incredible bliss.
While it’s clear he’s not the long-distance romance of my delusions, I can at least proceed with that newfound understanding and accept his actual role as the hottest occasional hookup I could ever have on my roster, and someone who I may cross paths with every few years. And hey, at least we upgraded from third base to home - as well as from DM to text. I can live with that.
And because fate is a cruel, cruel beast, my messy, unshowered self (a version of me who never intends to engage with a single human while traveling) ran into Mr. Will-They-Won't-They on my flight home. I hadn’t even noticed him on the plane until I looked up and he was standing before me after having left the restroom. We briefly chatted, just saying how tired we both are and he assured me he’d come over before we landed. He didn’t - surprise, surprise - and so I waited for him at the terminal and we walked to baggage claim together, getting caught up for the first time since our NYC hang back in November. He made no effort to ride home with me - or, say, attempt the mile high club - so I think it’s safe to say our decade-long tension is more one-sided than I’d hoped. But him ending on seeing me “was the best surprise” and giving me a big hug was a nice touch.
So here I am continuing to attempt an emotional connection with anyone, and failing miserably. I am proud of myself for really going for it and not letting things fall into the realm of regrets, but I forget how hard these disappointments can be when actual feelings are involved. But I will keep on trucking, knowing there are other fish in the sea - and if nothing else, continued anecdotes to add to the digital pink book.
Last edited:
Ok but when is this being greenlit for a six episode miniseries on HBO Max?!
I need it. Or at least write a book @lushLuck!
Mvnl
Staff member
Totally gonna jinx this now but I got a tinder match this weekend where I actually got instant 'wait.. this feels right?" vibes before we even matched, of course followed by 'crap, a match, now I need to actually do things'.
But while I was chickening out he sent a really nice and proper first message that showed he read my bio and we quickly confirmed we both hate dating, and from there on the things we agree on and are similar in just kept coming (yesterday we deliberately tried to search for differences and it led to more common things??).
And not like 'we like the same food and Netflix shows' but more like wanting the same things out of a relationship (basically just calmth, support and stability, and both needing our fair share of 'me time' but also both knowing we can be very enthusiastic once we really like someone, and both being freaked out by the prospect and both having a tendency to overanalyse but also being very emotional, and in most cases I'd get very suspicious about too much 'no way, me too!!' but it doesn't feel like that this time (plus he's the one freaking out most that this is all a bit too good to be true).
I'm hugely aware we have yet to date and there might be zero spark but it does feel like this could be something good. My nerves are already killing me but they're kinda.. good nerves? But the last 3 years of being on my own have been so good for me and me in love has always been kind of a dependent mess and why was I even on this app?? (Boredom)
The prospect of this actually working out is freaking me out more than any form of it just being another flop date.
(Although at the same time it does enlarge every insecurity I got. Like I basically want to rebuild my entire house before he might come over, and I haaaate the 'what's your job?' question because that always leads to me telling I'm not working which leads to me having to explain why not and... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.)
<breathes out>
But while I was chickening out he sent a really nice and proper first message that showed he read my bio and we quickly confirmed we both hate dating, and from there on the things we agree on and are similar in just kept coming (yesterday we deliberately tried to search for differences and it led to more common things??).
And not like 'we like the same food and Netflix shows' but more like wanting the same things out of a relationship (basically just calmth, support and stability, and both needing our fair share of 'me time' but also both knowing we can be very enthusiastic once we really like someone, and both being freaked out by the prospect and both having a tendency to overanalyse but also being very emotional, and in most cases I'd get very suspicious about too much 'no way, me too!!' but it doesn't feel like that this time (plus he's the one freaking out most that this is all a bit too good to be true).
I'm hugely aware we have yet to date and there might be zero spark but it does feel like this could be something good. My nerves are already killing me but they're kinda.. good nerves? But the last 3 years of being on my own have been so good for me and me in love has always been kind of a dependent mess and why was I even on this app?? (Boredom)
The prospect of this actually working out is freaking me out more than any form of it just being another flop date.
(Although at the same time it does enlarge every insecurity I got. Like I basically want to rebuild my entire house before he might come over, and I haaaate the 'what's your job?' question because that always leads to me telling I'm not working which leads to me having to explain why not and... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.)
<breathes out>
Last edited:
He/Him
You've got a case of the butterflies, which I always think is something worth celebrating. Now my advice is to get out of your head and meet this person in person as soon as possible.
Mvnl
Staff member
It's not quite butterflies yet (not like I'm already crushing or anything) but I guess it is good news that... I still can feel like this?
But yeah, we gotta meet soon I guess.
I just hate the whole 'attraction' thing, like it's so trivial and can ruin any prospect with someone who's perfectly fine on every other level, and you have little control over it.. Ugh