Dating & Relationships

Does anyone feel immensely pressured by seemingly "everyone" getting married and having a bunch of kids in quick succession?

Makes the idea of arriving at 40 unmarried and without kids seem absurd, impossible, dangerous.

And, to a degree, one feel bad for not finding someone to do the script with.
This is the societal pressure which we dipped out of by being gay, thank god.
Do not feel sorry for not conforming to the heterosexual idea of life! It's so laid out for you when you were born already. We don't need it!
 
For me I'm 28 and the fact that most of my friends do have families now makes me feel really isolated just because they do... family things ddd. Like house parties have turned into kids birthday parties/baby showers/boring family themed social events that I don't really want to go to - but I absolutely do not feel pressure to have a family myself.

What I would love though is a partner to do social things with, but I genuinely feel like I'll never find this because everyone just wants a quick hookup and I detest the apps. Can we go clubbing/see shows/eat out/etc without drunkenly sleeping together first ddd

It might be different in other locations but where I am it genuinely feels impossible to meet anyone that doesn't want to just send nudes and get the deed done.
 
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Find someone queer on a friend-basis who is also not into the family life / heterosexual life goals bullshit and just go skip those events!

Oh I do skip most of the hetty events ddd. I'm actually going to a gay club (alone) in a couple of weeks for the first time in two years. Hoping to try and mingle with some new people and just get out of the social rut I feel like I've been in for ages!
 
I just had amazing sex with one of thee most attentive tops in my life yet…



Read that as' three attentive tops'

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Does anyone feel immensely pressured by seemingly "everyone" getting married and having a bunch of kids in quick succession?

Makes the idea of arriving at 40 unmarried and without kids seem absurd, impossible, dangerous.

And, to a degree, one feel bad for not finding someone to do the script with.
Normally not, as most of my really close friends (straight & gay) are single and refrain from dating, but I just came off of a 10-day trip with a load of gay couples and being the only single one while staying in an area without any prospects was... a lot for my mental health.

----------------------

As for my latest, I had a third Tinder first date the night of my last post, which contained lovely conversation, a newfound love for a recently opened bar around the corner from my apartment, and some nice sex. I'd be down to hang with him again (and he does own property), but not certain of longterm prospects. So I'd say that's a solid 1.5/3 for my Tinder date track record thus far. My interesting moment of self-discovery on this date was my internal reaction to his certainty about never wanting children. I've always famously loathed children, and my last, nearly-decade-long relationship was with someone who felt similarly. But since becoming single, and rethinking life as a now-mid-30s adult, I have found myself warming up to the idea of one day having an interest in children, and I was surprised that hearing someone say it absolutely is not in the cards for them hit me like a small brick. I actually don't think I want to date someone who isn't open to potentially starting a family one day, and that feeling has caught me off guard.

The following weekend brought about another fun threesome with The Mr.s, which I am happy to say has become a really nice friends with benefits situation. They know Mr. Adult (see previous post) and have nothing but great things to say about him, they were great wingmen for me at a gay bar recently, introducing me to a very cute guy with whom I have been doing some light flirty messaging, and they are determined to set me up with someone great.

That night, I randomly ended up at an all-night house party at a TV writer's gated community mansion to send off a Twitter influencer I cannot stand and always have to play fake nice with. While there, I found myself in the presence of a Grindr crush I've had on my favorites for a few months (who has ignored most of my reach outs). After a few too many drinks & lines, I found myself making out with said man on the balcony overlooking the stunning city lights, and you should know that I am a sucker for a good cityscape. Coincidentally, his brother lives a block away from me and his car happened to be parked there, so he came home with me. But considering the early morning hour - and my busy schedule the following day - we just cuddled and slept (I did take care of myself on him when we awoke, but let's focus on how cute & sweet the interaction was). We spent most of the next day texting, making it known we should hang out again. I also discovered he had left his underpants behind, so that led to some natural conversation about getting those back to him.

The next night, I had my latest date with Mr. New In Town, which was another adorable time going to the movies, grabbing dinner at a restaurant, and heading back to his place to cuddle and makeout on his couch while watching Netflix. Unfortunately it was also another sexless occasion, which I brought to his attention. This feels like the part where I ride the line of giving too much information, but I also don't know how to better summarize it. He is doing an ayuhuasca micro-dosing program to clear his conscious as he's finally feeling settled into his new LA life, and he wants to try avoiding sex during that time as part of his refresh. He explained that he hasn't really been intimate with anyone since our last hookup, but I did let him know it would be difficult for me to wait that long to do it again. It was reassuring to know it has nothing to do with me or his attraction to me, but I also can't say it's an ideal situation. He did say to check back in a few weeks because he may have loosened up on his self-placed restrictions, and that is what I plan on doing.

Soon after, I went on the aforementioned 10-day trip, which was a complete dry spell. Then again, maybe it was the refresh I needed as I just enjoyed a relaxing time in paradise. Naturally, upon returning, I put my feelers back out to see which of these newer roster candidates were still on the hook. Mr. New In Town was busy with Grammy-related things, but we are set to hang later this week. I expect another heartwarming evening, but I will be seeking an update on abstinence-gate. Mr. Adult has been swamped with work, but he said to follow up in a few days when he would hopefully have more free time. Don't love that his job takes up that much of his life, but I also appreciate a goal-oriented man who is responsive and communicative. As for Captain Underpants, we had some DMs while I was gone regarding the awful dating stories he posted about on Instagram, but my text asking him out has gone entirely ignored. As has my foolish drunken Grindr like/poke/flame (what the hell do you guys call this?), so I've been left looking at his washed (because I'm a gentleman) boxer-briefs while they sit on my coffee table awaiting their owner. I had also struck up some lively flirtation with Mr. Westside, an older guy I met on Tinder with a great career and an even better sense of humor who seemed worth risking the long-distance consequences. That is... until he texted this morning that his latest therapy session revealed that he's not ready to date again yet and doesn't want to use me to move on... at least he was honest - and more of that communicative stuff we're supposed to respect.

So while anticipating/coordinating my next dates, I found myself in a very social (subtext: drunk) mood at a Grammys afterparty last night. While there, I flirted with a cute coworker I have a crush on (I know, I know... but we work in very different offshoots of a large corporation, and I'm not actually a staff employee), had some great rapport with a known gay athlete who called me cute (one who is also allegedly taken, but I cannot find any internet evidence that actually confirms this), and found myself getting into some intimate dancing (aka grinding) with a younger gay actor from a very popular Netflix series. All in all, a very affirming evening that didn't actually go anywhere. But hey, sometimes all you need in life is some nice words, witty banter, and hot moves with cute guys. Let's see how the rest of the week goes. Stay tuned...
 
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Okay but
As for my latest, I had a third Tinder first date the night of my last post, which contained lovely conversation, a newfound love for a recently opened bar around the corner from my apartment, and some nice sex.

The following weekend brought about another fun threesome with The Mr.s

I randomly ended up at an all-night house party at a TV writer's gated community mansion

After a few too many drinks & lines, I found myself making out with said man on the balcony overlooking the stunning city lights

had some great rapport with a known gay athlete who called me cute (one who is also allegedly taken, but I cannot find any internet evidence that actually confirms this), and found myself getting into some intimate dancing (aka grinding) with a younger gay actor from a very popular Netflix series



Excuse me whilst I go through your entire post history in this thread
 
Okay but












Excuse me whilst I go through your entire post history in this thread

Please do, and @man.tis.shrimp should invite me along for his gay cruise trip so I can get some great nautical content for this thread.

Also forgot to note the oddly impulsive decision I made today. I previously mentioned the guy I hooked up with in San Francisco prior to my breakup in late 2021, who remains the hottest - and biggest - guy I’ve ever been with. I haven’t had an excuse to head back up there since, but we have exchanged frequent flirty DMs ever since, occasionally mentioning how we need to meet up again. Welp since my flop king SG Lewis announced concert dates up there, I have entertained the idea of taking a trip for the concert and to see Mr. Perfect. Today I finally reached out to tell him I might be in town that April weekend and that I’d love to get together. Within seconds, he said he should be around and would love that, so I naturally immediately bought a concert ticket. So in a month, I will confirm he’s available, hopefully get on his calendar, and fly up to have the best time with him and my bop king for a random weekend getaway. It honestly feels a bit nuts, but I really like this kid, so I think it’s worth it.
 
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He did actually text me a few days in advance that he was sick in bed after the weekend of partying before. So I thought he was gonna cancel for sure but he didn't and showed up, 15 minutes later, and I we were both a bit shy at first. He looked better than his pictures, was quite the talker, and the conversation flowed well. We same some common interests and he likes cabaret and things that are 'anti-woke' so you already know how bad that was, mess. Also, of course he doesn't understand why Harry Styles is queerbaiting so that is probably karma for all the shit we all gave @JakobVision22. He's all so new to being bi, and he went to the clubs last weekend, happy for him that he finally went to a gay bar and all.

We spoke for about 3 hours and then he had to catch the last train home quickly, so he paid and I said I would cover the next. Then I walked him to the station and it ended in a hug, which was fine. No second date planned yet, he dropped some places where so gonna see where and when that'll be. We text a bit now.
 
(Of course then I had to start noticing red flags everywhere ("let's meet in Paris and watch Heartstopper together!" was cute until it got to "no but seriously, I need this to heal, and I think you do as well") so I just basically told him it was all becoming a bit too intense and it felt healthier to stop it here. And now I'm kinda heartbroken? Though I guess I already was before we started talking so it's progress I can now attach a non-fictional character to the feels.)

I know this post is relatively old, but I'm catching up on this thread for the first time in forever and this sent me.

Remnds me of this guy I matched with. We started having an actual conversation on the app, then he said he wanted to move to text, so I agreed. He then tells me his brother died the night before, and how he needs to meet me now. I expressed sympathy but decided to put my phone down for the night... until he called my phone at 3 AM! My ringer woke me up and I was freaked out. I blocked his number, sadly - mainly because he interrupted my sleep, but I still do wish him the best.
 
Unfortunately it was also another sexless occasion, which I brought to his attention. This feels like the part where I ride the line of giving too much information, but I also don't know how to better summarize it. He is doing an ayuhuasca micro-dosing program to clear his conscious as he's finally feeling settled into his new LA life, and he wants to try avoiding sex during that time as part of his refresh. He explained that he hasn't really been intimate with anyone since our last hookup, but I did let him know it would be difficult for me to wait that long to do it again. It was reassuring to know it has nothing to do with me or his attraction to me, but I also can't say it's an ideal situation.

OK, so I am loving the content and haven't fully caught up, but I can personally verify that it's recommended to abstain from any form of sexual contact for a few weeks before (or while you're) taking ayahuasca. It's a valid excuse, in case you were wondering (I would!). I was just doing research on a potential ayahuasca retreat in Ecuador a few days ago for myself ddd.

I was telling my friends that, as I grow older, hallucinating and vomiting my guts out in the Ecuadorian jungle sounds more appealing by the day. So. That may be on the to-do list before falling in love.
 
OK, so I am loving the content and haven't fully caught up, but I can personally verify that it's recommended to abstain from any form of sexual contact for a few weeks before (or while you're) taking ayahuasca. It's a valid excuse, in case you were wondering (I would!). I was just doing research on a potential ayahuasca retreat in Ecuador a few days ago for myself ddd.

I was telling my friends that, as I grow older, hallucinating and vomiting my guts out in the Ecuadorian jungle sounds more appealing by the day. So. That may be on the to-do list before falling in love.
This is really helpful & much appreciated. I haven’t received any insight from others on the topic, but have gotten a slew of judgmental reactions, so I’m glad to hear this from someone who has done research on it.
 
I think I might have posted about this before but its happening a lot more so Im curious is it happening to anyone else. I get talking to guys online or match on tinder, they are very full on from the start saying how they want to meet the one and are looking for a husband or partner. There jobs are always something super vague like I work in "fashion" "real estate" and about 6 or 7 messages in they are always asking to switch to whats app and asking for my number. and I am living in Ireland and there numbers are never Irish numbers even though they say they are living here for a few years. I did it once during one of the lockdowns and about a week later after I wasnt feeling it and thought the guy was been odd I got a email from google saying some of my apps had been hacked and to change my passwords. Just curious has anyone else experienced this or maybe Ive gotten too suspicious from online dating
 
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