Dating & Relationships

he/him/basic cishomo
So the 45-year-old guy I mentioned before finally moved here, and we ended up having a coffee date earlier this week. Spent two hours chatting and doing the whole first date interview business. He’s very handsome and has had an interesting life. Traveled a lot. Went from coast guard to underwater construction (!) to go-go dancer to nursing school because he wants to give back to the VA. Very interesting on paper, and I’d like to see him again.

However, I didn’t really get that spark of chemistry straight off the bat. He’s a more serious person than I am, and the sort of flirtatious banter just doesn’t seem to flow. But he’s texted me every other day since, checking up on my day and seeing how I’m doing. So I think he’s interested.

Next time we hang, I’m going to suggest grabbing a beer. Maybe that will loosen things up a bit and it won’t feel so rigid. Regardless, I do like him as a person. Just not sure if we gel personality-wise yet.
I'm fucking rooting for you so hard. Your idea for the next date is perfect. Give it a fair shake. People like him aren't exactly common to find in the Rockies, are they?
 
So the 45-year-old guy I mentioned before finally moved here, and we ended up having a coffee date earlier this week. Spent two hours chatting and doing the whole first date interview business. He’s very handsome and has had an interesting life. Traveled a lot. Went from coast guard to underwater construction (!) to go-go dancer to nursing school because he wants to give back to the VA. Very interesting on paper, and I’d like to see him again.

However, I didn’t really get that spark of chemistry straight off the bat. He’s a more serious person than I am, and the sort of flirtatious banter just doesn’t seem to flow. But he’s texted me every other day since, checking up on my day and seeing how I’m doing. So I think he’s interested.

Next time we hang, I’m going to suggest grabbing a beer. Maybe that will loosen things up a bit and it won’t feel so rigid. Regardless, I do like him as a person. Just not sure if we gel personality-wise yet.
I had something very similar with my boyfriend, him being the serious one. Something about him made me persevere and the spark just grew organically.

This guy you met sounds very interesting.
 
I wanted to start PReP last year as just a piece of mind thing, I asked my GP to start it but they were unexperienced and asked the regional organization (GGD) that does it to start, but they only do so if you have severe risks. I don't, luckily, but did not want to enter it all under a lie. The good news is that it will be more available in NL from August, but still if you want it from your GP, they have to learn it somehow. So I called the organization and they helped me with instructions for my GP, so hopefully I can start early next year. Glad it's easier now. And will be less costly - as it's not covered by insurance. Maybe someday.
 
Putting this in spoilers because rant/ relationship trauma dump

My partner of nearly 9 years and husband of nearly 3 wants to end things. I moved to the UK to be with him, and now I’m going to have to pick up my whole life again and move back to the US. I’ve exhausted all my options, there’s nothing I can do. I’m going to be starting all over again with no job, no place to live, nothing.
Luckily I have family and friends to help but…it’s a lot. I finally found my stride. I found a job I loved. And now I’m losing that in addition to being single again for the first time in a decade. I thought he was the one, but I guess we ultimately just ended up better than friends. I’m feeling every emotion under the sun all at once right now. I feel like my life is blowing up in my face. I don’t know how to start over. I don’t know what to do. I hate this. And I want to hate him for this whole situation but I can’t. Everything is falling apart around me and I have no idea how to cope. We’re currently on holiday in the US because we had booked it months ago. When I get back next week, I have 6 weeks to pack up my life again and leave.
 
Putting this in spoilers because rant/ relationship trauma dump

My partner of nearly 9 years and husband of nearly 3 wants to end things. I moved to the UK to be with him, and now I’m going to have to pick up my whole life again and move back to the US. I’ve exhausted all my options, there’s nothing I can do. I’m going to be starting all over again with no job, no place to live, nothing.
Luckily I have family and friends to help but…it’s a lot. I finally found my stride. I found a job I loved. And now I’m losing that in addition to being single again for the first time in a decade. I thought he was the one, but I guess we ultimately just ended up better than friends. I’m feeling every emotion under the sun all at once right now. I feel like my life is blowing up in my face. I don’t know how to start over. I don’t know what to do. I hate this. And I want to hate him for this whole situation but I can’t. Everything is falling apart around me and I have no idea how to cope. We’re currently on holiday in the US because we had booked it months ago. When I get back next week, I have 6 weeks to pack up my life again and leave.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Can’t you work out a way to keep your stay while you get on your own visa for work or find sponsorship? It seems horrendous to expect you to uproot your livelihood once again with such short notice.

I believe people most times don’t understand the hardships of not having the privilege of visas or work permits.
 
Putting this in spoilers because rant/ relationship trauma dump

My partner of nearly 9 years and husband of nearly 3 wants to end things. I moved to the UK to be with him, and now I’m going to have to pick up my whole life again and move back to the US. I’ve exhausted all my options, there’s nothing I can do. I’m going to be starting all over again with no job, no place to live, nothing.
Luckily I have family and friends to help but…it’s a lot. I finally found my stride. I found a job I loved. And now I’m losing that in addition to being single again for the first time in a decade. I thought he was the one, but I guess we ultimately just ended up better than friends. I’m feeling every emotion under the sun all at once right now. I feel like my life is blowing up in my face. I don’t know how to start over. I don’t know what to do. I hate this. And I want to hate him for this whole situation but I can’t. Everything is falling apart around me and I have no idea how to cope. We’re currently on holiday in the US because we had booked it months ago. When I get back next week, I have 6 weeks to pack up my life again and leave.
I am so sorry to hear the end of a long relationship and I get you have so many things to think about/sort out.

Is there any way you can stay in the UK? Surely being married, visa or work sponsorship would entitle yo uto do so? It seems a waste to move back to the US especially when you love your job and have friends here.

After the holiday, I would sort your visa and situation with your job. Hopefully that will be all ok. Then look for somewhere to stay, possible with friends as short term?

All the best and onwards & upwards.
 
I am so sorry to hear the end of a long relationship and I get you have so many things to think about/sort out.

Is there any way you can stay in the UK? Surely being married, visa or work sponsorship would entitle yo uto do so? It seems a waste to move back to the US especially when you love your job and have friends here.

After the holiday, I would sort your visa and situation with your job. Hopefully that will be all ok. Then look for somewhere to stay, possible with friends as short term?

All the best and onwards & upwards.
I’m going to contact an immigration lawyer when I get back but it’s not looking good. I currently work as a TA and that doesn’t make enough for a sponsorship to stay. My partner is a UK citizen rather than an EU citizen so the right to remain for spouses of EEA residents doesn’t apply for me either I don’t believe. I’m going to see if there’s something I’m missing but from everything I’ve looked into, it doesn’t sound good.
 
I’m going to contact an immigration lawyer when I get back but it’s not looking good. I currently work as a TA and that doesn’t make enough for a sponsorship to stay. My partner is a UK citizen rather than an EU citizen so the right to remain for spouses of EEA residents doesn’t apply for me either I don’t believe. I’m going to see if there’s something I’m missing but from everything I’ve looked into, it doesn’t sound good.
Oh no, that is awful news. Fingers crossed that your immigration lawyer can help you.
 
she/her
There is this girl in uni that I am so in love with at this point (and she is the most adorable cinnamon roll I've seen) and it's been quite a while since I liked someone this much (especially because my last crush was a total disappointment) but I am suffering a lot because:

1. I'm leaving the country in less than a month and even though I want to go back I can't guarantee when that will happen;
2. I don't even know if she likes girls and I don't know if it is okay to ask her because of cultural reasons.

I was trying to find out somehow but she gave absolutely no hints of being queer or not and I am afraid of asking her out, she being straight, and this ending up affecting our friendship.

So in short I am just suffering on the inside!!

images
So I confessed, got rejected-ish like a week later the night before I needed to leave the town I was living.

Now I'm in Tokyo and she lives considerably nearby so we were talking about meeting up again before I leave Japan but she wasn't sure because of family issues. A few minutes ago I got a message from her (because I asked x) and she confirmed that she won't be able to meet before I leave.

In short, our last moments together were her rejecting me.

Happy new year?
images
 
I’m going to contact an immigration lawyer when I get back but it’s not looking good. I currently work as a TA and that doesn’t make enough for a sponsorship to stay. My partner is a UK citizen rather than an EU citizen so the right to remain for spouses of EEA residents doesn’t apply for me either I don’t believe. I’m going to see if there’s something I’m missing but from everything I’ve looked into, it doesn’t sound good.
Can’t your current partner just suck it up a bit and allow you to remain under his visa until you’re entitled to a permanent residency / find a higher paying job? Unsure how it works where you are currently. But good to consult a lawyer for sure.
 
Turns out the guy I‘ve been seeing since March has been lying to me about his age this whole time, he‘s 21 not 24 and he had dozens of sexual partners on the side while insisting we do it unprotected. When confronted he went into a full rage and said he needs a break from me cause I‘m too controlling. Ended up blocking him everywhere. Happy new year!
 
When I decide to be more honest and intentional with people so I message this guy I had a really great night with the other weekend and I get hit back with the "for sure" "haha" "nice" hat trick. Kill me now!

So he reached out a few days later and we made plans for Friday night.

We did not in fact hang out on Friday night sksksk let me just assume he died in that fire and that’s why he didn’t answer my text. Tragic!
 
Turns out the guy I‘ve been seeing since March has been lying to me about his age this whole time, he‘s 21 not 24 and he had dozens of sexual partners on the side while insisting we do it unprotected. When confronted he went into a full rage and said he needs a break from me cause I‘m too controlling. Ended up blocking him everywhere. Happy new year!
So he reached out a few days later and we made plans for Friday night.

We did not in fact hang out on Friday night sksksk let me just assume he died in that fire and that’s why he didn’t answer my text. Tragic!
I hate these people. Men are awful and you both deserve so much better.


I may have uncovered a new Grindr buddy who has been over to my place 4 times in the last 5 days. A fun, sweaty surprise.
 
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I wanted to start PReP last year as just a piece of mind thing, I asked my GP to start it but they were unexperienced and asked the regional organization (GGD) that does it to start, but they only do so if you have severe risks. I don't, luckily, but did not want to enter it all under a lie. The good news is that it will be more available in NL from August, but still if you want it from your GP, they have to learn it somehow. So I called the organization and they helped me with instructions for my GP, so hopefully I can start early next year. Glad it's easier now. And will be less costly - as it's not covered by insurance. Maybe someday.
Uhm yeah so the GP called me back saying they refuse to do this as it's not their job and more the job of the government health thing - but they are full. Am I going to lie now that I do sex work? There is no shame in that, but they have all my previous questionnaire results for STI tests and suddenly I changed to become a high risk factor? Maybe so.

Also getting another GP to get me one will take some time and stuff, annoying. Why is it so hard. I wish August was here and it was easy, but I wanted to start early 2023 already and then quit trying as it was tough, same stuff now but I will keep trying!
 
He / him
Uhm yeah so the GP called me back saying they refuse to do this as it's not their job and more the job of the government health thing - but they are full. Am I going to lie now that I do sex work? There is no shame in that, but they have all my previous questionnaire results for STI tests and suddenly I changed to become a high risk factor? Maybe so.

Also getting another GP to get me one will take some time and stuff, annoying. Why is it so hard. I wish August was here and it was easy, but I wanted to start early 2023 already and then quit trying as it was tough, same stuff now but I will keep trying!

Am I right in thinking you’re based in the Netherlands? I’m guessing the system is different to here in the UK. We can’t get PrEP from a GP. We have to go specifically to sexual health clinics (sometimes called GUM clinics) where they are highly specialised in that stuff. I’m just wondering do you have those there? You might have more luck?

I got on to PreP very easily (they just did some medical blood tests / checks) but I didn’t have to be at all promiscuous. I told them I was a virgin (at the time) curious to try things with a few different guys and they said that was absolutely fine and gave me three full bottles worth. Basically just being gay was enough for them to say I fell into the risk category. I told them I would only want to top, so I don’t even have to take it daily - just 2-24 hrs before and a few days after. My STI checks have all been clear and they haven’t asked me how sexually active I am. They just talked me through how to use it and also gave me some hep / HPV vaccines. It’s a shame it’s not as straight forward for you. You’re being responsible and looking after your health - you shouldn’t have to masquerade as a sex worker to qualify. :(
 
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