Dating & Relationships

Does anyone have experience of their partner reaching a milestone birthday (30) 3-4 months after becoming official? Finding it a struggle to know what’s appropriate - gift giving is very much my love language, but I don’t want to overwhelm him; set a precedent he feels he has to follow when I turn 27 later this year etc; or make him uncomfortable. Equally I want to do more than I just would if he was turning 29?

I’ve got him a ticket to a future tour I know he’ll love, which is also kinda handy if (god forbid) he ends things, as it stays in my Ticketmaster account nn. But the physical gifts… I wanna spoil him without making him being scared he has to reciprocate this for my birthday later in the year! My friends are saying to err on the side of less but he’s so easy to buy for (pop music stan, anime stan, Pokémon stan) that I’ve already got too many ideas!
Sus out what he wants to do for his 30th. If you can tell he really doesn't want it to be made a big deal and isn't doing much in terms of celebration, then keep it smaller with the gifts. If he's really excited and wants to do a lot, then I say spoil him! I think knowing how someone would like to celebrate their milestones is a good gauge on how they'd receive a gift, at least for me. When I turned 30, I really didn't want to do anything big or make a fuss and my boyfriend knew this, so he just paid for my dinner and I was happy with that.
 
Does anyone have experience of their partner reaching a milestone birthday (30) 3-4 months after becoming official? Finding it a struggle to know what’s appropriate - gift giving is very much my love language, but I don’t want to overwhelm him; set a precedent he feels he has to follow when I turn 27 later this year etc; or make him uncomfortable. Equally I want to do more than I just would if he was turning 29?

I’ve got him a ticket to a future tour I know he’ll love, which is also kinda handy if (god forbid) he ends things, as it stays in my Ticketmaster account nn. But the physical gifts… I wanna spoil him without making him being scared he has to reciprocate this for my birthday later in the year! My friends are saying to err on the side of less but he’s so easy to buy for (pop music stan, anime stan, Pokémon stan) that I’ve already got too many ideas!
How about a night away somewhere? Doesn't have to be far, or an expensive hotel, for me it's about creating that memory together
 
Does anyone have experience of their partner reaching a milestone birthday (30) 3-4 months after becoming official? Finding it a struggle to know what’s appropriate - gift giving is very much my love language, but I don’t want to overwhelm him; set a precedent he feels he has to follow when I turn 27 later this year etc; or make him uncomfortable. Equally I want to do more than I just would if he was turning 29?

I’ve got him a ticket to a future tour I know he’ll love, which is also kinda handy if (god forbid) he ends things, as it stays in my Ticketmaster account nn. But the physical gifts… I wanna spoil him without making him being scared he has to reciprocate this for my birthday later in the year! My friends are saying to err on the side of less but he’s so easy to buy for (pop music stan, anime stan, Pokémon stan) that I’ve already got too many ideas!

Honestly if you do go a bit overboard you should simply tell him what you're writing here, that you wanted to make it extra special because it's a big milestone and that he definitely shouldn't worry about every birthday having to be like that. I agree it's also worth trying to gauge whether he actually sees the date as a huge deal, or more like just another birthday.
 
Does anyone have experience of their partner reaching a milestone birthday (30) 3-4 months after becoming official? Finding it a struggle to know what’s appropriate - gift giving is very much my love language, but I don’t want to overwhelm him; set a precedent he feels he has to follow when I turn 27 later this year etc; or make him uncomfortable. Equally I want to do more than I just would if he was turning 29?

I’ve got him a ticket to a future tour I know he’ll love, which is also kinda handy if (god forbid) he ends things, as it stays in my Ticketmaster account nn. But the physical gifts… I wanna spoil him without making him being scared he has to reciprocate this for my birthday later in the year! My friends are saying to err on the side of less but he’s so easy to buy for (pop music stan, anime stan, Pokémon stan) that I’ve already got too many ideas!

When by boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for a similar amount of time, he had to leave for a short time to go back to his home country (I know its not the same as a milestone birthday) so I got a frame and put a about 4/5 different photos of us in. It was one of those with several photos to hold if that makes sense. It was small enough though that it could look cute in his bedroom etc without being a big feature, but at the same time he thought it was very thoughtful and very much appreciated it. You could go somewhere in this direction and do something thoughtful, instead of a present that doesn't have any personal feeling, even if its something he would really like.

Since he is a pop music stan there are these sort of glass ornaments you can get (I've seen them advertisted on instagram etc) and its in the theme of a song or I think it can even be an album. Basically its like a clear glass rectangle, about as big as a A5 piece of paper maybe. They somehow insert like an image of the song name, and like the play, pause, stop button and the time underneath. If a certain song is prominent in the relationship or you know his favourite song, maybe that could be something to look into, its thoughtful without it being about the two of you like my photos in a frame idea. I don't know much about pokemon but I imagine you can get a similar thing made with pokemon instead of a song.

I'll try and find an image of what I mean for you.

Edit - I found something similar, I think you would have to send in the album artwork etc, but this is basically it
il_1588xN.5403781386_gslq.jpg
 
When by boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for a similar amount of time, he had to leave for a short time to go back to his home country (I know its not the same as a milestone birthday) so I got a frame and put a about 4/5 different photos of us in. It was one of those with several photos to hold if that makes sense. It was small enough though that it could look cute in his bedroom etc without being a big feature, but at the same time he thought it was very thoughtful and very much appreciated it. You could go somewhere in this direction and do something thoughtful, instead of a present that doesn't have any personal feeling, even if its something he would really like.

Since he is a pop music stan there are these sort of glass ornaments you can get (I've seen them advertisted on instagram etc) and its in the theme of a song or I think it can even be an album. Basically its like a clear glass rectangle, about as big as a A5 piece of paper maybe. They somehow insert like an image of the song name, and like the play, pause, stop button and the time underneath. If a certain song is prominent in the relationship or you know his favourite song, maybe that could be something to look into, its thoughtful without it being about the two of you like my photos in a frame idea. I don't know much about pokemon but I imagine you can get a similar thing made with pokemon instead of a song.

I'll try and find an image of what I mean for you.

Edit - I found something similar, I think you would have to send in the album artwork etc, but this is basically it
il_1588xN.5403781386_gslq.jpg

Brb buying this for brat
 
I want to delete Grindr, and the other apps I have. I’ve noticed lately I’m doing things that I know are not good for my health and I really need to stop.

I feel like deleting the apps will help somewhat even though the root cause is my need for validation.

I heard someone say it’s easier to break a habit by replacing it with something else but I’m literally so unsure of what to replace it with. I’m lacking motivation to find a hobby and it sucks. I know I need to really put the work in and do this as I’m currently spiralling. Any suggestions?
 
I want to delete Grindr, and the other apps I have. I’ve noticed lately I’m doing things that I know are not good for my health and I really need to stop.

I feel like deleting the apps will help somewhat even though the root cause is my need for validation.

I heard someone say it’s easier to break a habit by replacing it with something else but I’m literally so unsure of what to replace it with. I’m lacking motivation to find a hobby and it sucks. I know I need to really put the work in and do this as I’m currently spiralling. Any suggestions?
Go to the gym!
 

Rmx

He/Him/His
I want to delete Grindr, and the other apps I have. I’ve noticed lately I’m doing things that I know are not good for my health and I really need to stop.

I feel like deleting the apps will help somewhat even though the root cause is my need for validation.

I heard someone say it’s easier to break a habit by replacing it with something else but I’m literally so unsure of what to replace it with. I’m lacking motivation to find a hobby and it sucks. I know I need to really put the work in and do this as I’m currently spiralling. Any suggestions?

Install a game you like. Candy Crush, Sudoku, Pokémon GO, whatever you're into.

I deleted Grindr roughly a month ago and it's made my life a lot easier. I do stare at cute guys in public sometimes but if that's the only downside, I'm in. I do miss the attention sometimes but it's for the best, for sure.
 
I want to delete Grindr, and the other apps I have. I’ve noticed lately I’m doing things that I know are not good for my health and I really need to stop.

I feel like deleting the apps will help somewhat even though the root cause is my need for validation.

I heard someone say it’s easier to break a habit by replacing it with something else but I’m literally so unsure of what to replace it with. I’m lacking motivation to find a hobby and it sucks. I know I need to really put the work in and do this as I’m currently spiralling. Any suggestions?
Go to the gym!
And can stare at cute guys working out, so there’s a plus!
 
Does anyone have experience of their partner reaching a milestone birthday (30) 3-4 months after becoming official? Finding it a struggle to know what’s appropriate - gift giving is very much my love language, but I don’t want to overwhelm him; set a precedent he feels he has to follow when I turn 27 later this year etc; or make him uncomfortable. Equally I want to do more than I just would if he was turning 29?

I’ve got him a ticket to a future tour I know he’ll love, which is also kinda handy if (god forbid) he ends things, as it stays in my Ticketmaster account nn. But the physical gifts… I wanna spoil him without making him being scared he has to reciprocate this for my birthday later in the year! My friends are saying to err on the side of less but he’s so easy to buy for (pop music stan, anime stan, Pokémon stan) that I’ve already got too many ideas!

Spoil him with gifts (I also love doing this and keeping tabs on things people like to then buy them for bdays etc) but also say 'hey you don't have to do this back I'm just in a gift giving mood and you're great mwah'.
 
My last ex reached out after more than two years, saying she always thinks about me but is scared to reach out because she thinks it will ruin my mood. She reached out this time because her cat died, and she found a picture of me holding the cat when going through pics on her phone. I still think about her too and I did love her but the text kind of freaked me out. The relationship didn't work well because we were both not in places to have a long-term relationship. I'm not sure if I'd want to get back together. I really don't want to think about it. I also wouldn't want her to hear the breakup song I wrote about our relationship on the album I'm about to release. It's not a biting song but still...
 
My last ex reached out after more than two years, saying she always thinks about me but is scared to reach out because she thinks it will ruin my mood. She reached out this time because her cat died, and she found a picture of me holding the cat when going through pics on her phone. I still think about her too and I did love her but the text kind of freaked me out. The relationship didn't work well because we were both not in places to have a long-term relationship. I'm not sure if I'd want to get back together. I really don't want to think about it. I also wouldn't want her to hear the breakup song I wrote about our relationship on the album I'm about to release. It's not a biting song but still...
An ex reaching out after all this time, yeah can cause an issue and question why after all this time to get in touch?

Don't reply immediately and take time with what you want to say. Keep it light and breezy? Then, you can see what they reply back with or what they want before you say anything else.

I found this article which might be of help.

https://www.businessinsider.com/what-to-do-when-an-ex-reaches-out-to-you-2018-11
 
Is not feeling love/romance towards my partner of 4 months enough reason to break up? I've been feeling this way for some time and I thought it might be a phase, but I just don't feel attracted to him anymore.

From one side, I feel like I'm being a bad person to break up with a nice guy who still loves me, but I also think playing along out of comfort or fear of becoming alone is even worse.
 
Is not feeling love/romance towards my partner of 4 months enough reason to break up? I've been feeling this way for some time and I thought it might be a phase, but I just don't feel attracted to him anymore.

From one side, I feel like I'm being a bad person to break up with a nice guy who still loves me, but I also think playing along out of comfort or fear of becoming alone is even worse.
If you not attracted or have a connection with them anymore than best to end it with them. It's not fair on your partner otherwise.

There is no easy way to do break ups, just say 'it's not working out' and if you want to remain friends then say. There is no way to predict how your partner will take this, so be prepared for what the outcome may be.

Good luck and all the best x
 
If you not attracted or have a connection with them anymore than best to end it with them. It's not fair on your partner otherwise.

There is no easy way to do break ups, just say 'it's not working out' and if you want to remain friends then say. There is no way to predict how your partner will take this, so be prepared for what the outcome may be.

Good luck and all the best x

I think he will see it coming. I already mentioned that we should speak about some things when we meet (since breaking up online is loser behavior), and it seemed like he knows what's going to come.


The only thing that scares me at the moment is being alone again. There are not many out gay/bi men where I live, so I can see loneliness hitting me very soon.
 
I think he will see it coming. I already mentioned that we should speak about some things when we meet (since breaking up online is loser behavior), and it seemed like he knows what's going to come.


The only thing that scares me at the moment is being alone again. There are not many out gay/bi men where I live, so I can see loneliness hitting me very soon.
Ah I see, well hopefully they will be ok about it all and can remain friends.

Yeah being alone and feeling lonely can be daunting. Just do your best to fill in that time, like doing a hobby, volunteering or spend time with friends. Might be worth seeking a therapist to discuss your anxieties?
 

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