This is the way.
Dating & Relationships
- Thread starter Babylon
- Start date
This is the way.
So I did get my speeddating event matches back on the same day... And it were the ones I had matched because I forgot who they were. I kindly asked to unmatch me and the agency did. Sad to find out I had none but ah well, can always go another time - and for free cuz I didn't have matches!
Now I'm back on a few apps, daily swiping and having a few chats here and there. The lunch I had 2 weeks ago with a date was fun, I paid for my date and said well you can pay me back by us getting lunch in his town sometime. Tada; he's gone quiet and everyone is 'all so busy' so I can imagine I'll never get it, but who nows.
Now I'm back on a few apps, daily swiping and having a few chats here and there. The lunch I had 2 weeks ago with a date was fun, I paid for my date and said well you can pay me back by us getting lunch in his town sometime. Tada; he's gone quiet and everyone is 'all so busy' so I can imagine I'll never get it, but who nows.
As someone who lets things go on & on until the other person gives me a direct answer, I can guarantee you it would have. You made the right move; it may not feel great, but it isn’t mean, and the other person will appreciate it (even if it’s in the long run). Good on you.
Can we get more details? This is a fine addition to the thread.
This is literally all I know! One second he was eye-fucking me, the next he was being escorted by two police officers. In my jetlagged haze I briefly considered throwing myself in front of him and saying “you don’t understand, officers, this man might be interested in me!”, but decided against it in the end.
The man who has been making me depressed for the last few months seeing me again tonight for the first time in weeks and me finally feeling like I don’t need him anymore and making me feel how deep down in love I am I can barely stand it and saying he wants to spend the whole day with me on Saturday which I know even right now in my Greatest Day (Robin Schulz remix) euphoria isn’t happening.
I am feeling the kind of happiness that feels like my brain is been rewired in real time and also like I just want to cry my eyes out. I feel like he wants to reciprocate that I love him and have something with me while also knowing that it’s not something he is able to truly give and I am only an occasional consideration for him. I wish I never met him.
I am feeling the kind of happiness that feels like my brain is been rewired in real time and also like I just want to cry my eyes out. I feel like he wants to reciprocate that I love him and have something with me while also knowing that it’s not something he is able to truly give and I am only an occasional consideration for him. I wish I never met him.
Not them saving you from being trafficked.
He hit me and it felt like a kiss
He asked me to smuggle cocaine up my bum
And it felt like a proposal
So... Why are you meeting him again?
I hate the crash but love the rush etc
I keep thinking to say “I need this or I can’t do this anymore” but I haven’t managed to yet partly because I have visions of me sounding too “I’m not going to be ignored Dan” and partly because I don’t feel like I have the conviction to back myself up and cut ties.
If he flops on Saturday and starts to reply selectively again then I will try and use that as the point I set the boundary and that I don’t want to just be casual. He knows and the thing is I feel the love and intimacy back from him when I’m with him, and the thought of losing that breaks me a bit.
Protect yourself, first and foremost. There's nothing more heartbreaking than yearning after someone who will never reciprocate your feelings (and I say this as someone who spends far too much of their time/energy doing just that, as documented here). What you need to do is weigh the joy you feel when you're with the person alongside the pain you feel when you're not, and decide what is most beneficial for you. If the good parts are worth it, and none of it is preventing you from actively pursuing things, then by all means, continue. But if you're preventing yourself from being open to something truly rewarding, and the pain of never getting what you really want from this person is taking a toll, then it's better to create space so you can properly move on. But waiting around hoping they'll come around is doing yourself a disservice.
Inland Empire
Staff member
he/she/they
Made out with the girl I like last night at a very awkward party in which we were the only 2nd-years in a room full of 3rd-years - and while it was very nice in the moment, I don't think the experience has sat quite right with either of us. When we got back to our building she kinda just slunk back to her room, and neither of us really acknowledged what had happened until she texted me to apologise for being a bad kisser and person. I don't really know how to process it all because on paper I guess this is a quintessential uni experience, but right now it feels like I've chosen multiple wrong turns in the infernal labyrinth of interpersonal interactions and now I've flipped a switch I can't unflip and have damned myself to hell for eternity. I really fucking like her, she's one of very few people I've met IRL who can match my freak when it comes to movie and pop culture discussion, and any time I can get with her in any context feels like a privilege. I guess I'm scared I've overplayed my hand and ruined what was otherwise a pretty stable and strong friendship.
Tell her that
Inland Empire
Staff member
he/she/they
He/Him
I hope people people take this in the spirit it's meant which is constructive, but I find it very strange how many people want a relationship so badly but (seemingly; I can only base this on what I read) lack the maturity, self-reflection, and well-defined sense of self necessary to make one work/last. Relationships are fucking hard people. Even the best and healthiest ones. RuPaul says a lot of pseduo-intellectual gobbledygook but she did nibble a bitsy when she said "if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"
If you can't understand your own shortcomings; if you can't work through your own trauma; if you can't show up for yourself, you aren't gonna be able to support someone else emotionally which is the foundational cornerstone of any relationship.
It's easy to be in a relationship when things are easy; but relationships are tested and forged during times when life starts life-ing. Too many people seek relationships for self-validation and because they lack self-worth.
Relationships require work; they require patience; they require excellent communication; and they require the ability to tackle difficult conversations head on. I say these things from my own experiences. My marriage very nearly ended before the 1 year milestone because I wasn't able to regulate my emotions properly and I used my partner as an emotional punching bag in my moments of anger and frustration (COVID was a bitch; and I missed a lot of family moments because I was indefinitely stuck in the immigration process to name a few things which left me feeling completely powerless and at the whims of the powers-that-be). We also avoided a lot of difficult conversations around his drinking in the early stages of our marriage.
Thankfully my partner stuck it out, and encouraged me to seek therapy, which transformed the way I viewed myself. Having a greater understanding of myself and my shortcomings allowed me to become a better version of myself which then allowed me to be a better partner. The skills I learned allowed me to pay it forward when his addiction reached a breaking point and I had to support him through his recovery process and his therapeutic journey (6+ months sober!)
This is not coming from a place of judgement at all! Just some food for thought.
If you can't understand your own shortcomings; if you can't work through your own trauma; if you can't show up for yourself, you aren't gonna be able to support someone else emotionally which is the foundational cornerstone of any relationship.
It's easy to be in a relationship when things are easy; but relationships are tested and forged during times when life starts life-ing. Too many people seek relationships for self-validation and because they lack self-worth.
Relationships require work; they require patience; they require excellent communication; and they require the ability to tackle difficult conversations head on. I say these things from my own experiences. My marriage very nearly ended before the 1 year milestone because I wasn't able to regulate my emotions properly and I used my partner as an emotional punching bag in my moments of anger and frustration (COVID was a bitch; and I missed a lot of family moments because I was indefinitely stuck in the immigration process to name a few things which left me feeling completely powerless and at the whims of the powers-that-be). We also avoided a lot of difficult conversations around his drinking in the early stages of our marriage.
Thankfully my partner stuck it out, and encouraged me to seek therapy, which transformed the way I viewed myself. Having a greater understanding of myself and my shortcomings allowed me to become a better version of myself which then allowed me to be a better partner. The skills I learned allowed me to pay it forward when his addiction reached a breaking point and I had to support him through his recovery process and his therapeutic journey (6+ months sober!)
This is not coming from a place of judgement at all! Just some food for thought.
She was testing to see what you thought dd. She wanted a 'noooo you kissed great!! you slay' text back!