Depression | Page 114 | The Popjustice Forum

Depression

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. So after many years of handling my depression on my own with occasional cycles of therapy, I finally went to the doctors today and got a Sertraline prescription. I've had one before and never taken it because I was scared of being on medication because of what I felt like it meant but I feel like it's really time. I'm having a week off work at home for my birthday and I've been dreading having to go back to London because I just hate my life there and it's been getting progressively worse. But this feels like a big step and I'm genuinely proud of myself for not just being open to the possibility but actually following through on it.
     
    Stopremix, ysev, rakija and 8 others like this.
  2. Good for you! That’s a really positive step. PM if you need anything xx
     
    ohnostalgia and Lila like this.
  3. My new dietician gave me a handout of simple meals to make when you have no ideas. I think it’s helping a bit. Most of my food issues are tied into my anxiety, but it’s definitely my depression that makes me think it’s a seven hour effort to make and eat a meal.
     
    ysev, 4Roses, Remorque and 5 others like this.
  4. A bit of a blip this week and today is especially crappy.
    I'd been doing well for a few weeks, but it feels like I've spiralled a little bit again.
     
    light_years likes this.
  5. I.. um.. therapy has unearthed a sexual abuse during my elementary school years. I remember trying to tell about it to my parents but they just did not hear it and it repeated couple times.

    My weekend has been hell. I think i'm gonna get myself hospitalized.
     
  6. I don't think I have the tools to help you but I'm sending you love. You'll get through this.
     
  7. Like @Verandi , I don't know if I have the tools either. It sounds like you are still seeing a therapist, so that's great. If not, talking to anyone can be of great help. Some people I know closely have hospitalized themselves in the past and have had great improvement. It might sound or seem like an extreme decision, but according to the therapist I talked to when a loved one went through this, it shouldn't be like that. She said that checkin into a hospital can be of great help in order to get oneself stabilized. The 2 cases I know stayed for a brief period of time and expressed to me that it was helpful in that regard.
    Additionally, one of this two people was in a similar situation as yours, and she said she had great results with a PTSD therapy (exploring the abuse as trauma, and depression and anxiety as symptom of that).
    I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I just wanted to share just in case. You'll get through this.
     
  8. Thanks guys. I don’t know how to process this and I’m kind of scared of what is gonna happen as I also happen to be bipolar. I have started to overeat again and am realizing that is how I coped with it.

    I’m also sorry if I over shared last night but I have a huge urge of confrontation with my family and guilt tripping them till i suck the every drop of their will to live (sounds harsh ? Idk) but my therapist strongly advices against that so I’m kind of looking for other avenues to express myself and saying this happened. I have no problem deleting it if someone wants me to.
     
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  9. Sending all the love to you, @enjoy v2.0 . Did you discuss hospitalization with your therapist to get their opinion?

    I have personally checked myself into the psychiatric ward before (basically because every health professional in my life said I should). I hated every minute and ultimately it wasn’t the best choice for my own therapy, but I don’t regret doing it. It broke me out of a really destructive pattern.
     
  10. I have talked about it on the phone and he is kinda against the idea for now. I will see him again this evening and hopefully discuss this matter more. I am not suicidal at the moment but have habits of overeating and that definitely kicked in to the gear at this moment.

    I have also talked this with the two professor in my department (i study forensic and legal medicine) and one of them reacted in the worst way possible. I'm kind of ashamed that i am expected to learn how to approach to the survivors of the abuse from her. She kind of tried to invalidate my feelings with "It has happened between two adolescents / kids therefore that is no abuse", "You are overthinking this because you are lonely here", "That kid probably got more abuse than you" (which is quite possibly true and something i thought about and i hope he got the help he needed but like that does not help me in any way), "You are saying this just because you are angry at your family" etc. It was just toxic.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2019
    ohnostalgia likes this.
  11. This morning I was diagnosed with bipolar and my Lord, to hear the doctor say the words was like a weight being lifted after so many years of struggling and not understanding.

    I'd advise anyone to speak out and seek help because I wish I did it so many years ago.
     
    Stopremix, Dee91, ohnostalgia and 2 others like this.
  12. This maybe belongs in the K-pop subforum... but it would feel a bit like I'm trying to put all the attention on me if I posted there. Basically, I'm really disturbed by the news of an attempted suicide of a popstar that I like.

    A year and half ago, another Kpop star that I admire actually did commit suicide. Today's news triggers me and brings me back to that place of feeling very alone. To be clear, I'm not putting these popstar issues on some kind of hierarchy. I have had people in my life commit suicide too, and combined with my own issues with mental health... I think the problem here is that it feels like there is nowhere safe for me to escape to.

    1.5 years ago, I did actually PM a couple of people on this forum that knew about the suicide of the popstar, to kind of talk about these feelings, but... you know how it goes. I didn’t feel like I articulated or expressed what I felt at all, and I actually ended up feeling kind of stupid for reaching out. Just not really sure where to turn to with this stuff, especially when it’s quite specific.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
    He, Cotton Park, ysev and 3 others like this.
  13. You're not alone in feeling like this. I've deliberately tuned out the recent news because I find it really difficult to read the articles about it and feel triggered by it. I don't relate to your story about your heritage, but I do relate in that seeing popstars struggling with depression often brings back memories of when I was feeling suicidal myself. Please don't hold back trying to reach out for help/support!
     
    He, ysev, GeiPanda and 1 other person like this.
  14. Thank you for your kind words, Reboot! Obviously not a good thing; but knowing that someone has a similar mindset makes things a bit more tolerable. Same to you too... here if you need someone to talk to.
     
    ysev, Reboot and londonrain like this.
  15. So after struggling with depression for... well over ten years (embarrassing to admit I went that long without seeking help) I had something of a “breakdown” at the end of February/beginning of March and in an act of desperation finally sought help. Along with spending the last three months working on myself personally - acknowledging my personality traits and accepting myself, being more assertive when need be, trying new things - I’ve also been on sertraline for three months now and the changes have been incredible. Granted I only noticed them in hindsight - I kept a journal app on my phone that I updated with time stamps throughout the day detailing certain thoughts / emotions as I felt them, with the end goal being the ability to look back and see where I stood.

    I went from writing in it every day multiple times a day to missing two days, coming back with one entry, missing a day, etc. because I wasn’t feeling the sort of thoughts and emotions I was feeling before medication. I had a follow up appointment with my doctor yesterday and so I read through my journal entries beforehand to see any changes that took place over the three months and my mind was blown.

    Reading through some of those entries was heartbreaking. It was only three months ago, so I know some of you may think I’m being dramatic, but the things I was writing felt... alien. I mean, I know I felt them and how heavily I felt them, but to read them back was just devastating. It was hard to look back.

    Anyway, at my follow up, my doctor and I increased my dosage as there’s still some room for improvement, but I’m feeling so positive about it all. I do still use the journal app as I still experience certain thoughts and emotions I want to keep an eye on, but I use it much less frequently.

    Anyway just thought I’d share my experience. It took me a LONG time to seek help because of embarrassment, shame, thinking nobody would believe me, but now that I did, I’m feeling good.
     
  16. That's so good to hear, @Fascination. I know what you mean about your own words feeling "alien" - I read back some journal entries from 2017 a couple of weeks ago and it was scary to read back how suicidal I was feeling at the time. The fact that you are already able to recognise how alien and devastating those words are is a good step forward, I think.

    I honestly can't recommend keeping a mood journal enough. I've been keeping (a hardcopy) mood journal for the past two years or so and it's been a tremendous help in helping me pinpoint why/when I feel shit. It's been great for recognising certain patterns in my moods and responses.
     
  17. One of the things I like the most about having an app is that whenever I notice I feel a certain way, I pull out my phone and immediately write it out - it also helps me clear my head and acknowledge my emotions, as well as address if there was a trigger or not. It gives me a minute to really think about how I feel. I sincerely encourage anyone who’s struggling to try it out. It on its own isn’t a cure but it does help a lot.
     
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  18. ....I feel so low today and I actually cried after months or so, when I thought I was “getting better” and I don’t know exactly why but I just wanted to tell someone

    this isn’t easy but I’ll keep going, so yeah I just wanted to let it out
     
    Cotton Park and Stopremix like this.
  19. I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It makes sense but it does not help, whatsoever. I also had a Cyclothymia diagnoses and got medicated profusely through my formative years and ended up losing a job over it, so needless to say i'm disappointed. To whom and what, i don't know but i feel stuck in a hopeless position because of the possibility of a wrong diagnoses.
     
    Cotton Park likes this.
  20. Today I found out that one of the kids my course mate has been teaching English got put on suicide watch after an attempt and it really hits home what with him having the same diagnoses as me. Really puts things in perspective. I'm just glad she's been visiting the kid in the facility every now and again. The commute is very time consuming, but there ain't no price too high for seeing an 11 year old smile, right?

    Gosh, it really makes you remember how fucking fragile life is. I'm kinda emotional right now, I don't know.
     
    Cotton Park and londonrain like this.
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