Depression | Page 115 | The Popjustice Forum


Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. I had a pretty brutal jaw surgery 2 months ago and got my top jaw brought forward, my bottom jaw pushed back and my chin rotated due to orthodontic and bite problems. I was on the waiting list for years and remember counting down the days and expecting to be confident and happy once it was done, as I'd spent my entire life with low self esteem because of my underbite and the way my teeth looked.

    Most of the swelling has gone down and while I admit that I do look better, I just feel a bit underwhelmed with it all? I was in hospital for 10 days, on a liquid diet for a month, intense pain and swelling and difficulties with speech etc and currently have hypersensitivity in my chin and mouth area - which might be permanent and is extremely uncomfortable for me - and I'm just sitting here feeling like nothing in my life has changed? I've got the surgery out of the way but it's done nothing for my depression. I'm still unhappy and lonely. All that's really changed is that my face is still puffy and swollen, I can't talk properly and I can't eat properly. Sure, I look better visually but so far I wouldn't say it's been worth it and it's upsetting me because some of the side effects could be permanent.

    Hopefully I feel better in time and I recover from everything but right now I miss my old face and my old life and being able to eat, talk and go out in public and meet friends and family without my face feeling like this.
    Vasilios likes this.
  2. After a catastrophic 18 months, I finally reached breaking point yesterday.

    Luckily someone noticed and told me I needed help. I think deep down I've known this entire time, but I almost NEEDED an outsider's validation.

    The result is i'm now being referred to counselling through my employer and I already feel like a weight has been lifted without even having a session yet.
    Chris Lala and Dee91 like this.
  3. Having had jaw surgery to bring my top jaw brought forward and gone through the limited speech, the swelling, liquid diet, mushy food diet etc., and all I can say is hang in there! I had it done nine years ago and I am so, so glad I had it done. It's super hard to appreciate it at the time, but every time I see my smile now, or my side profile in a picture I'm glad I went through all the grief. It's also one of those things that mentally stays with you in a "If I could get through that time I can get through anything" kind of way. I'd have the surgery done again now ten times over, which isn't how I felt when I was just over it at the point you are now.

    I was also told it was possible/likely I would suffer some numbness in my jaw for a long time after, and I didn't, any numbness went away within a couple of months.
    londonrain likes this.
  4. I’ve had diabetes for three months. I was supposed to be on Metformin but was never actually given the prescription. I had an appointment on Monday and my A1C is down so i don’t need it as long as it doesn’t’ go up. There’s a family history of diabetes so in addiction to having that mess to deal with, I also run the risk of heart disease (now doubled because there’s already a family history), kidney disease and stroke. I have to test my glucose but have had a short paycheck the past two weeks and couldn’t afford the items. I need to call my doctor/nurse but they didn’t talk about writing a prescription for it, just “try cheaper different ones out”.

    Speaking of which, I have to leave work early and only have four hours. It still makes me tired to think of the 36 hour work week ahead. I want to call in tomorrow but we can’t afford it and I don’t want to be fired.

    I’ve been doing okay with taking care of myself, minus the exercise, but I’m going to start working on that. Anyway, I’m feeling sad and tired and anxious because lol, could die in my sleep randomly.
  5. Feeling really down about graduating tomorrow. It’s always been just me & my mum but it really hits home on days when I have to see my friends & their families, siblings, boyfriends etc. I feel bad for my mum having to go to another parent event alone, and I feel bad for even articulating these thoughts because it’s like she’s not enough - she’s amazing, I just wish we both had extra people in our lives. Keep trying to tell myself it’s amazing that I’ve come from a single parent family, living on the breadline, and still completed an architecture degree, but it just feels hollow/pointless. I feel guilty for feeling like this too. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over, which feels so ungrateful about a graduation, but I honestly would rather be home and not fake smiling for photos.
    WallyWinterborn, Reboot and Vasilios like this.
  6. So five months ago I've changed jobs. I got this job, which is 100% remote and it pays much better. I've really wanted this job as I wanted to travel a lot and that is what I did, except it's not really how I've imagined it will be...

    Before I've started my journey, I went home to be with my mother for 3 weeks, an experience that went from "it feels so good to be here" to "this is a fucking nightmare" with each day. It's a freaking hellhole that village, filled with shame and trauma. The punch that finished me was my brother telling me that he hates his family and wants to go very far from them and never see them again.

    I could barely breathe and think in the days that followed, then I got on a plane and went: 2 weeks in Athens, one week in Denmark, one week in Birmingham, one week in London, one week in Utrecht, on week in Munich. I still have on week to go in Vienna then 2 weeks in Tallinn.

    I'm exhausted.

    My anxiety is through the roof, especially living in Airbnb with other people, and that prompts be to rarely leave my room. I wake up during the night and sometimes it takes me a minute to realize where the fuck I am this time and my friends continue to be jealous of me because I get to do this.

    I feel ungrateful even as I'm writing this. There are such good parts, to visit and have my breath taken away by amazing sights, but I've had enough of making calculations every week, to see what money I have left, where is cheaper to travel and to stay this time, what bus to take and so on, I can't do this anymore.

    I would like to enroll in college somewhere and I'm afraid that if I return to Romania to do this, I will go back to my place of complacency and comfort, plus the education system is pretty busted and I don't want to go 3 years to a college just for a piece of paper.

    I honestly feel lost and I cannot stop myself from thinking about the future, what to do next and to just enjoy the present moment.
    31entrance, Jacques and Reboot like this.
  7. I can relate to this. I went through a similar phase in April/May when I did a lot of travelling (while unemployed), and while the journey was 100% amazing, my anxiety was at its worst ever. I really struggled with the fact that I was doing all this amazing stuff abroad while, back at home, I didn't have a future at all. And like you, I kept worrying about money and small things like where I was going to eat in the morning. I tried planning everything out in the smallest detail, but by doing so I only made my anxiety worse. There were moments when I could hardly drag myself out of the hotel. My sense of time was also completely fucked up at the time (and still is).

    It wasn't really until the last couple of days that I started properly enjoying myself. I started taking things slow instead of rushing through the cities I was visiting. Sometimes I'd just sit on a bench somewhere for a couple of hours and do breathing exercises or write in my journal and everything would feel a bit better. I'd still worry about the future, but I also got better at pushing the worries away. I told myself that I couldn't look for a job while abroad, and that I'd worry about that again when I got home.

    I think the same could apply to you. You can worry about going to college when you get back from your travels.
  8. Thank you for your advice, I will hang on to this until I will finish this trip.

    This hit a bit hard for me. I'm not on very good terms with my family, as we keep pretending that I'm not gay whenever we get together. This prompted me to realize that if I'll ever have a boyfriend or get married, I will never be able to share any of this with them. It's a punching realization to see that your family doesn't really know you, at all.

    I certainly don't want my message to come across as preachy or anything, but I am jealous, I would've loved to at least have my mother closer to me now and to be able to celebrate with her my successes, my passions, anything really. I understand your pain, your longing for normal, for better, but in these situations we have to do with what we've got.

    And congratulations on graduating, that in itself it's an amazing feat.
    Reboot and Jacques like this.
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