Depression | Page 120 | The Popjustice Forum

Depression

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. I’ve been doing really well for a long time now (for me anyway) but it’s just hit me like a ton of bricks today. I always get it after going somewhere/seeing a concert/doing anything out of the ordinary that I look forward to and enjoy, but its getting to the point now where the low afterwards isn’t worth the fun/doing things out of my ordinary day to day life. I wish I could just regulate it so I didn’t have such huge highs for the things I enjoy, so I don’t come crashing down for days afterwards.
     
  2. Um hi. I don't really know how to start or what to say but here goes. So I skipped classes today. I was telling people it was cause I didn't feel well, and I was thinking I just really needed sleep, but as the day had gone on, I've just felt really shitty all day. I haven't been paying attention to it much, but when I started preparing to do somethingimportant, it hit me like a wave, and I just don't have the motivation to do anything. I don't wanna do homework, or post an elimiantion, or other stuff I should be doing cause I feel shitty, and I just want to do stuff I want to do - play a game, binge YouTube, eat candy and chips and choclate and ignore the feelings and thoughts in my head. I hate it when I get like ths and I never know what to fucking do.
     
  3. We had one of those high-intensity team-building days the other day, and I'd decided beforehand that I was going to use the day to share some personal stuff about myself. I told a small group of people about the depression I was in a couple of years ago (something I've never told anyone about, ever) and I think it really helped closing that period of my life if I hadn't already. (Although I did have to change the pronouns when talking about the "manipulative crush" who'd partly caused the depression in the first place, but I guess that's not a truth I feel comfortable sharing yet.)

    The fact that I attended the activity was a massive step on its own when you consider that social anxiety continues to be an issue for me. I've also recently taken some precautions to combat my self harming, so ... Small steps, I guess.
     
  4. Is there a consistent trend of what happens after you do the fun thing? For example, when you're going out to a concert, do you usually not get enough sleep that night? If so, then that might be contributing to the issue and you may want to factor that in in advance.
    You know what? When you're having a day like this it's absolutely fine to just focus on taking care of yourself. Sometimes you feel shit. It's okay to feel shit and just do what you want to do for a bit.
    This is massive. So glad you felt ready to attend the activity and talk about yourself. How did they react?
     
  5. I love you so much! We all have these days and yeah, they can suck. It's on these days that you have to be the most gentle with yourself though. You're allowed to feel low and binge some YouTube while eating shitty food. You'll climb out of the hole but hiding in it for a day is sometimes necessary. You have people (including me) who love you and will help pull you out if you need it. Just rest up. You deserve to.
     
    Island, Ugly Beauty, Txetxu and 4 others like this.
  6. The reaction was pretty positive from the people I spoke to. I think I'm getting better at talking about my feelings. It helps that the people I currently work with are "social" and used to other people talking about their feelings by nature, though.

    That said, when I got home after the "event" I was bloody exhausted. The only thing I could do was curl up on the sofa and watch a music DVD. But I'm happy I went.
     
  7. Thank you both so much, for replying and understanding. I always feel like I shouldn't stay in that hole, but I always feel better the next day, like now, so really, thank you.
    Love you too xx.

    Today is definitely going to be better. I have math which is eck, but I'm good at it and can listen to music so I'll be fine. Then I'll get to be in my Creative Writing club, then get to sing my butt off, so I feel better looking forward to that.
     
  8. I'm so up and down recently I've decided to get some therapy. I'm not sure if it's depression as it's a patchy kinda feeling, where some days I think I'm just being dramatic about things and others nothing is appealing to me whatsoever, but I'm getting ridiculously angry over stupid things and can feel my previously conquered addictive behaviour swirling below the surface.
     
  9. Depression is often that patchy, though.
     
  10. I have cut a emotionally manipulative friend from my life and whew the flavor...

    People suck.
     
  11. So tomorrow is my birthday and i am feeling very, very bad. This issue has been spiraling up and down in my head. While i'm glad that i took action and far more than content with the result, there are times that i guilt trip myself for shutting out a close friend who adamantly told me that they love and care about me a lot and i was their favorite person. It is quite toxic that i still feel attachment to a man who manipulated me both emotionally and financially.

    And yeah i have serious body image issues that i can't overcome after all the years of trying.

    I hate being like this.
     
    savilizabeths likes this.
  12. First of all I would like to say is happy birthday! and second of all you took a very huge step that you should be proud of, even if you feel bad now it's gonna be better in the long run, cutting someone so dear to me is something I couldn't done and not because I don't have actual friends

    and I relate to the body image issues, the problem is I don't make the effort yet I expect to see the results...
     
    enjoy likes this.
  13. Happy birthday! Feeling these things on what's supposed to be such a happy day is always hard. You did a very strong thing by cutting the toxicity but of course, it may take a long time to fully distance yourself emotionally. I've been there. It hurts to still feel that level of attachment to someone you know you shouldn't for one reason or another. Even people who love you as much as they say they do can still be toxic and don't deserve to be a part of your life. Time will heal it for you and distance you, but that's not always helpful. If you need to talk I'm here.

    And yeah, body image issues. I am all too familiar with that one. It's really tough. I send much love.
     
  14. Yeah it has been an eye opening situation for me to realize that people who still love you, can use you. Thanks a lot guys, i appreciate it all. It is quite wild to be 30, here is hoping for a less turbulent chapter for my life.
     
  15. I just feel so low and alone this week, I am trying to put a brave face on but I really haven't been this low in ages, It's very difficult to make friends when you are late twenties but I'm gonna have to just make more effort like I was feeling very sorry for myself earlier and put out a few texts to people that aren't my friends but I know to see if any would reply and want to meet up and a few have which has kind of given me a bit of a boost that people will want to be my friend. I've just spent the best part of my twenties obsessing over guys that will never want me, friends that don't have time for me and family that will never accept me. I have this thing where I always go for guys that need to be saved or fixed and then when I help them they either just move on or it can turn nasty and I always get hurt. I can't continue to go for these relationships and friendships that hurt me so much. I know I come across as a clown and I am at the best of times but I am really sensitive and emotional. I know I need to put myself first now and just go for things it's just the actual get up and go or kick in the ass I need.
     
  16. Today's been a sucky day with my mum. I just don't want to discuss politics or my sexuality with family cause I know that leads nowhere, but she's been trying to guilt me back into religion persistently, so I finally snapped back, tried to excuse myself by saying I'm a socialist now and church is not my place anymore. Of course she diminished that with some "jesus is for the poor" and "but I'm obligated to raise you catholic" bs. So I say "am i not allowed my own convictions as a grown woman now?" and that I'm getting more and more convinced by reincarnation. So she says reincarnation is actually compatible with christianity and that I can also go buddhist as long as I actually PRACTICE. The trouble is, I don't feel like following any religion at the moment, ugh. I just want to ignore it for now. Mother doesn’t fail to point out that my family will not support me or understand what I'm going through and that practicing religion is just another thing "I don't feel like doing" and with me not doing anything she doesn’t see how I'm supposed to get my degree by June.
    My course work is basically the greatest source of struggle in my life at the mo. I tried to explain that I'm suffering: I'm tired all the time, I feel paralyzed with fear, I resent being born these days. Her answer is: "so what are you doing to get out of this suffering? Do you like it so much that you want stay like this forever?"

    Shit, I did not realise ending depression was so easy! I'll just get my shit together and take steps like I'm not exhausted at all!

    I just know there's no point trying to explain things to my family, they don't have the capacity to respect what they don't understand, and I don't have the strength nor tools to make them. Man, the emotional blackmail is already too much and I didn't even come out as bi or pro-choice yet. I need to look at this post whenever I feel like being truthful to remind myself how well that would go down.
     
  17. Mental health update!

    It’s been BAD! Like having a breakdown every day kind of bad. But today took the step to go to my doctor and he upped my doses of all my meds and referred me to our mental health clinic. I’m lucky to have such a supportive, lovely girlfriend beside me too. Her being there literally meant that he decided to send me home despite my destructive thoughts. I’m grateful.

    I’m also proud of the fact that I’ve managed to keep fairly on top of forum stuff despite all of this. I was never able to with university but I love what we do here and it’s been such a positive outlet for me. I love you all!
     
  18. Well done on going to the doctor, getting a plan of action in place, and keeping on top of forum stuff! Really well done.

    (Shout if you need help with any forum stuff you’re doing. I’m always happy to chip in.)
     
  19. You're one of my favourite members literally because I can tell you watch this thread and you're always here to support everyone in here. It's such a kindness that is needed everywhere. You're a true gem on this forum.

    Seriously thank you though. It's been SO hard. Turns out a side effect on my mania drug is suicidal thoughts (which is a little concerning, especially because I have the least control over myself in manic attacks) so we're keeping an eye on that stuff now. I'll most likely be referred to free therapy which I'm super grateful for because I could really use it right now.

    It's funny. Usually I feel a lot of shame for not having a job or studying or anything but it's times like these where I realise how not ready for it I am. Forum stuff is enough structure to keep me busy though so that's something.

    And thank you! I'll keep that in mind. I'm super grateful!
     
  20. All week, I've felt great.

    Sleeping pattern has been "normal", I wasn't overeating, I was genuinely enjoying being in people's company even if I barely knew the people. I was even bored of actually sitting doing nothing.

    And now I'm home, I can tell that's all about to reverse right back to how it was. Being awake until the early hours of the morning and sleeping until the afternoon, eating anything and everything I have sitting around, isolating myself and preferring to be inside than out.

    Ugh.
     
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