At some point in February this year(I honestly can't remember when and don't want too) , I showed up an 11am uni lecture having drank a bottle of rum the night before, now I'd shown up in various states like this before and got away with it, I've got a reputation for it but it never got as bad as it did here, are just no one ever noticed. Anyway, I broke down to my lecturer the day she caught me, I told her I was borderline suicidal, and a drinking too much and felt like dropping out.
She sent me home, told me to sober up and then just carry on, she would have refferd me to mental health services but I was already seeing them. It was a wake up call.
Now, I'm not by any means sober, but I feel like I'm finally learning to enjoy life again, over the last 3 years my mental health has been going up and down so much, with moving out of home and finally settling in Inverness and at uni, the whole time almost feels like a blur, I lived in student halls for the better part of two years and both of them were benders. I went from drinking occasionally at seshes to binge drinking pretty much daily. I can't remember a lot of that time in my life due to this. I honestly have no idea where this is going but I finally feel like I'm back to being myself again and liking my life, this had started a while ago and was a gradual process, but I was slowly falling back in love with my freinds, music, my family and I never really didn't before just was so caught up in my own dark world I couldn't see it. I'm out of that now, and I still have a long way to go but I'm glad to be alive and I'm actually due to lockdown exicted to get back out there and grab life by the balls. Edit: for some context I had to have a meeting with my course leader PAT(basically guidence tutor) about what happend, they said I could have been kicked out because of it but they didn't want to do that so I had to sign a bit of paper that said I would see a GP about all of this. They sheculded another meeting then just kinda never brought it up again.