Depression | Page 130 | The Popjustice Forum

Depression

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. Hey guys I’m not sure if anyone has already seen it but on Netflix UK (and I’m sure it will be on Netflix US too) Headspace have released a series that teaches how to deal with stress, anxiety, anger etc using some powerful tools. Just watching now and it’s really good!
     
  2. I don’t know if it’s just these past months and the pandemic but I feel like all my emotions have kind of shut off.
    I desperately try to access emotions to certain situations and try pretending to see if it can help but I’m stuck in an endless pit of numbness.
    I can’t even pin point when this happened but I do know i used to be someone who felt with every fibre of his being.
    Every now and again I get these little pangs of something but they are fleeting.
     
  3. I feel like I am holding on just about. And that gets looser and looser everyday. I'm just so overwhelmed with the world.
     
  4. I don't quite know how to phrase this, but I'd recommend trying to literally limit what enters your brain. You have the power over your brain, tame that beast, etc. but it helps (me) just... not feeding it. The best advice I've seen here is to spend an hour a day max (in the mornings?) reading up on the news, and to turn off your devices at night, or well before you go to bed.

    (For me personally the less time I spend online the better I feel, but I am an old.)
     
  5. Reducing my sertraline dose from 100 to 50mg from tomorrow.

    I hope it’s easier coming off them than getting on them.
     
    londonrain and Dennis like this.
  6. I’m having a rough couple of days. I have felt overwhelming sad and I don’t know why. Getting ready for work this morning I just kept crying. I’m about to go inside work and I’m just hoping I can make it through this day quickly with no issues.
     
    IEngineered likes this.
  7. The last time I felt this way, it was when I hit the end of the road with my then job. Changing priorities at the firm turned my role into a bit of a Frankenstein - one that I could no longer enjoy, or be proud of. The time before, it was when I realised that my relationship had become the cliche that the PCDs sang about in “I Hate This Part.”

    The upside is, I changed my job and progressed my relationship in a way that made me happier. It took time, and I received a lot of encouragement from people around me. I guess what I’m trying to say is, this too shall pass. But it helps if you are able to understand the issues that evoked such sadness. Hang in there.
     
    londonrain likes this.
  8. I feel like I have some real issues from previous traumas, and the isolation from lockdown has made it a lot worse. Some days I can be completely fine, but I struggle a lot with sleep. I think it doesn't help being furloughed, and no longer having work to distract myself. I've been betrayed a lot in the past by "friends", and it's made it very difficult for me to create bonds with others. I also have a very difficult relationship with my family, and have struggled to keep in touch regularly. Saying that, both my parents work in hospitality, and they've took a massive hit financially. I saw each of them once when the restrictions were relaxed, and it was awful to see how much this has hit their confidence.
     
  9. I’m about to start a medication that slows your heart rate down and I’m a bit ddddd about it, to be honest.

    I have always suffered with bouts of depression and an awful lot of anxiety, but I try to “manage” it. Often with alcohol, which, I know... but also more recently I’ve just been looking down a more spiritual route. Again, I know this can be bullshit, but I feel like I don’t have anything to lose by at least exploring this avenue. I mean, I’ve had 4 family members dies in the last 6 months. This is besides the point though...

    The reason I called the doctors was because of the symptoms I’ve been having. Obviously, I’ve experienced the usual symptoms of “feeling like utter shit” but I’ve also had a couple that I would class as unusual. These have included migraines where I’ve lost all peripheral vision, as well as seizure-like auras which render me in a sort of absent state for about a minute (usually triggered by deja-vu and also make me feel incredibly nauseous and dizzy and full of dread). My first thoughts with these symptoms - after googling - was that it was something more sinister. But the doctor seems to think it is linked to stress, anxiety and depression.

    I just thought I’d share in case anyone else experiences these symptoms. But yeh, I’m a bit apprehensive about the drugs. I haven’t taken any mental health meds for a decade.
     
  10. This past year has been such a chaotic mess I really wish I could feel some emotion again and get my life back on track, unfortunately I am just ticking off the weeks in my head until I finish teaching for the school year at the end of June when I will leave Madrid and return back to the UK. It´s a pity as when I moved here 4 years ago I had such a new lease of life and independence, unfortunately with each year that passed I descended into more and more problems and ended up addicted to Benzo´s a year ago, I actually cannot remember much of the lockdown that happened last Spring here as I was so drowsed out on medication my memory was frazzled.

    The worst thing was in summer I went back home for 3 months after beocming suicidal and hospitalised in June and was doing much better yet returned in September as I still had my job here and thought i´d be able to stick out another year then move somewhere else in Spain, but ended up in hospital a few weeks later and in those manic weeks managed to implode every remaining friendship I still had here. Now as I look to the future I really don´t know what´s next, I just want to get to the end of June and then get back home until I sort myself out.
     
    londonrain likes this.
  11. Therapy is helping ... a little. It's taught me to take steps back and cut down on the amount of time spent on work, which is where most of my depression and anxiety comes from. I'm at the point where work just absolutely exhausts me. I even get days when I'm so tired that I get so dizzy that I have to lie down all the time.

    I never used to feel depressed at work before, but it's getting much and much worse. It doesn't help that I often feel like I'm the only person at school (we turned to online teaching four weeks ago, and most colleagues stay at home), and that I got a letter in the post the other day telling me my performance was "unsatisfactory". Even though I work so hard that it has made me ill.

    Apparently I need to work on my contacts with my colleagues. I'm not social enough, and all that. Which is funny, given that I'm currently receiving treatment for a social anxiety disorder. So the idea that who I am isn't good enough is making me feel doubly depressed. (At least I know for a fact that I'm a good teacher. It's just that everything that happens outside of the classroom absolutely overwhelms me.)

    Lockdown 2 is also hitting me harder than I thought. I feel like I'm a zombie most of the time, just barely hanging on.
     
  12. Being a teacher myself, I can imagine how frustrating it must be to give your all to your job and receive that sort of letter through the post. I'm lucky that the school I work at has an amazing team for dealing with employee's mental health issues, which was one of the major reasons I gave up a job in foreign trade (with double the wage and double the anxiety/stress) to go back to teaching.
    I don't know what kind of school you work at, but it would be great if you could talk to someone from human resources or something like that. If the school doesn't offer anything in that regard, and still goes on to send letters to judge the performance of its employees... I'd recommend you looking for another school to work at. I personally wouldn't have the strength to go through the situation you're going through.
    What you should know, however, is that your output is far from unsatisfactory. If you're working your ass off to the point where it leaves you physically and mentally exhausted, then it's 100% on them if you can't get around to socializing with co-workers. You've mentioned how hard it is for you to socialize, now imagine that plus the exhaustion you've been feeling.
     
  13. Some of my colleagues (including my team leader), know about my mental health issues (the anxiety part, not the depression part), but I have a feeling no-one truly understands. Or doesn't want to. Whenever I try to explain the sheer fatigue I feel after a day of staff meetings, I just get blank stares.

    It was different at my previous job, when people were totally okay with my social anxiety issues. (I left not so much because of my mental health, but because the lack of a challenge and the age of the students.) Talking about mental health was universally accepted there, because everyone was going through something. But here I feel like a robot. I hide away in my classroom most days because everything is just so much. I've already lost track of the number of times I've gone to work in tears. Not that I hate the teaching; I love it. Teaching is when I can be myself. But no-one in the leadership positions at school have ever bothered having a look at my lessons, so it is assumed that I'm shy and introverted always. (I'm not.)

    I'm currently looking if there are other jobs available, but January is a shit time to look for jobs in education. I'm also looking at working less at my current school, because the workload is the highest I've ever experienced at any of the schools I've worked at. The number of groups I have is ridiculous.

    Gah!
     
  14. I'm in a pretty rubbish place at the moment. I've gotten into a very difficult situation at work and I could potentially lose my job. I'm not exactly happy there and they've treated me pretty poorly but it's not exactly a great time to look for a new job and if I get a disciplinary it will go on my record. Anyway, all of this has got me feeling very anxious and upset. Work has been awful the past few weeks, we've been understaffed and I've been pushed further than I could take as has my colleagues. And we are expected to just suck it up and be like 'oh it's just the impact of Covid'. I've got my manager off sick and my deputy was signed off for two weeks with stress and what I suspect was depression too. The company just isn't looking out for us at all. There's no support. It's every person for themselves.
    Anyway, this situation at work has got me feeling rubbish about myself and that I just mess everything up.
     
  15. I feel so fucking worthless. That's just something that needs to be said.
     
    Cotton Park likes this.
  16. Hey ya’ll,

    So me and my boyfriend have been together for about 3 years. He suffers from Bipolar 1 disorder and I don’t want to make it all about me, but it can be so emotionally draining at times.

    I try so mostly be considerate and compassionate and I wouldn’t think myself to be one of those who blame him for his disorder. However recently I decided to move out (I’m living with both him and his parents at the moment) The main factor being that I want to be closer to work. I’m commuting 2.5 hours everyday at the moment and it is really taxing on me. He apparently wants to move with me but isn’t ready for a change of environment yet.

    Anyway, me planning to move out seems to have flared up his depression and his mood swings are severe. For example, I wanted to meet my friend today for dinner and he started trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to enjoy myself. I told him I would be back during the early evening and we could have a cozy date night, but he just went into an episode and lashed out at me blaming me for petty things. This left me feeling really shit, so I had to cancel and now I feel like I also wasted my friends time.

    He doesn’t have a job yet because of his condition. And when he does it’s usually short lived, which also makes me anxious as I can support him to a certain degree but I don’t make the money for us both to live comfortably.

    It leaves me in a position where by I do want to be with him, I love and cherish him. He has great sides to him. But I also need to take my needs into consideration, too.

    I don’t know what to do.
     
  17. londonrain

    londonrain Staff Member

    You need to prioritise yourself over him, even if it feels counterintuitive to do so. You can’t be a truly supportive partner to someone else if you’re not taking care of yourself, and the situation you’re in sounds exhausting.

    It’s perfectly valid for you to have compassion for someone’s condition and their situation and also not want to be in a relationship with them if they are unable to give you what you need. You can love and cherish someone and also be aware that they can’t give you what you need from a relationship.

    <hugs>

    You’re not worthless, but I know how you feel.
     
  18. Your life can change in an instant.

    On January 1, I tragically lost my partner of over 20 years. We first connected through a Garbage chat room on AOL. Our first date was a Dixie Chicks concert on November 10, 2000 (which resulted in my first kiss). My first trip out of state was with him to the Drowned World Tour in Philadelphia. We had spent the last 20 years growing up together in our 20’s and 30’s, with endless trips, family events, and starting our own successful business. I lost my best friend, my companion, my lover, my concert partner, my business partner, and the person in this world who I trusted with all my heart.

    Don’t take the people you love for granted. Brush off the little annoyances. Imagine what your life would be like if they were suddenly gone, forever. Tell them you love them. Show them you care. This hurts so badly that I would give my entire life to spend another minute with him.

    If you’re partnered and not married, make sure your finances and final wishes are squared up. Regardless of how sure you are it wouldn’t happen, family and friends can turn their back and show their ugly sides in a heartbeat without giving you a second thought.

    That’s all I have to say. I’m depressed. I’m broken. My life, which felt perfect and filled with joy, now feels like an endless nightmare.

    Has anyone been through something like this?
     
  19. I haven't ever suffered a loss of this magnitude, nor can I even relate to the love and commitment you so clearly shared over such a long period, but I didn't want to read and run as I still have tears in my eyes from reading your post. I am so so incredibly sorry for your loss - this could never have been how you'd envisaged starting the new year and I am so sorry it has been so devastating for you.

    You shared such pivotal moments together and those will live on forever - as hard as it is, keep thinking about those times that were filled with such incredible love and joy and keep the faith that, one day, things will begin to feel easier and you will be able to look ahead to the future again, even though I imagine that probably feels impossible right now.

    For the moment, take things one day at a time and take care of yourself as best you can - eat small meals, take naps when your body allows and let out those overwhelming emotions when they surface. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel you need it at any point, even if it's just a chat with a friend. Cherish those amazing memories and that huge sense of love you felt for each other - that will never ever leave you, and rightly so.

    I am so so sorry.
     
    Phonetics Girl likes this.
  20. I’m really sorry to hear about everyone’s recent struggles, and I hope everyone is doing okay.

    I’m...sort of sat here today with brain fog and feelings of unreality. If my family speak to me it’s like I’m underwater and can’t actually process what they are saying, and then I feel bad for not being present in the conversation. I’ve had this feeling for a long time now, and it can just come whenever.

    It’s gotten better recently, the more I target the beliefs and thoughts that cause these feelings, but is sort of always there on a scale, if you know what I mean? It’s hard to find the root of it, and I find myself sometimes doing so many mental gymnastics with myself that I just want to lie down and just sort of live under my blanket.

    It’s so easy for me to feel sorry for myself when I’m like this, like, when it feels like nothing makes sense and...echoing what others have said, this feeling of low self worth, and the ever present feeling that something is just not right, and that I’m not right.

    I’m sure this will subside as the days and weeks go on, and it isn’t the type of brain fog where I feel really sad. I just don’t feel much at all, other than not feeling real. But something I’m realising on these days now is to just...maybe get myself up and out and go on a little walk, stop off at the shops and get myself some ice cream and sweets, and let myself come home and just indulge myself with some shitty series until I feel like it’s alright to just be present again. If I can’t sleep for work, that’s alright, just take each day as it comes.

    It’s hard to describe and I’m just getting my thoughts out I guess but I think a huge obstacle I want to now overcome is...self-compassion and acceptance, accepting that I can’t always feel ok, and that it’s okay to have hopeless days where nothing makes sense. It’s just the perfectionist in me that thinks that everything needs to be a field of roses, but that’s just not the case. Life isn’t always alright, and I need to remind myself that good and bad feelings all belong and have some sense of purpose, and that the meaning of these weird days is to make me emotionally and mindfully stronger.
     
    Phonetics Girl likes this.
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