Hope you are seeking the help that you need. Sending you a virtual hug.Starting to feel incredibly suicidal. Not even enjoying music anymore.
I know that feeling very well. Please do speak to someone - I hope you’ve been able to find a Black-affirming therapist! - but my inbox is always open.Starting to feel incredibly suicidal. Not even enjoying music anymore.
I don't think there's a way to tell the difference. The tool you're using to evaluate your psychological state is the very thing that is being targeted by the meds. Same reason I couldn't "think" myself out of the depression originally and the citalopram felt like a goddamn breath of fresh air.Has anyone tried tapering off an antidepressant? I’ve been on one for three years and, after talking to my doctor about it, decided I want to be off of it to establish what my baseline is again. But now, every time I start to feel low, my mind wanders to “Is this because of a life circumstance or because I’ve lowered my dosage?” The essential question I have is: Does anyone have any advice for how to tell the difference? Or can share how they were feeling in the process of tapering?
Thank you. The feedback is helpful. I'm glad this thread exists.I don't think there's a way to tell the difference. The tool you're using to evaluate your psychological state is the very thing that is being targeted by the meds. Same reason I couldn't "think" myself out of the depression originally and the citalopram felt like a goddamn breath of fresh air.
I think all you can do is proceed with the taper plan and keep tabs on your feelings throughout. Once it's out of your system for a few weeks, you will then have to decide what to do next.
I know it's hard. It's a fucking lot to wrangle with in addition to daily adult responsibilities, and there's always this fear I have when I am going through meds adjustments that I'm going to go off the rails before things settle. Just try to keep your support close, and stick to the taper plan verbatim unless your healthcare provider redirects you.
I was on Wellbutrin from 2020 to mid-2022 and I feel that I got everything out of it that I could. I did feel dependence and wanted to break away. Even now that I'm back in school (my last attempt was a mess coupled with mental health issues), I've discovered how to manage stress, anxiety, etc on my own. It's really hard but I would taper off to being completely off for at least a couple days to see how you feel. The good part is you'll still have the meds if you feel the need to resume and build back up to dose you feel comfortable with. To me, it was basically dabbling in meds at the start to see what worked for me. Trial and error if you will.Has anyone tried tapering off an antidepressant? I’ve been on one for three years and, after talking to my doctor about it, decided I want to be off of it to establish what my baseline is again. But now, every time I start to feel low, my mind wanders to “Is this because of a life circumstance or because I’ve lowered my dosage?” The essential question I have is: Does anyone have any advice for how to tell the difference? Or can share how they were feeling in the process of tapering?
@Raichu so impressed with your ability to process through songwriting, been having a hard time lately and trying to just be okay with that. Sometimes I’m so scared I’m living my life all wrong
Ugh yeah that’s it exactly. Very “if I can tell you what’s wrong with me and the changes I need to make, then nothing is actually wrong”Thank you! Sorry for the late response. Depression+work has been kicking my ass.
I have that same feeling of being scared that I fucked it up life-wise, especially as I approach my 34th birthday. It feels impossible to reverse a lot of patterns even if I objectively know it's possible. I can't emotionally convince myself that it's possible.
God I resonate. Even though I've checked off all kinds of objective metrics as far as life goals go, and even though I've pretty well overcome what used to be a crippling fear of the outside world, my sense of self is still unstable as ever, and the gravity of the secrets I'm keeping is continuing to grow. Another BPD driven outburst of my own is nigh...I have a coping nostalgic thing with music when I'm depressed and trying to daydream for some sort of escapism.
I'll literally immerse myself in songs that take me back to times in my life things were better and actively avoid music from terrible periods which makes it difficult to really invest in new music when I'm in a low period.
Anyway I've kind of been struggling with getting any momentum back to living if that makes sense, I feel like all the mistakes I made in making poor career choices, BPD driven outbursts and being so impulsive have left me with little potential going forward, I just feel like i'm past the point of being able to turn things around as all the effort I put in is for nothing and just cope by daydreaming a different life, i'd give anything to be given a second chance at my twenties.
I know what you mean Raichu! CRJ's song and video made me pressed with the visions of that twee Tumblr-y aesthetic that just won't die, and I'm gonna screw up describing this but like... it reminds me of those people at college who seemed to think that "talking about mental health" is about "talking about mental health", because the moment it turns from an abstract issue to actual human behavior and changing the way we engage with and relate to each other, that interest in mental health sure vaporizes pretty quickly.I've been thinking more about what I said about pop music and one of the reasons I hate it when I'm depressed is that it rarely talks about loneliness in a way that's relatable. It's always put into a context that's appealing because pop music stays away from the ugliness of real life or at least real life for certain people. And loneliness is almost always talked about in the context of romantic relationships, which is valid but is not relatable for a lot of people. Pop artists will not talk about loneliness in other ways because it won't produce the idealized aesthetic that makes the music sell.
Carly's new album comes to mind. It's called The Loneliest Time and yes, some of the lyrics are about loneliness, but it's all the same standard expressions of loneliness that we always get in pop. And while what she's writing about is her experience and thus is completely valid, I was kind of disappointed at the content because the title made me think I might find something to relate to. Which was kind of stupid on my part because I don't really like bubblegum pop and her lyrics have always been and probably will always be very surface level. I'm just kind of tired of there being a lack of music that explores the kind of soul crushing loneliness that one experiences when it feels impossible to even make friends, much less make a relationship work.
I realize that there can be soul crushing loneliness even in relationships but pop lyrics rarely dig deep enough to excavate that either. Because, as I said, pop rejects too much ugliness.
I confront the ugliness head on in my music, but as a result, people in my life feel uncomfortable listening to it. But I wouldn't feel that way at all. I welcome the discomfort. I'm very tired of the facade everybody puts up, the way it's socially taboo to say anything other than "I'm fine" or "Good" when somebody asks you how you're doing. Pop music is kind of infected with this and when the artists are showing their demons, it's always with more than a dash of glamour and made to look desirable and even kind of fun in some cases. Which would not an inherently bad mode of expression but it gets tiresome when there's nothing more real to balance it out.
My music is more of a lo-fi vibe, but part of me wants to write incredibly catchy and appealing pop songs about autism and make all the pop enthusiasts heads explode. Because people think autism is ugly and they don't want ugliness in their pop. But if they bopped hard enough...Hmmm.