Depression

My grandma's dead, I miss my brother, and work is making me sick. I teach high school and the kids are acting so unhinged it's becoming disturbing and leaving me wiped out every day. I don't want to exist anymore.

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through such a tough time. It’s clear you’re dealing with a lot, are there any other people in your brother's life that could help him get a better perspective on how the situation is affecting all of you?
Make sure you take care of yourself and try and meet up with people out of that environment.
 
I originally posted this in Dating/Relationships, but because this situation is having such an impact on my mental health, I'm going to post it here too:

I'm in a really stressful situation.

My 35-year-old brother is currently dating this 21-year-old girl with dissociative identity disorder. This girl always has some tragedy happening to her that somebody has to help her with. My mother, who my brother lives with (they both lived with my grandmother, who died last month), once picked my brother up from hanging out with her and the girl drives her uncle's car into my mother's car, damaging it pretty bad. My mom wanted the uncle's insurance information to get her car fixed but her aunt and uncle begged her not to get insurance into it because the girlfriend would get in trouble for driving drunk and without a license. My brother also begged my mom not to and said he would pay for it (he has not but doesn't really make enough money to realistically do this).

Fast forward and my mom starts letting this girl come to the house and stay over. I was supposed to come over one day but then I found out that the girlfriend is staying two weeks with her dogs because he needs to get them vaccinated to live at her uncle's apartment (they were all living in a motel before). But then she changes the story, basically saying her uncle just wants to kick her out and she'll leave last Thursday because she's moving in with her friend. But now that fell through and she's still there. And I refuse to go to my grandma's house while she's still living there. I told my mom that she was trying to stealth move in and that seems exactly what's happening. It's all making me feel sick. My mom actually took all her own private info out of the house because she didn't trust the girlfriend yet she won't put her foot down. It's all such foolishness and I wish my brother would wake up.

Update to this situation: every time this girl is going to move in with someone, it falls though. My mom is getting frustrated and texted some negative things about her to my brother. The girlfriend saw the messages, which is ridiculous because there's no reason she needs to see his texts. And now my brother is saying "she has nowhere to go. She's in survival mode" and that my mom "fucked up" his relationship even though she let the girl live at my dead grandmother's house for three weeks (and is still letting her live there). And then the girlfriend also said she was going to stay with a brother he didn't know about, but then when I asked my brother about it, he said that isn't a thing. To add further insult to this, he's accusing me of also "fucking" with him because I don't approve of the relationship. In reality, I didn't do anything and I'm allowed to have my opinions. Meanwhile, my mom is struggling to pay the mortgage on the house and I had to lend her 500 dollars. We're busting our ass at work to keep a roof over their head and he's coming at us because we don't like this weird relationship. Most people wouldn't have let her live with them, especially since he's known her all of three months. Her own uncle supposedly "kicked" her out. He insists the aunt and uncle are not "good people" even though he only knows her side of the story. He believes her without question even though she's been so obviously sketchy.

Now apparently she's going to move in with a friend today. It will fall through and my brother still won't wake the fuck up. This man is 35 and he's desperate to keep his relationship with a chaotic 21 year old. This is the girl that wrecked my mom's car driving drunk without a license and didn't pay for it in any form. Me and my mother are adulting while my brother and her act like teenagers who think the world is against them.

I'm so incredibly frustrated. He's basically throwing his family under the bus for this girl who he barely knows but he's convinced he's in love with. I'm offended that he would accuse me of bad intentions when I bought him a PS5 after his last girlfriend took the one she gave him back.

The most frustrating thing is that everybody can see the issues with this relationship, but he can't for the life of him. There was a moment where he was arguing with her where we thought he might be waking up, but then she somehow got him to go even harder to bat for her.

My grandma's dead, I miss my brother, and work is making me sick. I teach high school and the kids are acting so unhinged it's becoming disturbing and leaving me wiped out every day. I don't want to exist anymore.
Your brother needs just as much sorting out as she does by the sound of this.
 
Your brother needs just as much sorting out as she does by the sound of this.
100%. He's acting like a teenager. I think he has less of an excuse than she does considering his age. He does have schizophrenia but his medication works well enough for him to make better decisions.
 
Last edited:
The way that I had my self harm issue under control for a good long while but certain factors and people in the last few days have made me crumble and waver.
And with my slow healing due to diabetes it’s not gonna be pretty.
 
After spending my fall break from teaching with a brother who was texting his inappropriately young girlfriend who stole from my mom and fucked up her car, I feel pretty worthless. I’m just not important to anyone except my mom.
 
he/him/basic cishomo
After spending my fall break from teaching with a brother who was texting his inappropriately young girlfriend who stole from my mom and fucked up her car, I feel pretty worthless. I’m just not important to anyone except my mom.
Hugs, Raichu. Is there any possibility of getting the fuck out of dodge for a weekend? Because dude, I get the whole "family I'm living with is absolutely going to do my head in" deal, it's shit, and when all you're doing is going from work (especially your work) back to the same home dynamics over and over again, it's easy to go days or weeks without letting yourself breathe and, like, live.

And I like you living, Raichu!
 

Rmx

He/Him/His
After spending my fall break from teaching with a brother who was texting his inappropriately young girlfriend who stole from my mom and fucked up her car, I feel pretty worthless. I’m just not important to anyone except my mom.

Love makes people blind. It doesn't mean you're worthless to your brother, but I completely understand that he makes you feel that way. Big hug, Raichu! <3

I'm a bit hesitant to post in this thread since I don't technically suffer from depression, but I'm feeling very down. The past summer was a nightmare. I was using too much sleeping pills (among other substances), and when I ran out I had to be hospitalised twice due to the acute withdrawal symptoms, which was already traumatising in its own way. I'm now staying in my hometown which is safe and I get to have some rest, but I miss Amsterdam. Also this seems like such a dumb detail but I miss my flavoured vapes so much. They're illegal in NL now but in Ams they're still being sold under the counter all over the place, but here they're really unobtainable. Today the cravings were so bad I almost bought actual cigarettes, but I haven't smoked in ages and I hate the taste so I managed to not cave in, which I'm proud of. Have to be in Ams for an appointment on Monday though, so I'll definitely make sure to travel past a "tourist" shop for vapes dd. But I feel terrible. A mix of post-acute withdrawal (though luckily my GP described me some meds to ease the symptoms), loneliness and anxiety over the future.

Not the best of times, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. Not always feeling that, though.
 

Rmx

He/Him/His
Sometimes I don't want to be alive anymore x

That's the worst feeling, I'm so sorry.

I hope that you have ways of coping with this feeling, maybe reaching out to loved ones or someone you don't know at all. Like a volunteer at a hotline or website, or even here on the forum. I'm glad you shared this with us. If you want to share more, my DMs are open. But don't feel obliged at all. Hug!
 
That's the worst feeling, I'm so sorry.

I hope that you have ways of coping with this feeling, maybe reaching out to loved ones or someone you don't know at all. Like a volunteer at a hotline or website, or even here on the forum. I'm glad you shared this with us. If you want to share more, my DMs are open. But don't feel obliged at all. Hug!
I don't post all that much on this forum, but it's people like you that make this place what it is. thank you.
I have called a hotline before but I just felt stupid for calling them.
Thanks for reaching out.
 
Everything just feels so hard lately. Nothing I cook tastes good anymore and my favorite hobbies just feel like work. I've tried all the usual tips (getting up early, being productive, exercising, getting sunlight and fresh air) and all it does is leave me more exhausted and drained.

I imagine a lot of my anxiety is tied up in the upcoming US election. I live in a state where I'd be insulated from the worst of a Trump presidency, but I'm not the only person who exists.

I feel like I can't enjoy a single moment without thinking of the people who have it worse off than me, and then feeling guilty and ashamed that (a) I'm having fun when someone else is, and (b) that I can't even appreciate it.
 
I echo a lot of what has been posted, especially the general climate of anxiety and doom permeating the culture. I have been struggling lately but today trying to be more open about it with the people in my life. Sometimes it’s easier to scream into the void of the internet over saying out loud how hard it is. I cried this week and it was incredible. I hope everyone is able to find someone they feel safe to be not okay with
 
The pit of depression as you get older, uglier and lonelier with no joy in life whatsoever is such a burn.

When you have crippling social anxiety and ADHD just the thought of socialising after the 'party days' are over is crippling. Like why do I miss being 26 messed up in random clubs every weekend so much? I think the reality is more missing that carefree era, not be able to embrace gay life until 25/26 so doing everything, and the memories/people I met along the way at that time.

Now they all moved on, settled down, drifted away etc. And maybe it stings more as they found ways to fill their lives whilst I kept doing the things I'm 'supposed' to enjoy getting older...but doing them alone made me miss those party days more as it was the most 'connected' I felt as I'd still do the hikes, the trips and all the things on my own to balance it out then.

There is definitely a type of grief that comes with missing your youth/old friends but it stings more when you have your 'experiences' a few years later and those friends very quickly get their lives together after whilst you are still not ready to..but then remember you are 33 dd.
 

Top