Depression | Page 93 | The Popjustice Forum


Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. Would I be able to ask the folk in here for some advice?

    One of my old friends seems to be quite down lately. A few months ago she went through a hard break up and her health has deteriorated since. She's told me recently that she's been feeling quite depressed and has been going to the doctors for it. She started by posting a lot of sad status updates on Facebook, which was unlike her, and when I've met her since she's seemed very distracted and distant.

    I want to offer help and support in any way I can, but I'm not too sure of the best way to approach the subject. I'm trying to organise more get together's and to be generally more involved but I don't want her to feel it's false. Does anyone have any recommendations on the best way to approach the situation? I just want her to know I'm here if she needs me.
  2. Honestly, I think be frank and just ask about it.

    Have you ever had depression yourself, or known someone else who has? Try sharing a story. It might help to know that you kind of understand, or that you've supported someone else going through something similar. Anything that makes her feel comfortable opening up.

    But at the end of the day, talking about your depression with someone you're comfortable with is always a positive, it'll almost certainly help. So don't feel bad about flat-out asking. It's an important conversation to start.

    Hope that's at least a little helpful!
  3. My parents are in their early 60's and both incredibly depressed. It is dragging me down majorly and I have been quite depressed myself this year for other reasons so to just have this constant misery from them all the time is quite unbearable.

    My Dad has always been an incredibly negative and controlling person but since he retired last year my Mum has basically lost the will to live. I have barely seen her smile or show any enthusiasm for anything this entire year and every day I see her I get an endless stream of moaning. Its her birthday in a few weeks and this morning I got:

    'Another fucking boring birthday and Christmas.....moan, moan, moan'

    The thing is, I totally get her moaning, I would be EXACTLY the same in her situation. But on the other hand I don't know how much longer I can handle it and there is such a sadness in me that my family is this miserable, I only see the situation getting worse too.
    UnionJackMix likes this.
  4. I fucking hate living in a smalltown as a gay person. It just drains my will to live sometimes.
    UnionJackMix likes this.
  5. Sorry to hear that @popprincess - I don't have much to offer, but you aren't alone in seeing your parents like that. My Dad has been similar after retiring in May. He went to the doctor a few weeks into his retirement for one of his annual check ups following some complications five years ago, and was found to have a bad kidney infection and has now been catheterised pending an operation, and the dog died in September which he found extremely hard to deal with. He's so depressed, and I get it, but it's hard to be around the negativity. I fear all this has come at the wrong time because he's just staying home, sitting in front of the TV and on his computer, because he doesn't feel like doing anything while he has his catheter, so I worry that all the plans he had for retirement are now just pipe dreams and he'll spend his retirement in a funk vegetating. He doesn't talk about things which doesn't help - the stiff-upper lip approach he was brought up with is so toxic.
    popprincess likes this.
  6. @andru Its frustrating isn't it. My Dad has always played the victim, he can spin any situation whatsoever and make it about him. He thinks the whole world is against him. I honestly think people would think I was joking or exaggerating if I said the things he comes out with, there is only my brother and mum who believe it because they know. Also I find it hard to believe he can't see how utterly miserable my mum is. She told me he was rambling on about his depression to her a few weeks back and she must have said something about her feeling depressed and he replied 'You're not depressed are you? Ugh, so I've got to worry about you now have I?' to which I know she'll have said 'No, don't be silly' just for a quiet life.

    Do you think your dad will get better after the operation when he can get out and about or do you fear once the rot sets in that's it?

    I feel so sad though as Christmas approaches thinking back to past ones where my family (and me in my life) felt much more positive and settled. I long to feel relaxed and excited about things, knowing the people around me are going to be alright but I genuinely don't see any hope. I'm heading towards 40 (ugh) and everything in my life seems to be going to shit in some way.
    andru likes this.
  7. Would your Mum and Dad be receptive to any help with their depression from the GP? It's so hard because of the generation they grew up in it's probably not something they'd feel able to talk about openly or seek help with and we can't force them, but the stiff upper lip and attitude of just ignoring things for a quiet life really doesn't help to solve problems. It must be hard to have them both in the same state of mind, and affecting one another. I'm so sorry.

    I hope my Dad will be in a better frame of mind after the operation, I mean, he won't have anything to excuse himself with at least, but at the same time I do fear he's getting used to all this sitting around and will lack the motivation to change when the time comes so he'll just rot which is a shame because he is fit and healthy enough to do whatever he wants in spite of the pending operation and catheter. He doesn't have any friends and basically lived for work before his retirement, so it's a big adjustment and quite difficult to think of what he could be doing, but he seemed keen on swimming and playing tennis which I offered to do with him, but obviously that's not something he's keen on right now and probably won't consider again, if at all, until after his operation and having the catheter removed.

    Definitely relate to the Christmas anxiety! I don't usually enjoy the lead up to it anyway, but I always look forward to the day itself, but this year for the first time in a long time I'm not even looking forward to that.
    popprincess likes this.
  8. Is anyone else in uni (or has been to uni) and find it incredibly difficult, not because of the work but the atmosphere etc. I’m in my final year but have struggled with depression since I started 3 years ago. The fact no one is watching over you to make sure you are doing your work etc is somewhat of a curse in itself, I probably attend less than half the week, stay in bed and sleep and feel miserable. But feel guilty that I’m not going in and not enjoying it and my parents are spending a lot of money. I’m wondering does anyone have ways of staying motivated for uni
  9. Well the funny thing is, for years and years me and my brother have said Dad needs to see someone but we were convinced he never would. However this year he started counselling much to our shock. But it appears to be doing nothing. I have seen absolutely no change and I really do think he'll be sat in there making out everyone else is the problem.

    Like for example, he talks to my mum like shes a piece of shit and if she ever snaps back he says things like 'everybodys snapping at me, sorry for breathing'. Theres no way hes telling that to a counsellor.

    I have been used to this pretty much my whole life and even though he has gotten much worse I am used to the constant negativity. The change in my Mum however is very alarming. Before my Dad retired we would watch TV shows or films and sometimes go into town but now the house is completely ruled by what he wants. She barely leaves the house. People in the village keep asking me how she is because they don't see her anymore.
  10. I'm a lecturer and see this really often with students. Are you in the UK? It sounds like you should see the counselling service. Has your attendance and/or depression been discussed with your personal tutor?
    TtT2 likes this.
  11. In Ireland actually. Last year I got extensions on course work and exams with doctors notes from missing a considerable amount of time. I’ve somehow managed to make it to my last year with honours, just about, however. I had wanted to drop out, change courses you name it. But my parents are quite strict and so I just sucked it up and continued with the course. It’s taken a toll on my overall mental health though. I get by but 3 years dedicating your time to something that’s not of interest is a struggle. I don’t like coming off as feeling sorry for myself but there’s a lot of stress at the moment, job prospects for when I graduate etc. if I even do the last few weeks have been exceptionally hard, I’ve really just stayed at home most days

    Thank you for the reply
  12. I'm rapidly starting to not see the point in anything these days. I'm just losing the will to care about anything. It's not even pinpointed at anything, I just can't be bothered with life.
    Your Pretty Brains likes this.
  13. I think I've pretty much hit a new low over the past week, Im in college and I'm not really enjoying my course that much but i don't want to quit and let my parents down so ive been scraping by doing the bare minimum, I haven't been sleeping at all other than the odd few hours here and there, I've been drinking way more than I should to the point where people are asking if I'm ok, I just feel so awful and I keep getting these piercing intense awful dark, dark, thoughts that I can't face or get rid of, and I've been spacing out so much aswell,like I just feel like I'm not really here even though I know full well I am? It's really fucking with me... I don't even know why I'm posting here, I guess I just need somewhre to rant/voice my concerns... I've also skipped two of my weekly therapy appointments in a row and I know it was a stupid move but I feel so nervous about it and it wasn't helping that much anyway? I don't know, I'm just in a dark place right now and I'm going home today (I have a bus to catch in a few hours) so that should be nice I guess?
  14. I feel you, in those times the only thing that actually works is forcing yourself to keep going. I found myself in a similar situation in the last weeks, slowly losing interest towards everything and everyone, to the point it had repercussions on my activity and rendition as a student and with my relationships. I know it's easier said than done, but trying to keep yourself busy and slowly get things done everyday really helps, giving you small objectives to fulfill everyday really helps, they don't have to be big things, but it is working for me.

    About those dark thoughts, they are really scary, but sometimes what they mean are not necessarily what we think they mean to us, as a teenager I was really in a dark place, having constantly really rotten thoughts, that made me so scared of myself and questioning my sanity and my goodness and the more you try to avoid them, the more you get drawn to them, as time progressed, I just accepted them and dealt with them, I just realized that those horrible things were just a way to deal with frustration and he fact that as I thought them I felt scared and disgusted meant that those things as I said were just a way that my brain was trying to deal with different things, I don't know if that applies to you, I don't want to sound patronizing or on a high horse, but perhaps sharing this it can help you.
    Subspace88 and Runawaywithme like this.
  15. I'm really not ok and my parents won't let me come home from uni and my house hates me and I'm scared
  16. Don't be scared, you will get through it.
  17. I cannot do life anymore. No. No no no no no. No no. No. Tomorrow cannot be Monday. How does this keep happening? How does anyone enjoy anything?
    enjoy likes this.
  18. I am now studying in Forensic Pathology. I am a bit better now that the work situation has been settled.
    andru and UnionJackMix like this.
  19. I have a bit of life stress at the moment, as proven by me being awake for no apparent reason since 3am. More anxiety than depression but the two tend to overlap.

    Cracking open the Sominex tonight before I get delirious from tiredness.
  20. Trying to get through autumn and winter...

    mcuk likes this.
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