Depression | Page 94 | The Popjustice Forum


Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. R92


    I don't know if it's S.A.D. amplifying things (I'm sure it is), but I've been feeling intensely lonely as of late. I've struggled to make regular lasting friends here in the city, and the ones I have I only see once every couple months. My love life has been in shambles in regards to dead ends, but I've been so lonely that I keep putting myself in bad situations with guys that disrespect me, or even getting feelings over people who aren't that great in the first place. At my work party the other night, I had to drink a bunch before I could be social or cut loose enough to not be anxious or self-conscious about being there. It's like I'm caught in this cycle of being depressed because I'm lonely, but then that depression keeps me from changing things or in the rare case of me doing so keeps me from cutting loose from situations that exacerbate that loneliness.
    enjoy and Up N Down like this.
  2. Younger me can relate to a lot of this. Maybe spend more time on social things that don't involve hook-ups? There must be other ways to meet people who are you tribe: book clubs, hiking groups, hanging out at arts centres or smaller music venues, etc.

    Michelle Visage explained this much better than I ever could in her diva bible...


    Last edited: Dec 11, 2017
    Charley and DreamlessNights like this.
  3. I'm fed up of something always happening negatively in my life.
    It took me a long time to get back on the straight and narrow after my struggles earlier this year, over the past three months I have stayed healthy, worked hard and completely sorted myself out from my addictive habits I had which all came to a head during the summer.

    However as someone who suffers from extreme body dysmorphia to now have my hairline receeding so rapidly has put me into a deeper depression and making me miss social events, avoid my friends, feeling like everyone is talking at me at work and crying over the fact i'll never be able to afford a transplant as things stand. I first noticed a slight recession at the temples last year so changed my hairstyle and for a while it felt like it was getting better using hair treatments and brushing it more forward. However during the year its edged back a ridiculous amount to the point its no longer hideable.

    As someone who's insecure and struggled with dating due to my anxiety and dysmorphia making me bitterly insecure this is the nail in the coffin for me and I can't afford to have a FUE transplant so basically at this point it feels like my life is over. I'll never be able to date, it will keep receeding and I will end up even more miserable and single forever. I just have days now where i'm like what is the point? no matter what I do my appearance is now being destroyed too so I can never be happy.
  4. It's very hard to be long-term happy if you only base your self-esteem on your looks or physical attributes. Everyone's looks fade, so you have to remind yourself of all the other fabulous things that make up you.
    Kirkland and Eskiath like this.
  5. Any chance you can work a shaved head? Maybe even with a bit of a beard? I know these days it's a bit of a cliché but if you rock it, who cares?
    Dee91, andru, enjoy and 1 other person like this.
  6. I think this is the first time where I realize I am or might be depressed. This guy I was seeing kept telling me that I need to learn to love myself and appreciate myself for what I can offer because I never know about what I can offer. I've never really been in check with my confidence regarding what I'm able to give to my friends other than that feeling that I'm kind of just there or tagging along, which is fine since they don't seem to notice. I keep being told that I have so much to give and I just don't know what I have to give. I mean, I know I have a decent personality and can be easy to talk to but I'm also pretty bad at keeping in contact but it's not like others are proactive at keeping in contact with me. Now, I'm fucked regarding my financial situation and school where I don't know if I can go back to my college next semester. If I'm not able to go back, I'm pretty much fucked regarding how my credits are going to be transferred. I think it's the first time in my life where I can say that I genuinely don't know what to do with myself.
    roblognick and ohnostalgia like this.
  7. I actually thought about this again today. I'll try to say it in the most pc-way I can think of quickly: there are many people that others think are visually unattractive, for many reasons, and maybe one could be baldness and receding hairline. The same people often have partners that may or may not be more attractive than themselves.
    It's all down to owning it, being proud of yourself, comfortable and going past it, because it's not even a deal for some people. How many people that is I don't know, but it looks like you can compensate that "defect" with something that you cannot go to the gym or the doctor for. You need to become more confident in yourself. It's not easy and not fast and there are many ways to get there.
    One could say, changing your appearance is one way to do it, but it will always be there and could potentially be lost, the other one may have more potential to be there to stay.
    It's what's inside that counts so you need to work on making it show.
  8. You have to love it when you tell your aunt you're suicidal and are told that "you have to know what that means to people who have lived it" and that essentially you don't deserve to be suicidal, as she proceeds to make it all about her because her dad killed himself.

    By which I mean "that is literally the worst response I can possibly imagine."

    (I'm safe, by the way. Just had some really bad news today that I'm taking really hard.)
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2017
    andru, Island and ohnostalgia like this.
  9. Oh, sis, I am sorry for all your problems. I truly love you, and if there is anything I can do for you, I will do it.

    What I can tell you about the financial issues is that in my experience, these things do have a way of working out. Keep plugging away, keep reaching out to people who might be able to help you, and eventually something will happen.
  10. Thank you @VivaForever

    Luckily I got the financial situation sorted out for now.

    Hope you're doing well and I love you.
    mcuk, andru and VivaForever like this.
  11. I'm at least glad to hear you're both doing better @Island @VivaForever, however slight it may feel.

    As for me, well...uh...I've been doing a lot of stress-eating and lashing out lately, so there's that. Not in a super great place - I usually get deflated around the holidays but this year I think I like...numbed it or something until about two weeks ago and it feels like it's gotten worse since then.
    Island and VivaForever like this.
  12. I still don't know how to figure myself out and it sucks since I I still have feelings for this guy who keeps telling me about how sad, alone, lost he thinks I am/feel.
    I feel like he's right but I never really think about those things. I do admit I get lonely sometimes but... it happens and it takes a night to get over it. I still don't know anything outside of the forum and pop culture that makes me happy and that's something I need to figure out. And it's something he told me to figure out. I just.... don't have a passion for anything and that's scary to realize considering my future.
    VivaForever likes this.
  13. I can relate to this slightly as I've had similar feelings about getting my first grey hairs. I recently turned 29 and noticed them coming through over the past year after I turned 28. I feel way too young to have grey hair coming through (though the logical part of me knows I'm not too young at all) and it doesn't help that I look about 12 so people always think I'm younger than I am.

    What I have realised though, is despite feeling self-conscious about it and focusing on it a great deal as a result - other people don't tend to. No one I meet brings it up and there are never any passing comments. I don't notice anything that puts me off, like people looking at my hair when we talk, or confirms my worries are legitimate. I think people are way too preoccupied worrying about themselves to notice something like that. Just like we are to notice anything like that about them.

    It'll be harder for you because of your anxiety and dysmorphia, but I hope you can reach a point where even though you feel self-conscious about your hairline, you realise others aren't judging you for it and so it can become a little less worrisome. I know how tiring the constant worries over something like this can be.
    mcuk likes this.
  14. That's real different from not having anything that makes you happy, though. You wouldn't be the first gay whose life revolved around gay culture. I have friends whose main/only source of happiness is anime fandom, and that's really no different. Or the people whose happiness comes from sports.

    Taking happiness from culture (whether that's pop, or anime, or sports) is no less valid or valuable than taking it from family or work or whatever else. Why do you think there are so many songs and TV shows and stuff about "living for the weekend" (© The Saturdays)?

    If you're not happy with it, then it's an issue. But I don't want you to beat yourself up over not fitting other people's expectations of what your interests should be or where your happiness should come from. The most important thing I've ever done for my mental health, except possibly for going to counseling, was making the decision - and it was a conscious decision - not to apologise or feel bad for my feelings. Your feelings are yours, and they are valid because they exist. We know they exist because you feel them.

    "Never apologise for the way you feel, 'cause when you do, you apologise for the truth."
    - Meryl Streep (?), paraphrasing Benjamin Disraeli

    (And I hope that wasn't all a tangent.)
    Rem, Charley, Overdose and 10 others like this.
  15. So the new work environment (or me) has settled and i feel good for most of the time. I'm finally going to the gym and starting to lose weight and getting into shape because i have no shift and a lot of free time. And i'm learning to play violin, not that i'm any good with it, but it just helps me focus on something else other than my mental state and label as the "bipolar one" . And i figured out that i really like learning mechanics (if you will) of notes and music.

    I'm also dating/ flirting with a boy, we are both very shy and introverted so it's going on a turtle pace but i like spending time with him so i have no problem with waiting if that is what he wants (I took a step and let him know that i really enjoy his company and would like to spend more time. I'm not trying to be pushy about it.). I also made online friends through the apps that i really click with, so i can text to them whenever i feel bored. There are also my old friends who keep checking me from time to time.

    Because i have gym, violin classes and boy, i do not really mind being alone now. There is always a novel that i want to read or an article i should study or a record i want to check out and study too, i guess. I try to make myself busy and it both helped me socially (though not that muchi but still i find myself more approachable than before.) and mentally.

    I'm going to stop now as this has started to feel like a diary entry but i wanted to share the good news for the first time in my case.
    Love you all and wish you all well.
  16. Thank you so much! This helped a lot. <3
    Rem, R92, ohnostalgia and 3 others like this.
  17. When people at work say "I know you're going through a lot"

    Overdose, andru and Island like this.
  18. Sis i wish you luck and happiness and him realizing soon that how much you being there for him. You sound like a perfect and compassionate human being.
    popprincess likes this.
  19. I feel like Alanis Morisette's song "Eight Easy Steps" could really describe my perspective on life and how i feel about my integration to society.

    is basically me. I don't know why i don't let myself being vulnerable or open to outside. It is probably because most of my experiences left a sour taste and being a gay in a middle east and a religious environment makes me control and censor most of my feelings and emotions.
    stuaw, andru and Smooth Criminal like this.
  20. Thank you so much although I am far from being perfect that's for sure. I am trying so hard to adjust to the way my life is now but I keep thinking back to the past when I was so much happier and its destroying me.
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