Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by itzkk96, Jul 9, 2011.
I'm pretty sure Joining You alone has brought me back from the edge of crisis a few times.
Well I feel like I have been a fairly good therapist to myself, as far as connecting dots to relationship patterns, but I do feel a need to vent, and be supported in some capacity. I'm desperate for it actually.
The thing with venting is that most of the time you will get some sympathetic looks, a polite nod and some advice that doesn't always apply to your experience. These are two different experiences, to be supported by someone as a friend, who you know is there to listen to you and be a shoulder for you to cry on, and by a therapist, who will make you go through your worst memories once more so you will work them out in a healthy way.
What kind of therapy did you get aside from group therapy @WallyWinterborn?
Individual and group therapy, once a week both of them.
Well I have found that I do not have a supportive or interested friend in my life so therapy is the way to go. I need help with how to process in a healthy manner and move forward rather than just having loads of trauma replaying in my head constantly. The thing is I kept so much bottled up in my life that just saying it aloud to anyone would be very cathartic to me.
I'm sorry to hear that about the lack of supportive friends in your life. Just a small hint, do your research before choosing a therapist, you need someone you can feel as comfortable as possible, and not someone who does this just for money.
And yes, the release you will get from actually saying all those things aloud for the first time, nothing compares to it, as your perspective on things will shift quite a bit.
Well thank you, it's okay, I recognize the role I probably played in choosing the wrong people earlier in life. I'm just hoping I am not too old to still make some friends in life who will have my back.
As a child I was forced into therapy and it had a negative connotation, and I definitely, even at a young age, saw that very few were there for the right reasons. It's life experiences like these that lead to my reluctance to seek out help later in life and to look inward for answers and help rather than seeking it out from others. And I know that my only option for help at this time will be if it is offered through my state issued insurance and I consider it highly likely my choice of therapist (if I even have a choice) will be extremely limited. Not to mention when all is said and done I live on a tiny island of 60,000 in the middle of the pacific where people generally fly to a neighboring island when they need any kind of specialist help.
Personally, I refuse to believe that you are ever too old to do or change anything that happens in your life, it just depends on the effort you are willing to to put into this. From my experience, change comes in baby steps with therapy, first with identifying why you do what you do, then what you can do to change it. And here comes the tricky part because usually you are so comfortable into your own pattern and routine that it's very easy to just give up and say "Well, it's not like I can change anything about me at this point in life."
And it's not. I recently turned 28 and 2 years ago I moved by myself into another city, changed jobs, changed friends, everything and I intend to do it again this year.
This also applies to how you choose the people around you and keep them next to you. In my case, everytime someone would hurt me, I would just run away and disappear. Recently, I took the bull by the horns, confronted the problem and we are even closer.
It may sound clicheic, but it's never too late and you can do it.
Cheers again and absolutely, I really meant the "too old" as far as friends thing. I'm a creature of growth and change and I don't mind a challenge. I enjoy them actually. But I do live in a small community where most people haven't been very open to letting newer folk into their circles, and in general, I have struggled to meet people who I sense any chemistry with, friendship or otherwise. I'm not exactly putting myself out there a lot these days either, but it's hard to try and "sell" yourself publicly when you're struggling with depression and anxiety, particularly to new people meeting you under such circumstances.
Unfortunately people with high levels of depression and anxiety must work so much more to establish lasting relationships, because they will always back down whenever they will receive even the smallest amount of backlash or rejection. It all comes down to your self-esteem, to the questions in your mind such as "What if I will say something stupid? What if they will laugh at me? I'd better shut up and mind my own business, it's not like they will like me anyway."
Also the family projections on other people are so important, and also so easy to forget about them. Someone disciplines you in a way that reminds of your mother, the disappointment of someone reminds of your father and the examples can go on.
My question is, why don't you move somewhere else? I moved from a city that it's bigger than what you described and boy, was that suffocating, I can't imagine what's it like on your island. You are young, you have all the possibilities to do something in this regard.
It is extremely terrifying, and a lot of times you will regret that made this move, especially in the beginning but so worth it after some time.
At this point it's much less about self esteem and a lot more about not...liking anybody. I have built up a callous. I definitely agree I tend to look for reasons to cut people off--because I have grown quite defensive and don't want to be hurt more.
I've chosen this island because I have non traditional values and to me, this is the best piece of Earth in the United States. Clean air, water, down to earth community. This island supports life, with or without human contact. I tried moving to a city last year, but found I had even less in common with the values of people who lead a city lifestyle. If you don't like people ANYWHERE, you might as well love the Earth you live on. I am grateful to be back here. It's far from perfect but it is better than the rest of the USA when it comes to meeting my needs and providing a healthy, inspirational environment. Life on a tropical island is very unique and I am very fortunate to get that here but still retain many of the privileges of being an American citizen.
I've never related to a song more than i did to So Unsexy.
She really gets it, you know.
Yes, that's another one of hers that means a lot to me. She has so many gems.
I had plans to be up and out early today even though I don't start work until after lunch, but I woke up at 10.15 and am struggling to get motivated. I've got bills to sort and family stuff and my brain just wants me to hide.
It depends on how bad your depression is, sometimes you just really need a doctor or psychologist. I was pretty depressed but I got through it, uhmm it's hard to explain, what helped for me is just to set goals, focus on things you want to achieve, write your feelings down on a paper and throw it away after you're done writing.
I’m having a really awful time at work, I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I find my day flies past with no breaks and it’s not getting any better, this week so far I’ve been on the verge of tears or screaming at anyone who has the misfortune of speaking to me and don’t really know what to do to mitigate the circumstances; I went through CBT when I was younger which really helped but that was then and this is now. I feel so isolated and unsupported, it’s so crap. Definitely feels like I’m circling the drain of depression again and I’m a bit terrified of that happening, which in turn is making things worse and I just want to reset my mental state but don’t get five minutes to myself.
I'm going through a little bout at the moment. The dark cloud usually comes along unexpectedly. I don't think I have any noticeable triggers. It just gets hard to face the world sometimes.
My depression came on around my 30th birthday and since then I have a week or two here and there where I isolate myself and just let myself relax aka mope. I have to spend so much energy putting that smile on my face and making sure everyone thinks I'm OK. It's exhausting.
I've had a fair amount of time off work so sometimes I have to pretend that I'm ill with a severe cold or have a family emergency or bereavement. I hate having to live a lie, but it's easier.
My unhappiness is always something that is on my mind. Whether it's walking to the bus stop or listening to someone tell me the amazing plans they have for the weekend. It's just there, like tinnitus. A constant ringing of 'meh' in my head.
Has your manager been doing better since your last post in the Workplace thread?
Not really no, I get on with her on a personal level fine enough but she’s been piling work on me while my colleagues don’t seem to be doing anything and I’m wondering what’s going on - but they’re all in a different office from me so I don’t know, and she just hired two new people up in Scotland again meaning I’m still on my own. I’m getting a bit teary thinking about it and I’ve not even gone to work yet today argh!
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