Disasters: Worst attempts at ever entering Eurovision | The Popjustice Forum

Disasters: Worst attempts at ever entering Eurovision

Discussion in 'Eurovision' started by popknark2, Dec 12, 2017.

  1. Oh, national finals. Often they strike gold so valuable that not even the greatest song competition on Earth could afford their grace. But more often they manage to find the darkest bottoms in the deepest of pop oceans, places not even Spongebob, natural science or Rebecca Black have managed to reach.

    The worst songs in the national finals would put all the replies in the ”Worst Performances By Major Artists” thread to shame and, well, it would be a shame if they were completely forgotten. (And don't even bring up Patti because that's not what I'm talking about here.)

    In fact, I got the idea for the thread after this was randomly posted in that very thread.

    So let's collect the atrocities. The natural disasters. The terror attacks of euro-pop. I'll begin this doomsday thread with the Melodifestivalen entry that made Sweden look worse than San Marino:

    Addis Black Widow were quite big in Sweden when I was a kid (1995-2001), having several hits and mostly to critical acclaim. They were 'cool', sought after by our biggest international indie acts and were always invited to late night shows hosted by 'cool' Stockholm media personalities. But after this comeback performance, SVT decided to change the whole process in choosing 'known' artists to make sure they could sing live. They also decided to allow pre-recorded back-up vocals a few years later. Christer Björkman always refers to this performance as his biggest fail.
  2. HRH


    Oh, Cyprus.

  3. So this thread just had an even more amazing start than I could've anticipated. This is exactly the kind of apocalyptic Jemini shit I'm looking for.


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  4. The song wasnot that bad, but the whole Indian gimmick is seriously something I am ashamed for on behalf of every ESC-lover from my country.

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  5. It has been 10 years since this performance and still, words fail to describe the horror:

  6. HRH


    This has potential...until she starts singing.
    The "dance breakdown" at 2:15, the "mm"s in the chorus, the trip at the end...

    Cyprus national finals really are incredible.
  7. This is truly an atrocity. The only redeeming factor is imagining what you would do to Emil in bed.

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  8. Love this thread idea!

    The performance itself isn't anything to write home about, but someday I hope to confirm whether or not something I read online is true--that one of the Baccaras was in such hysterics over not qualifying that she had to be carried out of the arena:

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  9. Behold Queen Tessa (Portugal 1983)

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  10. From the finnish NF in 1973...

    You're all welcome!
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  11. Love this. In 1973, Sweden denied ABBA the opportunity to represent them at Eurovision. Meanwhile, neighboring Finland were serving all these super-extra-wonder-bops in black and white.

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  12. Ok but their choreo is literally half the Macarena. Sad!
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  13. Since I'm most familiar with Melodifestivalen entries over the years, here are some of my all-time disasters.

    Teetering right on the razor's edge between awesomely bad and just bad, I do not want to get lost in this Verona:

    If you ever wanted 3 minutes to feel like 3 hours, Py is here to help:

    I don't know what preschool play they stole that opening entry from, but like Cyndi L says, shirtless wonders wreck my sight. And hey, eventually she married Martin Stenmarck so werk.

    A shoutout to the song with the lowest ever vote total in Melodifestivalen history (if Wikipedia is to be believed). Fun facts, Jennifer now goes by the artist-name SWEEDiSH (.....) and auditioned on The Voice USA but no judge turned their chair.

    No, Rickard. We were not ready. We're still not. Damn autocorrect foiled me!!!

    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
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  14. Lithuania 2007 - What. The. Hell. Was. That.

    I wanted this so bad to represent Greece in 2007. But Tamta had to go wear that giant hood and sing like she had just finished the Athens marathon.

    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
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  15. Reminder that that got more votes than this:

    Okay, they were in different semis, but numbers.
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  16. This remains so embarassing

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  17. HRH


    The Greek selections were awful that year. I'm amazed Sarbel managed to finish 7th.
  18. I think we have a winner.

    This brings back some teen anxiety for me. Back in 2005 @Popjustice decided it was a good idea to have a Eurovision blog on the main site. He asked a few of the Eurovision geeks on the forum to run it. Just like this thread, it was a disaster. I barely knew English grammar at the time so I rarely dared to write anything. But anyway, I remember I wrote a post about how this performance could be ”absolutely brilliant” with a picture of them in their outrageous outfits. I might've used the word ”genius”. I mean, 16 year old me thought they looked fairly fabulous.

    When the semi-final aired on SVT I remember feeling so fucking embarrassed about making a fool out of myself on one of Britain's biggest music websites. It was not ”absolutely brilliant”. It was ”absolutely shit”.

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  19. Me after watching Guildo Horn in ESC 1998: "Is this the best that Germany could come up with?" Apparently it was, judging for what else was in the race, like:

    (All these three written by Ralph Siegel!)
  20. Talking Melodifestivalen, this problematic Britney-lookalike remains horrible in all the best ways:

    Imagine Sweden sending an entry to Eurovision with the lyric "I don't want a sissy".

    I do however love her Wikipedia entry, obviously written by some brainwashed stan:

    "In 2008, the song, Razborka, was broadcast during Sweden’s most prestigious event of the year, the Music Festival (Melodifestivalen). This song was then a feature of a Melodifestivalen 2008 compilation album which was sold throughout Europe along with a DVD which featured her performance. Nicole was selected as a participant for the Eurovision Song Contest (an annual competition held among active member Countries of the European Broadcasting Union). The song Razborka was widely listened to in Sweden, Finland, Russia, Greece and Ukraine."
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