***Flawless: The Beyoncé Discography Rate Top 50 (COMPLETE)

I guess 7 doesn't make everything feel so lucky...

7

beyonce_countdown_cover.jpg

SCORE: 9.253

11/10 x 4

@enjoy @Daniel! @Beginner @Rogue

Highest Score: 10 x 40 (@HeartSwells @Conan @Syzygyz @P'NutButter @Terminus @joe_alouder @Plethorya @Maria @Pinkie @First2Run @munro @Can't Speak French @theincredibleflipper @strangekin @ohnostalgia @Itty Bitty Piggy @IMHO @beyoncésweave @dodoriazarbon @EnsnareTheSenses @Push @LTG @AlmightyAloud @Mr.Arroz @RetroPhysical @send photo @allyshone @Sam de Jour @KAG @kermit_the_frog @scottdisick94 @constantino @Subwaykid @Lost In Japan. @PLUTO @aaronhansome @Petty Mayonnaise @ohdenny @that boy is a monster)
Lowest Score: 4 x 1 (@AlexD)
My Score: 10/10

I was going to give this a 9.5, but as I firmed up my scores, I decided to just gonna give it everything. What a stupidly fun song this is. Bombastic, euphoric, catchy as hell, and has that infectious as fuck hook in the form of the actual fucking countdown. What else do you need?

"After 2 visual albums this is still my favorite music video of hers." admits Beginner, who gave it his 11/10, "It's so bright and colorful and both the song and video sparkle with giddiness. "Me and boof and my boof boof riding" is one of my favorite Bey lines, so quotable. Countdown is just pure fun and careless exhilaration and I forget every single one of my worries every time I listen." Yass.

ericcccc asks, "Remember when that boy recreated the entire video to this song? Amazing." WAIT WH-oh now I remember. Yeesh. Stans need to get jobs. KAG starts out wrong but ends up right, "The actual countdown is messily done but everything else is fantastic. I particularly love how fast she's singing the verses, it takes me back to her DC days." Um, the countdown is brilliant but yeah, I get the Destiny's Child comparison. Remyky22 simply declares it, "Thrilling." which would come off as a bit shady if it didn't come with a 9/10 score. Meanwhile, my baby IMHO gives a 10/10, "A quintessential Beyoncé track, nodding to the old school but with a contemporary edge and singing the praises of her man in a way that feels genuine and spontaneous, rather than cloying and trite." Yes, it's one she'll be able to wheel out for decades and still cause a riot with.

CasuallyCrazed is starting to look more and more like a low-key villain, to be honest, "I want to love this. I really do. It’s just such a massive racket though." Well... exactly. dodoriazarbon rights this sinking ship with full marks, "One of my favourites by her ever! So so good. And loved the video. Theifyonce in full force." I can't even be bothered to jog my memory about this particular Beyoncé plagiarism scandal, so let's move on. ohnostalgia gets lost in the numbers, "I think it's impossible to pay attention to anything else when Countdown plays. Euphoria defined." Well, what else would require your attention more? Nothing. ThighHighs is struck, "This song is like a bolt of lightning. Pure adrenaline that perfectly captures the giddiness of prepping for a date with someone you are absolutely smitten with." and Push is... under the influence? "This is the musical equivalent of a trip." Sail on, sister.

munro doesn't even need to wait for a countdown to blast off, " The production fires me up instantly." constantino says, " FUCKING ICONIC! One of the few pre-BEYONCE tracks that really stacks up to her recent output. On an album where the production is solid yet mostly unremarkable, this really stands out; it’s so dynamic and fun." Yeah, I think it being so much fun is what makes it stand out from Beyoncé's most recent material. It's a wonderful bit of levity. Oceandrive... is not that much of a fan? What?! " I like the bombastic production, and I really enjoy the Boys ll Men sample, however unpopular opinion: this is one of her most overrated songs. I ain't sorry. (It's still a 7)" You can go and sit in the corner with K94, " Very good but very overrated!" Go directly to hell.

Let us reach zero with Rogue... wait that's kind of shady isn't it. Let's close this countdown with Rogue, who gave it his 11/10, " It’s just so unique, I permanently use and bop. It’s frenetic and sexy at the same time. It’s just a shame it didn’t smash all over the globe." As if that'll stop Beyoncé performing it anyway!

"Countdown" received a few performances when Beyoncé was... releasing it as a single? Performing whatever she wanted because she was pregnant? Who knows? It was performed at the Roseland shows and on the Formation Tour. It also served as an amazing fake-out interlude on the Mrs Carter Show Tour, where everyone throught said interlude was leading to a performance of the actual song... only for those horns in "Crazy In Love" to start and send the crowd berserk. Enjoy!









 
So many people that I know, they're just tryna touch ya














Kiss up and rub up and feel up
















Kiss up and rub up and feel up on you

























Give you some time to prove that I can trust you again






























I'm gonna kiss up and rub up and feel up




























Kiss up and rub up and feel up on you

















(we be) all night long...

7


Drunk_In_Love.jpg


SCORE: 9.253

11/10 x 1

@push the button

Highest Score: 10 x 47 (@AlexD @CasuallyCrazed @vikeyeol @Jam @Sprockrooster @AllGagaLike @Oceandrive @WarmBlood11 @LPMA @K94 @FresherThanYou @theelusivechanteuse @Jonathan27 @BeingBoring @Jersey @Aester @Remyky22 @supersoon @RainOnFire @Itty Bitty Piggy @IMHO @beyoncésweave @dodoriazarbon @EnsnareTheSenses @Push @LTG @AlmightyAloud @Mr.Arroz @RetroPhysical @send photo @RJF @allyshone @Sam de Jour @KAG @kermit_the_frog @scottdisick94 @constantino @Subwaykid @Lost In Japan. @PLUTO @aaronhansome @Petty Mayonnaise @ohdenny @that boy is a monster @Daniel! @Beginner @Rogue)
Lowest Score: 4 x 1 (@HeartSwells)
My Score: 10/10

Does this count as a shock elimination? I think it kind of does. I was expecting it to go to Top 5 at least. The reaction from the crowd was deafening when she did this on tour earlier this year. Like, all you could hear around you was, “LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!”. Again, so much of the allure of this album is how dark it is. I mean, this is essentially a love song, but the icy production, Beyoncé stalking the beach at night in the video like some kind of siren luring people into the water to their death, the way the whole tone of the song sounds like they go on a killing spree and come home and fuck savagely on the kitchen counter… I live. It’s only grown with time for me. I can only pray for forgiveness for my earlier ignorance and atone by grinding my taint into the floor at every play.

We open with Oceandrive makes a lot of good points, "It was the Beyoncé single that became the anthem that Run The World had so desperately wanted to be. I feel like that happened because it felt so effortless. It doesn't sound like it's trying to be cool or a big hit, it just is? I felt like a cultural moment and it was always such a joy to hear this out. I'd say it's up there with Rihanna and Drake's 'Work' as one of the Greatest Pop/Hip Hop collaborations of our time." Speaking of of this song and Drake... Next up, we have joe_alouder, "I don't like it as much as most but vocally it's incredible and the chorus is undeniable."

"This song is sooooooooo good it compensates some of the shit Jay-Z says here." eccentricsimply tells us. Yeah... Let's sidestep that mess for the time being. munro is another Jay-Zater (sigh...) "As always, I’d enjoy this so much more without Jay. He has such an unpleasant voice." It's more what he's saying is the problem, I think. constantino uses a phrase that he's already used in this countdown, which angers me. Girl, if I need to come up with new material for every song, so do you, "Where R the bops doe?!!1’ RIGHT HERE BITCH. This is a career highlight in a discography full of them. The bubbling synths, the woozy sample, the booming bass, the video…I live." You know what doesn't live? Your originality. CasuallyCrazed hopes for something that already happened, "More of an instant classic to me than “Crazy in Love”. I hope this stands the test of time as a signature hit." Sis... it's here to stay.

Sam de Jour takes us on a trip down Memory Lane, "Soundtrack to my first year at uni." Which time, sis? "The first one." Oh. "The amount of hours I've dedicated lip-syncing to this on SnapChat. Like y'all don't even know. I remember when it came out and all of the hipsters at my uni (basically all of the student body, Goldsmiths SFG represent) decried our King for being anti-feminist because of the "Anna Mae" line. I told them to fuck and kept swerving." Oh... Dear... Let's move on to something less messy with Rogue, "I can never decide if ‘SURFBOARD’T’ or ‘WATERMELON’ is my favourite random word in this slut jam." and Remyky22 adds, "Very rarely do the pop songs have as many moments as this one does, and for it alone it deserves at least a top 10 placement. My favorite is "I want your body right here, daddy, I want you" after watermelon, because it sounds as if time stopped in the middle of an orgasm. A perfect pop song." Is it really pop though? Hmm.

"Dunno if it’s too late to call it a modern classic but imma call it that anyway." Yass K94, "It’s everything I love about Beyonce in five and a half minutes. I was SHOOK when I first heard her rap but it’s her best studio moment ever. Endlessly quotable perfection." Yup, perfect for merchandise selling and meme-creating, two things crucial to survival in pop these days. ThighHighs gets controversial, "This one never got me like it did everyone else. I like it and it really goes off after a few drinks, but it's not nearly my favorite. Also -1 for "eat the cake, Anna Mae."" a 5.5/10 though...

"God, this song was pretty huge, wasn’t it?" UNDERSTATEMENT ERICCCCC "Rightfully so. It’s a bit ridiculous in all the right ways." Indeed. Sprockrooster shocks the world's media by revealing that this was actually in contention for his 11/10. WHAT?! " I do not how many I grabbed the mattress on this song, but it definitely is an anthem. Another beautiful moment is the combination of this track and hippie. In fact I would rate it as an 11 then. But since it is early in the morning my 11 goes elsewhere." What a curious little thing you are. FresherThanYou feels his puss, "Sexy as fuck track, from start to finish." and send photo sends me a warning, "I’d have knocked off points if there wasn’t a solo version." Settle down there, sis. ohnostalgia does not forgive, "Docked half a point for the Tina Turner mess. Not cute."

Let's finish with Beginner, who speaks for all of us when he's saying, "I wish I could see my face the first time I heard that second verse." Quite.

No more from me. I'll let all this do the talking.







 
He / Him / His
'End of Time' is generally out of its depth, especially beating either of the two behemoths we've just lost, and 'Crazy in Love' feels more deserving (because it's legitimately iconic) but I'm still itching the see it leave.
 
Like... Crazy In Love on the Formation Tour, while nostalgic, just seemed so out of place. Even Beyonce looked like she ran out of fucks when the tempo picked up and that track used to give her so much life when she was performing it.

It now seems like a chore.
 

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