"Gay loneliness" | Page 26 | The Popjustice Forum

"Gay loneliness"

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Raisin Hell, Mar 5, 2017.

  1. LoveSoSoft, andru and mcuk like this.
  2. Obviously I'm not too sure what's happened exactly, but I do know it's difficult when the reaction isn't what we'd hope for, but give it some time. As much as everyone's family and friends should react well, I think we have to remember sometimes that we've lived our whole lives coming to terms with it and navigating our way through to self-acceptance privately, the people around us have to go through a similar process when we come out sometimes too. Hopefully in a few days, or weeks, she'll start to come round.
  3. Have a great time!
    spillett likes this.
  4. A few friends of mine recounted the people they thought would be fine with it took it the hardest - I suppose if said person is entirely clueless, it can be a shock. The good news is that all of those people came around, it just took a little time.

    Actually, my sister was a bit of a twat about it at the time. I remember her saying she wanted nieces and nephews and me being gay ruined that. OK love, I'll just switch back. Some people do manage to make your 'big moment' about their own priorities.
    Last edited: May 16, 2018
  5. Yeah, my mum was like that, her initial reactions were very melodramatic and all about her. I'm paraphrasing but it was essentially, "I'll have to quit my job, how can I face the world knowing I have a gay son?" Like, thanks for that. Luckily it's improved over time, but it's still a thorny subject at times.
    LoveSoSoft likes this.
  6. It's fascinating how they manage to make someone else's coming out all about them. The sheer melodrama of it all. Worthy of some daytime soaps!
    andru and LoveSoSoft like this.
  7. "This is not normal."
    "I beg you, don't do this to me"
    "Im gonna lose my brother"
    "If i were in your shoes, id want someone to tell me im wrong and steer me in the right direction"
    "Do not throw your eternal life for someone you don't even know" etc

    Like congrats you lost me with these asinine and thoughtless comments not because i'm gay. I understand where you guys come from and agree at the end but something in me just wants to drop them.
  8. He


    You are within your right to do so.

    You do not owe them any patience when they're reacting so badly to something so important to you. Make that clear, though.

    Do what feels best for you right now.
    mcuk, enjoy, andru and 2 others like this.
  9. There it is. Self, self, self.

    What, exactly, is being done to her?
    LTG, gagapourgaga, Rem and 7 others like this.
  10. I'm not doing this to you, calm down.
    A former member, enjoy, andru and 2 others like this.
  11. I dont even want to find out her reasons. I just replied fine and havent contacted to her since.
  12. Solenciennes

    Solenciennes Moderator

    When I came out, my younger brother was perfect about it and came to my defense at the time and years later when my mum had some kind of... episode where it became an issue again, and sometimes I remember that he was 15 years old and handled a lot of shit that he really didn't have to and get a bit emotional about it. Coming out can affect people in all sorts of ways and it's usually to do with worrying about what other people will think and worrying about the person who has come out, dealing with shattered imagined futures, all that kind of thing.

    My older brother was so fucking messy about it though literally his first question was asking me so are you on Grindr like fffFFFFFFF get me! My dad tried to be the intermediary with my mum but made me feel kind of shitty saying stuff like "there are plenty of people out there who will make his life hard for him without you doing it too" to my mum, like, ok thanks for trying to get her to calm down and making me paranoid about the rest of the world at the same time.
  13. Well, I mean, he's not wrong at all.
    LoveSoSoft, andru and Solenciennes like this.
  14. Solenciennes

    Solenciennes Moderator

    He's not, but it felt like a bit of a slap in the face at the time. Thankfully it's all gotten better in the years since!
  15. When I came out it was kinda surprising that the very few people I had considered being fine with it were actually not and the ones I thought would have a problem just went on with their lives and let me get on with mine and were fine with it.

    You don't owe your family members that have a problem with you being gay ANYTHING. Do you, sis.
    ThisIsRogue, Island, mcuk and 10 others like this.
  16. My dad's reaction was all right because I was pretty old and independent at the time, and presented it as a fact I was choosing him to inform him of, rather an invitation for input. It did make me howl though when, solemnly clutching a broom to his chest, he looked at me with a grave expression and said, "It's just a shame you don't work in theatre."

  17. thank you @Remorque Now that i have cooled off, i just realize (and accept the fact that i have to leave them behind if necessary ) i have to get out of this shitty country one way or other.
    Tribal Spaceman and Remorque like this.
  18. I've been feeling terribly lonely lately. It's a much deeper feeling than usual. But I wouldn't change being gay for anything. Even with all the problems and obstacles that came with it. Even after all of that disgusting bullying and mocking. When I look back at my life I must say that it's really been a well of loneliness and sadness even though I used to put on a facade that made me look like the funniest and carefree person.

    Some people should understand that our lives are not just based on sex and random fucking. This is not gay porn, this is real life. I'd like to experience a real romance but I'm not that optimistic about it.
  19. I am sorry to hear that, but do hang in there! I have no idea about your life situation and environment and what opportunities you have to find likeminded people. But you could think about social clubs, charity organisations, sports clubs, evening classes, art scene... and where I live there are actually quite a few local support groups for people who deal with loneliness. I do think that specific support groups for loneliness within the LGBTQI+ community would be very welcome in most places (maybe even organise it yourself).

    True romance just really isn't easy to find, but that does not mean that it doesn't exist. Truth is it just almost always comes later than you would like, so you are completely justified in not feeling very optimistic at the moment especially when you are dealing with loneliness too. It's not an easy road, but it could certainly be well worth the wait.
    mcuk, enjoy, andru and 2 others like this.
  20. The simple fact is, most of us on this forum are not going to find lasting love. The sooner we realise that, the better! And if you DO find it, you're very fortunate.
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