I just came out of an hour and a half long conversation with my 'coach' about it and well, that was useless.. The main response I got was things like 'try to not sit inside crying all day' (well, duuuh) and 'we all have things in the past that weren't great' (true, but do we all get upset about them for days.. should I just not think about them?)
I almost miss the days where I wasn't selfaware enough to know 'going out and making out with a random guy' or 'getting drunk' don't solve anything because while I know that now I'm still not sure how healthy coping with difficult emotions works? Do I just need to keep distracting myself? Or is it something deeper and do I need a therapist who offers a little more insight than 'eat and sleep well and don't worry too much' or is this it? Who knows?
Found it interesting but not overly surprising that I pretty much talked to her with a straight face for over an hour and it wasn't till she wondered what show this was and I showed her the trailer that I was in tears in mere seconds again. Damn you, Nick & Charlie.
(One conclusion I came to myself is while I was in love with my 'Nick' it was both the pain of being in love but just as much how I really could have used a friend to share things with, who'd have told me I'm okay/I'd be okay, and instead I got the fear of telling my best friend how I felt because I'd risk losing him completely)