Heartstopper

Mvnl

Staff member
Is it worth looking into whether there are any gay therapists available? Maybe she just can’t relate (which you would expect is a pre-requisite for any therapist/coach/mentor).

I guess before watching this show even I self wouldn't have been able to relate to.. whatever this is.
And I don't wanna be like 'you're straight so you don't get it!!' but it is possible. Also she just came by one time because the person I usually talk to had a week off and they're usually more focussed on practical stuff than doing some proper deep digging. I totally see myself falling in love with my therapist if he's gay and the first person to completely get me though. (Help)
 

Mvnl

Staff member
I’m sorry your therapy sessions didn’t go how you wanted. If it’s any consolation this thread is helping as the therapy as most people seem to feel the same as me.

Yeah at the risk of people thinking 'not him again' this is pretty much my main outlet now. And she's not really a therapist (also first time I saw her cause her colleague had a week off). Usually these talks are more about me clearing my head when I'm overthinking than doing any proper therapy work, which she might not even be qualified for. I guess I just kinda had hoped for confirmation that yes, some therapy might be helpful, instead of the sense that I'm just making it all far too big because everyone gets sad sometimes. But maybe I am? In an odd way the fact so many gay guys are heartbroken over this show actually confirms for me that it's something deeper instead of thinking 'this is normal'
 
I just came out of an hour and a half long conversation with my 'coach' about it and well, that was useless.. The main response I got was things like 'try to not sit inside crying all day' (well, duuuh) and 'we all have things in the past that weren't great' (true, but do we all get upset about them for days.. should I just not think about them?)
I almost miss the days where I wasn't selfaware enough to know 'going out and making out with a random guy' or 'getting drunk' don't solve anything because while I know that now I'm still not sure how healthy coping with difficult emotions works? Do I just need to keep distracting myself? Or is it something deeper and do I need a therapist who offers a little more insight than 'eat and sleep well and don't worry too much' or is this it? Who knows?

Found it interesting but not overly surprising that I pretty much talked to her with a straight face for over an hour and it wasn't till she wondered what show this was and I showed her the trailer that I was in tears in mere seconds again. Damn you, Nick & Charlie.

(One conclusion I came to myself is while I was in love with my 'Nick' it was both the pain of being in love but just as much how I really could have used a friend to share things with, who'd have told me I'm okay/I'd be okay, and instead I got the fear of telling my best friend how I felt because I'd risk losing him completely)
Meet your twin here. I think this is where I'm finding finishing the show and coming back to reality now the hardest. We'd all love a Nick as a partner and someone to build us up but this is the reality of what dating in this day and age does to your confidence and mental health
 
wow I read this post like it was my own thoughts. I feel totally the same as you and I’m also 32 and never had a partner. I don’t even think i would recognise when a guy is being nice and flirting with me at 32 as I’m not used to it. I was trying to think back other day to the past when guys like Nick who you think are straight have been nice and looked after me and was it just friendly or something more? A few I know are married with kids now so probs straight to answer my own question
I'm totally same. Guys could flat out tell me I like you I fancy you and I wouldn't believe them but one straight guy just treat me like a actual human being and I fall in love.
 

Mvnl

Staff member
Meet your twin here. I think this is where I'm finding finishing the show and coming back to reality now the hardest. We'd all love a Nick as a partner and someone to build us up but this is the reality of what dating in this day and age does to your confidence and mental health

I mean.. it's probably how a LOT of people deal with feelings they don't want to feel.
But I haven't touched a drink in over 10 months and I am (unfortunately) wise enough to know changing that would do absolutely for my mental stability right now. (I know this is a good thing. It's just tempting to think: I am already a mess right now, might as well act like one!)
 
D

Deleted member 31207

Yeah at the risk of people thinking 'not him again' this is pretty much my main outlet now. And she's not really a therapist (also first time I saw her cause her colleague had a week off). Usually these talks are more about me clearing my head when I'm overthinking than doing any proper therapy work, which she might not even be qualified for. I guess I just kinda had hoped for confirmation that yes, some therapy might be helpful, instead of the sense that I'm just making it all far too big because everyone gets sad sometimes. But maybe I am? In an odd way the fact so many gay guys are heartbroken over this show actually confirms for me that it's something deeper instead of thinking 'this is normal'

Don’t worry I don’t think oh not him again. I feel the same with all my boo hoo me posts and racking over my past but realised the past can’t be changed. It’s how do I move forward that counts. I don’t think your making a big deal of it this show has been a real gut punch for gay guys.
 

Mvnl

Staff member
Don’t worry I don’t think oh not him again. I feel the same with all my boo hoo me posts and racking over my past but realised the past can’t be changed. It’s how do I move forward that counts. I don’t think your making a big deal of it this show has been a real gut punch for gay guys.

Thanks. And yeah I definitely like to focus on the future too but sometimes (being now) the past comes back to haunt you and I do feel that I might have to deal with that properly instead of going 'nah, that's in the past, on we go!'
 
I mean.. it's probably how a LOT of people deal with feelings they don't want to feel.
But I haven't touched a drink in over 10 months and I am (unfortunately) wise enough to know changing that would do absolutely for my mental stability right now. (I know this is a good thing. It's just tempting to think: I am already a mess right now, might as well act like one!)
Well done that's great achievement on 10 months. It's tough to deal with feelings like this. I don't want to burden straight friends with it so I kinda throw my self into helping with their relationships or try hardest to be the fun person when hanging out. Sometimes it works and does help me block out any tough thoughts I don't want to feel other days it's tough just for some of the sad thoughts to creep in
 
D

Deleted member 31207

Also I’d add does anyone else feel they have the same personality as Charlie and act like him even though his character is 15 and I’m 32? I know it sounds strange as he’s 15 but I really relate to him and feel I am exactly the same even the way he’s shy, vulnerable and apologises like 100 times a day I do that.
 
D

Deleted member 31207

Thanks. And yeah I definitely like to focus on the future too but sometimes (being now) the past comes back to haunt you and I do feel that I might have to deal with that properly instead of going 'nah, that's in the past, on we go!'
I know what you mean as I carry resentment around with me I’d like to resolve. Like is it wrong even though love parents and they done much good for me I still annoyed by some of their actions and beliefs when I was younger even tiny things ?
 

Mvnl

Staff member
I know what you mean as I carry resentment around with me I’d like to resolve. Like is it wrong even though love parents and they done much good for me I still annoyed by some of their actions and beliefs when I was younger even tiny things ?

I'm still working on this as well. You don't get to pick your parents, frankly mine wouldn't be people I'd choose to hang out with if we weren't related and a lot of what they've done has pretty much messed me up. Did they do so with the best intent? Probably. Doesn't mean I have to appreciate it or be grateful for all of it. You can understand where a person's coming from and still hate what they did. And even though I still have to remind myself of this: emotions don't have to be justified. You don't have to earn a right to feel sad or angry, or to be 'in the right' to do so. I'm a champion of pushing aside my feelings because of how many times as child I got told 'I'm ruining the mood by being sad, now just be a good boy again!' and because I always look at situations from all sides and understand where other people are coming from. But it's probably quite healthy to just acknowledge when you feel sad, angry or annoyed. Doesn't mean you have to act on it every time, but allowing yourself to feel what you feel is a pretty good start to taking care of yourself.
 

Mvnl

Staff member
Also I’d add does anyone else feel they have the same personality as Charlie and act like him even though his character is 15 and I’m 32? I know it sounds strange as he’s 15 but I really relate to him and feel I am exactly the same even the way he’s shy, vulnerable and apologises like 100 times a day I do that.

I don't think there's an age limit on some of those traits. Ideally we'd all grow out of it because there's little fun in being insecure. But even at 40 I still had moments of slight envy (and being impressed) looking at Nick and thinking 'I wish I was as calm, confident and together as that guy'
 
D

Deleted member 31207

I don't think there's an age limit on some of those traits. Ideally we'd all grow out of it because there's little fun in being insecure. But even at 40 I still had moments of slight envy (and being impressed) looking at Nick and thinking 'I wish I was as calm, confident and together as that guy'
Yes Nick is so confident.
 
D

Deleted member 31207

I'm still working on this as well. You don't get to pick your parents, frankly mine wouldn't be people I'd choose to hang out with if we weren't related and a lot of what they've done has pretty much messed me up. Did they do so with the best intent? Probably. Doesn't mean I have to appreciate it or be grateful for all of it. You can understand where a person's coming from and still hate what they did. And even though I still have to remind myself of this: emotions don't have to be justified. You don't have to earn a right to feel sad or angry, or to be 'in the right' to do so. I'm a champion of pushing aside my feelings because of how many times as child I got told 'I'm ruining the mood by being sad, now just be a good boy again!' and because I always look at situations from all sides and understand where other people are coming from. But it's probably quite healthy to just acknowledge when you feel sad, angry or annoyed. Doesn't mean you have to act on it every time, but allowing yourself to feel what you feel is a pretty good start to taking care of yourself.
This is very true and what you say I probably need to work on.

I think if I wasn’t their son my parents wouldn’t ideally choose to hang out with me if I’m totally honest or if they weren’t my parents and I was same age or something in a alternative universe (like back to the future film) i don’t think my parents would be mates or like me honestly
 
Also I’d add does anyone else feel they have the same personality as Charlie and act like him even though his character is 15 and I’m 32? I know it sounds strange as he’s 15 but I really relate to him and feel I am exactly the same even the way he’s shy, vulnerable and apologises like 100 times a day I do that.
100 percent. The apologizing all the time is something I constantly do. I was thinking I'm 32 why am I seeing so much of myself in this 15 year old character but I think the problem is at the age we never had these normal dating sweet moments so don't know how as a adult to start a kiss or have a hug without feeling like a awkward 15 year old.
 
Don’t even get me started on my parents (as much as I love them) did they really think I wasn’t interested in sex or dating for all of my teenage years. All those topless posters of River Phoenix on my bedroom wall wasn’t the slightest hint? By all accounts I was a camp child until about 11 when there was a sudden change. Did they think I had a personality transplant or maybe something had triggered the change?

Honestly parents need to think about their kids beyond school grades and good behaviour.
 
D

Deleted member 31207

Don’t even get me started on my parents (as much as I love them) did they really think I wasn’t interested in sex or dating for all of my teenage years. All those topless posters of River Phoenix on my bedroom wall wasn’t the slightest hint? By all accounts I was a camp child until about 11 when there was a sudden change. Did they think I had a personality transplant or maybe something had triggered the change?

Honestly parents need to think about their kids beyond school grades and good behaviour.
Same with the Gareth Gates posters and my parents even took me to Steps and Spice Girls pop concerts what did they think, so strange?

you’d think my parents where religious the way they had traditional valves and beliefs but they aren’t.
 
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