This show has definitely demolished me in the best and worst ways. As with others, it's brought up a lot. Sorry this soul bearing is going to be long. I had a friend in high school that ended up becoming my "Nick". He wasn't sporty at all, rather more handsome preppy nerd. Not flashy, whip smart, into underground and local rock bands and easily passed as straight, never a gay rumor, he wasn't teased or picked on ever... and I was... the opposite. I was the flamboyant, Buffy loving, Britney loving, unmistakably gay voiced, used to dress up as Disney princesses and go out in public as a kid, kind of gay teen. I'd been picked on, beat-up...etc... the works, since I was in grade school. I wasn't "out" but I knew I was gay and wished everyone else didn't.
We met in my Junior year even though I was a year ahead of him, both writing for the school newspaper. We had similar senses of humor and became fast friends. At first I was just so happy to have a straight male friend because they were few and far between. But then, our inside jokes and banter started to feel more like flirting to me. I convinced myself that I was misreading the situation and that it was just because we had similar dark, dry senses of humor. Then he invited me over to his house on the weekend to work on a piece for the paper. Then it became regular to hang at his place all the time. Like every day. We'd listen to each others music and he'd expose me to all the movies he loved. Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Pulp Fiction..etc everything still read straight to me.. until one night he showed me Interview with the Vampire.
While watching, there were moments right out of Heartstopper where our fingers or our feet would touch slightly. I was on fire inside, but convinced myself that it was on accident on his part, or that he hadn't even noticed. We were talking after and I asked him why this was such a favorite of his? He told me aside from liking the story that he found it sexy and alluring or something to that effect. At this point we'd been friends long enough and I trusted him, so I just told him I was gay. He told me that he figured and that he's glad I told him.
He was the first person I'd come out to, so I was on a high and somewhat selfishly reveling in my own feelings of liberation, so I it didn't even occur to me that he might be queer too. I was just relieved that he still wanted to be my friend, wouldn't out me and that I had someone I could be my full self around. Naturally being the only person I could talk to about "gay things" I brought up queer stuff all the time. At the time, I took his genuine interest and questions as super supportive and thought I'd hit the jackpot. Then it all changed one night.
I have to preface this by saying he always used to playfully tease me for being a Madonna fan, not in a queer shaming way, but more of a "this indie rock band has so much more substance" kind of way.. and I never thought anything of it because "shock" a straight guy didn't get Madonna. That night I went over to his place and he told me he'd burnt a cd for me (yes I'm old) and he wanted me to listen to it. It was a mixture of Madonna songs he actually liked (!!!) and some of his favorite indie bands covering Madonna songs. Suddenly he paused the music, put his hand on mine (!!!!) and said he had something to tell me! He told me he was bi.
Sounds stupid now, but I was shocked! Obviously, it was my turn to ask him all the questions he'd been asking me. When? How'd you know?..etc. Turns out he'd known for a few years and that he'd came to the conclusion while watching various porn (tee hee). After the initial excitement and furry of questions, he told me that he's wanted to kiss me for such a long time. He didn't have to tell me twice. Right there and then was our first kiss... let's be honest it was more of a make out sesh than just a kiss. The rest is history.
We became instant boyfriends. Not out to the world or friends (we both wanted to wait for college to avoid the bullying and drama) but we were a couple. Had our favorite date routines of going to the movies, various coffee shops, record shops, and finding places we could hold hands in public away from the rest of our world. Our families got along great. He would go on family vacations with my family..etc. And we were no longer virgins ;-) It was kind of perfect. He still teased me about Madonna though. hahaha.
We were together for 2 years. I look back on it with a ton of emotions. We didn't end because we lost any love for each other, but life just got in the way. I was a year ahead of him and started college in the fall. It was a strain we probably wouldn't have been able to endure, but to make matters worse my mom (and best friend) died quite suddenly of skin cancer that first semester. He and I were still together but I didn't really know how to be happy around him or anyone for a long time and he didn't really know how to pull me out of it. I broke up with him because I needed to go through my grief without feeling responsible for anyone but me. I also needed to experience gay culture and life to find out what I wanted, liked..etc From there we grew apart naturally.
Several years later we got back together as friends to go see a movie and we still had the same exact chemistry. Flirty sparks back and forth the whole time. We appreciated it because we knew it wasn't common or something to take for granted but it was also too late. Our lives were in different places now and we were different. He was insecure because he felt the guys I'd dated since him were "hotter" than him and that he'd let his weight "go"(He was not overweight but you know how insecurities go). I was insecure and needy about him being at college in another state and us having to be long distance. No matter how much I reassured him that he was the most attractive, or how attracted I was to him and how no other guy compared to our love and chemistry.. it wasn't enough. No matter how much he tried to assure my that he could remain faithful in a long distance relationship as a young 20 something...it wasn't enough. We just didn't work.
Much later we met up one more time. He was volunteering for a queer youth event near me and we grabbed drinks. We still got along great, but our spark wasn't what it was. We grew up and changed even more. I was happily in a new relationship (the same one I've now been in for 11yrs. My husband) and he (now happy to identify as a bear) too was in a happy and healthy open relationship with another bear who was also bi. We've lost touch again since, it's tough because he's super anti-social media, but watching Heartstoppers brought up everything in a very visceral way that was wonderful and tumultuous about us, about growing up queer, losing my mom.. I'm just.. a ball of emotions. Haven't talked to him in 10years. I have no idea what's going on in his life or where he lives..etc Don't even know if the number I have for him is still his... but I might just txt it anyway to see if he's seen Heartstoppers...
We met in my Junior year even though I was a year ahead of him, both writing for the school newspaper. We had similar senses of humor and became fast friends. At first I was just so happy to have a straight male friend because they were few and far between. But then, our inside jokes and banter started to feel more like flirting to me. I convinced myself that I was misreading the situation and that it was just because we had similar dark, dry senses of humor. Then he invited me over to his house on the weekend to work on a piece for the paper. Then it became regular to hang at his place all the time. Like every day. We'd listen to each others music and he'd expose me to all the movies he loved. Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Pulp Fiction..etc everything still read straight to me.. until one night he showed me Interview with the Vampire.
While watching, there were moments right out of Heartstopper where our fingers or our feet would touch slightly. I was on fire inside, but convinced myself that it was on accident on his part, or that he hadn't even noticed. We were talking after and I asked him why this was such a favorite of his? He told me aside from liking the story that he found it sexy and alluring or something to that effect. At this point we'd been friends long enough and I trusted him, so I just told him I was gay. He told me that he figured and that he's glad I told him.
He was the first person I'd come out to, so I was on a high and somewhat selfishly reveling in my own feelings of liberation, so I it didn't even occur to me that he might be queer too. I was just relieved that he still wanted to be my friend, wouldn't out me and that I had someone I could be my full self around. Naturally being the only person I could talk to about "gay things" I brought up queer stuff all the time. At the time, I took his genuine interest and questions as super supportive and thought I'd hit the jackpot. Then it all changed one night.
I have to preface this by saying he always used to playfully tease me for being a Madonna fan, not in a queer shaming way, but more of a "this indie rock band has so much more substance" kind of way.. and I never thought anything of it because "shock" a straight guy didn't get Madonna. That night I went over to his place and he told me he'd burnt a cd for me (yes I'm old) and he wanted me to listen to it. It was a mixture of Madonna songs he actually liked (!!!) and some of his favorite indie bands covering Madonna songs. Suddenly he paused the music, put his hand on mine (!!!!) and said he had something to tell me! He told me he was bi.
Sounds stupid now, but I was shocked! Obviously, it was my turn to ask him all the questions he'd been asking me. When? How'd you know?..etc. Turns out he'd known for a few years and that he'd came to the conclusion while watching various porn (tee hee). After the initial excitement and furry of questions, he told me that he's wanted to kiss me for such a long time. He didn't have to tell me twice. Right there and then was our first kiss... let's be honest it was more of a make out sesh than just a kiss. The rest is history.
We became instant boyfriends. Not out to the world or friends (we both wanted to wait for college to avoid the bullying and drama) but we were a couple. Had our favorite date routines of going to the movies, various coffee shops, record shops, and finding places we could hold hands in public away from the rest of our world. Our families got along great. He would go on family vacations with my family..etc. And we were no longer virgins ;-) It was kind of perfect. He still teased me about Madonna though. hahaha.
We were together for 2 years. I look back on it with a ton of emotions. We didn't end because we lost any love for each other, but life just got in the way. I was a year ahead of him and started college in the fall. It was a strain we probably wouldn't have been able to endure, but to make matters worse my mom (and best friend) died quite suddenly of skin cancer that first semester. He and I were still together but I didn't really know how to be happy around him or anyone for a long time and he didn't really know how to pull me out of it. I broke up with him because I needed to go through my grief without feeling responsible for anyone but me. I also needed to experience gay culture and life to find out what I wanted, liked..etc From there we grew apart naturally.
Several years later we got back together as friends to go see a movie and we still had the same exact chemistry. Flirty sparks back and forth the whole time. We appreciated it because we knew it wasn't common or something to take for granted but it was also too late. Our lives were in different places now and we were different. He was insecure because he felt the guys I'd dated since him were "hotter" than him and that he'd let his weight "go"(He was not overweight but you know how insecurities go). I was insecure and needy about him being at college in another state and us having to be long distance. No matter how much I reassured him that he was the most attractive, or how attracted I was to him and how no other guy compared to our love and chemistry.. it wasn't enough. No matter how much he tried to assure my that he could remain faithful in a long distance relationship as a young 20 something...it wasn't enough. We just didn't work.
Much later we met up one more time. He was volunteering for a queer youth event near me and we grabbed drinks. We still got along great, but our spark wasn't what it was. We grew up and changed even more. I was happily in a new relationship (the same one I've now been in for 11yrs. My husband) and he (now happy to identify as a bear) too was in a happy and healthy open relationship with another bear who was also bi. We've lost touch again since, it's tough because he's super anti-social media, but watching Heartstoppers brought up everything in a very visceral way that was wonderful and tumultuous about us, about growing up queer, losing my mom.. I'm just.. a ball of emotions. Haven't talked to him in 10years. I have no idea what's going on in his life or where he lives..etc Don't even know if the number I have for him is still his... but I might just txt it anyway to see if he's seen Heartstoppers...
