Heaven Is a Rate on Earth. The Belinda Carlisle Rate. Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? | Page 11 | The Popjustice Forum

Heaven Is a Rate on Earth. The Belinda Carlisle Rate. Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by VivaForever, Feb 18, 2019.

  1. Oh look. Another fucking cover.

    74. The Ballad of Lucy Jordan - 6.10
    Extras (A Woman and a Man B-side, 1996)

    Highest score: 10 (@unnameable)
    Lowest score: 3 x 2 (@Hatbar, @tylerc904)​

    Okay, this one actually isn't bad. I gave it a 6.5, mostly on the strength of Belinda's vocal. It was one of two B-sides on CD1 of Always Breaking My Heart, the other being Love Walks In. In an ploy for sales so unabashed that I have to laugh, CD2 featured Heaven Is a Place on Earth, Circle in the Sand, and I Get Weak. CD1, on the other hand, included an "art print" of the front cover photo, which is actually one of my favorite Belinda photos, so who's the real winner here. Both Lucy Jordan and Love Walks In were added to the album in Japan, and Lucy Jordan was also included on the DTS 5.1 surround sound edition in the US.

    Anyway, The Ballad of Lucy Jordan was written by poet Shel Silverstein (of The Giving Tree and Where the Sidewalk Ends fame), who, before he was writing shitty children's books, was writing songs and poems for adults. Like this song, about a housewife driven to attempt suicide. It was originally recorded in 1974 by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show - no, I don't know her - but made famous in 1979 by Marianne Faithfull - hey, I do know her! - on her comeback/signature album Broken English. Her recording appeared in the finale to American Horror Story: Hotel, and she performed it in an episode of Absolutely Fabulous in her recurring role as God. Amazing? Amazing. It has also been recorded by country singer Lee Hazlewood, blues singer Lucinda Williams, and perennial Melodifestivalen contestant Kikki Danielsson. Again, amazing.

    @unnameable (10) calls it "a beautiful version of a classic." I... will agree that it is a classic, at least in the commercial sense of the word. @CasperFan (4) "wasn’t familiar with the original, nice enough but a little dull."

    "Shame this was relegated to only some special surround-sound release of A Woman and a Man," says @Seventeen Days (8), "as it’s the only other track from this era (besides In Too Deep) that I can truly say I enjoyed." Choices!

    Speaking of... "I like the vocal. The production, though... That was a choice. Someone remix this ASAP." Thank you, @pop3blow2 (7.8), for justifying my love my take above.

  2. No upsets yet. Glad Stuff and Nonsense and My heart goes out to you have gone, I find the last tracks on all her albums are all pretty dire apart from Loneliness game.
    I remember being feeling pretty let down with Voila but also terrified of the picture of her in the sleeve with the poodle that I actually had to chuck it in the bin.
    VivaForever likes this.
  3. Ugh I hate that Lucy song.
    WhipperSnapper and Hatbar like this.
  4. 73. Dancing in the City - 6.14
    Extras (Burglar, 1987)

    Highest score: 7 x 2 (@Untitled, @bonnieetclyde)
    Lowest score: 3 (@Cundy)​

    A high score of 7? I have to laugh. That is actually our lowest high score of the entire rate.

    Remember when I accidentally included this in the singles rate because I didn't read the Discogs page closely enough to see that it was only a single in Italy, Japan, and Canada? Oh, good times.

    Dancing in the City was written by the dynamite team of Billy Steinberg and Tom Kelly, the gents behind I Need a Disguise and Deep Deep Ocean, as well as the Bangles' Eternal Flame (along with a bunch of Susanna Hoffs' solo stuff), Cyndi Lauper's True Colors and I Drove All Night (among others), Tina Turner's Private Dancer, the Divinyls' I Touch Myself, Whitney's So Emotional, the Pretenders' (and Girls Aloud's) I'll Stand by You, Julie Brown's Girl Fight Tonight (which totally belongs in this list, shut up) - oh, and a little song called Like a Virgin. WHEW we stan TALENT! It was produced by Bernard Edwards of Chic/Power Station/general amazingness fame.

    So with all that pop genius behind it, and I don't use that word lightly, it is honestly impressive how mediocre the thing is. Like, I don't even have anything interesting to say about it, except that it does have definite echoes of early Madonna. It was written for Burglar, Whoopi Goldberg's second comedy movie after Jumpin' Jack Flash (and third overall after The Color Purple), which, you know, my only knowing that it exists because of the Belinda connection should tell you something about its classic status, or lack thereof. Actually, Roger Ebert called it "witless [and] hapless" and a "criminal" waste of Whoopi's talent. Funny, same could be said about this song as related to Belinda's, Billy and Tom's, and Bernard's talents... The soundtrack also featured songs by The Jacksons, The Jets, The Belle Stars, and other acts whose names started with "The."

    "Better than most of the Belinda album, nice little bop," says @CasperFan (6), who is wrong. "The growly bit in the middle is fun!"

    "Pleasant but not especially memorable" is @unnameable's (6) assessment, which honestly I think is a bit generous.

    @Seventeen Days (6.5) gets me: "This very much sounds like it was a b-side, so it doesn't surprise me that it was tossed onto a soundtrack. It’s not bad, I suppose."

  5. So out of our first 14 eliminations, 10 have been from the extras section. (Also, four have been from the Belinda era, and four from the A Woman and a Man era.) Yikes.
    WhipperSnapper and Hatbar like this.
  6. Burglar is fun enough - Whoopi wearing bright blue contacts for the duration is the most notable aspect though.

    Belle's song literally plays for all of 45 seconds in the background during a scene in a bar.
    VivaForever likes this.
  7. Steinberg & Kelly were also responsible for "Alone" by Heart. Tom Kelly retired, Billy Steinberg is still writing, and wrote "When it all falls apart", one my of my favourite Veronicas songs.

    And yes, this rate does feature Steinberg/Kelly songs I don't stan.
  8. Heads up, I probably won't update over the weekend as I will be at an anime con!
  9. Have an amazing time queen!
    Phonetics Girl and VivaForever like this.
  10. This is the best excuse ever!
    VivaForever likes this.
  11. Apropos of nothing, this may be my first rate since the Belinda singles rate that won’t take place over my birthday. The Rachel rate may not have either ... not sure.
  12. Ain't it funny how you think you're gonna be okay
    Till you remember things are never gonna be the same again?
    Ain't it crazy how you think you've got your whole life planned
    Just to find out it was never ever in your hands?
    Sugababes, 2007

    72. Change - 6.25
    Extras (Real-era demo, 1993)

    Highest score: 10 (@Untitled)
    Lowest score: 4 x 2 (@Robsolete, @Cundy)​

    Unlike the Real-era demos we previously eliminated, the final one of the triad was actually released during the Real campaign, as a B-side to Big Scary Animal in Europe. Japan and America, meanwhile, only got the other B-side, album track Windows of the World. Like Don't Cry and Whatcha Doin', it was written by Belegenda and the Caffey siblings. Sidebar, Belegenda and the Caffeys sounds like a great '70s girl group.

    @Hudweiser (6.5) wonders if Belinda and company were pulling some ABBA-/Ace of Base-style shenanigans. "Weird they’d call this a demo as it sounds as produced as the rest of Real. Part of the chorus melody sounds like part of Lay Down Your Arms, so maybe they nabbed it." @Seventeen Days (7) is also positive: "The beat of this one is great, as are Belinda’s vocals. This one is almost the mirror image of ‘Don’t Cry’ for me, as it actually sounds great in demo form and doesn’t sound like it would need much more polishing to be an album track."

    Despite scoring it the same as Hud, @CasperFan (6.5) is less convinced by the production, saying, "Pity it’s just a demo - with better production it could be quite good." And @unnameable (5) has ha eye on the play counts: "Pleasant song, but are we the only people listening to this on YouTube?"

    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
  13. Ohmygod, I was totally not paying attention, and we're eliminating our first single next! Who wants to guess what it is?
  14. Is it a 'cover single'?

    I'm going with Band of Gold, regardless.
    WhipperSnapper and VivaForever like this.
  15. It's got to be either Feel The Magic or I Feel Free-both abominations!
    VivaForever likes this.
  16. I would presume it's Band of Gold but my pick would be Goodbye Just Go or Love in the Key of C.

    Question: is the version of In My Wildest Dreams on the Singles boxset as LQ as the youtube one?
    Phonetics Girl and VivaForever like this.
  17. All these guesses are adorable. I was actually being sarcastic because I thought everyone would know it right away!

    @CasperFan was closest...
    Yes ma'am. If I recall correctly, they couldn't locate the master, which is why it wasn't on the albums, but finally they located a copy on tape, which is why it sounds like crap. It's the only surviving copy (as far as anyone knows) that doesn't have the sounds from the movie on it.
  18. What a sad situation, the song really is a lovely bonus.
  19. What?

    Phonetics Girl likes this.
  20. I wouldn't go so far as to call I Feel the Magic an abomination, but it's not one of my favorites. As for I Feel Free... well, sis didn't lie.
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