I Got New Rates I Count 'Em: 2017 Number 1's Rate (WINNER) | Page 12 | The Popjustice Forum

I Got New Rates I Count 'Em: 2017 Number 1's Rate (WINNER)

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by Petty Mayonnaise, Jan 8, 2018.

  1. This is going amazing so far, so watch y'all mess up and Bodak Yellow misses the Top 10.
  2. I mean, I wasn't being exactly specific about the percentages, but:

    Symphony, Wild Thoughts, Feels, New Rules, Havana, Humble, Bodak Yellow


    Everything else.
  3. I see you erasing my commentary from the narrrative. But yeah, I was petty. FIRO deserved that #1.
  4. It's not just yours. I got way more commentary than I expected, so it's not all going to make it this is just a quick heads up to everyone. Don't @ me if it doesn't make the write up.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  5. Dddd yeah I'll have a new computer by the time the next rate where I have to make graphics and stuff comes around, but without that part, it's totally doable.
  6. I love how everyone gave this half a point more only because of Beyonce. Feels... correct. But yeah, the song is still shit.
  7. Beyonce or no Beyonce, that song is still one of the worst pieces of heterosexual nonsense I've heard in my entire life.

  8. How did Beyoncé go from giving the gays everything they want in 2016 to stabbing them all in the back by duetting with the two biggest examples of straight white nonsense in the world in 2017?
  9. She’s pacifying the whites before dissolving them in Lemonade II: Zero Sugar.
    Remorque, Joe., constantino and 16 others like this.
  10. No thank you!
    Mirwais Ahmadzaï and londonrain like this.
  11. [​IMG]
  12. Me tanking 'Perfect' and whatever that Sam Smith track is called despite having never subjected myself to either.

    HollyDunnSomething and Joe. like this.
  13. What SNL skit/episode is this from?
  15. Good concept, although that Taylor Swift line towards the end did not age well.
  16. Anyone calling for "I'm The One" to be gone needs to be gone.
  17. Talent



    SCORE: 3.277
    Highest Score:
    10 x 1 (@P Grandson)
    Lowest Score: 0 x 19 (@Sanctuary @send photo @happiestgirl @Mushroom @paperboyfriendd @Mirwais Ahmadzaï @Empty Shoebox @soratami @Blond @IAmMrDexB @KingBruno @Furball @Fever @klow @Fantasy @Robsolete @Posh Spears @Cutlery @Petty Mayonnaise)

    lol bye ginger demon

    "I get why it’s a big hit and it’s insanely catchy. That doesn’t mean that it’s quality or remotely good, though. Probably the most overrated and overplayed song of 2017. Fuck off." screams ufint. I honestly deserve some sort of compensation for the number of times I was subjected to this last year.

    DominoDancing gives us some analysis. "Tropical house with the House part replaced by boring guitar strums. Some nice elements in the melody, which we know were nicked from TLC. So what exactly am I supposed to score highly here?" It's trash don't worry about high scores.

    sexercise is being send to bed without supper. "Cute bop honestly." I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.

    send photo graces us with the next installment of tales from the bathhouse. "Ed highkey reminds me of the creepers who'd watch me work at the bathhouse. I feel like the chorus would be a pickup line he'd try. Basically he's creepy and this song is creepy." You did such a beautiful job expressing yourself.

    happiest girl says ihavequestions.m4a. “I can't figure out what’s the worst part of this song. Trite lyrics? Annoying melody? Ed Sheeran’s voice? The fact that it was everywhere for what felt likedecades?” The answer: all of the above.

    Sprockrooster tries to lie right to my face. "This was quite some lovely at some live performances. Truly skilled, so such a waste of talent to waste it on a song like this. Toss in some serious radio overkilling play and I am done." Ed Sheeran? Talent? Bish where?

    CorgiCorgiCorgi whispers from the corner. "I liked it the first eighty times I heard it." I didn't.

    "But you and me are thrifty' first, It's "You and I" you illiterate cock. Secondly, you're a millionaire. Why are you taking stuff from a buffet? Why are you making your date put it in her bag? Are you planning to buy her a new bag after the current one gets ruined with all the 'sweet and sour'? You also told her to 'put van on the jukebox' Did you make her pay for that too? Aye, clearly you love this woman so much that you will spend as little as possible on her. Take your zero and piss off. Prick." Level with me, Empty Shoebox. Were you the woman he took on this excursion?

    soratami points out the obvious. "This song feels like it exists for the sole purpose of being a hit everywhere. It's just so safe, so artless, so pandering, so faceless, so basic in every sense. But hey, at least it did its job." Ed Sheeran in having no artistry shocker.

    Blond is really feeling some type of way about this song. "This is quite possibly my least favourite song of all time. I hate the lyrics, I hate how overplayed it was and I hate how desperate Ed clearly was for a number one. It’s like they used an algorithm to make a hit record in 2017 and the soulless fucking computer programme came up with this heap of shit. Unbearable." You mad huh?

    Somehow, A$AP Robbie had high enough hopes to be disappointed by this. "The worst thing, I think about Shape of You, is the overwhelming sense of disapointment about the whole thing. Sure, the lyrics are appalling and the music is generic, and Ed himself is annoying, but when you're out and about and the opening bars come on (which was inescapable this year) your ears prick up and you think "oh? What's this" for a momentary second and then you remember and Ed squanders something that could have been interesting." I can't relate. The opening of this song fills me with a sense of existential dread that I can't describe.

    "I’m bored of Tropical Pop now. But it was alright and it’s still listenable" No, Spiral, it isn't.

    Remorque has a lengthy explanation for his 6.5. "I’m going to be completely honest with you: when I first heard Shape of You it was on the radio at work, so all I kinda heard was his voice and the production and I did think it was kinda okay and atypical of his style. Of course, then it got played to death every 454 seconds, I saw the video on every single music channel (and then some) and I noticed the lyrics being… how they are

    Of course, it had grown on me like the fungus it actually is and I’m sorry." Since it still dropped in the bottom 5, apology accepted.

    berserkboi gives this an 8.5 for...dubious reasons. "As this list of songs is quite uninspiring, this track rates among the upperechelon of both Ed or the whole listhere. Well done on your high score!" As poor as most of this list is, it's not nearly bad enough that Shape of You would be anywhere but the very bottom.

    Filler reminds me why I don't read the main site dddd. "Reminder that, as a Popjustice £20 Music Prize nominee, this might actually be the official Popjustice choice for best #1 of 2017." Doesn't PopJustice also officially stan Steps too? Luckily he didn't get a say here.

    Your Pretty Brains viciously attacks straight white men as the forrem is known to do. "This has actually grown on me. (I know, I KNOW.) It's a wee groovy to be honest. Still, it does illustrate the fact that cishet white UK men only think about liquor (in bars, not those filthy clubs, mind you) making babies, and continuing a cycle of agonizing boredom." Every time one of you praises this mess, it shaves 5 years off my life.

    "Even though this was overplayed AF, that Castle On The Hill should been the bigger hit and that Ed looks/soundslike acne therefore failing hard in trying to act/sound sexy, I'm a Sheeran stan and love this." - P Grandson. I'm not sure which mess here to address first, so I'll just leave it here.

    Fever comes through with some tea. "Watching straight people get their life to this song makes me think all the years of self-loathing and usual gay angst throughout my teenage years were worth it because at least I am not one of them." C'mon gay privilege. Let's get bopping.

    Babyface...can live I guess."Honestly, for all the lazy cheap thrills aping and Ed by-the-numbers lyrics this does bop *just* a tiny bit doesn’t it?(edit: no, it doesn't.) I don’t care enough about Ed to get worked up either way but this song does remind me of some fun nights out so he at least has that going for him. Objectively though it’s a pretty mediocre affair from a terrible album, so 5.5 seems about right." Does it? Does it really?

    iheartpoptarts accepts the bops she thinks she deserves."From acoustic guitar boringness to the occasional solid bop… so yeah, I’ll take it." One day, I hope you realize you deserve better than this.

    ohnostalgia is the real generous queen. Nicki could never. "A quarter point for giving TLC royalties" TLC probably needs it tbh.

    SuperNerd throws this a 7. "I mean, I dislike Ed as much as everyone else here but let's not be extra, this one's a bop." I will be as extra as I want YOU LYING WHORE.

    IAmMrDexB mentions the other song this sounds suspiciously similar to. "A complete rip-off of Cheap Thrills and there is still no lawsuit!" The number of times I was tricked thinking Cheap Thrills was about to play when this first came out dddd

    Stuff you should listen to instead of this.

  18. That could be one hell of a list, so I'll just add one.
    ohnostalgia and Petty Mayonnaise like this.
  19. I do hope this will be a recurring feature in the commentary.
  20. And my zero survives another day! WHY PEOPLE???
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