I Knew You'd Come Looking... | The Popjustice Forum

I Knew You'd Come Looking...

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by EnsnareTheSenses, Jul 15, 2012.

  1. When invertedbutterfly called upon me a couple of days ago to enquire as to whether I was still interested in performing this 'rate', I was a bit surprised, because I thought I was lined up to do Beyoncé's 'singles rate' first. However, I was more than happy to give this a crack - invertedbutterfly put me under no pressure whatsoever to knock something out quickly if I still wanted to do it. However, considering that, in general, video rates play second-fiddle to singles rates, I thought, 'What the hell!', and I've been able to muster up something (hopefully!) semi-decent for you all to enjoy.

    The upcoming singles rate for Beyoncé that I'm already crafting in my mind will be much, much grander in scale. Consider this the warm-up - the Lady Starlight to Lady Gaga, shall we say! As you all probably know, I am literally the world's biggest Beyoncé fan, but I will be - trying to! - put in a lot of sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek humour into this rate, because let's face it, Beyoncé's videos are certainly not her strongest asset. I hope it will make the rate a little more fun for all involved, and I might even have a wee (COMPLETELY LIGHT-HEARTED) pop at the odd PopJustice Forum member here and there too.

    Anyway, I hope this will be good fun for everyone who participates (hopefully at least some of you will!), as it has been good fun for me to start preparing for during the past few days. I'm hoping that this rate can maybe be at least a little reminiscent of some of the amazing ones we had back on the 'old board', and that it could potentially help in turning the cogs back in the wonderful PopJustice Forum machine, alongside the rebooting of the 'Album Shuffle Reviews' etc.

    Then again, it could perform as well as 'Run The World (Girls)' did on charts across the world. I'm bracing myself already!

    I hope you all enjoy.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Welcome, PopJustice Forum Member/Visitor.

    A couple of months ago whilst I was touring the world, stalking Beyoncé, I came across this rather curious book that seemingly fell out from underneath the folded material that covered her 'baby bump'. It was a very well-kept book, although the first couple of pages were rather dusty indeed. It looks like this:

    [​IMG]

    As you can tell, it is a very thick book, of which I assumed to be filled to the brim with page after page of achievements of, you've guessed it, the lady herself. Sort of akin to Katy's Perry's latest smash at the box office, 'Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D', only Beyoncé clearly doesn't feel the need to viciously molest us into giving her a humongous pat on the back, but can evidently keep her startling achievements close to her heart (and womb) with the knowledge that she really just is fucking amazing at life.

    Ironically, the book seemed to focus on the certain branch of Beyoncé's career that is perhaps a little less than 'fucking amazing' - her videography. Upon opening the book, I noticed that roughly 30-40 pictures fell out, and weren't in any particular order whatsoever. On closer inspection, I noticed that many of the pages weren't actually filled in with anything at all. They were completely blank. And so, it would seem that Beyoncé was intending to document her video 'successes' in some semblance of an order.

    I've taken the liberty in skipping ahead to the spread of Chapters 3 & 4 in the book, missing Chapter 1 ('The Second Coming : My Birth') and Chapter 2 ('Schoolin' Life'):

    [​IMG]

    So, here is where we, humble servants to the Queen (or 'King'...?!) Bey, can aid her in her task (she's an awfully busy woman, you see). We can help Beyoncé to document her videos for posterity. But, I felt that we could perhaps do it in a slightly more interest fashion than just doing it chronologically - where is the fun in that? Wikipedia has already beaten us there.

    Despite the odd member dragging down the usually impeccable tastes of the PopJustice Forum (*'Oh My Darling, Clementine' plays distantly in the background*), I feel, as Beyoncé's biggest fan, that I can leave the capable members of this highly-esteemed pop forum to help me in constructing a list of Beyoncé's videos, in order from best to worst, that the woman herself would be extremely proud of.

    The PopJustice Forum has seen a couple of dark, barren months since the big ol' switchover. Let us all unite and rejoice in aiding the incomparable Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter in this rather amusing task.

    She is the only one who can save us now.

    [​IMG]

    * * * * *

    You know the drill now, people. Here, I present to you 36 videos that are just waiting for you to critique (I'll list the casualities at the end - Beyoncé doesn't want any of those irrelevant flop videos to be documented in her history). Please rate each video clearly, with a score ranging from 0-10 (I know it will be tempting to go higher for some (*cough 'Single Ladies' *cough*), but please, contain yourselves), and I will be accepting 0.5 incrementations as well, if you're trying to split things by a hair.

    Remember, we are voting on the quality of the VIDEOS here, not the songs. For example, you may not like song 'Party', but may find watching the video to be an utterly life-changing experience. However, I believe it would be fair to perhaps think about how well each video compliments its song as part of your scoring.

    PM me your results, and bark and whinge at me on my page/wherever you think you'll be able to catch my attention if my inbox is ever full. Voting shall cease on Monday 23rd of July 2012 at 21:00 GMT. If some of you are still trying to PM your scores to me (if they haven't come through etc.), I'll obviously still accept them for a little while longer, as it will probably take me 1/2 days to compile the results and to begin presenting them.

    Without further ado, here are the videos in question, with links working as of 15/07/12:

    'Austin Powers In Goldmember'

    'Work It Out'

    'Dangerously In Love'

    'Crazy In Love' feat. Jay-Z
    'Baby Boy' feat. Sean Paul
    'Me, Myself and I'
    'Naughty Girl'

    '#1's'

    'Check On It' feat. Bun B and Slim Thug

    'B'Day Anthology Video Album'

    'Déjà Vu' feat. Jay-Z
    'Ring The Alarm'
    'Irreplaceable'
    'Listen'
    'Upgrade U' feat. Jay-Z
    'Beautiful Liar' feat. Shakira
    'Kitty Kat'
    'Green Light'
    'Flaws And All'
    'Get Me Bodied (Timbaland Remix)'
    'Freakum Dress'
    'Suga Mama'
    'Still In Love (Kissing You)'

    'I Am... Sasha Fierce : Platinum Edition'

    'If I Were A Boy'
    'Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)'
    'Diva'
    'Halo'
    'Halo (Alternative Version)'
    'Ego'
    'Broken-Hearted Girl'
    'Sweet Dreams'
    'Video Phone' feat. Lady Gaga
    'Why Don't You Love Me'

    '4'

    'Run The World (Girls)'
    'Best Thing I Never Had'
    '1+1'
    'Countdown'
    'Love On Top'
    'Party' feat. J Cole
    'Dance For You'

    * * * * *

    I decided not to include a few of Beyoncé's videos in the rate for the following reasons:

    - I was fairly strict with what constituted as a Beyoncé video. This meant that videos like '03 Bonnie & Clyde' and 'Telephone' did not make the cut, as they really belong with Jay-Z and Lady Gaga etc.

    - Some of Beyoncé's videos have 'alternative cuts', such as 'Me, Myself and I' (the video plays out chronologically, instead of backwards, and includes a couple of extra scenes that are not in the original) and 'Run The World (Girls)' (extra scenes and different shots from familiar scenes). 'Halo (Alternative Version)' is the only example that I have included in the rate, because I felt like it was the only 'alternative' that was significantly different to the original, so it could stand alone as a separate, rateable video.

    - I felt like videos such as 'Listen (Vogue Shoot Version)', 'Woman Like Me', and 'Move Your Body' were a little too 'spin-off' to constitute as proper Beyoncé videos, as well as any video in which she just makes a cameo appearance, such as 'Happily Ever After' by Case. Also, whilst it pretty much just became the official video for her UK No.39 smash, 'End Of Time', I didn't believe that the 'Roseland' video for said song should be included, as it was just one of many live performance videos that just happened to accompany what would become a 'sort-of' single.

    If I have made a mistake with any of the links, omitted any notable videos, or if you simply just feel like any other video in which Beyoncé makes an appearance would be a worthy addition to the rate, then please let me know! I feel like I've covered pretty much everything relevant, but I'm happy to go to an even more thorough degree if you all want to take it there, haha!

    As a fun bonus element, if you desire, you may submit your predictions for what you believe will make up the 'Top 5' videos, and their positions. The member(s) who is/are closest to correct results will receive bonus goodies from me, such as pictures of the extended cut of 'The Beyoncé Book : Videos Edition' including the front and back covers and Chapters 1 and 2, and a highly embarrassing photograph of me* thrown into the bundle. Page 2 holds details of the amazing new 'SCHOOLIN' LIFE' BONUS ROUND! Who wouldn't want to take part in that?!

    *do not count on this

    * * * * *
    [​IMG]

    Also, at the end of the rate, I will be rolling out some 'awards' based on voting statistics. Who will mysteriously disappear from life itself after delivering the lowest overall average*? Who will be drafted in as the newest member of Destiny's Child after delivering the highest overall average? Who believed that the vast catalogue of 'B'Day' videos were artistically misunderstood? All will be revealed...

    *Beyoncé/Mathew Knowles's doing, not mine

    So, sit back, relax, and feast your eyes upon some of Beyoncé's best, worst, most serious, and most ridiculous video offerings, and get those votes in. Let's make this a list that we can be proud of, otherwise you all had better learn to sell pu**y in Iceland...

    LET VOTING COMMENCE!
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2013
    Remorque likes this.
  2. 3Xs

    3Xs

    Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    EnsnareTheSenses, THAT...
    was an amazing first post.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2012
  3. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    I wish I could give Countdown an 12, because it's better than Single Ladies, which is an 11.
     
  4. 3Xs

    3Xs

    Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Countdown is like an actual good version of Single Ladies. In both video and song.
     
  5. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    That was an amaxing first post. So proud of Ensnare right now....
     
  6. 3Xs

    3Xs

    Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    You can tell a lot of thought was put into it. Everything came together just perfectly Ensnare.
     
  7. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    I always thought Ensnare was a complete fuck up with everything...but he done good. The boy done good.
     
    Remorque likes this.
  8. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Bravo, Ensnare...BRAVO!!'

    I look forward to this rate!!
     
  9. Resi12

    Resi12 Guest

    Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    So I give each of the songs linked a 0-10?
     
  10. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Excellent introduction. Just for that I'm going to vote. (I'd have voted anyway, but still.)
     
  11. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    I don't have the internet connection to sit down and watch the 2/3 of Beyonce's videography that I haven't seen, but I'll be checking in. Ensnare, that was flawless! From the videos I've seen, I'd say Run the World should win and Ego should place last. Also, Single Ladies is possibly the most overrated video of all time.
     
  12. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    "Was Kardashian ever in my band?" Amazing! Love the first post. I'll definitely be joining this!
     
  13. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Amazing. Hats off to you, Ensnare! Thanks for putting so much effort in. I wasn't planning on voting in this, but I'll definitely try to find the time to after that opening salvo!
     
  14. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    So much average fodder. So very very much.
     
  15. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Aw, you guys...!

    Thank you so much! I'd set myself Saturday as my target, but I only got back from A&E at midnight. I sort of had everything lined up, but piecing it all together became a bit of a nightmare, particularly when I realised that I'd completely befuddled all of my links! I also have a minor bump on my forehead from hitting my head on my laptop (I was beginning to do that bizarre swaying thing you do as you begin to nod off whilst sitting upright) - if only Beyoncé knew of the weaknesses us humans suffer from! But I sat myself the fuck up, asked myself, 'What would Beyoncé do?', decided that thievery wouldn't really help me in my quest to complete the introductory post, and carried on.

    You say you're the Rihanna, but you possess so many Chris-like qualities of abuse! Haha, thank you. I must actually apologise to my PM correspondents, as this has been a contributing factor to my somewhat diminished PM presence over the past few days. Sorry!

    * * *

    Thank you all! invertedbutterfly, that would be great! The more the merrier.
    ib deserves the praise here - the job of organising these rates and who does what and when is a lot more difficult than mine!

    (Mr Telephone Man, if you decide to participate in the 'bonus' feature and perform poorly, I'm gonna need you to post the link to you attempting 'Single Ladies' at... was it your High School Talent Show? Mwahah, don't think I've forgotten about that! Heheh...)
     
  16. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Love the post, Ensnare.

    Just to let you know, the Deja Vu link takes you to Check On It.

    The flawless Deja Vu video should never be associated with that awful Hype Williams trainwreck of Check On It. I hope you can correct this mistake ASAP so that more people aren't put through the trauma of having to watch it twice.
     
  17. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    Cheers, Itty Bitty Piggy!

    Ahaha, thanks for letting me know! It's sorted now.

    Yeah, I'll be very interested to see the performance of 'Déjà Vu' in this rate, because it attracted quite a lot of negative attention from fans at the time, but I always rather liked it! I think that, in time, people have been to appreciate it a bit more.

    Oh God, you're right about Hype Williams. His work is just unforgivable.
     
  18. RJF

    RJF

    Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    A Beyoncé video rate is basically a who's who of visual crap.
     
  19. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    The videos were the worst part of the otherwise great 4 campaign, apart from Countdown/Run the World.

    Love On Top is possibly my favourite song on the album, but the video is dire. Even the cute guys don't save it. AND THEY'RE MIMING TO FEMALE BACKING VOCALS!
     
  20. Re: The Beyoncé Videos Rate - The Adventure Begins...

    *puts troll cap on*
     
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