I Think I'm Gonna Win This Time: The One Direction Discography Rate

Not you acting like I haven't been giving you a nice summary graphic every ten cuts since the Top 50.

 

Time for some unfortunate soul to lose their 11!














Who's heart have you all broke tonight?














Not mine.











Note to self: try to be empathetic here. ....

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#24. Diana [7.614]

High Score: 11 x 1 (@Txetxu) 10 x 4 (@MollieSwift21, @Posh Spears, @tylerc904, @wackseed)
Low Score: 4 x 1 (@CorgiCorgiCorgi)

My Score: 6


Diana is a song. That some people love. Um. I am not one of them. Is that tactful enough? Three years later and I still have no clue what this song is about. Is this some twisted commentary on social media culture? Are they stalking Diana? Do One Direction have creepy collages of her instagram photos on their bedroom walls? Finally I decided to cave and google this shit for you all. This is what the three Js have to say for themselves:

"I think that the lyric probably pertains to what a lot of the fans are going through and feel... People feel like they're alone and that's what their escape is, Twitter and [finding] people that also relate to them, and everyone finding each other from different parts of the world that are going through the same things." He went on to say, "[I think] it was a kind of a pretty accurate depiction of the loneliness someone can feel in such a huge world and someone saying 'Hey, I feel you. I know you're there. I notice you; it's OK. You're not alone'."


Okay then. This song actually lowkey bothers me from a feminist perspective. Here's the problem- why did this need to be a romantic song? It would've been so much more effective as a friendship song, because there wouldn't be as many unfortunate implications attached. As it stands there's hardly anything reciprocal about this scenario despite the you'll be saving me too lip-service. Instead it comes off more like this: man decides how some woman feels- for all we know Diana is having a great time and is simply a victim of "woman not smiling enough" syndrome!. He then creates a fantasy where he saves her from herself and they fall in love the end. Sooooooooooooooooo romantic amirite? I can't wait to find out which creepy man's decided I'm his Diana! Maybe we'll even get married and recreate the opening montage to Up! I cannot wait to live the destiny he's decided for me! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.


Musically, Diana's a little undercooked. Listening on my headphones I can hear some nice flourishes in the production, but it's simply not enough to grab my attention. If you're going to put out a lyrical mess I really need to be swept up in the music to compensate. This does not achieve that goal. I'm not sure what it's missing, but it's missing something. What do you all think?


@eccentricsimply (5)- "Nice sentiment." IS IT THOUGH?


@VivaForever (5.5) finally has a strange grudge I can support! "I don’t like love songs titled for the person they’re addressed to (well, I just don’t like second-person love songs addressed to someone by name, but making the name the title irks me even more) and this is doing nothing to challenge that opinion."


Honestly..... @DJHazey (6)- "It’s as if the band wrote this song as a way to soften to blow for fans who were not ready for the switch-up in sound. This is the first time we see them seemingly writing to a particular girl and that’s going to instantly win over any fan who’s love to substitute their name for ”Diana”."


@A$AP Robbie (7) is desperate for a bop I guess, "Sounds more One Directiony than some of the stuff on the album, which kinda works for it."


@sexercise (7.1)- "Who is Diana? This isn’t bad." Nobody knows, but it's provocative.


NOT right after you just shunned them, @iheartpoptarts (7.5)- "The production is on point, but the melodies are missing something. You can hear the absence of everyone’s fave Swedish songwriters already…"


@SophiaSophia (8.5) has found an oasis in a sea of Midnight Memories- "Now this sounds a bit more like the One Direction I know and like."


Why not, @First2Run (8.5)? "I love how giant this song is production-wise. But who is Diana? Is Diana a code-name for First2Run? Let’s be safe and assume it is."


@Macsun (8.5) is ecstatic- "Yes, Yes Yes! Such a throwback 80's jam"


@constantino (9)- "What a nice chorus, it’s so light and fun. I appreciate their album tracks (well most of them) because they aren’t trying so hard, it feels a bit more natural and less forced. This is the kind of song I wouldn’t mind seeking out again." Okay....


Someone's a fan of the production! @Posh Spears (10)- "This is one of the few songs on MM that I would listen to freely. The noise at 2:01 is gorgeous."


Don't remind me about that single choice, @tylerc904 (10)- "SUCH wasted potential. Single material written all over it, and to have the album's title track chosen over this is a downright travesty."


@wackseed (10)- "This is probably tied for my favorite song on this album, because again, it's a song that uplifts and glorifies a lonely, sad teenage girl, which is something a ton of 1D's fans can relate to. It's not as condescending as the past attempts to do this, and there some genuinely gorgeous vocals added in there too." Wow I don't think we've ever disagreed so much. This sure as hell doesn't feel uplifting to me. How do you know she's lonely? Like honestly, we have no idea except this unreliable narrator and that just makes me uncomfortable. Okay I know I need to let it go......


I'm sorry @Txetxu! I failed the empathy test here. But I am sad your 11 fell, even if I don't really like the song itself.

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Tomorrow..... bye bye to another 11. Sad.

 

FINALLY.

 

I've lost three of my favorite songs by them in a row.

To make it worse Live While Were Young has beat them all. I'm going to have to go listen to Lucky.


Not Cheryl in the graphic.

 

Well.















Considering a certain forum scandale, this is timely.















Heh.

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#23. Little White Lies [7.619]

High Score: 10 x 5 (@Posh Spears, @Reboot, @thefaceofyou, @With The Bands. @Xanthippe)
Low Score: 4 x 3 (@constantino, @Subwaykid, @VivaForever)

My Score: 8


Suddenly the Problematic Bop That Could runs out of steam, leaving Midnight Memories to plummet past Up All Night and Moody Infants Tremble At Melody. I honestly don't have the energy to explain all the ways the lyrics in this are sexist and problematic, so I'll just latch on to the "You say you're a good girl, but I know you would girl" lyric. URGHHHHHHHHHHHH. Can I move to a planet without men please and thank you? Why are they so stupid all the damn time? Write me a song about that boys. I'll be waiting. Musically, Little White Lies is all about that massive intro and chorus. It really goes awffffff and contrary to some of the voters I don't think the dubstep is dated at all. The production is a little more artificial than I prefer, but it's not as noticeable as some of the galling Up All Night tracks. Speaking of unnoticeable, does anyone remember how the verses go? Why is it that the usual suspects (three Js, Lilo, etc) never quite get it right more than half the time? Are they allergic to good ideas? Do they exist in a hivemind of awful? I honestly have no idea.


Resident Debbie Downer @VivaForever (4) doesn't like it. Shock. "OH GOD the intro made this sound so promising and it really isn’t."


Your hatred of anything dubstep is - well not inspiring, but it's sure something, @constantino (4)! "At first I thought this song might be ok…I was proven wrong rather quickly. I appreciate that dubstep was a big deal back then, but you know what? It isn’t now and thank the Lord for that! Anything with dubstep (excluding Bjork’s Biophilia) just sounds incredibly stale and dated now."


@DJHazey (6) won't stop until the boys die a fiery death- "Finally we get a song that features only a rock-edge. Normally something like the dubstep breakdown would be a welcomed changeup, but this song isn’t as explosive as it could be."


I_CANNOT_USE_REAL_WORDS_PROPERLY_ @eccentricsimply (7)- "Blurred Lines 2.0, but that beat drop."


I SCREAMED @Animalia (7)- "This fire safety awareness anthem."


I see your grading on a curve continues, @First2Run (8)- "This song is a great change in pace and sound towards the back of Midnight Memories. Unfortunately I can’t see what some people see in it, but it’s passable."


Anything would have been a better single, let's be real @KAG (8)- "The verses are bland but the chorus/bridge are brilliant. The dubstep works well. Should've been a single over 'Midnight Memories'."


Take Me Home is always welcome, @Up Down Suite (8)- "A bit too Take Me Home for this album, but still very nicely done."


Just look to the generally correct @Macsun (8) for proof- "one of the saving graces on Midnight Memories. Would love to have an album full of this"


Why does it have to be a such a bop, right @Lost In Japan. (8.5)? "Problematique lyrics but BOP."


Once again you've missed the feminist boat, @wackseed (8.5)- "Here we go, picking up a little. I have doubts about the integrity of these lyrics – lying is fun! We're in a relationship built on lies and it's fun! – but the chorus is such a bop."


Oh dear. @iheartpoptarts (8.5)- "This sounds more like the 1D I know and love. And miss. *sigh*"


Looks like @SophiaSophia (9) agrees with the poptart- "Best song from this album it's maturer without alienating your core target audience."


@sexercise (9) is triggering me with this phrase- "Yas here we go. Give me that power pop goodness."


@With The Bands (10) would burn MM to the ground- "Fucking amazing – Should’ve been a single over MM."


Last word to poor @Posh Spears (10), who's losing 10s left and right- "By far the best song from Midnight Memories. It’s anthemic and just very happy. I really feel the emotion in the vocals and production!"

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