Evening!
I feel well rested and refreshed.
Let's spin the bottle and see what song we're kicking out today!
#5. No Control [8.592]
High Score: 11 x 1 (
@MarkB), 10 x 10 (
@Animalia,
@constantino,
@CorgiCorgiCorgi,
@Fever,
@iheartpoptarts,
@Lost In Japan.,
@Petty Mayonnaise,
@tylerc904,
@wackseed,
@Xanthippe)
Low Score: 5 x 1 (
@Reboot)
My Score: 7
I. AM. SO. TIRED. OF. MEN. GOING. ON. ABOUT. THEIR. [CENSORED]! WHO. THE. FUCK. CARES? I. ESPECIALLY. DID. NOT. NEED. TO. HEAR. LOUIS. TOMLINSON. SHOUTING. ABOUT. HIS. IN. MY. EARS. FOR. THREE. PLUS. MINUTES! KEEP. IT. IN. YOUR. PANTS. PLEASE. AND. THANK. YOU. XX.
From the second Louis shouts that godawful noooooooooooooo in my ears, I'm irritated. If you could press charges for aural assault, I would take that man to court for all the money he undeservedly earned by coasting on the coattails of his bandmates. The funny thing is that the rest of the boys serve excellent vocals on No Control. Niall really deserved to open the song, but instead they push Louis shouting to the forefront. And then give him the chorus and bridge to scream over. Pathetic. This got a seven because it has the skeleton of a good song, but it never makes it there. Louis isn't the only problem; I always expect that chorus to go awf more than it does. What a letdown. To give them credit though, the disappointing chorus perfectly captures most women's experiences with men, so kudos for that xoxo.
As most of you probably know, the fans campaigned for No Control to be a single. The campaign was originally masterminded by a Louis stan because of some bulllshit about Louis' voice being "unfairly criticized" in the music press. Yes. Really. REALLY. I refused to participate in this blatant babying of a vocally bankrupt twenty something year old man. Another thing that annoyed me? The No Control campaign happened at the same time that Naughty Boy leaked one of Zayn's demos. So it became some sort of anti-Zayn symbol, with angry Louis fans pushing No Control up the iTunes chart despite the fact that Zayn kills on the song (yes, the cognitive dissonance is strong with those ones). The No Control campaign peaked with the boys first post-Zayn appearance on James Corden. During Carpool Karaoke, James masterminded a boy band music video, despite everyone knowing that Louis and live vocals don't mix well.
I always knew this was going to place high, but I was hoping for a finish outside the Top 10. Sadly, you all disappointed me once again. What a shocker.
@eccentricsimply (6)-
"Overrated". Remember when it was just that album track we could ignore?
@KAG (7) refuses to give Louis a pass, hallelujah-
"Louis' shouting ruins an otherwise good song."
@First2Run (7.5)-
"This is a wonderfully written and composed song, but something about the production needs to be much different than it currently is." Yeah, it doesn't quite get there.
@Posh Spears (8)-
"I know this is very popular in the fandom. Um, I don't care for it a lot personally. It's like, fine. #JusticeForGirlAlmighty. I guess it's hot to imagine them with "loaded guns."" Louis and hot should never be in the same sentence.
@Macsun (8)-
"Solid track. Kudos to Louis" Let's not.
@Rasterax (8)-
"I'm not sure if this is good because of or despite Louis singing the lead. Maybe both?" It's definitely despite. I think he's a huge reason why the chorus doesn't go AWF like it should.
@A$AP Robbie (8) is shaking my assumptions about his age-
"Makes me kind of uncontrollably dad-dance"
@DJHazey (8)-
"”Waking up beside you, I’m a loaded gun.” yup we all know what’s on their minds, don’t we? I’m scoring it highly based purely on it actually packing some energy." Stop.
Queen of Louis drags,
@SophiaSophia (8.5) doesn't let me down-
"A better attempt at a maturer sound though half a point knocked off for Louis singing my ears didn't like what I heard on the chorus."
@sexercise (9)-
"A really great song but mess @ the stans rooting for this as a single." THE MESSIEST.
Once again
@Sprockrooster (9) can't even high score his supposed idol-
"I have no control when I am dancing to this"
@Up Down Suite (9)-
"So well produced, the centerpiece of this album by a mile." Well, that's an opinion.
@tylerc904 (10)-
"What an utter bop! Louis-lead sound horrible on paper but it really works here." Define work.
@CorgiCorgiCorgi (10)-
"This song is filthy! Should've been a single." MESS.
@iheartpoptarts (10) is just flat out wrong-
"So disproportionately massive relative to everything else on the album. One of the biggest choruses in 1D history, and one of the few Four tracks I keep coming back to. How did they overlook this? How?!"
@Lost In Japan. (10)-
"Dare I say it, but Louis owns this song? And sounds so good doing so? It reminds me of the Swedish sound of Take Me Home, it is a monster of a chorus. Harry sounds so damn sultry on his bits and Zayn’s voice melts me on the middle 8. Heart devoured indeed." You've really been testing me in this rate.
@wackseed (10)-
"This was the other contender for my 11, mostly because of the contrast between the drawling verses and the belted-out, jaw-dropping-in-it's-power chorus, and that one time they sang it in James Corden's car." GOODBYE DEAR FRIEND.
@constantino (10) makes a blasphemous comparison that deserves to be shamed as the last comment-
"Their very own Mr Brightside! I mean, the chorus is actually uncanny…Regardless of the obvious plagiarism, the chorus is an absolute scream (literally in Louis’ case…urgh). This won the ‘Teen Choice Award for Choice Party Song’, which I reckon was well-deserved."
NOT TODAY, SATAN.