I Think I'm Gonna Win This Time: The One Direction Discography Rate | Page 28 | The Popjustice Forum

I Think I'm Gonna Win This Time: The One Direction Discography Rate

Discussion in 'Charts, rates etc' started by ohnostalgia, Apr 1, 2016.

  1. Finally got my votes in! Being able to give Take Me Home multiple 10s felt so good!
  2. Come on everybody give her a taste of what hosting a rate is really like. I hope she comes home to 10+ ballots in her inbox!
  3. I sent my scores in last night! My averages:

    Up All Night - 6.75
    Take Me Home - 7.7
    Midnight Memories - 6.97
    FOUR - 8.06

    The first two albums should be much higher, but the bonus tracks killed it.
    constantino likes this.
  4. eccentricsimply

    eccentricsimply Staff Member

    I'm excited to see MITAM die here.
  5. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member

    No new votes? #Flops.
    send photo likes this.
  6. [​IMG]
  7. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member

    send photo likes this.
  8. I'm getting this done.

    I'm at Louis referencing Britney, Adele, and Mimi in "Better Than Words". Get ya life, sis.
    ohnostalgia likes this.
  9. The best verse tibb.
  10. My commentary is unfinished so can I just send in scores for now and commentary later? Is that allowed in these things?
    ohnostalgia likes this.
  11. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member

    Yes. You can either post it as we go along or if you want stuff included in the write ups, send it to me later.

    @Rasterax tell me your fave 1d member so I can add you to the participant list.
    send photo likes this.
  12. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member

    send photo and Animalia like this.
  13. I just realized I totally forgot to do this, but you put me where I wanted to be anyway! Flawless hosting right here!
    ohnostalgia likes this.
  14. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member


    I'm so happy I have 36 participants to judge.
  15. eccentricsimply

    eccentricsimply Staff Member

    Awe, more than the amount of people who bought MITAM.
    wackseed and ohnostalgia like this.
  16. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member

    Standing before you today is a very relieved rate host.

    Can you believe there was a time when this song was not in last place?

    The fear that gripped me that day will be etched into my heart forever.

    Thankfully, good taste and common sense prevailed.

    It’s time to dance on the grave of One Direction’s Worst Song Ever-


    Released as the 2nd single from Take Me Home, Little Things is truly multi-faceted craptastic garbage. Let me give a brief overview of what this song brings to the table - Ed Sheeran writing credits, awful nice guy acoustics, offkey wailing, cringeworthy lyrics, underlying sexism, insipidness, insincerity. All of this delivered at the most aggravatingly glacial pace in music history. Listening to Little Things is like running a marathon; a marathon of hate. It’s really too bad this UK #1 was released after the 2012 Olympics.

    Most of you agreed with me, but before I get to you we need to address the betrayal in this forum tonight. I am disgusted at some of our fellow One Direction fans and they need to be publicly named and shamed. In the words of the good sis @Up Down Suite (3): “I don’t know why fans lost their shit to this song.” SAME. These people are directly responsible for 1D trying to make Little Things a phone lit Inspirational Moment on tour. Let the trial commence!

    I’m sure absolutely no one is surprised that tragic Louis stan @Sprockrooster (10) is our top scorer. What does he have to say for himself?

    “So many bonus points to an average song, but I dream away because of Louis' voice in this.”
    -DREAM AWAY??????!!!!!!!??? LOUIS’ VOICE!!!!!!!!!????????????? To be honest this seems like a life sentence in itself. Next!

    Don’t think I’m letting @Lost In Japan. (9.5) getaway with this smartass comment- “Sue me, I love this.” S I S. Did you forget who’s in my avatar? I will also see you in civil court!

    @Txetxu (9), it’s your turn to testify- oh, you plead the fifth? Throw the book at him!

    This one cuts deep. I never ever ever saw this coming. I call to the stand …. @wackseed (7.5). WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

    “This is another one that got The Discourse flowing about how Anti-Feminist it was, but I always thought it was pretty cute and harmless. Stupid lyrics, but innocent intent. Also remember how in the 1D movie they sang it while flying on that weird thing over the audience? #iconique”
    Harmless??????????? Will you say the same thing when I refuse to visit you in jail?

    Oh @Macsun. @Macsun, @Macsun, @Macsun (7). Did you and @Txetxu conspire together on this silent plea strategy? It’s rather tragic.

    Don’t think you’re getting away with these scores @Posh Spears (6.5), @tylerc904 (6) @First2Run (6), @Xanthippe (6), and @KAG (5.5)! Those of you unwilling to take a stand against terrible music enable the traitors who came before you. Let’s cross examine these half baked defenses:

    @Posh Spears : “I know this is probably gonna come in last place but I've never found it particularly offensive, personally. I know my friend (who met One Direction!) loves this a lot and says it came out at an important time in her life.” I’m sorry, but this sounds fake to me.

    @tylerc904: “Not their worst song, but I can't really defend it either.” THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE IT A SIX?

    @First2Run: “This is cute, the boys unfortunately sound a bit bored on it; I’m not sure they really care about those little things. It almost sounds like an incomplete song or a demo.” Please look up the definition of cute and get back to me.

    @Xanthippe : “I won't even start to comment the lyrics of this, the melody is cute though.” I see you and @First2Run share the same tainted dictionary.

    @KAG: “Lovely melody, pleasant vocals and nice harmonizing towards the end but the lyrics are asinine and demeaning.” At least you got one thing right?

    I feel so much better now that we’ve got that unpleasantness out of the way. I hope you feel the same, correct voters of the One Direction rate. Speaking of, let’s rage:

    @Animalia (3.5) wastes no time- “No thanks.”

    @A$AP Robbie (4) is clearly suffering from Stockholm Syndrome- “I don't know how to rate Little Things. It's obviously quite shit, but I actually think it's so bad, like the music equivalent of The Room, where it's sort of enjoyably bad. The lyrics are hilariously bad.”

    @constantino (0) creates a scenario I would pay millions to see- “Garbage. This is GARBAGE. Too much Louis and too much cringe. It feels very insincere, which can be said about 99% of their discography, but it’s really apparent here. I always want to fight Louis but this song REALLY makes me want to fight Louis.”

    @DJHazey (2) thinks of the poor traumatized children- “Only a boyband could get away with listing a girl's slight imperfections and still be considered a "swooning" moment. Boring acoustic-ballads have to do something special for me to pay attention (especially when they involve Ed Sheeran), which means this was always playing from a deficit. I guess this would get play at a middle-school dance, but that's about it.”

    @eccentricsimply (0) lays down the law- “No. The song is boring, there's nothing to it other than good vocals from Zayn and Liam, and the entire theme of this song is just cringey. A more annoying What Makes You Beautiful.”

    @Furball (5) is short but cutting- “I don't miss it.”

    @iheartpoptarts (0) stands up for women’s intelligence: “What kind of girl actually goes for this stuff?”

    @sexercise (0) sums it up beautifully- “Ahhh yes. “You’re ugly but we can fuck”: The Song. I didn’t hate this in 2012 but luckily I’ve grown to realize that this is truly horrendous. Louis and his cup of tea can fuck off.”

    @VivaForever (2) is disappointingly tactful? - “Um. Well, thank God they figured out how to make good ballads.”

    @With The Bands (4) brings up yet another reason to hate Little Things- “I’m still bitter this dirge stopped Little Mix’s DNA from being #1, UGH.”

    Last word goes to @SophiaSophia ’s (0) beautifully scathing indictment:

    First of all I'm not an Ed Sheeran fan at all he is the epitome of everything that is beige in music right now along with some other offenders of bland inane music especially Emelie Sande and Sam Smith. He had a couple of good songs on X that's it. I'm fed up with his beigeness infiltrating my eardrums every time I'm forced to induce British worst radio station Heart fm in my Dad's car. If I recall I think this was a song that Ed wrote when he was 17 so I can understand why it would be given to 1D given the fanbase but the reality is that is just so horrible and embarrassing. I don't know but I find it patronising too there are better ways to flatter someone's uniqueness and deal with insecurities. I certainly don't need a man's approval or really anyone's approval to tell me how I should have my own opinion of myself. I certainly don't need a person to tell me my cellulite and stretch marks make me who I am. I may not be fond of looking at them but it's my personality that makes me who I am ultimately. I'm proud of my body and I own it on my terms especially after years of being body shamed in school. Acceptance is a major issue in society instead of forcing stereotypes and roles just accept a person for who they are without the superficiality. Surely that's a better message to send in today's climate. As a person with good taste I'm also appalled that is was a UK number one.


    Unfortunately One Direction blessed this song with a music video.*

    *Please note that by choosing to press play you accept responsibility for any damages to your ears, eyes, or emotional well being. Your rate host will not be held responsible for any tragedies that occur as a direct result of watching this music video.
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2019
  17. MollieSwift21

    MollieSwift21 Staff Member

    Hopefully a similar result will happen in the boyband rate.
    CorgiCorgiCorgi and ohnostalgia like this.
  18. eccentricsimply

    eccentricsimply Staff Member

    Justice has been made.

    Also how efficient is @ohnostalgia? I vote for her to host every rate from now on.
  19. Wow I'm perched for the rest of the results after reading that, hot damn! I would be surprised if the ones who gave it a 6+ are still alive after that dragging.
    First2Run and ohnostalgia like this.
  20. ohnostalgia

    ohnostalgia Staff Member

    Now that we’ve thrown out one of the greatest musical crimes against humanity, which song will be our next victim? Let’s cut something from their worst album!


    #90. I Want To Write You A Song [3.611]

    Highest: 8 x 1 (@eccentricsimply)
    Lowest: 0 x 6 (@Fever, @MarkB, @Mr. Right, @ohnostalgia, @Petty Mayonnaise, @SophiaSophia)​

    I Want To Write You A Song, also known as the 12th track from One Direction’s Messy Insincere Tryhard Album of Mediocrity (MITAM), is some “I just listened to the Beatles but have 1/1200th of their musicality” bullshit. Take Paul McCartney’s most saccharine love song, pour 10 bags of sugar and honey on it, and you have this woeful “ode.” If you thought the Ed Sheeran songs served horrific lyrics, you cannot imagine the terrors found here.

    When I wrote my original commentary for this song I asked whether five year olds wrote for One Direction now. This question, although slightly aged up, was also on the forefront of @constantino ’s (2) mind: “This sounds like an 8-year-old wrote this, and I was sure that this was the case. Actually, after a little digging, I discovered that it took the ‘brains’ of 3 people, none of whom are 8, to craft this lyrical masterpiece. Poor it.”

    So who exactly is this crack songwriting team? Let me introduce you to the actual adults who wrote this: John Ryan and Julian Bunetta (plus some random dude I don’t care about). They’ve (unfortunately) written for several One Direction albums. Perhaps their greatest claim to fame is their history of blatantly ripping off other artists. Although I guess if this is what happens when they try to write something new, I won’t encourage this personal “growth”.

    With only eight scores above five - @eccentricsimply (8), @Xanthippe (7.5), @GhettoPrincess (7), @Macsun (6.5), @Txetxu (6.5), @First2Run (6), @sexercise (6), @Reboot (5.5) - this was never going to go far. Four of our sistren with chronic low blood sugar submitted comments:

    @eccentricsimply - “Once in A Lifetime’s younger and more annoying sister.” ….. I’m willing to consider your score a typo with this comment (get back to me, this offer expires in 24 hours).

    @First2Run - “How sweet. And ironic that none of them actually participated in the writing of this song.“ Well Liam wishes he did? What a #flop.

    @sexercise - “OK it was nice the first time. We’re done here.” Is this a pity score because you're returning the song to sender?

    @Xanthippe - “The coat part is a bit meh, but I like the sound.” MEH. MEH????????/

    P.S.. If your username is underlined, it’s because I’m truly concerned for your taste. You gave high scores to both Little Things and I Want to Write You a Song. Please sit in a corner and think about what you’ve done.

    Let's move onto to the people who make sense. Some of you picked up on the Alanis Morissette ironic lyrics-

    @VivaForever (3): "Well then write her a damn song instead of this dreary thing. Jesus."

    @wackseed (4.5): "There are like 4000 songs on this damn album, haven't you written at least ONE of them for this particular girl?"

    While others contemplated the futility of trying to love Made in the A.M.-

    @thefaceofyou (2): "Fuck this. This is especially offensive after the last three tracks have given me the false impression that the album is starting to pick up."

    @iheartpoptarts (2): "Um, no thanks. How about you get Rami and friends off the first two albums to do it?"

    @SophiaSophia (0): "I want to have serious words with whoever is the huge Ed Sheeran fan. I know there is no Ed Sheeran cowrites on this album but still the point stands. 1D probably collectively have questionable music taste that is a never ending sea of beige."

    Some of you were startled awake by the outro-

    @KAG (2): "I like the pencil scribbles in the background but other than that, this is a complete snoozefest."

    Another shared way too much information about his Louis Tomlinson fantasies-

    @Sprockrooster (5): "Waits for an outburst or climax to upgrade the score... *nothing comes*"

    One particular voter suggested that women might fall for this shit, leaving me gravely concerned-

    @DJHazey (5): "It's like one of the guys sat down by the fire with their girl after a long day skiing or something and they win her over by singing this off the top of their head. It's "sweet" I suppose."

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]


    While I plan out my tragic skiing accident, let me direct you to this fanmade lyric video. Thankfully One Direction went on a mutually beneficial hiatus and never toured Made in the A.M.

    Last edited: Aug 26, 2019
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