I Think I'm Gonna Win This Time: The One Direction Discography Rate

I've enjoyed posting your rants for all to enjoy. Definitely gems.

 

Final cut of the night.











Am I happy?











Am I upset?














Sometimes it's hard to know












I mean at first I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah













And then I'm like

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#80. Na Na Na [5.403]

High Score: 9.5 x 1 (@SophiaSophia)
Low Score: 0 x 1 (@Up Down Suite)

My Score: 6


This is an interesting choice. The b-side to What Makes You Beautiful, Na Na Na is the most basic bop we've cut so far in this rate. Like if this came on shuffle I'd bop, but I never actually take the initiative to listen. Wikipedia tells me that Matt Squire is probably the most famous writer attached to this song, which surprises me because he seems to work mostly with pop-punk acts. Maybe this is his Kidz Bop version or something. While personally I would have cut so many more songs before this, I can also see why others hate this. At a certain point the nah nah nahs and yeah yeah yeahs give you a headache. Also the production is a bit too heavy and artificial for me, but perhaps that's a product of this being recorded in 2011.


Let's see what you the voters had to say. Maybe you'll move me from my ambivalence... I'll start with a Na Na Na from @eccentricsimply (5)- "This song is so dumb." That it is my dear, that it is. But dare I say dumb in an almost fun way?


Okay, team Yeah Yeah Yeah, you're up! @sexercise (6.5)- "Decent." Well. You've really compelled me there, haven't you?


Back to Na Na Na with @A$AP Robbie (5)- "Trying too hard." Darling, this is the definition of not trying at all.


Let's go Yeah Yeah Yeaher @Posh Spears (6.5)- "I love the title!" .... you're killing me here.


Hello Na-ster @Animalia (3)- "I'm like nah nah nah." Very enlightening!


Please give me a reason Team Yeah Yeah Yeah. @constantino (7)- "Hmmm…not as annoying as the title suggests…but still quite annoying. I much prefer the ‘yeah yeah yeah’ bit to the ‘na na na’ bit…but that’s just me." Very true. It was better than I thought.


Back to @Up Down Suite (0) - " No." .... fair enough I guess.


Hello @Furball (5)- "I remember their choreography for this one. Nostalgia points." Where's our demonstration though?


@First2Run (3) doesn't care about your choreography, "Oh my GOD. I can’t believe someone wrote these lyrics down somewhere and thought to themselves “I’ve got something good here”. And then the entire One Direction team was like “yeah that’s good stuff lets record this”. Never again." What's so difficult to believe? Have you met this band?


Okay @VivaForever (5), you're up! "Good production. Poor songwriting. Still a bit of a basibop. Better than I remembered actually." I'd argue the opposite, but okay.


@wackseed (4) go- "This sounds like a 50's song. Or a song from a musical that's set in the 50's but was actually written in 2011. That's not really an insult, this song is fine." Now you've just made me want 1D to star in a musical.


Can @DJHazey (5) convince me one way or another?- "This has very summery feel to it, dare I say Beach Boys with the 'ooooos' in the background. I was fine with it until a loud and boisterous, noise-filled chorus, came along and made a mess of things." I have no idea how you've picked up Beach Boys from this.


Okay fine. The top scorer must surely be able to sway me! I'm counting on you @SophiaSophia (9.5)- "I'm like Na Na Na then I'm like Yeah Yeah Yeah due to this song." ..........


Well then. Thanks a lot that was so very helpful (nah nah nah). Here's a video of them on tour if you're curious about this probably non-existent choreography.

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That's all for today folks. I'll be back tomorrow assuming I survive Beyonce tonight.

 

Wondering what's left? Have a graphic you can't read but that I spent far too much time on to leave unposted.*

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*All star rankings are my own and are not to be considered spoilers for the upcoming results.

 

After I've dragged you all to hell and back?

 

Songwriting is more than lyrics. The production completely buries their voices and makes it sound worse.

 

Hello lovelies!












In honour of Beyonce, let me share one of Harry's most recent endearing moments












During an interview where he was on vocal rest, Harry randomly used a robot voice app to stan our lord and saviour Beysus.

Spoiler

Same, Harry. Can't wait for him to stan the new album.











Anyways, let's go back to our Midnight Massacre












Say bye to

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#79. Half A Heart [5.425]

High Score: 8.5 x 1 (@Animalia)
Low Score: 1 x 1 (@Fever

My Score: 5


Sometimes One Direction makes me so angry. I give them a lot of crap, but there's some genuine talent in this band. Look no further than Half a Heart where Zayn and Harry serve some of their greatest vocals yet. They even get to harmonize together, something that rarely happened for god knows what reason. Liam also sounds amazing on his parts. My god why is all this wasted on a lukewarm ballad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get so upset sometimes I could scream. Performances like this are exactly why half the fandom clamored for a solo Zayn project before he'd even left. Performances like this are exactly why I'll be forever perched for Harry's solo album even though he'll probably kill it with MOR crap. Performances like this are why I'll give Liam's solo work a chance even though he annoys me half the time. I HATE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmm. They make me feel like a disappointed mother and I'm not ready for that!


Included as a bonus track on Midnight Memories, Half a Heart was written by Steve Robsen, Ed Drewitt, and Lindy Robbins. Steve Robsen appears to be a British boyband vet, which probably contributes to the generic blahness of this tune. Lindy Robbins helped write Demi's Skyscaper, which explains a lot about Half a Heart to me. Same maudlin shit, different artist. But there's no excuse for Ed Drewitt of Glad You Came and Black Magic fame. NOW I'M EVEN MORE UPSET WOWWWWWWWWWWw. The One Direction wiki also tells me this shares the same guitar riff as More Than This, but honestly the whole thing is so generic I'm sure it shares the same guitar riff with 100 other songs.


You lot didn't have much to say about this. Lots and lots of (well deserved) middling scores. It's pretty hard to place high with only eight scores of 7 or above. I'm just going to assume these highscorers were giving points for the vocals, because the song is just.... there.


Please enlighten us @wackseed (8)- " This is another one of the ballads that manages to be genuinely sweet. The lyrics are pretty corny, but these kids sell them, damn it. I may have swooned a little bit." Lemme interpret selling as singing the shit out of this blandness.


I'd love to tell you what the others thought, but @Up Down Suite (8), @Txetxu (8), @Sprockrooster (8), @With The Bands (7), @Animalia (8.5), and @Xanthippe (7.5) didn't bother submitting commentary for this track. So please just pretend it's for the vocals when you post in the comments thank you.


There was a lot of "it's not their ____" from the rest of you.


@eccentricsimply (6) stans for other bonus tracks- "It's sweet, but it's nothing near the other slow bonus tracks they have in their other albums."


@sexercise (6)- "Could be worse." True.


@Rasterax (5)- "Zayn sounds particularly great on the first chorus, but otherwise average." I won't stand for this Harry erasure!!!!!!!!!


@First2Run (6.5)- "I hate the concept of this song, but it is executed decently at least. Not exactly the epic closing song the 18-track behemoth needed." Have they ever released an album less than 17 tracks? No, no they haven't.


@constantino (4) longs for the days of Ed Sheeran perhaps?- "This is basically a song by The Script, right? Seriously, at least their earlier brand of cheese-pop was sort-of distinctive, this is just faceless crap."


Meanwhile @SophiaSophia (4) needs a new bias! What a nightmare.- "My ultimate bias in Kpop likes this unfortunately I don't share the same opinion as him it's quite bland. Originally the reason I listened to this album was because of my ultimate bias afterwards I nearly considered unstanning him for his questionable taste in music."


Per usual @VivaForever (3.5) mentions some irrelevants- "Where are H & Claire when I need them most." .... I don't want to know, don't post a video.


@DJHazey (2) is MAD Y'ALL. - "Oh would you give me a break with this metaphor and how it is driving into the freakin’ ground with this song. Bye." I'm sure One Direction is shaking in their boots.


Last word to @iheartpoptarts (2.5) who gets straight to the point- "All of a sudden this album is too long. Should’ve quit while they were ahead!" YEAH. Where are these amazing vocals on one of the GOOD songs?


I cannot recall them singing this live, or if they did, the fans didn't care enough to post it. Have a lyric video instead and join me in my motherly disappointment!

 

Just say it's for the vocals sis!