You gotta help me. I'm losing my mind. Keep getting the feeling you wanna leave this all behind. Thought we were going strong? Thought we were holding on? Aren't we? #61. History [6.242] High Score: 10 x 4 (@constantino, @Fever, @Mr. Right, @Txetxu) Low Score: 0 x 1 (@Sprockrooster) #flop My Score: 6 I'm going to be honest with you, I started getting emotional when making that graphic. Damn them! Just when you think you're over it all they get you with an emotionally manipulative buddy anthem. I need a moment. Okay. I'm back. Dry eyed and of sound mind (hahahahahahahaha!). The final single from Mindlessly Issued Tropes of Actual Mortification (MITAM), History was written by Liam, Louis, John, Julian, Wayne Hector, and Ed Drewitt. I always want to rate this song higher than it deserves, but I broke free from the tears!!!!!!!! I do like the soundtrack vibe, but it's more of a "oh that's lovely" track than a "get my life!" track. Don't underestimate the power of memory though; this song Dark Horsed Infinity and was released as the final One Direction single (perhaps ever), ultimately peaking at #6 on the UK Singles Chart. You can thank their clever final performance on the X-Factor, during which we all prayed they would not cut Zayn from the montage (yes that was a legitimate fear at the time). Speaking of Zayn, perhaps the greatest moment of History...... comes from Louis? Yes, you heard me. I just gave credit to Louis. Remember how I wished for a spoken part during the A.M writeup? Well this is exactly what I was thinking about! Somehow, he's not as tragic when he's delivering this ode to his True Love Zayn (which I imagine he wrote the day after the twitter breakup): Minibars, expensive cars, Hotel rooms and new tattoos, The good champagne and private planes But they don't mean anything Cause' the truth is out I realized that without you here life is just a lie This is not the end, this is not the end We can make it you know it, you know Fucking hell. I hate them. I'm just going to burn through the Debbie Downers first, because I don't want to deal with their negativity tonight. @Sprockrooster (0) cannot even stan Louis right, wowwwwwww. Between this and the Blank Space debacle, I may be booking a flight to The Netherlands as we speak- "Is this their worst single? Yes it is. This should have not getting a status higher than 'demo'." @SophiaSophia (1) needs to lay off the hyperbole- "This is the worst decline in music quality since Geri left the Spice Girls and we all know how horrible Forever was." @DJHazey (4) is clueless about what it's like to be a One Direction fan- "I see this is their song for the fans. Aww, that's nice." Literally that awwwwing did not happen. @wackseed (2) needs to prioritize better- "Listen, I like a good chill guitar-with-clapping backing track as much as the next girl, but there are a lot of very slow, trying-to-be-chill songs on this album and it's beginning to feel a little too much like a summer camp fireside singalong for my tastes." @eccentricsimply (4) is probably leading the #Justice4WhatAFeeling project- "Okay song, terrible single choice." @A$AP Robbie (7) gave this a good score but their comments don't match- "Even this has the bit of the air of will-this-do" Okay, now that that's out of the way let me mention the five million of you who brought up Girls Aloud. I take it almost none of you know I couldn't care less about that band? In my mind you've become a chorus of Liam and Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini Payne shippers. @VivaForever (4.5) knew what she was doing so she's not getting a pass- "Better than Girls Aloud’s History. Not anywhere near as good as Girls Aloud’s Whole Lotta History." Blah blah blah @Lost In Japan. (6)- "Finished listening to this and put the Girls Aloud one on straight after. Now THAT is a 10/10 song." No! @KAG (6)- "It's catchy and melodically sturdy but I can't get past the obvious similarities to Girls Aloud's 'Whole Lotta History' once the hook kicks in. I also find the lyrics clumsily direct." Please stop @tylerc904 (7.5)- "Girls Aloud they aint. Still really like this!" YES I HAVE HEARD THE DAMN SONG DON'T EVEN BOTHER. @sexercise (7.5) is also crying over What A Feeling, I presume- "I kind of like this but fucking hate that this got a single release." While @iheartpoptarts (7.5) is just crying- "This video makes me sad, and not in the way they probably intended. I look at 1D then and 1D now and I’m like, what happened? Anyway, the song is cute, though I could do without the campfire singalong production." @With The Bands (8) recognizes that this was the right single, even if it was not the best song- "This grew on me so much, in the end it was a genius single choice." Same with @Rasterax (9)- "This is such a good and fitting final single for the band that, with their team, it's no wonder they weren't originally going to release it." Remember when it was going to be Infinity? I do. @Xanthippe (7.5) proves that this actually existed outside the fandom!- "heard this actually on the radio once" @constantino (10) you weren't the only one to think Toy Story- "This Toy Story-2-soundtrack-worthy bawp! Ok, maybe that was a stretch, apologies to my PJ Pixar stans. I actually love this as a final single, as obvious as it may have been, the guitar-led chorus is wonderful and their vocals sound far better than usual. I actually tapped along, mess." Finally, @First2Run (9) validates me- "This song is actually about Zayn." I normally don't recommend watching music videos, but I highkey recommend that those of you not so familiar with One Direction watch the History one. It's lovely and sums up a lot of the last five years perfectly. Also you can have a kii when genius director Ben Winson ends the video with the boys walking in separate directions! HAHAHAHA. Oh Ben. Keep flopping. I'm also posting the X-Factor performance because I actually like it. That's all for tonight. This is the single busiest week of work for me, so I probably will only post two eliminations a night.