I Think I'm Gonna Win This Time: The One Direction Discography Rate

I can't deal with "the production is shit" people on here today. Go back and listen to your autotuned to shit Up All Night tracks I guess.

People can still send me commentary.

 

This ain't the every other artist under the sun discussion thread. Please and thank you.

 

Gather round and I'll tell you a tale.


















One Direction vs. The Clevedon Pier.














Starts now!

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#33. You & I [7.172]

High Score: 10 x 5 (@Mr. Right, @Petty Mayonnaise, @Reboot, @Sprockrooster, @Txetxu)
Low Score: 3 x 3 (@constantino, @DJHazey @VivaForever)

My Score: 7


You & I was the fourth single released from Midnight Memories, peaking at #19 on the UK Singles Chart and #68 on the US Billboard Hot 100. You & I was written completely by the three Js with no input from the boys. As I mentioned earlier in the rate, I truly believe that releasing Midnight Memories as a single killed the album campaign. Best Song Ever and Story of My Life were two of their most successful singles, but like the sad balloon in the You & I video, all the hot air was gone after that giant misstep. At that point I guess they decided they couldn't fuck it up any more and released this ballad in spring 2014 (#JUSTICEFORHAPPILY). And you know what? Maybe it would've smashed if they hadn't paired it with the most hilariously depressing music video I have ever seen.


I have to be in the mood for this one. Actually, I didn't really "get" You & I until last summer. My ex-friend was playing it in the car as we made our trek to the One Direction concert and something just clicked. If you have the patience, there is a grandiose quality waiting to be unearthed. I listened to this today with my expensive headphones and there are several little touches you lose to subpar audio systems. I'm struck by the mixture of strings and acoustic guitar in particular. I also adore that little riff that repeats throughout the first few minutes. However, You & I has always been about That Moment. You all know the one. It's honestly really really beautiful. If you have no idea what I'm talking about please head to 2:40 and get ready to sail away in an ocean of Zayn. This leads to my eternal debate with this song. Is the last minute worth the minimalist production during the first two and a half? Ultimately, you'll have to look inside yourself for the answer (#deep).


Let's get to the elephant in the room: the video. I can honestly say without hesitation that You & I is the absolute worst contribution to the One Direction videography. Basically, it consists of the boys wearing ugly grey sweaters, standing on Clevedon Pier, praying for their fans to rescue them from imminent death. As they walk towards you, you can really see the fear of hypothermia in their eyes. It's so touching. Oh wait, the best is still to come! Did you ever want to go through the terrifying experience of watching Zayn morph into Louis? This is the video for you! Do you enjoy Niall failing to cartwheel? Step right up! Do you hate one Harry Styles? Gather round as he loses the will to live before your eyes! Do you like Liam's fisherman beard! Have I got a video for you!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, guess what? BEN WINSTON PLAGIARIZED THIS. He can't even flop on his own ideas. Because this video is really a sight to behold, I will intersperse your commentary with select photographs/tumblr posts from the experience.


I have no idea what you were watching, @Macsun (8), but at least Harry will know it was worth it!- "Their best ballad single accompanied by a great video, Zayn's wail during the bridge and ad libs are icing on the cake."





This was the breaking point for @Animalia (5)- "This was when I really started losing interest in the band, to be honest. It's just so… beige. Not even the slightest hint of any personality, from one of the most charismatic groups in recent memory? Nah. They're better than this." BUT ARE THEY BETTER THAN CREEPY FACE MORPHING?






@DJHazey (3) is skeptical- "”Not even the Gods above would separate the two of us” – Oh yeah, you’re pretty sure of that aren’t you? Zzzzzz."





@VivaForever (3) is upset about the grammar! "Oh I thought we’d finished with this ‘between you and I’ business with Jessica Simpson! Objective case, boys. Know your pronouns.Brandon Flowers does. Also I don’t think they even tried with this. It’s just really boring. Oh God this album is gonna be a long slog isn’t it." HARRY STYLES DIED FOR THIS.






@constantino (3), I think you have the answer now- "This is um…boring. Where’s the fun? Where’s the energy? Where is the life? [Where is the love?] On Up All Night, that’s where. This strikes me as a desperate plea to sound credible, and it backfired. Ain’t no one is relying on 1D for slow jams and ballads." BEN WINSTON IS A SOUL SUCKING VAMPIRE.





@Furball (7)- "Zayn lifts it to another level." Remember how Ben Winson ignored Zayn during his big note to give us this traumatizing screenshot?





@iheartpoptarts (5), it was clearly a set up for slow motion jogging! "I don’t get why they needed so many ballad singles. I mean, they’re just not a ballad group, you know?"






@sexercise (4) prefers the remix. "Completely & utterly boring. Overrated as hell. The Big Payno Remix gives this some kind of life though." What about the Big Payno remix of Niall Horan?





@eccentricsimply (4)? "Another song killed to me because of the music video. Besides, it's super boring, there's no build up in it." Two words: Mullet Zayn.





@A$AP Robbie (6) is relatively nice- " I think from a songwriting point of view its quite interesting, but its not what I want. " WHAT ABOUT CLONE DIRECTION THOUGH?





Noted ballad hater @SophiaSophia (6.5) can get on board- "Most of their ballads are terrible but this isn't actually." A little like this cartwheel, no?





Why does this sound so shady @First2Run (7.5)? "This is a strange choice for a single, but it has a certain kind of charm certainly."





I'm very sorry this was your first video @Up Down Suite (8)- "The song that made me gain interest in them, I became a solid fan a week after the video was out, so I was pretty late to the party indeed. The remix Liam did was absolutely stellar. Great arrangement and production. Should’ve been the single version."





@wackseed (8.5)-!"This song is notable namely because of the epic high notes that Zayn Malik reached while performing it. Honestly, it's sort of a tragedy that there weren't any solo songs earlier. Overall it's a nice solid song"





Pretty Much, @With The Bands (9)- "The video is tragic but one of their best ballads. Gorgeous."





Last, but not least, bring the brain bleach! @Sprockrooster (10)- "I cannot stop drooling over Louis in this video. GIF after GIF I am blessed with this video."

I dare you to watch this at least once.

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Revenge is sweet.

 

What did @Petty Mayonnaise do to you again?

 

I have to give it to you - I am, indeed, impressed that you were awake through Honeymoon.

 

.... that's not a drag. I'm being honest. I know it's appaling, but I'm more honest here than I'm trying to drag people. I know what my capacities are and dragging is not one of them.