Insane crushes

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Aww Keifer this is too cute, you are so sweet. You've grown up infront of my eyes, etc etc.

I agree with Seanie, you're in a hard position and it is so easy to get attached when you're coming out and particularly speaking to people online or through an app who may not be all they seem if you were to meet them in person.
 
What do you want from it?

If you're not prepared to take it off Grindr, then where is it going? Maybe its best you back off and don't send long messages to see how he responds to you not contacting him, see how he reacts, if he contacts you etc...
It sounds to me like you're investing a lot in it and not necessarily getting a lot back from it.

What was his reason for saying he wanted to delete Grindr?
 
I really don't know coz I don't think he feels the same way at all. I mean he knows how I feel about him so if he did feel that way he would react. It's a self-confidence thing too - I'm not grossly unattractive but I do feel that he's completely different league to me for me to even think about being more than mates with him. We've mostly spoken like mates too despite some playing around and flirting - I even told him about this other crush i had (that guy is straight anyway so nothing was gonna come from that). And he did say he was dating guys (not in a relationship or anything) but he now wants a boyfriend. He did actually tell me once that he was thinking of deleting - he said it was becoming pointless and all everyone else wants is sex.

I think what I'm most annoyed about is how I could get so attached to someone on a bloody app who I've only talked to for a week and haven't met in person. I've said it loads of times but this just isn't me normally.
 
I think you need to distance yourself from him for a while. You're just going to torture yourself if you keep chasing and are getting nothing back. It's a recipe for disaster.

I'm sure most people have been there, I know I have and it's not nice.
 
I probably do need to keep my distance though it's usually him that messages me first everyday. He is only one guy after all though he is basically everything I've wanted in a partner.
 
I really don't know coz I don't think he feels the same way at all. I mean he knows how I feel about him so if he did feel that way he would react. It's a self-confidence thing too - I'm not grossly unattractive but I do feel that he's completely different league to me for me to even think about being more than mates with him. We've mostly spoken like mates too despite some playing around and flirting - I even told him about this other crush i had (that guy is straight anyway so nothing was gonna come from that). And he did say he was dating guys (not in a relationship or anything) but he now wants a boyfriend. He did actually tell me once that he was thinking of deleting - he said it was becoming pointless and all everyone else wants is sex.

I think what I'm most annoyed about is how I could get so attached to someone on a bloody app who I've only talked to for a week and haven't met in person. I've said it loads of times but this just isn't me normally.

Don't worry at all about him being more attractive than you or anything like that. I've come to realize a lot of the time that confidence and personality can give a boost that looks just cannot, especially when someone is more open and nice like he seems to be. Though as was said, he could be completely different in real life, I think just the fact that you guys are talking and you've gotten attached means something. If he was really a tool then he wouldn't keep responding. I think it is best to keep your relationship options open, if you can handle it; you've got to be okay with being friends if that's all he wants. If you don't think you can just be friends with him, I think it's best to not get too much more invested.

And don't be annoyed with yourself! We crave human interaction, and when the prospect of someone that could mean something more arises after not having anyone for a long time, it's just natural to cling to that and want to develop it. It also doesn't help that what you're getting now is just the good side of him, so you have to remember that he's just a guy, a normal guy who has his share of flaws and that you're just as deserving as him of attention and he's just as lucky to be talking to someone as awesome as you.
 
I probably do need to keep my distance though it's usually him that messages me first everyday. He is only one guy after all though he is basically everything I've wanted in a partner.

You need to remind yourself its been a week, and all you've seen is a few pictures. He may be hot, and be able to send you nice Grindr chat, but I really don't think thats all you're looking for in a partner not if you're ultimately looking for a long term relationship.

Maybe take some time out from it and decide what you want. If you decide you want to do something with him, go for it. Don't rely on him making the first move or attempt to read signs that may or may not be there, you'll only end up crying over it again. Ask him out. If he stalls or whatever, you'll have your answer.
 
Ahh Jonathan - you're gonna make me start crying again! Your advice is so spot on. I think I am ok with being mates with him - just to talking to him even is fine by me. It's just the fact that everything could just be over like that if he deletes his profile - I never hear from him again and then he goes back to the US so I'll never get to eventually meet him (he said he was gonna ask me for a meet at this SU clubnight this weekend but I'm in London this weekend). It just all so complicated and dumb and I'll feel really awkward if he keeps his Grindr just because of how I reacted.

Maybe take some time out from it and decide what you want. If you decide you want to do something with him, go for it. Don't rely on him making the first move or attempt to read signs that may or may not be there, you'll only end up crying over it again. Ask him out. If he stalls or whatever, you'll have your answer.

I'd have to pluck up quite a lot of courage to do that and it could get awkward if he rejected me but I guess I need an answer - I don't even know how he feels about the fact that I'm a fresher and he's in his third year.
 
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H

Hitori

Oh, me and Les Miserables guy went out again yesterday. He carried our food and made me hold the movie ticket. In the cinema, he placed the straw in my cup, and gave me the food one by one as I finish each one after another. I'm not sure if he needed to place the friggin' straw in my soda cup, but he seems nice. I don't think there's anything special yet but it's nice to have company sometimes.

I probably do need to keep my distance though it's usually him that messages me first everyday. He is only one guy after all though he is basically everything I've wanted in a partner.

Until he hurts you! Well not now, but do keep your eyes wide open and observe him first.
 
I'd have to pluck up quite a lot of courage to do that and it could get awkward if he rejected me but I guess I need an answer - I don't even know how he feels about the fact that I'm a fresher and he's in his third year.
Its Grindr. If he says no what have you lost?
 
I really don't care about Grindr or anyone else on it though - he's the only decent guy. Also I wouldn't want to fuck up the friendship that we have if he said no which really is likely since most of our chat has been more friendly than flirty.
 
I really don't care about Grindr or anyone else on it though - he's the only decent guy. Also I wouldn't want to fuck up the friendship that we have if he said no which really is likely since most of our chat has been more friendly than flirty.

The thing is though, you're already reading more into the relationship than there may be. Which will probably lead to you being hurt. You seem quite invested in it already.
If you want to be friends, be friends, but you don't want him to have your number, so what do you want, cause only being in contact via grindr isn't the way friends normally keep in contact...
 
Yeah Keifer, just give him your number and ask for his. Even if you just want to be friends, you guys can't spend eternity talking on grindr.

Trust me, you won't sound needy at all. That's what pretty much everyone does once you meet someone who isn't all about "hey wanna shag" (which is 0,001% of the guys).

I completely understand your situation, I've been through similar, including the self-confidence part. And I won't even tell you to not stress over it, because that's impossible.

BUT I think differently from those who told you to set a distance. Don't do that! Live it. Message him, ask for his number. It's Grindr, you haven't even met him in real life, the worst that could happen is him blocking you. Don't waste an opportunity to meet a nice guy just out of fear of rejection...it happens to all of us, but you have to try.

If he deletes his account before you ask for his number, you will end up regretting it, and thinking of what could have been. If he doesn't want to give you his number, at least you will know you tried, and you'll be able to move on.
 
I'm also happy for everyone going on dates! Congrats to Karmita, RobR and Oceandrive and hitori and everyone else.
 
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