Jessie J Threatens (Her Voice Is Back)

Popjustice's favorite former bisexual screeching fashion icon is working on her 4th collection of biblical hymns.

DJ Camper (????) did an interview (I honestly have no idea where this is from but he Tweeted about it so it's real) where he said her "vocals" are better than Beyonce's and that she's "the realist she's ever been"



Get ready for your world to be SHAPED gorls.

 

What a cocky and delusional producer.

 

I love 'Cha Cha Slide'.

 

I was hoping nobody would make a thread so we could just pretend this wasn't happening.

 

She could release the Va-Jessie J J Slide, the Cha Cha Slide part 3.

 

When you make a joke thread one of your faves flops @sexercise

 

Gosh this is really exciting. I can't wait for her Sprite. Give her the Grammys now.

 

I needed this thread in my life.

 

I'll have you know that Slumber Party is a #86 peaking $MA$H. Its radio updates have Ariana & Beyonce SHOOK.

Spoiler

 

And why is she no longer caged?

 

I’m not exaggerating when I say the Alive thread and (to a slightly lesser extent) the Sweet Talker thread single-handedly got me through those first few weeks after the US election. Each page should be printed, framed and hung in a gallery.

 

So DJ Camper is her new alter ego?

 

Ha JESSICÁ is upon us.

 

DJ Camper Than Tits

 

She's coming out

 

Ready for the first ever flying tour. Queen coming to revolutionize the industry.

 

She wasn't particularly subtle in previous albums so the thought of Jessica "uncaged" is rather terrifying.

 

I am ready for this weave snatching masterpiece. Take me to church and brutally murder me, Jesus Ellen Cornish.

 

(All of my faves flop already and I've never made one of those sowhatisthetruth.gif).