LGBTQIA+ | Page 1025 | The Popjustice Forum


Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. But what if it's not the Thor energy you're craving, but Chris Hemsworth himself?
    (I hate that I can't use emoji on here)

    I don't disagree with any of your other points - what is sexy evolves all the time and so do our tastes as a society. Minor addition: I don't think sexual preference is formed purely by culture, I think experience and immediate context (family, peers, community) also plays a big role in it (and also filters larger cultural trends, etc.)

    I also don't disagree with how reductive an isolated judgement is - of course! But, err... Grindr? Dating apps in general? Most people are loveable if you get to know them well (apart from me, I'm a dick all the way through) - that's just not how sexual selection works these days (or ever).
  2. [​IMG]
    kal and londonrain like this.
  3. [​IMG]
  4. I fully understand wanting to hear a voice note because it does more for you than reading & writing text - in the same way video chat or in-person contact is more appealing to many than back & forth messaging.

    But to want to hear a person’s voice to determine whether or not you’d like to proceed with them based on the sound... is discrimination.
  5. Is asking for someone's photo discrimination too?
    TrendyMüller likes this.
  6. Uno


    Imagine letting something as mundane as someone's speaking voice come in the way of otherwise potential happiness with the person.

    Some of y'all deserve to stay single.
    tea, Modeblock, junglefish and 28 others like this.
  7. londonrain

    londonrain Staff Member

    I wouldn’t say it’s discrimination.

    It’s just... kind of dumb.
  8. If you’re asking for the sole purpose of deciding whether or not to continue speaking with them, yes. If it’s just to get a better visual of the person you’ve been talking to, no.

    Perhaps discrimination is too strong a word, so I apologize if it is. But those intentions feel very judgmental in a potentially harmful way that could also be rooted in something far worse.
    Music Is Death likes this.
  9. I just can't imagine having hang ups about someone's race, or how many qualities you/society have deemed as feminine that they possess, or their voice. Just for me... I just have never cared about those things.

    I remember as a kid, my grandparents raised me, and my grandfather told me "You can be friends with black girls, but I don't want you dating any when you get older." and I remember thinking how stupid it is to just make a blanket judgment of an entire group of people, individuals that i've never even met.

    Unless you have met and tried to get to know and understand every single feminine guy, to think "Well, I just avoid feminine guys, they're not for me" is discriminatory, because you are picking at one thing and writing them all off for it. You've came up with this preconceived notion about them and you have taught yourself to avoid them. That isn't preference, that is discrimination. If you get to know someone and then decide they aren't for you for a number of reasons, that is one thing. But right off the bat vetting out groups of people who you have taught yourself to believe you will never like is a little ridiculous.

    You don't have to give everyone a chance, but you should have a more open mind. Like at least get to know people, even if you end up not dating, at the very least you're opening yourself up to learn about other people.
  10. I'm sorry to keep pressing this, I promise I'll go to bed soon, but...

    What does the above even mean? Of course dating is judgmental - that's the whole point - you trawl through a bunch of people, make a series of judgements to narrow the pool and, hopefully, arrive at the one(s) you want to bump uglies/go to the farmer's market/have kids with in the end (can you tell I'm still single?). There are plenty of places where one's identity, presentation, looks, choices, etc. should be endlessly and unconditionally affirmed and supported - in therapy, for instance, or in a group of close friends, even on Popjustice, I guess, the way you guys do it, but dating is by definition an activity where each person sifts others out to find someone they consider compatible.

    That's not to say that there's anything wrong with being femme AT ALL. 'Some of my best friends are femme', etc. It's just to say that it may not set some people's loins on fire, and instead of feeling discriminated against, people should just go and find someone for whom it does!

    Not dating me because you don't like an aspect of who I am is not discriminatory, because I'm not *entitled* to your time, attention or sex, the way I'm entitled to healthcare or a seat on the bus or even respect and civility as a member of society.
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021 at 12:25 AM
    LondonParisRome and Damon like this.
  11. Agreed. Avoiding a group of people because of pre-conceived notions of what they're like is dumb and discriminatory. But dating someone just to prove to yourself that you've tried can be... cruel?

    Edit: Anyway, not sure why this is the hill I decided to die on. Apologies if anyone took any of the above personally. As I said before, the beauty of dating is that you never have to contend with people like me if you don't want to, so...

    Last edited: Apr 7, 2021 at 12:20 AM
  12. You don't have to date everyone. That's why I said you should just get to know people, and if you date then great but if you don't feel it, at least you were respectful to them and can either maybe be friends or mutually part ways. Like i'm all about respect over denying or ghosting someone on a shallow basis.
    adayasatiger likes this.
  13. What I got from the original post that started this discussion (@adayasatiger correct me if I'm getting it wrong) is if it's wrong for someone to be attracted to characteristics that are privileged/pushed by society (and that basically always have roots in racist/sexist history).

    I'd think that it's wrong as a society to keep pushing these characteristics as "best". On that, I'd say the most guilty are media companies (or really, companies in general, as they all use do this through publicity), as they are the ones actively setting beauty standards throughout the world.

    But is each individual also guilty of enforcing this status quo by their dating choices? Should people go out of their way to go against their preferences, so as to push back against these forces? Is it inherently wrong to have these preferences, or is it only wrong to act on them? Can the individual be blamed for having them?

    It might help to look at this issue through characteristics other than feminine/masculine presentation, as I think many of us have been particularly hurt by the status quo in the area. Let's take height for example. Taller guys are usually preferred, and this is a standard heavily enforced by media/society. Is it wrong for someone to have a preferences for taller guys? Is it wrong to reject someone (on dating) based on their height?

    I really apologize if I'm saying something insensitive or wrong. I'll be glad to learn from this discussion.
  14. I don’t think anybody is suggesting that we “force” ourselves to like anybody we don’t, but the task is to work on being open minded about other people and not judge them or cast them aside based on some preconceived notion of what we think we like.

    Edit: Personally, I have a lot of gay friends even who say they can’t find “nice gays” to be friends with - then when you ask them about who they’re looking for or where they’ve looked for them - it’s usually the apps and other white gay twinks only. Like...expand your horizons a bit. Or don’t, maybe the rest of us are better off ddd.
    tea, Modeblock, Lapras and 12 others like this.
  15. So by your reasoning, not dating you because you had dark skin and hypothetically my preference is white skin, would not be discrimatory, because you are not entitled to my time, attention or sex?
    Music Is Death likes this.
  16. Relationships are about compromise. No one is going to be "THE 1". You're going to find a 0.75 and have to round them up to a 1. But know that you are ALSO not their 1. We do not meet all the checklist of things we look for in a partner, with any partner. You have to be open to compromise some things, as they will for you too. But if you have too many deal breakers that prevent you from making any compromises... Have fun being single and closed off I guess.

    Like if he has bad breath and there is nothing that can be done with it and disgusts you every time you see each other, if that isn't something you can put aside to be with him and he isn't able to make a change in that, okay, fine, move on respectfully.
    But if before you even meet you're getting voice notes from him and his voice sounds more feminine than what you had hoped so you decide not to talk further... That's just, kinda shitty in my opinion.
    tea, Modeblock, londonrain and 2 others like this.
  17. Sam


    I’m gna dip before this gets extra messy but if anyone wants to exchange voice notes of Nigella excerpts in daft accents then hmu x
  18. It’s ones own responsibility to expand their horizons and unlearn any prejudices or preconceived notions they have towards a different race, body type, gender, how feminine or masculine someone is, etc. A lot of the discrimination in the lgbtq+ community is built off the back of white supremacy and favouring of “masculine” bodies being seen as the “ideal” type in popular media, whether it caters to LGBTQ+ crowds or not (gay porn is a massive offender when it comes to this).

    If people want to only date and fuck white masc cis men, that’s their loss.
    tea, Modeblock, Pineapple and 7 others like this.
  19. I would say these decisions should be made based on an individual’s personality, rather than the superficial things being brought up here.
    tea, FridayNight and Music Is Death like this.
  20. FYI Brummie accents? Hot.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.