Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.
His partner too. Twitter is a mad world.
Hopefully they weren’t BOTH doing it on the sly ddddd.
Wouldn't know, I left them on read dd.
So, short story time. A little backstory -- I've been with my partner for what will be 12 years in a week or two. We got engaged 2 years ago, and have been in an open relationship for the last ... 7ish years? Pre-COVID, as we are both actors, it was quite regular for us to spend just as much, if not more, time apart than together in a year because of theatre jobs taking us out of the city. The open relationship was kind of a result of that realization that we would often be apart because of work. Anyway, it's had its ebbs and flows, sometimes more open than not, but it's been our "regular" since probably like 2013-2014.
I've always been very "open" about discussing with it. I see absolutely no shame or feel no need for secrecy about it. My partner wasn't always that way, and at times felt a bit of shame about talking to people about it, and would then be met with judgement or resistance to it. I never really got that type of response. Because I was so forthcoming with my situation and so positive about it, the worst I would ever get is "good for you, not for me" type of responses, but oftentimes I would have really enlightening conversations with friends and would really change their perspective on something that they used to think so negatively about it. Thankfully, he's really changed about how he talks about it and presents it to other people, and that's changed his experience a ton as well.
Anyway, that's all to say that it's been a long time since I felt "judged" about being in an open relationship. But today, some little punk started DMing me. Seemed sweet enough, and he was cute, so I didn't mind some flirting. Eventually, he was saying things to me like "You know, you're really really cute. I've been single for a really long time, and I feel like the city is opening back up and coming back to life and I really want to put myself out there and like experience love and all of that. I would love to take you out." I was flattered, but obviously we aren't looking for the same things. I responded: "That's really kind. To be fully transparent, I'm engaged and have been in a relationship for a long time. We're open, so there's nothing wrong with this chat, but I feel like we are definitely looking for different things. You seem really cool, and I'm certainly not opposed to some fun, a new friend, or even a date, but know that I'm not looking for a relationship or anything serious." Well when I tell you the full 180 that happened after that comment.
I get maybe being a bit butt hurt or embarrassed to get "rejected" if you can even call what I did that, but he then goes on to say that I'm "fucking disgusting" and "guys in an open relationship are a disgrace to the gay community. You make us all look like disgusting whores." And then was like "And you're not even that good looking you should be thanking your lucky stars you even found 1 person who'd want to sleep with you, pretty greedy to think you deserve more than that." I was like --- flabbergasted at the response.
I obviously chose not to continue that conversation, and I honestly don't take it personally since clearly this kid really got a bruised ego from simply being told "not looking to be your boyfriend" in so many words, but the whole exchange came so out of nowhere in such a nasty way that I had to share.
That's very good that you didn't take it personally. Honestly sounds like a similar situation may have burned him and he felt good about laying those feelings on you. Shame tbh. But better to know now rather than later.
I can’t believe it’s been five years since Pulse.
Reminded me of this poem by Mary Jean Chan:
May they rest in peace.
This is lovely.
Hi everyone, just a wee update to my earlier post/rant, well, he didn't show up, but I'm starting to wonder if I've maybe scared him off? I just had a wee day to myself, bought some Blu-rays in HMV (The Conjuring 1 and 2, Farewell My Concubine and Godzilla: King of the Monsters), went to the Nespresso Boutique and got the last 3 sleeves of the new Coconut Coffee over Ice for my Nepresso VertuoPlus machine, I then went for a KFC, then treated myself to the cinema and went to see Godzilla vs Kong, which was actually enjoyable, I don't know if I ever will find the one for me, maybe I'm just destined to be lonely.
You didn’t ‘scare him off’ and you’re doing yourself a disservice thinking of it like that. It sounds like he never remotely intended to take you seriously and there is nothing you could have done to change that, sad as that may be for you.
Not to get too into it but framing yourself as ‘lonely’ can ultimately lead to that almost parasocial connection you make with guys who you’ve never met in person; that it’s not necessarily the guy but the notifications and the feedback loop of someone’s individual attention. One of the things I found hardest about being single again a few months ago was no longer being someone’s ‘priority’, and it can feel quite lonely but there’s also so much to enjoy!
The rest of your day sounded like so much fun, you did things for yourself and didn’t have to accommodate anyone else. Having those days where you enjoy just being yourself without compromise is so important, and it can help you see yourself with a little more clarity than second guessing yourself in dating scenarios.
the whole ‘love yourself’ stuff really doesn’t help, but I think learning to like yourself and that time you spend alone is liberating, and it’s not always easy and there’s ups and downs but to be alone is not a death sentence, it is simply where you are at a point in time.
Happiness takes many forms, but it will come regardless, given time x
Just stumbled across two guys fucking in the park on my walk. Happy Pride Month!
Why do I instantly hear Jennifer Lawrence singing this?
Hot take: spontaneously fucking a guy in the bushes in the park in the dark is 100x hotter than a laboriously organized Grindr hookup with a ton of badly taken hole pics and "wat u into" type questions.
Erm yes? That's why I wrote 'jealous' dd. The second a hook up starts being planned on an app the horny dies message by message.
You don’t have to look that far into the past to see multiple users getting that kind of crap on this very forum. I know at least one user for whom that was part of their reason to step back from the forum.
Hmm…well that’s a shame. Maybe I won’t scroll back and catch up on this thread dddd. Fortunately this isn’t my first rodeo so I’m not scared of a few judgemental people. With that being said, and as I shared in my initial post, I’m an open book when it comes to my relationship and how we’ve navigated it for 12 years. If any user genuinely wanted to understand about open relationships more or ask questions because they don’t get it — I’m all ears.
People get so weird about open relationships.
As Darren Hayes sang; "I believe that trust is more important than monogamy."
Separate names with a comma.