Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.
I get what you’re saying now. However, does this happen? “You’re being such a white cis gay.”
I don’t know if that particularly happens but like:
You wouldn’t want to feel like these posts were about you, and that’s more of a common call out, like yeah wow we’re terrible without actually meaning ourselves personally.
So why feel those posts are about you if they aren’t?
And if they are about you (us) in many (all) ways, why not just take them on and commit to doing better?
I don’t! Just, if someone said it to me, I would take it on and feel I had some learning to do. What a struggle.
Maybe you do have some learning to do, though? If I took everything personally that someone said to me in my 35 years on this planet, I wouldn’t speak. I’d be ashamed of my skin colour, my trans non-binary self, my work (sex work), eating disorder, abusive childhood and the trauma I still endure from it and so on, but I have to go on living. You have to own who you are and where you are coming from and your beliefs and not - and I say this as not an attack at all - not make every conversation about yourself. That’s where it’s getting messy.
Everybody has learning to do, it’s how we navigate and actually take it in and grow from it that matters. Understand that a terminology that is just a factual breakdown is not a slur. There are very real reasons why it is used a lot but for every second we sit here debating the validity of cis white gays and what it means to be called one, people are freely ignoring the fact that there are communities who actually need and demand the conversation.
@Solenciennes didn’t say that it’s a slur or anything close to that. I feel like I’m going insane reading this thread. The strawmanning of it all.
Don’t really know where to put this and it should probably come with a trigger warning of ~mild SA?
Last year I went round to a guys and we had sex, the plan was always for me to stay over after dinner. He cooked me a curry and when we went up to bed I said I didn’t want to bottom for a second time because of the curry but he didn’t really listen. I didn’t put up much resistance but it wasn’t something I was wanting - and to put it bluntly I ended up shitting his bed. While I haven’t told friends the whole situation because I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, I’ve not wanted to see him again and have avoided a lot of his messages where he’s asked to meet up for drinks and food. But now he’s also got a Tinashe meet and greet for the same date as me, and I know I’m going to have to see him in person and I’m feeling quite anxious about it. I’m going with good friends, so at least not alone, but I think my main way of dealing with it was “I never have to see him again in person” and maybe I was a little naive about that.
If it helps, with Tinashe M&Gs costing 55p you may well end up not seeing him at all.
You just have to pretend it never even happened. If you bump into him, give him an acquaintances Hello, and leave it at that.
He won't bring it up in public, you won't, so yeah.
Be strong, and the whole situation, with you not really wanting to, sounds troubling. I hope you have the strength to say No to others in future if you're not 100% comfortable with what's going down (or in)
This sounds quite positive to me, he might want to be reassuring you that it's all okay.
I threw up on a guy during sex once (due to the under-cooked salmon he'd made). It was awkward af at the time, but it became a little in-joke and he was listed as Salmon Steve on my phone forever after.
I thought the same at first, but I think the issue here is Jacques being uncomfortable that he felt pressured to have sex after saying no and ended up feeling terribly about himself by the end of it. Whether the other guy feels okay with it isn't the point.
Yeah, fair point. I didn't comprehend it that way, but it makes the sense.
I was going to say, my takeaway from this is that this man sounds like he took advantage of you. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, and I just want to make sure you're doing ok after dealing with that.
I shat on someone's dick once too. It's just processed food waste. Normalise shitting on dicks. I'm shitting on a dick right now. If a mod deletes this they're homophobic.
It has happened to so many gay men, problem is we rarely talk about it. I think it’s great that it has come up on the forum for discussion. It’s a fact of gay life and no one should be made to feel bad about it.
That said, I’m always very open with partners in saying that sex happens only before eating.
Erm... I don't think anyone should be persecuted for having a little accident when receiving anal (it happens, really isn't a big deal unless its diarrhoea), but let's NOT normalise shitting anywhere but on the toilet please. Accepting we're human =/= coprophilia; curry and cock just shouldn't mix.
You really can buy *anything* on the internet these days smh
As a mod that bottoms dw this post is going nowhere x
Trade said I'll ruin you, I said not if I ruin your sheets first.
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