LGBTQIA+

Huh, coincidentally I was reading this earlier this week: https://www.them.us/story/queer-gay-men-hypersexual-online-social-media-pressure-sexuality

It's about the apparent queer male need to make everything about sex, even when we don't particularly care nearly as much as we let on.

I can definitely own up to chatting to people in the past with zero intention of anything happening, but still swapping pics.
This is super interesting! The disconnect between reality and our online sexual escapades is fascinating. The pressure to be a sexual beast is intimidating. One of my least favorite things about “gay culture.”
 
he/him
This is super interesting! The disconnect between reality and our online sexual escapades is fascinating. The pressure to be a sexual beast is intimidating. One of my least favorite things about “gay culture.”
This.

I've been so nervous about the idea of sex for ages - as we all know, I go through long gaps inbetween active periods - but I'm also bombarded with the idea that I should be having it more and almost being judged for not, despite it not being by choice dd
 
This.

I've been so nervous about the idea of sex for ages - as we all know, I go through long gaps inbetween active periods - but I'm also bombarded with the idea that I should be having it more and almost being judged for not, despite it not being by choice dd
It’s wild. There are just so many expectations and pre-judgment that the idea of performing for a stranger completely paralyzes me. I don’t know how people do it.

A couple messaged me yesterday all interested in hanging out. Yet on their profile they claimed, “we’re a couple of dick pig size queens, so bring your A-game.” Had to politely explain that someone so out of practice like I am could never satisfy these pros. They assured me they would take it easy on me, but damn, no thank you. Why even put that on your profile if you’re apparently so willing to be accommodating? I don’t believe you nn.
 
If you're flirting and sexting sounds like the fantasy of sex is often better than the real thing. Sounds like you're just not clicking with the right people to take it to the next stage.

I don't think the problem is you. I would choose masturbation over mediocre sex.

I think this is pretty bang on. It also sucks because like… the guys I’ve been most like “yeah, let’s bang” live far away nn. My locals ain’t doing it for me and a lot of them are rude as fuck/gross on their profile that it makes their hotness go in the dumpster.

Huh, coincidentally I was reading this earlier this week: https://www.them.us/story/queer-gay-men-hypersexual-online-social-media-pressure-sexuality

It's about the apparent queer male need to make everything about sex, even when we don't particularly care nearly as much as we let on.

I can definitely own up to chatting to people in the past with zero intention of anything happening, but still swapping pics.
I can’t really relate since I think my issue is that I fundamentally prefer my solitude and don’t really click with most people but it’s a very interesting and valid observation.
 
Huh, coincidentally I was reading this earlier this week: https://www.them.us/story/queer-gay-men-hypersexual-online-social-media-pressure-sexuality

It's about the apparent queer male need to make everything about sex, even when we don't particularly care nearly as much as we let on.

I can definitely own up to chatting to people in the past with zero intention of anything happening, but still swapping pics.

Thanks for sharing this article, some parts of it felt so close to home for me.


I have this habit of showing a very sexual side of me to some people online; a side that is just not me when I'm with them in real life.

Like, I don't feel particularly close to those people when I see them in a public place, but somehow I'm so open to them in the online world.


I've always seen it as a weakness or a weird habit. But like the article suggests, it might be all about the acceptance that we want as queer people. Specially in my case, since I'm not out. You suddenly feel like the world is not as oppressing as you feel in those moments. And I think that's all I want in my interactions, despite showing it as a desire for sex.
 
like i'm kinda sad that i don't see myself getting married because i'm legit undesirable and barely have anything going for me but at the same time, i'm 30 and still have a strong roster so as long as they don't abandon me i should be fine until i'm old and ugly and no one wants to touch me anymore right?

i guess i've been in my feelings because idk where it's going (if it's going anywhere at all) with my actual crush, but between the himbo i've got and one of my close friends who legit said he went through a bad breakup and just came over tonight for some fun (i don't mind supplying the pleasure when it's people i'm comfortable with, though i understand most people don't simply hook up with their friends) and now that i'm alone in my bed i'm kinda like.....will someone ever occupy this space for more than a few hours or overnight ever again? sigh
 

Rmx

He/Him/His
A couple messaged me yesterday all interested in hanging out. Yet on their profile they claimed, “we’re a couple of dick pig size queens, so bring your A-game.” Had to politely explain that someone so out of practice like I am could never satisfy these pros. They assured me they would take it easy on me, but damn, no thank you. Why even put that on your profile if you’re apparently so willing to be accommodating? I don’t believe you nn.

I don't understand this either. Like their profile says "hung / XL only" or whatever and they message me, I politely explain I do not offer what they are looking for, then they still go like "yeah but you're cute, wanna fuck?" and I'm just so turned off at that point I usually block. I haven't had sex for months at this point and I'm not even mad about it (maybe a little), yet I'm still on Grindr pretty much every day and I don't even know why. Just curiosity I guess.

like i'm kinda sad that i don't see myself getting married because i'm legit undesirable and barely have anything going for me but at the same time, i'm 30 and still have a strong roster so as long as they don't abandon me i should be fine until i'm old and ugly and no one wants to touch me anymore right?

i guess i've been in my feelings because idk where it's going (if it's going anywhere at all) with my actual crush, but between the himbo i've got and one of my close friends who legit said he went through a bad breakup and just came over tonight for some fun (i don't mind supplying the pleasure when it's people i'm comfortable with, though i understand most people don't simply hook up with their friends) and now that i'm alone in my bed i'm kinda like.....will someone ever occupy this space for more than a few hours or overnight ever again? sigh

Babe, you're spiralling, don't do this to yourself! You're clearly not undesirable because people are actively coming to you for pleasure. But the fact that it's only for pleasure has a lot more to do with how gays work than it has to do with you. Also, I know this sounds só cliche, but when you stop caring / looking for it, that's probably when the right guy will come on your path. When I was 30 I had pretty much given up on ever getting a boyfriend, than at 31 I met the guy I would end up having my first (and only) relationship with. I'm 32 now and we've broken up, but that's besides the point.
 
like i'm kinda sad that i don't see myself getting married because i'm legit undesirable and barely have anything going for me but at the same time, i'm 30 and still have a strong roster so as long as they don't abandon me i should be fine until i'm old and ugly and no one wants to touch me anymore right?

i guess i've been in my feelings because idk where it's going (if it's going anywhere at all) with my actual crush, but between the himbo i've got and one of my close friends who legit said he went through a bad breakup and just came over tonight for some fun (i don't mind supplying the pleasure when it's people i'm comfortable with, though i understand most people don't simply hook up with their friends) and now that i'm alone in my bed i'm kinda like.....will someone ever occupy this space for more than a few hours or overnight ever again? sigh

Oh no don't do that to yourself or ever call yourself ugly, because that isn't true. You have had some action so proves that you're desirable and people do want you. It's just unfortunate that they only just want sex and not a relationship.

As lame as it sounds, try not to think to put so much weight in finding a mate and try to enjoy your life doing what you want. When you're not solely thinking about finding a partner, then you usually find one.

I've said this before, but maybe you can join groups of interests or new hobbies to try and meet new people that way rather than the "dating" apps? You get to do something you like, meet new people and hey might find someone there.

No one is ugly, it's all in your head.
 
Culture studies: The Friendship Dip. The loneliest decades are not what you think they are (link)

How do you guys deal with this? I see it happening to me a lot currently (almost 31). All straight couples getting kids and if they wanna meet, they suggest something at the end of April. But I now try to focus more on friendships with other singles and put more effort into those. Meeting is easy, there's more common ground. I was talking to another guy and he was like; yeah but you can keep your hobbies and interests and all - no need for choices cuz of kids. Which is fun too, but I miss spending time with some of them...

I am trying outside my normal circles of people I know, go more to places. I recently went back to the local gay bar and see people there a bit more.
 
So I post a new picture of me, someone I dated like twice and lives in another continent replies with a comment about how I've gained weight and how I'm too confident. I brush it off as their sign of insecurity and move on.


Then today, someone whose boyfriend cheated on him with me (without my knowledge) 2 years ago sends me a message about how he can't believe his ex cheated with me and that I look like a joke. He also sent a picture of him to remind me of how better he looks I guess.


While the thoughts and doubts obviously try to get me, I'm mostly laughing at how petty these gays are. Girl, go find yourself or whatever!
 
So I post a new picture of me, someone I dated like twice and lives in another continent replies with a comment about how I've gained weight and how I'm too confident. I brush it off as their sign of insecurity and move on.


Then today, someone whose boyfriend cheated on him with me (without my knowledge) 2 years ago sends me a message about how he can't believe his ex cheated with me and that I look like a joke. He also sent a picture of him to remind me of how better he looks I guess.


While the thoughts and doubts obviously try to get me, I'm mostly laughing at how petty these gays are. Girl, go find yourself or whatever!
Block these people out of your life.

I just can't believe how petty some people are and still so salty. Do these people not move on?

I am glad you're coping with it ok, it's just vile what people do.
 
So I post a new picture of me, someone I dated like twice and lives in another continent replies with a comment about how I've gained weight and how I'm too confident. I brush it off as their sign of insecurity and move on.


Then today, someone whose boyfriend cheated on him with me (without my knowledge) 2 years ago sends me a message about how he can't believe his ex cheated with me and that I look like a joke. He also sent a picture of him to remind me of how better he looks I guess.


While the thoughts and doubts obviously try to get me, I'm mostly laughing at how petty these gays are. Girl, go find yourself or whatever!
They both sound like dickheads, glad you're not letting it get to you. x
 
Culture studies: The Friendship Dip. The loneliest decades are not what you think they are (link)

How do you guys deal with this? I see it happening to me a lot currently (almost 31). All straight couples getting kids and if they wanna meet, they suggest something at the end of April. But I now try to focus more on friendships with other singles and put more effort into those. Meeting is easy, there's more common ground. I was talking to another guy and he was like; yeah but you can keep your hobbies and interests and all - no need for choices cuz of kids. Which is fun too, but I miss spending time with some of them...

I am trying outside my normal circles of people I know, go more to places. I recently went back to the local gay bar and see people there a bit more.

I'm still struggling to deal with this if I'm honest. It probably started when I was around 25 and it's only getting worse (I'm 29 now). It's getting to the point where my first subconscious reaction when I see a pregnancy announcement on my newsfeed is to roll my eyes and think "great, another one bites the dust". I still struggle to understand how getting into a relationship or having kids affects friendships in such a massive way. Like I know some of my friends who have kids could easily ask their partner to look after the baby for a night whilst we went out, but instead they're just like "hehe I'm a mum now I can't do that!!" Yet they expect me to clear my calender for their baby events. Nah effort goes both ways, drinks may not be their thing anymore but... a baby shower isn't mine either. We used to have a massive group that would go for lunches etc etc but now it's pretty much just me.

Even when I try to mingle/meet new people there's no gay scene where I am so it's pretty fruitless, I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that most people I know are turning into boring relics of their former selves and the only way I'm going to meet likeminded people is hopefully through starting my new career this year. But yeah, nobody told me it was going to be this lonely being a homosexual, it's a bit crap really.

So I post a new picture of me, someone I dated like twice and lives in another continent replies with a comment about how I've gained weight and how I'm too confident. I brush it off as their sign of insecurity and move on.


Then today, someone whose boyfriend cheated on him with me (without my knowledge) 2 years ago sends me a message about how he can't believe his ex cheated with me and that I look like a joke. He also sent a picture of him to remind me of how better he looks I guess.


While the thoughts and doubts obviously try to get me, I'm mostly laughing at how petty these gays are. Girl, go find yourself or whatever!

Stay confident and just know they both obviously have confidence issues. Losers!
 
You know, for as tough as it is to be gay sometimes, I’m glad for it. I just watched a video where a bunch of straight guys were talking about pegging, and some of them were so fucking stupid about it and insisted it’s “super gay.”

Imagine being so fragile to view a sex act with a woman as gay (and of course implied to be negative). It’s just sad.
 
You know, for as tough as it is to be gay sometimes, I’m glad for it. I just watched a video where a bunch of straight guys were talking about pegging, and some of them were so fucking stupid about it and insisted it’s “super gay.”

Imagine being so fragile to view a sex act with a woman as gay (and of course implied to be negative). It’s just sad.
The way I’m not sure these are not a parody
 
@MusicLover1994 I think the main issue for parents is sleep deprivation making doing anything wayyy harder - not that non-parents don't get sleep deprived but babies keeping you awake is a different thing. I say that as a childless person who doesn't want kids and who frequently has insomnia! Also with babies, if breastfeeding is happening then it can make things more complicated (eg a baby might be happy to breastfeed but won't take pumped milk in a bottle). But also, learned helplessness in cishet dads is for sure a thing too....
 

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