LGBTQIA+ | Page 857 | The Popjustice Forum


Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. I think sex gets both better and worse as you get older. I mean, you know what you enjoy so when it's good, it's amazing. But so often hook ups just feel nothingy and if you don't connect or something they're so depressing. Maybe I need a partner again. Easier said than done though.
    Dee91 and Andrew.L like this.
  2. This conversation arrived at the right moment. I have no idea where I'm going with my life and I relate to the insecurity and the fear of growing older. I feel like I'm constantly catching up to an ideal of success I perceive through others, while not fully allowing myself to be who I want to be. I constantly get the feeling I have to experience everything I missed out on during my teens and early twenties due to not having figured out my identity (sexuality and gender wise) earlier. The self-awareness that a lot of it comes down to internalized preconceptions and social pressure helps, but not that much in the end. I mean, current me is much more at peace with myself than 18 year old me but still, it feels hard to believe I'll ever get to a point where I'm comfortable with the paths taken. Sometimes, I wish a complete do-over was possible, which is a unhealthy mindset to have. Here's to hoping time, experience and wisdom will alleviate those anxieties. Reading some of your posts is a relief in that sense.
  3. I often think the same - imagine what it would be like if I woke up tomorrow morning and was 16 again. Which is completely stupid, because I wasn't a terribly happy teen/young adult and I'm not sure what it is that I think I should have done differently.

    I guess the societal pressures to be a financial 'success' are so deeply ingrained that even when you reject them logically they still sit within you on some level.

    One of the strangest things is that it's not the people with the amazingly success lives I'm most fascinated by but it's the people from school with the really mundane lives. The ones who married someone from school and live 3 miles from where they grew up and have some ultra basic life. Because I think 'You're happy with such a simple life' - which I know is irrational, because I have no idea what internal thoughts plague them.
  4. @Glitterizer see, you can be 80 and also still be a cute boy if you want, nothing's stopping you sis:

  5. I think what a lot of us also forget is that a lot of our childhoods and teens were a fucking mess. Even if we had ultimately happy ones, there's a lot of additional baggage that comes with being LGBTQI+ and it rips out years of potential joy and progress in a way that straight people won't ever realise. Internalised shame, the constant need to pretend to be something else, the understanding of sexuality and the sexual side of growing up – all that takes years of figuring out, and by the time you're ready to work everything else out, you feel like you're playing catch-up with others.

    There's no right or wrong timeline to do things and it's really important we have visible people of all ages to show that you don't just wither up and fall into the cracks when you hit a certain point – and that "growing" and figuring your shit out is a lifelong process.
    Last edited: May 25, 2020
  6. When people say “dead in gay years” it makes my skin crawl. Who are you to determine where someone should be in their lives and project your insecurities on to someone who might have only been living as their authentic selves for a limited time until now. Give each other a break, we’ve more than likely been though enough as it is.

    No, coming from a baby otter in his thirties, you should never fear rejection from anyone who has an issue or obsession with your age or interests if they’re harmless.
    Music Is Life, Grins, 4Roses and 10 others like this.
  7. I can’t find the exact article I read unfortunately but anyone struggling with this should also read about the theory of ‘queer time’ which essentially suggests that, as mentioned above, due to a pause in development in adolescence when we are most likely the victims of some form of trauma, queer people then age at a different rate with later milestones than our cishet peers, combined with less pressure to marry and have children at young ages. Being a certain type of person in a certain stage of success by the age of 30 is a cishet concept and it shouldn’t apply to our community at all, it does not relate to us or our lives.
  8. This thread turned a bit

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  9. People who say things like dead gay years haven't done any living anyway so good riddance to them.
  10. This thread:

    Aging doesn't matter, you can like whatever you want!

    Also this thread:

  11. [​IMG]

  12. Sam


    I’m definitely guilty of winding up friends for being ~older * but it’s always from a place of love and jest, and if I knew it was making them uncomfortable in anyway it would stop. My younger friends take the piss out of me all the time ** for being mid-20s now — I’ve had a few people tell me that now I’m 26 my cells are dying faster than they regenerate or whatevah and while slightly disconcerting, it’s all in good fun.

    I definitely went through more existential “omg i’m so old” crises when I was like 23/24. There’s an expectation of “having your shit together” at a certain age that’s definitely prevalent around people in their 20s, and a kind of guilt that comes with it when we spend too much time partying or socialising or taking part in whatever hobbies we have.

    I’m not trying to sound like some wise old soul that’s made my peace with getting older, but the older I get the more I get to know myself properly without the baggage of everything that comes with being LGBTQ+ in your teenage years and early 20s where you’re just trying to impress everybody else. And getting to know yourself better can only inspire more confidence in yourself because you’re confident in who you are. I’m not saying I won’t have more crises in future about my eventual, inescapable dramatic loss of youth, but I can say I’m happy with getting more mature and garnering more experiences that can only enrich my life. Making moves towards doing what I actually want to do in life might have something to do with it too, but that’s by the by.

    * @stuaw hi sis
    ** @munro that’s you bitch
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  13. It doesn't really matter what age you are. It isn't age that makes you unhappy, it's usually unrealistic expectations and the false assumption that people who are richer/thinner/musclier/less bald/have a bigger dick are happier and more successful than you. Its nonsense.
  14. I've never been concerned with age. I was really excited to turn 30 and I'm completely unphased about turning 35 in October.

  15. R92


    Considering how difficult it was to overcome self-consciousness and find the courage to put myself out there and be intimate with someone *before* lockdown, I’m wondering how long it’ll take even after everything is safe to feel comfortable with being close to someone and being comfortable enough with myself to do that.
  16. Same.
    Music Is Life, FridayNight and R92 like this.
  17. [​IMG]
    Music Is Life, stuaw and Sam like this.
  19. Sam


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