LGBTQIA+ | Page 950 | The Popjustice Forum

LGBTQIA+

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.

  1. Honestly every time I come to this thread it’s so beautiful and life affirming-especially reading about people going through similar experiences as me. I wanted to echo @He cause I promise from experience even having a wonderful steady partner does not do away with self doubt and self hating thoughts and behaviors. I know it’s the biggest gay cliche but we have to learn to love ourselves first. And like @londonrain said sometimes that means trusting that those around us loves s enough to hear our most vulnerable moments. Take it from me, don’t leave things unsaid between you and a friend!
     
    Kuhleezi, 4Roses, Conan and 21 others like this.
  2. Honestly though apps like Tinder and Hinge feel like such a chore.

    I’ve had hookups, dates and flings from them in the past. But I feel like over lockdown not using it just to hook up (just using it to chat atm) or when I’m drunk, has kind of exposed how shit and actually, odd, these apps are to me.

    I match with someone and they are either rude af, or send one word replies (which after like 3 close-ended replied I’m out, not got the time for that shit) or if we do gel, I just feel like it’s such an effort to keep...messaging? It’s so hard to find someone who’s your type too.

    I don’t know, I just feel like...especially under normal circumstances, I wish it could be easier for LGBT people to find dates. Like, my Mum is always ‘why don’t you go get a boyfriend’ and I’m like, if I see a man on the street or in a club, how can I actually tell he’s gay, you know what I mean? What if he turns out to be a straight homophobe the minute I even begin to flirt.

    What is odd though in normal circumstances, I seem to find a guy who I get along with/hookup with in clubs when I’m drunk, in person.

    I don’t know, maybe I need to change my attitudes around it abit? Moreso from, dating when sober is impossible, to dating is actually very possible. I have dated when sober, just not nowhere near as much.

    I think maybe since doing inner work and gaining some perspective over lockdown, maybe I’m becoming this fed up with these apps because deep down I’m ready for a proper relationship for the first time?
     
    Heartthrob likes this.
  3. Reading your post really resonates with how I feel at the moment, but I wanted to pick this out. I always look at the bio before swiping right and some guys pride themselves on good conversation, "say something other than hi/how are you", "have a personality". So I match and then try to comment on something from their profile, open up some conversation, and all I get back is "haha yeah!", "good thanks", or completely closed answers to questions. I get a few messages in and lose the will to live. The only time I ever gel with anyone they live miles away and in reality, it's just not practical, there's a mutual acknowledgement that it's probably a bit too far and that's that.

    I've decided I'm going to come off the dating apps for a bit, wait for life to get back to normal and try to find some real-life hobbies where I can meet people. But then again, all I've ever had from real life is girlfriends saying "Oh my god, my friend is gay, you'd love him" and... no, I really wouldn't.
     
    Alenko, OlliMaus, Chezam and 7 others like this.
  4. He

    He

    People demanding to "say more than hi/ how are you" or asking to be entertained is already a red flag. I chuckle at the aggressive ones that have "I'm fine thank you" in their text.
     
    Robert, Kuhleezi, 4Roses and 29 others like this.
  5. Oh god I feel you on that sis. Now I’m fine with a little ‘hey/how are you opener’ but further on if I’m like ‘oh I know that place, I loved it there. So that’s where you study’ and it’s like ‘yes’ I’m like...come on, how was the studying at least?

    Oh yeah those bios are a scream. I matched with a hunk who loved hiking and was very my type, and he had ‘at least message if you’re going swipe on me’ so I swiped, we sent a few messages and then he stopped screammm. Really stuck to that bio didn’t he?

    I’m the same. I delete if for months and then come back and it’s pretty much the same stale shit show. With the friends I get that too ‘you’d love him!’ No I wouldn’t you just think I would because he’s gay.

    There are so many guys on it where I’m just like thinking ‘let’s be honest we know we will never meet’ and then sometimes we end up meeting months later drunk. Tinder is just a drain for me, it used to be somewhat fun, and hookups before lockdown were beginning to not be fun and creepy. Then there’s the insistent guys who start being mean if you don’t reply as much.
    I think I’m just gonna have to try improve my gaydar and meets guy out and about.

    I mean I say this but when I move to the city when restrictions have relaxed and it’s safe to meet with guys, I’ll probably just fall into being a ho again.

    Grindr...I can’t even use her anymore. Shit turns my stomach
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2020
  6. londonrain

    londonrain Staff Member

    Yeah, anyone whose profile lists things that you have to do or things that they don't want doesn't deserve a swipe right. You only have so many characters - use them to talk about yourself!

    (And no, I'm not impressed by "I don't know what to write here haha" profiles either. If you can't write a profile, what makes me think you can hold up your end of a written conversation?)
     
  7. Yes! The lists are so off-putting. They look like a demented child doing that. At leas write anything else. Such as
    Mine is normally just be the bee or sloth emoji because I think they’re the cutest and happiest.
     
  8. Also anyone who has the classic Masc4masc or ‘bottom exclusive’ or ‘top exclusive’...it’s a no from me.

    And also on Grindr
    ‘Hey you horny ;)’
    Do you have a face pic
    Yeah but you horny ;)
    JUST SHOW ME UR FACE U FREAK
     
    Laurence and Heartthrob like this.
  9. I've literally written like "Good morning! I'm just on the way home from work, Saw your profile and thought you were cute. Hope your day is going good?" and gotten ignored so like yeah, do they deserve more than a "Hey, What's up?" probably not.
     
    Island, OlliMaus and Dangerous Maknae like this.
  10. This irritates me so much!
     
    Neon Green likes this.
  11. Dating fatigue is real. I feel like I’m definitely at a place in my life where I’m open to a relationship if it feels right (or maybe it’s just the cuffing season vibes Idk), but it’s really frustrating to see that people in the gay community seem to be more interested in f*cking anyone with a pulse than building an actual connection. Sometimes I feel like I’m the weirdo just cause I’m not a fan of going straight to bed with people. I don’t mean to sound prudish by saying that, I’ve had tons of casual sex in the past, but I always prefer to get to know someone over just hooking up. And I feel like most gay men never get past that phase of sleeping around.
     
  12. @ me next time bitch.

    To be fair we did have fun actually writing me a profile so worth it in the end.
     
    Kuhleezi, Island, OlliMaus and 4 others like this.
  13. It is interesting to say the least how guys are on the apps. I haven't used any of them in months, and it's wonderful, and I know that if I go back on them nothing will have changed. I'm glad I've been able to cool down my own craving for a connection, even though I'm still hoping for something. But the thing is, there's an expextation attached to the apps that makes people think if you're on there, you're probably just looking for sex. So people on there perpetuate that idea and make it harder for others to connect with someone on a deeper level, because no one really believes they want to. I mean, as many people as I've talked to and connected with in some way or another, I feel like I know and connected with many of you more so then anyone I met on the apps, and I feel like part of that is simply because we all have something in common in that we love talking about music, and that opens us up to conversations and helps us get to know each other, even if we never meet outside of the forum.
     
  14. Sam

    Sam

    Writing men off (except for that mid-summer one off that’s still in the shower) has been great to be honest. I don’t feel gross about myself because I’m not trying to attract anyone’s attention, I can make a drunken, horny fool of myself on Grindr and not feel the anxiety the next day, and I can recognise that life has peaks and troughs and that my relationship with myself is the most important thing at all.

    Basically, writing men off the way we’ve all written off 2020 has been wonderful. Next year I might feel like getting back into dating but I’m really just vibing w myself rn

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2020
    4Roses, goatface3128, Jamie and 13 others like this.
  15. I don't know if Pride is celebrated in November everywhere in the world (don't shoot me, I just haven't looked into it), but it's just been Pride weekend in Australia, and what a weekend, whew.

    Drag Queens picking out men who came to the gay bar purely just to pick up girls and then telling them to leave made my night dddd.

    Has anyone else done anything for Pride this year? I know it's tough times in most place but I hope I'm not the only one on here who got the chance to celebrate it in some way.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2020
  16. Okay, Australia, I get it, y’all are living the dream right now
     
  17. I'm sorry! I just wanted to see if anyone else has done anything, I didn't mean it to come off as bragging.
     
    Enrique Garcia likes this.
  18. You know what, I am living for this. I’ve basically written them off for the whole of 2020 so I may just extend that until that feeling of dating fatigue passes.

    also, it’s actually amazing how much you can learn to be friends with yourself when no ones is there...as sad as that sounds!
     
    Trouble in Paradise and Sam like this.
  19. I resonate with all the talk regarding frustrations over dating apps. Since splitting up with my ex, I've felt like I'll never have a connection with a guy again. I've dated two guy since, but I knew I was just going through the motions.

    I don't even know why I feel that way. One time, we were at a drag brunch and Dua's Don't Start Now comes on. It'd been released for four month at this point. He turns to me and goes, "I've heard this in the gay clubs!!'. I then sat there in utter disbelief for the next few minutes.
     
    Island, londonrain and Music Is Death like this.
  20. Netflix or gym are not a hobby, ffs. Always so boring if they write that on their profile zzz
     
    Jamie, K94, lushLuck and 2 others like this.
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