Going to the gym and staying active are indeed good hobbies to have, but if they are the only things that you define yourself by... zzz
Ah yeah OK true point, that is better described and more what I meant... Like everyone watches movies too or series, no? At least write what kind you like so you can talk about it a bit... I remember when I was on the apps... And then after some good chats and texting, you had finally set up a date. Then, around 50% of those dates would be cancelled on the day itself or even last minute - gosh. So annoying! That was always such an annoyance. I felt set-up: I had reserved time, usually during a weekend and then had nothing to do, while I could be spending my time with friends. I do value my time a lot! Why are gays so flaky - like lots of them? Terrible. And then they want to move to a week later because of <bullshit> and stop texting halfway, hello you moved you have to keep it up a tad!... The thing died, and now you wonder why? At least put some effort in then. But I guess they were just not horny any more and all worthless. Also I remember that this one guy I was done after a date with suddenly texted me like "hey, haven't heard from you a while. How are you?" Good try but I did not hear anything from you either! So... What? So dumb. I'm a man of my word - I hate how it feels to be set-up or something and would never wish anyone upon that, so that's why I would never cancel last minute* - except for a real true emergency, but I still have never done so!
Eating some grapes and having a nice flashback of all the boys I've dated this year Started off with "You looked more masculine in your pictures", "I've been doing some thinking, you're too young for me", keeping that fab momentum going with "We are not dating, this isn't a relationship", "I miss you but I have a boyfriend", "Ah yay we haven't fucked the same people". And from the creators of "I had an amazing time last night" we bring you: *Delivered* I'm not having fun tonight
This is not relatable at all to me at the moment, mostly because I've only really dated the miraculously self-replenishing tub of B&J in my fridge this year, but you're hilarious! Keep your chin up - at least young age is still something you can be rejected over - no one has said that to me in years.
My favorite pass times now consist on calling thotty gays out on social media and being a bitch to stupid men on Grindr. I guess this is what fighting the patriarchy feels like? I guess we’ll never know.
Netflix isn’t a hobby but watching movies/shows are. Working out is the hobby, the gym is just where you go to work out (or fuck). Welcome to the club, Sis!
Those guys are usually the ones who don´t reply if you come up with something original. Other tropes that need to die: - "Don´t contact me if you...(fill in some stupid exclusion)". - " I already found my dream-man and I´m not looking for sex". Yeah, right. That´s why you have tons of nudes in your profile. 99% of these gays have a second "incognito" profile anyway. - "Don´t send me your cock pic. I have a cock myself and I know how those look." I guess those guys don´t need to see my face then, cause they have a face themselves and they probably know how a face looks?! I found out that this answer is seldomly appreciated. - "No drama". Massive dama queen-alert! - "No condoms!".
I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm not looking to impress anyone with how I look and I'm doing stuff for myself. I've always felt immense pressure to live up to some of the expectations in the gay community (i.e having that perfect twink/jock body, not eating a burger and chips and going for a salad, fad diets to make sure I don't gain weight). Whilst I'm not overweight by any means, I have put on some weight this year and to be honest, I don't really care. I just wanted to share that. As someone who used to be overweight then almost made myself anorexic because of self-esteem issues/wanting to fit into the community, I'm finding it so liberating that I'm finally happy with my body, flaws and all.
That's amazing! I'm glad you're at that place and feel content. Diet culture ("take care of yourself!") and anti-fatness ("gym is my personality!") are so ridiculously pervasive in cis gay spaces (the apps specially), that it's impossible to not feel the constant pressure and oppression from it.
The fucking “gym is life” guys are the absolute worst. They only want other muscular guys (at least for free) and are absolute assholes to you if you reach out. Scruff is an absolute nightmare for me. Sadly, they remain on top of the food chain in cis gay spaces. Even in, I’ve also found, queer spaces.
I've been struggling with my body as well over lockdown – some of y'all might find it helpful to explore the body neutrality movement, which was created because even "body positivity" and "body inclusivity" now plays and panders to the same beauty ideals that it was trying to rally against when it originated. For women, for instance, that is now viewed within the context of what cis men will find attractive – you can be big, but are you beautiful and sexy?, for gay men that's often we'll allow you to be overweight/underweight, but only if you're cute in the right way!, for trans women that's we'll allow you to transition, but only if you pass as a gorgeous woman. Every bit of "inclusivity" seems still framed in archaic ideas of beauty. A lot of people within body neutrality start by appreciating their body for their functions, what it can do and what an amazing machine it is, rather than what it looks like. It's the idea that you just be at peace with it rather than fight against it. There's a tonne of discussion and reading online. It's not perfect, but it's an interesting and slightly leftfield way to start appreciating your body in a different way.
I honestly find the apps the worst. Like, whenever you say to people "I'm not looking for hook-ups, looking for dates", they constantly say "This is Grindr? This is a hook-up app". I mean I kinda get that, but like, where do I meet people I want to get to know? I've found that in my area even on the dating sites you pay for it's plagued with people looking for nothing serious. Am I the only one who's kinda resigned myself to being single? I'm 26 and if it's gonna be a string of hookups that mean nothing I'm kinda over them. I'd rather not leave my bed and go on Pornhub dddd.
Body neutrality is a good tool for self-acceptance. Body positivity, however, is mostly a political movement to liberate, celebrate, and give visibility to fat bodies. Both of these categories can co-exist to a certain degree, especially because the second plays a larger role in dismantling systemic oppression (fatness and race are intrinsically linked, for example). The issue is that "body positivity" has been co-opted, mostly by white cis straight-sized female dietitians, and used as a marketing ploy by companies in order to seem inclusive and while doing none of the work. This is a nice critique: The Unbearable Whiteness and Fatphobia of “Anti-Diet” Dietitians. There's an amazing community from which I've learned a lot about weight stigma and diet culture in science and society. I'll place a few of the accounts I follow under spoilers. Spoiler: body positive / anti weight stigma accounts
