Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Babylon, Aug 15, 2012.
@londonrain what did you edit
Your gif was broken so I fixed the URL.
(Basically https:// links are erratic on the forum and don’t always show up properly. If you change the URL to http:// it shows up fine.)
Noted for future reference thanks sis x
Reading all the experiences here with dating apps and wow I really felt that.
Can we talk about heteronormativity? Can we talk about the gays who feel like one person in a relationship has to be "The guy" in the relationship, or one has to be the masculine one? Or the lowkey misogyny when they feel like both have to be the masculine one? Can we talk about the guys who think the masculine guy has to be the top and the feminine guy has to be the bottom? Can we talk about how uncomfortable it is that there is both fetishization of people of color but also discrimination in the dating scene and people have no shame in this level of racism? Can we talk about how a lot of lgbtq people are excluded growing up - never fit in really with the guys or with the girls - and then they grow up and become a part of the local queer scene and realize that there is still exclusion and judgment, even there?
These questions are mostly rhetorical. I just wanted to vent.
Also it shocks me how many straight women I meet who I explain to them like "Yeah a lot of gay guys prefer masculine dudes, and i'm just a bit too feminine for them" and they are shocked that this even matters? And I have to explain how toxic masculinity like this even exists in gay guys.
Sometimes I feel like my nonbinary-ness and perspective really makes me look at how all this exists so prevalently and I just sit here baffled. Masculinity and feminity matter so little to me as someone who experiences and expresses myself with both - as I see them as very limiting labels that I just don't go along with. So it's always kind of strange to me how much they matter to other people in finding a partner.
Genuinely surprised at this. Most of the women I’ve come into contact with whom I have this discussion with (they’re not friends, usually coworkers or girls who think I’m “faaaab” and “want” to be my friend) acknowledge that most gay men want masculine men. One even tried me by saying their masculine gay friend wants a man (I.e. not my queer ass) after I said that they were cute.
Also, yes, the gay men who think both should be “men” in a relationship are trash. They always are anyways...
Ddd this homophobic Hungarian MEP got caught getting his bussy blown out at a big covid-lawbreaking sex party and had to resign. Sorry sis!
Another example inner homophobia, the list just keeps growing! The biggest haters always love it most, eeks.
I absolutely feel this. This sounds absolutely ridiculous but sometimes I don't feel like I'm "gay enough" to fit into the gay community (other guys have even insinuated this to me). I have a straight circle of friends and I feel less judged by them and any acquaintances I meet with them when we're just out at a straight bar.
I can't really explain it I hope I'm making sense. I do have lots of characteristics that are considered "gay", I'm just not the type of person to run around the gay bar screaming "YASSS QUEEN!!". I mean, fair enough if you want to do that, but I have been told before that basically because I don't shout my sexuality from the rooftops, I'm not embracing being gay and it means that I'm ashamed of it. And that was at a gay bar, with a group of gay people, people part of a group who have known discrimination for centuries and really should be inclusive of everyone.
Sorry for going on, it's just something that really irks me within our community, I find it really interesting that as a gay man sometimes I can feel more comfortable entering a straight bar than I do a gay one.
Thinking of all the brothers and sisters we lost.
Thing is, you wouldn't feel comfortable at a straight bar if you were more femme, it's not a more open place, they just clock you as one of their own.
I understand it is frustrating if someone wants to paint the gay experience in only one way, it shouldn't be so. Drag Race (Ru) did this when they couldn't understand why Kim Chi wouldn't come out to their family, for example. But also realize that you have the privilege of going about your daily life, most likely, without being tagged as gay with all the negatives that come with that: harassment, violence. I bet many, specially cis-hets, would even congratulate you on passing for one them. It is even part of the gay male sex fantasy.
Many gay men, and queers in general, might be reminded of others that can hide their queerness and have belittled the rest for "not being as normal", "too flamboyant", "not helping the cause", etc.
Not saying this is your case, but there is a long history feeding these interactions.
Hmm, that actually makes lots of sense. Never thought of it that way!
I've always felt that I'm very half-and-half or "a little bit of this, but not enough of that" when it comes to finding myself in gay spaces, especially when a lot of conversations and interactions with gay men include the need for them to clarify how masc and "not like the other gays" they are. Like if people ask if people know I'm gay, I just say that it's probably not that hard to figure out at the end of the conversation.
Also, certain expressions and personality traits are very show not tell! Don't tell me if you're nice and down to earth (or masc ddd) because those are kinda the traits that ring untrue if that's how you describe yourself to other people. I stopped reaching out to this guy because every conversation seems like he's trying to prove something to me regarding who he is as a person and I'm just supposed to blindly be taken by it. Like I know we can't meet in person right now, but not everything you do needs an explanation about you doing things because "i'm just that kind of person".
Well maybe the women i've talked to just don't have a lot of gay friends, I don't know. This past year i've talked to two or three women I work with that have been surprised someone wouldn't want to date me because I am not "masculine enough".
To me, that whole thing is stupid. I think everyone is a mix of masculine and feminine. Because those words mean nothing. You're just you. Makeup being seen as feminine, Working out being seen as masculine, I just...? It makes no sense. There is so much joy and freedom of just being who you are and doing what the f*ck you want to do in your life when you stop worrying about if it is something "for girls" or "for guys". It's the exact reason like 12 years ago I researched gender and looked into it and determined that nonbinary was an accurate gender descriptor for me.
Yes! I hate that this happens. And i'm on the other side of the coin. I wear makeup, I do drag, there are anti-drag gays who judge me, and then there are other queens who like to pick and choose what they see as valid forms of drag in their eyes. Like, I am not here to win your approval, I'm here because this is a queer space for any queer person who wants to be here, doing their thing how they want.
My own queer experience taught me that I’ll always be the “other” - I’ll never be “enough” of anything to genuinely belong in any group or category that society has created for me. Age has allowed me to grow into my own skin - I might not always be 100% comfortable, but at least I’ll always be aware of who I’m not. Somehow, in the strangest ways, I’m ok with that. More than ok.
Elliot Page just came out as trans. So happy for him!
Congrats to him, they’ll be an inspiration to a lot of people.
Transitioning in such a public way cannot be easy.
Sooooo happy for Elliot Page! Wishing them nothing but the absolute best.
"I love that I am trans. And I love that I am queer. And the more I hold myself close and fully embrace who I am, the more I dream, the more my heart grows and the more I thrive"
Ugh that made me feel good.
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